Vote Here
Iranian films that make it to American shores generally fall into two categories: sensitive dramas featuring young children, à la The White Balloon and Children of Heaven, or pointed political statements about the plight of women, such as The Circle and The Day I Became a Woman. Secret Ballot is something else entirely, a subtly…
Best Local Band to Drink To
We’ve mastered the art of rationalizing a trip to the bar. It goes something like this: “The sun’s up, let’s celebrate with a beer.” But we scarcely need an excuse to hit the tavern when Hayshaker Jones is playing town. Broken hearts are the only impetus for downing shots that’s better than this band’s raucous,…
Best Neighborhood Bar
Heavy on history and light on attitude, the Merry Arts is a place for name-droppers. Just ask Tom Hanks. He partied there during his pre-Oscar days at the Great Lakes Shakespeare Festival. In fact, he gave the pub a late-night plug on Letterman, a decade after he fled Northeast Ohio for the glitter of Tinseltown.…
Best Visiting Star
In 1963, 22-year-old Ann-Margret galvanized the universe as Kim Macafee in @address:Bye, Bye, Birdie. Thirty-nine years later, at the Palace Theatre, the enchanting sex kitten had grown into a tiger as the madam of the titular whorehouse. With a voice that had matured into the equivalent of brandy-laced catnip, she was the embodiment of warm…
Best Local Fodder for a Book
In the newly published Hart Crane: A Biography, by Clive Fisher, Crane is described as “a gifted writer with a weakness for alcohol, a demanding mother, and an untimely death by suicide.” Could a better subject be found for a book? Indeed, Crane was a Cleveland native and poet, who struggled with drinking, depression, and…
Best Place for a ’50s-Style Sundae
We love Madison Village and Coventry, skate shops and martini bars. But when we need to restore our faith in humanity and we need a five-scoop sundae to do it, there’s no place more retro-wholesome and welcoming than Malley’s. The pretty-in-pink ice cream shops transport us to a place Happy Days reruns and our parents’…
Best Restaurant
It’s a handsome contemporary room, with worn wooden floors, soaring windows, ductwork-cum-art, and a vibe as lively and engaging as any place in the city. And yes, it’s still all the buzz, even a year after its opening. But ultimately, what makes Fire hot is its food — simple, straightforward, and with extraordinary depth of…
Best Pizza
A vegetarian, a carnivore, and a regular guy walk into Danny Boy’s — and all walk out stuffed and smiling. That’s because there are enough pies on the menu here to satisfy both the fussiest and least finicky of ‘za lovers. For those who eat like rabbits, try the Vegetable Hummus or the Angelhair Veggie…
Best Place to Take Out-of-Towners
Go to the West Side Market on a Saturday morning, and you’re likely to hear 10 different languages within your first 10 steps through the door. This is what Cleveland is all about — a wonderful melting pot of people, surrounded by some very large cuts of meat. Of course, the deals are sweet, with…
Best Cleveland Neighborhood
Nestled next to University Circle (concerts, museums) and Shaker Heights (parks and lakes), this Cleveland Heights neighborhood draws from the best of all three areas to make living here convenient (most things are walkable, if you’re of a mind to walk) and fun. The strip of shops along Cedar and Fairmount provides food (both grocery…
Best Cheap Books
Okay, with 72 locations in 11 states, Half Price Books is undoubtedly a chain. But with such a great selection of ridiculously underpriced books, it’s worthy of our esteem. Where else could you find a like-new trade paperback of All the President’s Men for a scant two bucks, just a few months before the 30th…
Best Independent Toy Store
While corporate drones push pencils and brawny men lay bricks, the staff at The Toys Time Forgot spends its workdays reuniting Star Wars action figures with their rightful weapons. (Not once did the career counselors mention this line of work.) The Toys Time Forgot is the bedroom closet of your boyhood dreams, stuffed with Super…
Best Place to Search for Beaver
Thick beaver pelts were quite the catch in the 19th century, and the buck-toothed rodents of the Cuyahoga River Valley suffered because of it. Scientists believe the beaver was trapped to local extinction by about 1830. But the beavers mounted a comeback 150 years ago, and the best place to see them is on the…
The 40-Year Itch
A legendary jazz album by the influential, chronically marginal Cleveland balladeer Jimmy Scott is finally being liberated — largely thanks to Ray Charles, who produced it, released it, and then suppressed it 40 years ago. Falling in Love Is Wonderful, a sumptuous, highly orchestrated disc that Scott recorded for Charles’s Tangerine label in 1962, is…
Best Concert Venue
Whether it’s a sparsely attended New Pornographers gig or a sold-out Hives show, the Beachland’s boxy, spacious room is the town’s best place to see a concert. And it’s not just because the Beachland’s booking the best bands these days. There really isn’t a bad spot in the whole house (there aren’t any obtrusive poles…
Best Taste of the Tropics
After eight months of intensive remodeling, the formerly dreary La Tortilla Feliz reopened in late spring as a paragon of rustic charm, with handsome tile work, colorful table linens, and enough handmade baskets to outfit a small village. It now has two dining rooms, a full bar, and a still-small but slightly expanded menu of…
Best Heavy Metal Pickup Line
When Boulder frontman Jaime Walters bellows, “Everybody are you ready to bleed?/Everybody are you ready to seed, tonight?” on the opening cut of his band’s latest, Reaped in Half, he offers a summation of pretty much everything that heavy metal is about: sex, violence, and stupidity. What makes Boulder so great is that these dudes…
Best Stage Show (Comedy)
Murphy Guyer’s The Infinite Regress of Human Vanity, which had its premiere at the Cleveland Play House, manages to skewer the pretentiousness of arts organizations with a cutting social satire in the tradition of Mark Twain and George S. Kaufman. Set at a terminally P.C. theater festival manned by every brand of megalomaniac, the play…
Best Healthy Dining
Aladdin’s big menu of Mediterranean foods, including crowd-pleasers like hummus, stuffed grape leaves, tabouli, falafel, and a truly wonderful sweet-and-crunchy baklava, makes a great alternative for health-conscious diners. Although meat is on the menu, many of the items are vegetarian, and the kitchen eschews the use of sulfites, preservatives, saccharin, or artificial additives. A raw…
Best Italian Lemon Ice
