Emotions don’t follow a schedule. Sometimes, you need a good cry in the middle of the day, away from your bed, away from your bathroom floor. We found the best spots in the city for a good public sob that won’t cause too many passersby to question your motives.
Emotions don’t follow a schedule. Sometimes, you need a good cry in the middle of the day, away from your bed, away from your bathroom floor. We found the best spots in Cleveland for a good public sob that won’t cause too many passersby to question your motives.
The Haserot Angel
12316 Euclid Ave.
The Haserot Angel is impossibly creepy and has black tears eternally streaming down its face. And if you’re the kind of person that’s emotionally unstable enough to be wandering the cemetery in the middle of the day, you probably are, too. Strength in numbers, people.
Photo via Angel of Death Victorious/WikimediaCleveland Hopkins International Airport
5300 Riverside Dr.
The airport is already a pretty high stress environment so no one will really blame you for shedding a few tears in line at security. Or you could wander through departures and pretend you just had a heavy emotional goodbye. No one will be able to tell the difference. Tears are tears.
Photo via Lily Monster/FlickrThe Steelyard Walmart
3400 Steelyard Dr.
The Steelyard Walmart has been bestowed the title of Worst Walmart in America on multiple occasions for the fact that it’s in a constant state of disarray and for its complete inability to make good choices and live up to its potential. If this sounds familiar, head on over and let it out in literally any aisle.
Photo via Scene Archives Credit: Scene ArchivesThe Browns’ end zone
FirstEnergy Stadium, 100 Alfred Lerner Way
Heavy crying takes a lot of effort and focus and can impede mobility. This requires a spot without a lot of foot traffic. The Browns’ end zone is a good option. They won’t be using it.
Photo via Scene ArchivesCedar Lee Theatre
2163 Lee Road
The indie and foreign movies that normally play at Cedar Lee are bleak as hell, so crying and this theater seems as natural a pairing as popcorn and melted butter. If you’re still feeling self conscious even under the cover of (bigger cineplex-style) movie theater darkness, pick a 3D film. Those bulky glasses were basically made for public bawling.
Photo via paulwbarnard/InstagramBeachland Ballroom
15711 Waterloo Rd.
Beachland tends to traffic in the maudlin music of the university station (to borrow the words of pop culture poet laureate Cher Horowitz). So cradle a beer, sway a little and your cathartic sobs will fit right in.
Photo via micadew/FlickrCTOWN Crossfit
1678 Leonard St.
Here you’ll sweat so much you (and everyone else) won’t even be able to tell you’re crying anymore.
Photo via Bobahar/InstagramBuying a gyro at West Side Market
1979 W. 25th St.
Therapy is expensive, so here’s a pro tip. Get into the invariably endless line at Steve Gyro’s, wait till you’re near the front of the queue to start crying and then make everyone around you listen while you vent. They’ll already have pitched so much time waiting that they have no choice but to listen to you.
Photo via lornstar/InstagramThe RTA
Various stops throughout the city
The RTA may have its issues, but at least its riders follow the universal laws of public transportation: avoid eye contact with anyone under absolutely every circumstance. If you start crying on public transportation, it is an unspoken rule that everyone just pretends not to notice you.
Photo via TheeErin/FlickerTom Johnson’s staute
Public Square, W. Superior Ave & Ontario St.
Tom Johnson is a shoulder to cry on. Tom Johnson is willing to listen to your problems. Tom Johnson is like Han Solo frozen in carbonite and isn’t going anywhere. Tom Johnson is here for you.
Photo via Tom L. Johnson/WikipediaThe bathroom at Butcher and the Brewer
2043 E. 4th St.
The most cinematic cries always occur collapsed onto the bathroom floor. If you’re crying in public and crave the theatricality of a good at-home sob, the dark and dramatic bathroom at Butcher and the Brewer is the place to do it.
Photo via Scene ArchivesIn front of Balto the Sled Dog
Museum of Natural History, 1 Wade Oval Drive
Balto the Sled Dog’s stuffed carcass currently resides within the Museum of Natural History. If you’re prone to getting emotional over triumphant stories of conquering the Iditarod trail, or you just want a cathartic cry in front of a museum oddity whose eyes seem to follow you around no matter where you are in a room, this is the spot for you.
Photo via Balto/WikipediaMahall’s 20 Lanes
13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood
Maybe you’re an extremely competitive bowler. Maybe the stuck-in-time aesthetic of this bowling alley/bar/concert venue has made you nostalgic. Maybe you’re sensitive to fluorescent lights. Either way, no one will be able to hear your sobs over the crashing of pins.
Photo via Scene ArchivesFederal Reserve Bank of Cleveland
1455 E. 6th St.
Money problems, who’s got ’em? There’s no better way to vent your frustration with the currency that rules us all then wailing in the middle of the Federal Reserve Bank. They also offer tours Monday through Thursday, so you can cry about the country’s current financial state with confused schoolchildren and tourists alike.
Photo via Scene ArchivesFranklin Castle
4308 Franklin Blvd
This is supposedly the most haunted spot in all of Cleveland. So feel free to sob to your heart’s content. Any strange noises can be blamed on the ghosts.
Photo via Scene ArchivesBeneath the Detroit-Superior Bridge
Public Square, W. Superior Ave & Ontario St.
Feeling unloved? Unwanted? Underappreciated? Head to this popular wedding portrait destination to hang out in the background of some happy couple’s photoshoot to complete your transformation into an urban bridge troll.
Photo via Detroit-Superior Bridge/WikipediaGreater Cleveland Aquarium
2000 Sycamore Street
The Greater Cleveland Aquarium is dark and secluded, which makes it a perfect place to bawl your eyes out hidden away from the judgemental gaze of any other human being, Plus, there are usually a ton of families around, meaning even more alone time as watchful parents try to keep their kids away from the person crying in the middle of the aquarium.
Photo by Emmanuel WallaceJack Casino
100 Public Square
For anyone who finds themselves with the irresistible urge to just start sobbing while in public, Jack Casino would be a good place to wander into. They’ve probably seen their fair share of breakdowns in the middle of their floor from people who have just gambled away their life savings, so you’ll fit right in.
Photo via Jack Cleveland Casino/WikipediaAnywhere
Various locations around the city
Let’s be honest. If you’re going to cry and you can’t keep it in until you get home, then you just have to let it happen. Throw on a pair of sunglasses or pretend it’s raining. You might get a bit of side eye from a passerby but just take comfort in knowing that they’re probably not thinking, “wow, is that person okay?”
Photo via Victoria BlackStone/Flickr
