While living in Cleveland is a brilliant decision, no one is immune to these terrible life choices. Thankfully, we’re here to help you avoid these tragic mistakes before anything gets too out of hand.
While living in Cleveland is a brilliant decision, no one is immune to these terrible life choices. Thankfully, we’re here to help you avoid these tragic mistakes before anything gets too out of hand.
Caring About the Browns More Than the Indians or Cavaliers
The Cavaliers have gone to four straight Finals, winning it all in 2016. The Indians have gone to the postseason in back-to-back years for the first time since 1998 and 1999 and are built around superstars in their prime like Francisco Lindor, Corey Kluber, Carlos Carrasco and Jose Ramirez. And yet, the putrid Browns, with just one win in the last two years and just two winning seasons since 1999, still get top billing in town in most people’s minds. They’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve that.
Photo via Scene ArchivesWatch your speed through Linndale (and Newburgh).
Via TheNickySixSix/Reddit Credit: Scene ArchivesThere is no such thing as Spring. In Cleveland there is this extended season called Sprinter.
Via DukeofDallas_/RedditDriving Too Fast on Dead Man’s Curve
The 90-degree turn on I-90 near Downtown is the most dangerous driving area in town. Speed bumps and other warnings are there to slow drivers down, but some still ignore the warnings. According to ODOT, the crash rate is two to three times other areas of the freeway, despite the warnings to slow down.
Photo via Formula None/FlickrMake a Bet That Results in the Loser Swimming in Lake Erie During the Winter
If you’re dumb enough to make a bet that ends with the loser swimming in Lake Erie in the middle of winter, you probably deserve it. Paul Hoynes of the Plain Dealer famously said that he’d jump in Lake Erie if the Indians made it past the first round of the 2016 Postseason and jumped in when the Tribe made the World Series.
Photo via WikimediaSleep On Getting Tickets to Important Cultural Events
Did you miss out on seeing the Infinity Mirrors exhibition at the Cleveland Museum of Art or “Hamilton” at Playhouse Square or any major show at Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse? Well, there’s still time for you to get tickets to everything coming up this year. We believe in you.
Photo via Scene ArchivesAdmit To Someone That You’ve Never Been To The West Side Market
Admitting that you’ve never been to our pride and joy, the West Side Market, can cause you to lose your Cleveland card and possibly result in eviction from the city.
Photo via Scene ArchivesForget to Wear Deodorant to A Summer Afternoon Tribe Game
As much as we dread our winters, summer can be just as uncomfortable. And you don’t want to be that person who skips out on deodorant on a 90-degree Indians game only to stink up your whole section.
Photo via Scene ArchivesForget About the Air Show
If you’ve ever been downtown during the summer and hear an ear-piercing boom, don’t worry, we’re not under attack. That’s just the air show. But if you forget about it, it can really scare the crap out of you.
Photo via Erik Drost/FlickrDrive in a Winter Storm Without Snow Tires or Four-Wheel Drive
If you live in Cleveland, especially on the east side of town where it tends to snow a lot more, snow tires or four-wheel drive are a must to get around in a winter storm. Otherwise, you better have AAA, or a super helpful father, to come and rescue you from whatever ditch you’ve landed.
Photo via Scene ArchivesHibernate for the Winter
We’ve all been there. It’s the 15th day in a row of below 25 degree temps and you just want to curl up on the couch. And that’s fine once in a while. But there’s a lot of fun to be had in Cleveland, even in the winter, and if you sit on your couch the whole time you’ll live to regret that decision.
Photo via Scene ArchivesMix Up The West Side And The East Side
A telltale sign that you’re out of your element as a Clevelander is if you confuse a restaurant or street or suburb for being on the wrong side of town. People will look at you like you’re an alien. Read a map, folks!
Photo via Scene ArchivesGoing to a Chain Restaurant
The Cleveland food scene has thrived over the last 20 years or so. We have James Beard award winners and every type of cuisine you can imagine in every price range. There’s no need to ever hit up Applebee’s or McDonald’s.
Photo via Scene ArchivesSaying Pittsburgh, Detroit, Columbus or Cincinnati is a Better City
Clevelanders take great pride in their city and to say one of these surrounding cities is better will incur the wrath of whatever Clevelander is nearby. You might also be kicked out of the city.
Photo via Scene ArchivesForget About Deer While Driving in the ‘Burbs
If you are ever driving in the outer suburbs at night, especially areas where there’s a lot of open land, you’re almost guaranteed to see some deer at some point in your drive. While the animals might seem harmless, they can do a lot of damage to your car and yourself.
Photo via Don DeBold/FlickrForgetting to Dress Warm to Brite Winter
Brite Winter, the music festival in the middle of the winter on the near west side is a lot of fun. But it also means watching music outdoors, where it can be frigidly freezing, so bundle up.
Photo by Emanuel WallaceBe A Steelers Fan
Whether the Browns deserve the undying love they get in town is debatable. But no matter how bad the Browns have been in recent years, we’ll always hate their historic rivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and by proxy, their fans.
Photo by Emanuel WallaceIt’s fine for people from the suburbs to say they’re from Cleveland. Credit: Scene Archives