Owner Tom Olivo is a walking encyclopedia of Cleveland’s Italian history and a born storyteller to boot. His cast of characters includes everyone from local mobsters to his own Italian American family, and we enjoy hearing about the origins of this outstanding, sweet-and-tangy lemon ice (first created by his grandmother at her Mt. Carmel candy…
Best Pad Thai
So what if it’s not authentic? Johnny Mango’s twist on this popular Thai dish shows you can reinvent the wheel, provided you add a generous helping of chili powder. This heaping plate of noodles, shrimp, bean sprouts, tofu, scallions, and egg — topped with crushed peanuts and the aforementioned spicy goodness — is so good,…
Best Blue-Collar Bar
Located right where oblivion meets the railroad tracks, Pat’s offers a patio view of the true Cleveland landscape: hulking white industrial tanks, steel mills, and big honking piles of gravel. Pat’s regulars are so devoted, they’ve outlasted much of the heavy industry in the Flats/Tremont area. They like their beer and conversation unpretentious, their eggs…
Best Place to Adopt a Pet
Looking for a medium-to-large dog that’s already housebroken? The county kennel is the place. Otherwise known as the pound, the kennel recently moved into spacious new digs in an area where industrial parks abound. The modern, well-lit building features “interview rooms,” where dog wardens interview prospective owners, and chew-toy-filled “get-acquainted rooms,” where visitors can bond…
Best Grocery Store
Welcome to the Valhalla of grocery stores. Here, under one very large roof, shoppers will find separate walk-in coolers for wine and beer, a deli cafe that serves gargantuan sandwiches and mouthwatering sushi (sushi!), a dizzying selection of meats (marinated beef loin) and fish (black-tip shark), and a panoply of organic products that even natural…
Best Downtown Retailer
Once there was a key that needed to be duplicated. Key was taken to a big hardware chain (the orange one). Big chain didn’t have the right blank. Key was then taken where it should have been taken in the first place: Sutton Industrial Hardware. Sutton’s main trade is equipment rental, but the retail side…
Best Park
Possibly the most popular meeting ground in Cleveland, Edgewater is the place to see a cross section of the city in a natural setting, from picnicking families to shirtless men flaunting their he-boobies. It’s also the only urban public beach that’s not just a glorified parking lot. It got a heckuva lot cleaner and better…
Lazy Arrow
Blackalicious sits on plush couches in an office at its new home, MCA, where platinum plaques line the walls. The trappings of a mega-label are fairly new to Gift of Gab and Chief Xcel, who have spent the last 10 years distributing their music by hand. Today, with their latest disc, Blazing Arrow, backed by…
Best Dance Club
Even the most ardent West Sixth Street partyers have been venturing over to Ohio City lately, to check up on Touch Supper Club. The regularly changing installation art that decorates the walls provides a chic urban atmosphere, and an incredibly diverse array of sounds keep the intimate downstairs dance floor filled with a hip crowd.…
Best Doughnuts
Keep your Krispy Kremes. Those who eschew Korporate doughnuts have long known that local fave Presti’s is the place for pastry — and the name, thankfully, is the only thing that’s changed. People line up outside this Little Italy landmark in the evening, when warm and delicious doughnuts make their debut. With varieties like chocolate,…
Best Celebration of Ohio Wines
Thanks to the introduction of new grape varieties and modern processing techniques, Ohio’s wines are vastly improved over the second-rate products of yore. And how better to explore these new, improved vintages than at bucolic Lake Farmpark, where wine fans can share notes with like-minded oenophiles, listen to live music, peruse arts and crafts displays,…
Best Stage Debut
Making her stage debut in Red Hen Theater’s Body Outlaws, Denise Astorino blew the house down with a series of monologues about the evils of Barbie and female stereotypes. With a fire-engine-red crew cut, the bluster of Jackie Gleason, and eyes that sparkle with mischief and longing, she was the one-woman equivalent of an MGM…
Best Upscale Breakfast
The serene, well-appointed dining room at downtown’s Juniper Grille is filled with glittery tabletops plenty big enough for spreading out The Wall Street Journal. The delicious fare includes pancakes crammed with juicy berries, sunny poached eggs smiling up from a blanket of chive-flecked hollandaise, and smooth java served in white porcelain mugs. If there’s a…
Best Ribs
Tony Alesci isn’t blowing smoke when he claims these are some of the best ribs in the country. He has the awards — Best Ribs in Ohio, Best Ribs in America, and Best Sauce in America, all from the 1986 National Rib Burnoff — to prove it. And while Alesci stopped entering the contest soon…
Best Buns
Boy, do Treeka Wong and Peter Liu have great buns: big, pillowy, dim-sum-style buns, that is, stuffed with everything from pineapple custard and chestnut puree to barbecued pork, curried beef, and even hot dogs. Delicious and authentic, these delicacies are inexpensive, highly portable, and just right for eating on the run. In fact, our current…
Best Hot Dog Vendor
He’s been on the corner of West Third and St. Clair since 1986, but Emmanuel Tsolakis never seems bored with his job. Occasionally, Tsolakis admits, he does feel hot-dog overload, but he never gets tired of his customers. “The job is something I have to do,” he says. “I enjoy the people.” At the same…
Best Public-Spirited Cause
The state budget is a big pile of garbled words and numbers that nobody — including your trusty legislator — reads to completion. Knowing this, your legislator probably has felt free to sneak a couple hundred large of your tax money to his most generous campaign contributor. That’s a lot harder to do since the…
Best Place to Find a Jesus Hologram
Sure, there are places where you can get live chickens, some herbal shampoo, and an antique typewriter in one stop. But nowhere will you find it easier or more fun than at the flea market at the Memphis Drive-In. Each Saturday morning, vendors line up to offer you anything and everything you could possibly want…
Best Place to Buy Vinyl
Last October, Christian Taylor took over an anemic record shop and revamped it into a vinylphile’s nirvana. Walk through the front door, and groove to the latest vinyl releases from the Counting Crows to Jimmy Eat World. In the back, Taylor’s put the older records on sale: 50 cents for a 45, 75 cents for…
Best Beach
It’s the longest beach in Ohio. The cleanest. The prettiest. It has bigger waves, more natural sand, and typically, it’s the least crowded. It’s also — at least for now — completely free, maintained by your tax dollars and there for your enjoyment. There are so many good things to say about the mile-long Headlands…
The Hot List
The new issue of Rolling Stone includes the magazine’s annual “Hot List,” a feature that’s about as useless as nipples on a man. All we learned was that Rivers Cuomo likes prostitutes and Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn’t smoke, drink, or cuss. That’s hot? Nah, here’s what’s hot — complete with sexy snapshots, guaranteed to spice…
Best Actor in a Musical
As the eponymous transsexual, Dan Folino gave a multifaceted performance, singing with the raucousness of a rock star, camping with the bravado of Carol Channing’s Dolly, and conveying with utter honesty the martyr, the drag queen, and the innocent boy beneath all those layers. This was one of those career-making performances one reads about in…
Best Spot for Summer Romance
Dark and handsome, he watched from beneath heavy-lidded eyes as she walked toward the table, an admiring smile playing about his lips. “Wow, great patio,” she thought, as she slipped into a chair beneath a canopy of market umbrellas. In the fading evening twilight, she couldn’t shake the sense of being in a European garden,…
Best Arcade
The only thing better than a game of Galaga? A game of Galaga with beer. And wings. All in a Wal-Mart-sized entertainment complex that’s like Disneyland with hard liquor. That’s what you get with Dave & Buster’s, a restaurant-cum-arcade that blends solid, midscale dining with an elegant pool hall and a huge game room. There’s…
Best New Venue
For years, Playhouse Square has not lacked for lavish, chandeliered palaces capable of housing anything from the Rockettes to the Vienna Boys Choir. But there was a need for a space where sophisticated urban young professionals could put their feet up and enjoy some laughs. In a joint venture between Playhouse Square and Chicago’s Second…
Best Italian
The names of the dishes roll across the tongue like ripe black olives: Carpaccio di Tonno. Ribollita Toscana. Sformato di Zucchine. And the flavors? Like little time bombs, set to shower the palate with truffle oil, fresh herbs, and savory reductions. Osteria di Valerio & Al is an intimate little restaurant, where the authentic flavors…
Best Hot Dog
Touted as Cleveland’s oldest hot dog stand, Johnny Hot Dogs has carried on the frankfurter frenzy Mary Trisco started, when she opened for business at the then-new West Side Market in 1912. Four years ago, Vicki Camardo and her brother, Frank Romano, bought the operation from Trisco’s son, Johnny, and have kept the business plain…
Best Music Café
Tapas-style portions of delicious foods, impressive wine and martini lists, and intimate nightly entertainment from local and national jazz musicians make sleek, moody Mojo a must for Cleveland’s coolest cats and kittens.
Best Window on History
In 1890, it cost big spenders Marcus Hanna, John D. Rockefeller, and Louis Severance close to $1 million to build the glass, brass, and iron engineering marvel that is the Cleveland Arcade. A century later, it cost more than three times that amount to restore it. Yet it’s impossible to put a price tag on…
Best Mayoral Model
It’s a rare politician who can sit before an attentive crowd for more than 20 minutes without talking, but last April, Cleveland Mayor Jane Campbell did just that, when she posed for Shirley Aley Campbell’s portrait of her (which was later auctioned off to benefit the Cleveland Artists Foundation). The mayor emerged from her ordeal…
Best Bookstore
An all-too-rare independent bookstore in the Cleveland area, Mac’s Backs doesn’t have the most books of any bookstore in town, but it does have the most interesting selection, with owner Suzanne DeGaetano doing the selecting. You probably won’t find the latest John Grisham here, but you will find plenty of mysteries, poetry, and literary fiction.…
Best Athlete Ambassador
If athletes really looked like the cities they played for, we’d have a whole team of Thomes. A bear’s shoulders, meaty mitts, and power belly — just like the steelworkers we know. Thome makes millions swatting baseballs, but he offered to take a pay cut to stay in Cleveland. What in the name of Shawn…
Best Hike off the Beaten Path
Forget the humanity-clogged Metroparks paths and the Towpath Trail. Unless you prefer dodging bicyclists, in-line skaters, and parents pushing tots in strollers, check out this secluded six-mile stretch of the Buckeye Trail, where you’re likely to see more deer than people. Start by ditching your car at the National Park Service building near the intersection…
George Strait
One proof of George Strait’s importance is that the 50-year-old country institution hardly stands out at all anymore. Back in 1981, when his breakthrough debut was released, Strait seemed too good to be true, in every sense of the cliché. His Clark Kent comeliness, omnipresent white cowboy hat, even his honest-to-goodness surname were all “too…
Best Club Nights
Almost single-handedly, Touch Supper Club has established Cleveland’s place on the map of ultramodern turntable culture. The last Saturday of each month brings Shift, which vibrates to techno-house beats. The genre’s biggest stars — Akufen, John Selway, John Tejada among them — have all spun records for dancers in the Touch basement. Many of the…
Best White Russian
Behold the White Russian. It is an underrated drink, usually because it’s made in dainty glasses, with too much ice and not enough of that most sacred of ingredients: liquor. But the Riverwood Caf@eacute; knows how to do these babies justice. Its whities, mixed in tall glasses and possessing the punch of an Israeli gunship,…
Best Cheap Concerts
When school’s in session, excellent entertainment (often free) goes on all the time. Baldwin-Wallace’s Conservatory of Music is tops for musical theater (ranked third in the nation). Oberlin puts on great organ concerts (even at midnight on select Fridays, when the majors have “organ pump” night), and Tri-C sponsors cool dance events (especially the free…
Best Actor
In an era during which true glamour has become a precious commodity, the Play House’s Andrew May has generated it in abundance. He pairs that attribute with technical finesse rarely seen outside a classical repertory company, giving audiences in the last year alone a boyishly maniacal John Barrymore, a chillingly precise Pinter adulterer, and best…
Best Bet If You’re Footing the Bill
Despite our best efforts to sit on our wallet, now and then we find ourselves picking up the check for a dinner party. But because Taydo’s prices are astonishingly low, we can throw a veritable banquet here — one lasting several hours and accompanied by Tsing Tao beer and flowery jasmine tea — and still…
Best Bar Food
Don’t step into this ultra-chic Warehouse District bar if you want a beer. Don’t come here if you value decorum. And for chrissakes, don’t drop by if your religion teaches that a martini must be made with gin. But for broad-minded imbibers who love a huge menu of martini-like concoctions, enjoy noshing on tasty and…
Best Friday Night Fish Fry
For the good Catholic — or anyone who likes to gnaw on some serious fish — there is no better place to partake of the sacrament than at West End Tavern’s Friday-night fish fry. You’re looking at three Lake Erie yellow perch, sautéed and breaded — the way God intended — plus cole slaw and…
Best Homage to the Rat Pack
It’s hard not to love the Parkview Nite Club. Tucked neatly on the end of West 58th in the Detroit-Shoreway neighborhood, it’s got everything a bar needs: cheap food, a stable of oddly affecting regulars, pool tables, and a good jukebox. Added to all this is an unexpected touch of retro hipness: a big-ass picture…
Best Politician
Okay, so picking a Republican for “Best Politician” is like naming the president of an HMO “Most Likely to Follow in the Footsteps of St. Francis.” Which makes Jim Trakas all the more remarkable. Despite hailing from a party of psychos, and despite the GOP’s success in turning Ohio into Louisiana: The Sequel, Trakas has…
Best Business Concept
The steel market looks grim, but thanks to Todd Smith, Cleveland remains the juggernaut of the juggling world. And considering that the sport’s been around 4,000 years (drawings of jugglers have been found on ancient Egyptian tombs), you can bet the industry will survive a recession or two. Todd Smith sells beanbags, stressballs, glowing cigar…
Best-Looking Athlete
A couple of times a year, the Indians trot out Jaret Wright as if by popular demand. “He can’t pitch,” Tribe management seems to believe, “but the fans love him.” Not really. Wright’s place in our fickle hearts has been filled by the dashing Danys Baez. The 25-year-old is a natural athlete, with flickering, intelligent…
Best Public Golf Course
We golf for two reasons: 1) for the unfettered views of Ohio’s glorious landscape and 2) for something to talk about over beers. Manakiki, once a private club that’s been turned over to the capable hands of the Cleveland Metroparks, offers the lavishness of Augusta for the price of a shoe shine there. If you…
Elf Power
Somewhere between the endearingly naive music of such ’70s cartoons as Josie and the Pussycats and the early Velvet Underground recordings lies Elf Power. The Athens, Georgia band is closely associated with the Elephant 6 collective — in which musicians are swapped around as if they were contestants on a musical version of Temptation Island…
Best Hip-Hop DJ
No DJ is more attuned to his audience’s ears than Mick Boogie. When he plays for mainstream crowds at Wish, in the Warehouse District, Mick lays down beats that dancers know from the radio or MTV — and the crowd loves him for it. But just as effortlessly, he ditches pop hip-hop for the more…
Best Place for a ’50s-Style Hamburger
Memphis Avenue may be the area’s best time warp. First, there’s the Memphis Kiddie Park, a throwback to the days when kids were amused by Tilt-a-Whirls and Ferris wheels. Then there’s the drive-in theater, which seems like it should be showing a Technicolor epic like Ben Hur, even when it’s playing the newest blockbusters. One…
Best 60-Second Cooking Show
It’s actually produced by WKYC-TV/ Channel 3’s ad department, but our salivary glands don’t care that all the recipes feature Miceli products. Paganini, who has run a cooking school in Chesterland for more than 20 years, recalls the days when TV chefs didn’t think they were rock stars. She’s down to delicious business, whether roasting…
Best Actress
The usual agenda for Cleveland performers is to hone their skills locally, then head out for the big city. Meg Kelly charmingly reversed that process by moving to Lake Erie shores from New York City. Physically rivaling Michelle Pfeiffer’s delicate beauty, she projects a transcendent calm that keeps her the focus of any stage she…
Best Riverfront Party
A spectacular view of the Cuyahoga River as it spills into the lake; first-rate people-watching; DJs, dancing, and karaoke; and six — count ’em, six — bars make this bustling indoor-outdoor entertainment complex the best warm-weather party in town. In fact, sometimes when the lights of the city dance across the water and pricey Italian…
Best Martini
The capacious long-stemmed martini glasses at Johnny’s Bar can handle a whopping eight ounces of ice-cold top-shelf gin, a whisper of vermouth, and two of the fattest Gorgonzola-stuffed green olives you’ll ever want to meet. Order one — shaken, not stirred — with Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray 10, and claim your rightful place among the…
Best Way to Minimize the Health Benefits of Broccoli
Who knew that the taciturn pizza makers at Vincenza’s would turn out to be secret allies in Mom’s never-ending battle to win us over to broccoli? But when those pizza pros pile the little green scrub brushes on top of a tender crust, add some tomatoes and mushrooms, slather everything with cheese and garlic, and…
Best Place for a First Date
You don’t want to drop $50 on a fancy dinner only to discover that the object of your affection is a raving psychopath — or worse, “waiting for marriage.” Then again, a trip through the McDonald’s drive-through guarantees an after-party with Rosy Palm and the latest porn offering. What’s a fellow to do? Go to…
Best Political Hope
Ohio elected a Jewish lawyer from Cleveland to the U.S. Senate once before — Howard Metzenbaum, 1976 — so there is precedent for Eric Fingerhut. Of course, back in Howard’s day, the state Democratic Party hadn’t yet vanished into a wormhole in space. After getting bounced from the U.S. House by the Gingrich Militia after…
Best Thrift Store
Walking into Betty Buys Thrift is like stepping into a basement sale at Kmart. Located in a mammoth former warehouse, Betty’s specializes in lightly worn, freshly laundered clothing for all shapes and sizes. Rack after rack of shirts, shorts, dresses, and shoes are neatly displayed in the four-room show space. Next to the walls, shelving…
Best Sportscaster
An AM radio staple since the late 1980s, WTAM’s Mike Snyder is the discriminating fan’s sports guru, an anomaly in Clear Channel’s predictable, cookie-cutter programming schedule. Snyder’s modulated, baritone pipes run perpendicular to Mike Trivisonno’s gravelly, diction-free tirades during afternoon drive. Above all else, Snyder knows his stuff. He locked up an exclusive interview with…
Best Pro Athlete
He’s not really a pro athlete yet — at least not that we know of — but let’s not quibble over semantics. His games are sold out long in advance. Visiting NBA players make the trip to Akron to see what all the talk is about. He’s been on the cover of Sports Illustrated. ESPN…
Dismemberment Plan
We generally don’t take aging indie rockers seriously when they sing, “Throw your hands in the air and wave ’em like you just don’t care,” but we’ll make an exception for Travis Morrison, the singer of Washington, D.C.’s Dismemberment Plan. Even a hipper-than-thou punk-rock crowd couldn’t resist shakin’ what they mama gave ’em when the…
Best Outdoor Festival
It’s the Mardi Gras of Cleveland, without the hangover. Where else can you see your favorite politician dressed as a giant tomato or fairy godmother? Stilt-dancers from Tremont and puppeteers from Central America have made the parade an especially colorful affair, with their jungle-gym floats and supersized stick men that hail from fanciful, faraway rain…
Best Bartender
So few practitioners truly live up to the honorable title of bartender. It’s a profession lousy with bimbos, frat boys, and guys who couldn’t see that your glass is empty if it was held by a naked lady with a suitcase full of twenties. But a few skilled practitioners remain, people quick with a beer,…
Best Stage Show (Drama)
This play, produced last September by Red Hen Theater, follows two ostensibly heterosexual women as they gradually break their former ties and come to terms with their need for each other. When they have their first tender kiss in a park, one of them is almost beaten to death by a gay-basher. It is one…
Best Solution for an Old Problem
For years, the Cleveland Play House lacked an intimate space for plays that required arena-type intimacy. So it fashioned an ingenious Band-Aid, creating a new environment out of the Bolton Stage. This has allowed audiences to better savor the chilling elegance of Betrayal and the madcap hysteria of The Infinite Regress of Human Vanity.
Best Ice Cream Flavor
Almost all of Honey Hut’s flavors are among the city’s best (they even make vanillataste pretty damn fine). But it’s their Orange Blossom that stands out among Cleveland’s numerous ice creams. It’s basically their base vanilla laced with a splash of orange. But what a splash. Sweet (courtesy of the honey that replaces sugar in…
Best Spot for Slurping
Forget what your mama told you: At little Pho Hoa, it is definitely nice to slurp your soup. In fact, the sounds of slurping and lip-smacking are music to the ears of owner Manh Nguyen, as they are to any Vietnamese soup-shop proprietor. That’s the way guests traditionally show appreciation for pho, a lovely noodle-and-broth-based…
Best Excuse to Drink Beer
What if you could guzzle a golden, Munich-style lager and help create a legacy park at the same time? It’s true! Our favorite beer boys, Pat and Dan Conway of Great Lakes Brewing Company, are making it happen with their newest brew, Locktender Lager. The light, refreshing beer was introduced this spring, in celebration of…
Best Place for a Last Date
This long stretch of bars boasts advantages for both dumper and dumpee. Nothing says “I hate you and no longer want you in my life” more succinctly and with more determination than a cozy date among thousands of drunken, horny revelers. In essence, it’s a perfect place to give someone the boot. On the other…
Best Quote Machine
A couple of years ago, when Boston Globe columnist Derrick Z. Jackson wrote about using public money to build a new ballpark for the Red Sox, he quoted the mayor and the city council president. Nothing strange there — except that the council president wasn’t from Boston; he was from Cleveland. “The NFL took us…
Best Gourmet Market
Beautifully designed and dramatically lit, this 28,000-square-foot gourmet treasure trove includes a 3,000-label wine shop, custom-cut meats, more than 300 types of cheeses, an in-house bakery (don’t miss the “killer brownies”), a chocolate shop, a flower shop, a collection of fine china and kitchen wares, its own upscale café, and a proper British tearoom. The…
Best Sports-Talk Host
It’s hard to remember, but Cleveland was once home to some of the best radio in the country. No matter what your interests or political persuasion, there was always something worth tuning in: Gary Dee, Pete Franklin, Merle Pollis. Even Imus did a stint here. Those days, however, are long gone. Now it’s a whole…
Best Trade
For Tribe loyalists, shipping Alomar to the Mets for one semi-known player (Lawton) and four no-names reeked of surrender. And the quintet’s performance has done nothing to erase memories of the future hall-of-famer who gave the Indians three amazing years. But Robbie often moped — even playing for a winner — and watching him sulk…
Wire
Emerging from London’s fruitful punk scene in 1976, Wire released three diverse, seminal albums — the brilliantly terse Pink Flag, the pop opus Chairs Missing, and the atmospherically prog 154 — before disbanding in 1980. More influential than popular, Wire’s early work was then covered, referenced, and distilled by legions of artists, from Big Black…
Best Club DJ
While Cleveland’s nightlife slept for nearly a year, Grid/Orbit co-owner and DJ impresario Jerry Szoka was moving his glitzy gay bar from the Warehouse District to a majestic spot across from the Gold Horse Saloon on St. Clair. In May, Szoka opened the new space, plugging his sound system into a second-floor, state-of-the-art perch in…
Best Beer Vendor
What made us cynical about the Indians? The $19 bleacher seat? The Pepsi Home Run Porch? Mark Shapiros fondness for words like incentivized? Parts of Jacobs Field have all the spontaneity of a nursing-home lunch, which is why the untamed cries of vendor Leslie Flake, popping tops at the Jake since it opened in 1994,…
Best Movie Theater
Craving the latest piece of twisted cinema to squirm from David Lynch’s brain? In the mood to see good foreign films? Looking for the hep new indie flick that’s too smart for the local megaplex? Then flock to the Cedar Lee, Cleveland’s haven for movies that are obscure, non-American, intelligent — and sometimes all three.…
Best Musical
This jubilant encapsulation of youthful love, written by Stephen Sondheim when he was 24, was by far the most infectious musical experience of the season. Beck Center took a great gamble — and won — in presenting this unknown early work. The joyful material brought out the best in an ideally realized production.
Best Chance to Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is
It’s pure genius, this pairing of autumnal football fever with high-class culinary indulgence, and it’s been a surefire fund-raising formula for the Cleveland Foodbank for the past three years. The outstanding affaire(this year scheduled for October 21) provides an opportunity to rub elbows with current and former Browns players and local celebrities, and to sample…
Best Tango for Your Taste Buds
The five-table dining room at this casual Lakewood eatery may be tiny, but chef-owner Antonio Carafelli’s flavor quotients are enormous. The peripatetic Italian native, who also happens to be an accomplished painter and musician, turns out delicious and unusual Santa Fe- and Latino-inspired cuisine that will have your senses dancing in delight — homemade goodies…
Best Seafood
From creamy lobster bisque to lush bouillabaisse, the ever-changing seafood selections at Mediterranean-inspired Sans Souci have rarely failed to please us. Of course, we would expect nothing less from a kitchen that marries classic technique with top-notch ingredients. Factor in the cool, collected country-French decor, an exceptional wine list, and professional service, and Sans Souci…
Best Place to Get Public Records
A cute guy walks up to you at a bar. By the end of the night, he’s wheedled your phone number out of you. Before you know it, you’ve agreed to a romantic interlude in a dimly lit, out-of-the-way place. He seems charming, but so did Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. So if you’re smart,…
Best Clerk
McCafferty, who works in the criminal file room at the Justice Center, is accommodating and efficient, and her grace is by no means limited to reporters, who rely on clerks the way climbers need Sherpas. One day, a man came to her counter with a confused request. It wasnt clear if he needed documents to…
Best Natural Foods Market
Health food goes gourmet at the bright, shiny Mustard Seed, where carob bars share space with Valrhona chocolates, tofu jerky joins forces with free-range lamb, and quinoa salad competes for attention with Piedmontese beef. Owners Phil and Margaret Nabors like to say they are saving the world, one bite at a time. But for those…
Best Cleveland Radio Host You Can’t Hear in Cleveland
Ahhh, that voice. At first listen, you want to kill Chuck Booms, to actually thrust your fist through the radio, grab him by the throat, and shake that piercing, whiny little tone out of the bastard’s voice. But then an odd thing happens. You listen, and you realize his show, Kiley and Booms, works. Indeed,…
Best Player Who Got Away
Softspoken fat men have always been the stuff of legend in Cleveland. Take Drew Carey. Take Al Roker. Take Big Dawg. But why in hell did you take our Bartolo Colon? The vaguely spherical Dominican was the dominant ace that Tribe fans — and Tribe brass — have waited for since Gaylord Perry was greasing…
Various Artists
Any aging rapper who declares himself an “O.G.” — “Original Gangsta” — should be humbled by this controversial collection, a tender, impassioned, and utterly ruthless set of underground Mafia folk songs whose roots go back centuries in the hills of Calabria, a region near the toe of southern Italy. “When the sawn-off shotgun sings/The traitor…
Best Transsexual DJ
Tall, lean, and very, very mean, Andria Michaels is Cleveland’s DJ diva. She struts a stage four nights a week (Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday at Pump, and Thursday at Metropolis), but she reserves her rawest, bawdiest material for Thursday night. Inebriated men are lured to the stage and invited to striptease for Andria; by the…
Best Local Radio Personality
Clean and wholesome without joining the ranks of the Mouseketeers, “Trapper Jack” Elliot and Robin Benzle jolt early risers out of bed for Cleveland’s most popular morning radio show for women ages 25-54. A California native, Trapper Jack brought his relaxed conversational style to Cleveland’s airwaves in 1987 at the old WLTF. Six years ago,…
Best Directorial Debut
For decades, Russ Borski has been known for his atmospheric sets, which can suggest anything from a quaint Brigadoon village to a butterfly-drenched Caribbean. In a move of brazen courage, Borski took on one of Sam Shepard’s boozy passion plays and gave audiences an evening so loaded with tension and intoxicating decadence that they became…
Best Art Exhibit
The three-member staff of Cleveland Public Art saw Louise Bourgeois’s spider sculptures last summer at New York’s Rockefeller Plaza and decided, “We need those in Cleveland.” Finding $120,000 for the project’s rental, installation, and insurance fees was a serious challenge, though. But CPA pulled it off, with the help of Contessa Gallery, the Cleveland Museum…
Best Meal for Under $5
Yes, McDonald’s is part owner. Yes, it’s a big national chain. Get over it. Sometimes even the big guys do things right. Chipotle offers fast food that doesn’t taste like fast food. That, and they probably slip some sort of addictive substance in there. Once you find the combo that works for you, it’s damn…
Best Gyro
There is one name — and one name only — in the highly competitive field of gyros. That name is Steve’s. With just a closet-sized booth in a corner of the West Side Market and but two menu items — regular and large — Steve’s is nonetheless the New York Yankees of the gyro world.…
Best Decor
Tasteful bistros, sedate dining rooms, and subdued settings: We’ve got them by the score. But for knock-your-socks-off, in-your-face, over-the-top interiors, there is only one place to go in Cleveland, and that’s the first-rate fantasyland that is Circo/Zibibbo. Here, the walls glow with orange, gold, and purple pigments. Massive blue pillars sprout tentacles in the form…
Best View of Cleveland
If you’re here on business, you may be broke, but at least the view is rich. From your perch, you can gaze eastward at the other hulking phalluses that dot the downtown skyline, the Gund, and the Jake, and big ships wending their way through the Cuyahoga River as traffic races along I-71. Off in…
Best Clothing Store for Women
Sweet (clothing) dreams come true in this boutique, whose eclectic collections suggest New York’s funky SoHo district, with Betsy Johnson party dresses right next to structured black pants ensembles. Uncluttered racks, cookies and cider, and low music all contribute to the store’s appeal, but what’s really great is owner Audrey Bergrin (and her trusty associates).…
Best Old-School Candy
If you were the kind of kid who lamented that Halloween came but once a year (damn Thanksgiving and those other non-candy holidays), you’ll love the Sweetie Candy Company. Aisle upon aisle of Wax Lips, Chuckles, Dots, Laffy Taffy, Nerds, Runts, and Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip make this store the fulfillment of childhood fantasy — and…
Best Gym
Going to the gym these days often seems to be about everything but lifting weights. Too many exercise facilities have been wussified by juice bars, spastic aerobics instructors, and friggin’ yoga classes. What kind of shit is that? Do you think Schwarzenegger ever got into the lotus position before squat-thrusting a pile of iron heavier…
Best Departure
It was a good thing the Browns had 50 years of history behind them. Their first two years back in the league were disastrous, even by expansion standards. (Dennis Northcutt, the 32nd overall pick in the draft?) So CEO Carmen Policy finally went out and hired a dictator, Butch Davis. Of course, it took Director…
India.Arie
The critical accolades and commercial success that greeted India.Arie’s 2001 debut did not so much reflect Arie’s ingenuity as they did the relative stasis of soul music, one of the few genres where a girl with a guitar could still be kind of novel. But if Arie’s inspirational jams made her come off sounding something…
Best Place to Feel Cosmopolitan
Maybe it’s the spare, sophisticated decor. Possibly, it’s the live jazz. But most likely, it’s chef-owner Karen Small’s seasonal, personal, and progressive cuisine, built from pristine ingredients and constructed in layer upon layer of flavor, that gives this Ohio City bistro a big-city sensibility. When the urge hits to dine in a chi-chi Village hot…
Best Local TV Personality
Clevelands king of schlock cinema and skit comedy is now on Channel 55 at 1 a.m. Mondays, when only real vampires are awake. Which is too bad, because the Ghoul is still worth watching for a weekly dose of bathroom humor. He’s graduated from blowing up Matchbox cars (though he still does that) to blowing…
Best Place to See a Movie For Under $1
Going to the movies is fun, except when you have to take out a second mortgage to do it. To take your family to the latest blockbuster and keep everyone supplied with Snowcaps nowadays means coughing up a sum that rivals the GNP of Eritrea. For budget-minded moviegoers, however, there’s no better place than Movies…
Best Place to Take Grandpa on a Saturday Night
Watching the elders swing each other about at Sterle’s on Saturday nights, you’d swear to the life-prolonging powers of polka. Surrounded by richly colored murals of the Eastern European countryside and plates of Wienerschnitzel seemingly piled as high as the Rhine is wide, the seniors twist and shimmy up a storm. Hell, if the old…
Best Two-Fisted Taste of the Caribbean
Forget the effete PB&J. At Lelolai, they make a dense, meaty sandwich, just right for tough-guy tastes. Constructed on the bakery’s own “pan Criolli,” the Cubano is piled high with chunks of freshly roasted and seasoned pork, thinly sliced ham, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, a touch of mustard, and zesty garlic-infused mayo. Then it’s…
Best Margarita the Size of a Goldfish Bowl
They come in such mouthwatering flavors as strawberry and raspberry (and classic lime, of course), but what really sets these Margaritas apart is the size — so large, they’re practically rolled to your table in a keg. A few of these, and you’ll almost think NAFTA was a good idea. Complimentary chips and salsa help…
Best New Restaurant
Like all the best culinarians, Fahrenheit chef-owner Rocco Whalen lavishes his food with attention, yet knows when each ingredient must be allowed to speak for itself. The result is fabulous items like Java & Mustard-Crusted Pork Tenderloin; thin-crusted pizza topped with artichokes, Niçoise olives, and caramelized shallots; and the voluptuous chocolate-coconut pot de crème. No…
Best Phallic Symbol
Yes, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but we know a giant phallus when we see one. And “The Fountain of Eternal Life,” the downtown war memorial, fits the bill indeed. Sculpted by Cleveland Institute of Art grad Marshall M. Fredericks and officially dedicated in 1964, the bronze statue shows a muscular, mint-green man…
Best Clothing Store for Men
This sleekly laid-out store fights Cleveland casual, with the truth as its motto: “You know you could look better.” The personable salespeople prove their point with an array of carefully selected suits, shirts, and accessories. If you can’t trust your own taste, you can trust theirs.
Best Male Haircut That Keeps Your Manhood Intact
No parable sums up the dilemma of modern man better than Samson and Delilah. After all, few things are more castrating than a trip to a foo-foo salon, where you’re asked if you want blond highlights and a bottle of $20 hair gel. But the alternative is a barbershop where old men deliver buzz cuts…
Best Bowling Alley
The circa-1950s decor still sparkles at Meszar’s, an intimate mom-and-pop operation, after all these years in the same family. Owner Ann Meszar keeps the chrome lunch counter shiny and collects the money, while her son acts as custodian and pin-chaser. Don’t forget to wear your bowling shirt with “Carla” embroidered in cursive on the pocket,…
Best Coach
The Cavs’ 29-53 record last year belies the fact that, given the team’s lack of talent, Lucas deserved consideration for Coach of the Year. Against long odds and amid thousands of empty seats at the Gund, the first-year Cavs coach had his team playing hard, if not always well. For all the losses, “Luc,” as…
Underworld
It’s telling that the longest track on Underworld’s fourth album, the lead single “Two Months Off,” is only about nine minutes long. These British techno misfits are usually just getting started by the time the 10-minute mark rolls around, as evidenced by intricately sculpted epics like “Juanita,” the 16-and-a-half-minute track that blows open their 1996…
Best Iced Tea
We long have loved the robust French-press coffee served at elegant Century, but after a recent summer’s visit, we have also developed a craving for its freshly brewed iced tea. In an unusual and delicious twist, each glass comes with a cunning miniature carafe of simple sugar syrup. Add just the right amount, stir ever…
Best Scoop to Get Ignored
On March 1 of this year, The Washington Post hit the streets with a blockbuster front-page story. The U.S. government, the paper had learned, was operating a shadow government outside Washington, where employees and their families lived and worked 24 hours a day. Almost every major news organization soon followed The Post’s lead. President Bush…
Best Theater
In olden days, Beck Center was the place where Kiwanis Club members and bowling ladies would go to attend revivals of The Odd Couple. In the last few years, it’s gone through a miraculous metamorphosis, turning into the area’s most vital and profoundly alive theater. Just this season, it’s dazzled with Sondheim, goosed audiences with…
Best Food for World Peace
There really is nothing like good food to bring people together, and Phil “the Fire” Davis’s “comfort food for the soul” proves the point. The amateur caterer-turned-restaurateur opened his 45-seat dining room just off Shaker Square at the beginning of this year. But word of his famous L.A.-style chicken and waffles (a breathtakingly sweet and…
Best Restaurant Reinvention
In the past year, the Ohio City restaurant formerly known as Parker’s has gotten a major attitude adjustment, moving from formal to casually hip. Changes include the new name, an interior update — complete with moody lighting and sultry background music — and a new menu focused on homey bistro fare. What hasn’t changed, though,…
Best Enlightened Noodles
One part Asian noodle house, one part Laguna Beach juice bar, and one part ashram, Richard Baribault’s Teahouse Noodles nurtures both the flesh and the spirit with its simple, inexpensive, and wholesome foods. Can a bowl of rice noodles, tossed with steamed veggies and slathered with zesty sauce, really put you on the path to…
Best Use of Soy
Other than the customers and staff, you’ll find nothing at the Web of Life deli that came into this world wearing a face. The deli serves no beef, pork, poultry, or fish products. No cow’s milk, cheeses, or eggs, either. Instead, there’s mock tuna salad made from garbanzo beans and “ice cream” made from oats.…
Best Reason to Live in Cleveland
The phrase “cost of living” in other major metro areas is often a euphemism for “keep the proletariat out.” But in Cleveland, where affordability is king, you can live like one even on a peasant’s wages. From necessities like rent and utilities to luxuries like dining out and show tickets, this isn’t New York, Boston,…
Best Old-School Hardware Store
With old-time hardware stores dropping like accounting firms, crushed by the sheer size and selection of their big-box brethren, the competition in this category has become decidedly thin. Yet Ingersoll Hardware, proud seller of hammers and hoses since 1906, carries on this most noble of traditions. It’s one of those small, dusty places, appropriately crowded…
Best Tattoo Parlor
We’ve all had that crazy urge — usually under the influence of too much liquor — to get a full-body dragon tattoo. If, come morning and the return of sobriety, the impulse is still there, drop by Atom Bomb, the city’s only custom tat studio. Any one of the half-dozen skilled artists on staff can…
Best Place to Skateboard
Next to the basketball courts in this small, nameless city park are a pair of three-foot-high cement pyramids, the sight of which induces a gasp in the avid skateboarder. Legend has it that the pyramids are an architectural accident, the product of a park designer who had cement leftovers. Whatever their origin, they’re just the…
Best Reason to Go to a Cavs Game
The cynic’s answer in this category might be “to watch the other team.” But those who keep an eye on Lucas will leave the Gund satisfied, no matter what the game’s outcome. Wearing a pinstripe suit as he roves the sideline, he jumps higher than most players, shows better moves than the Cavs dance team,…
Victoria Williams
This has been a busy summer for Victoria Williams and her husband, former Jayhawk Mark Olson. Williams has just released Sings Some Ol’ Songs, a collection of standards that the offbeat singer has been considering for release since the mid-’90s, and Olson recently dropped December’s Child, his fifth album backed by the Creek Dippers. And…
Best Hangout for Hungry Space Travelers
This small restaurant and bar is decorated like a fanciful 1960s-style notion of the future, with molded white commander’s chairs, NASA-orange upholstery, and a gently arched ceiling washed with neon-pink light. Against this theatrical backdrop, Chef Frank Wielgosiek’s menu of mid-century comfort food intentionally commands a sly chuckle, with retro-style dishes like city chicken and…
Best Job
First off, empty seats have a way of guarding themselves. And there’s little danger that the crowd will storm the court after a victory — it’s too busy stampeding for the exits after another 20-point defeat. So what if the wage stinks? You’re getting paid to watch Jordan, Iverson, Shaq, and Kobe light up the…
Best Nod to Vulnerability
There were only a handful of special showings of @address:Letters to Uranus, Larry Pinna’s film portrait of local thespian Ted Burr. But among those lucky enough to see the film, few could have failed to respond to Burr’s Tennessee Williams-like vulnerability and humor. Now, @address:Uranus is starting to get the recognition it richly deserves. It’s…
Best Food for Thought
We don’t want to get all Joe Hill-y on you, but supporting the small family farmer is a noble cause. Not only does it ensure our access to food that is locally and responsibly grown, but it also keeps our remaining patches of countryside out of the hands of developers, who snatch up former farmland…
Best Ice Cream Shop
Mitchell’s got its start by custom-making ice cream for local restaurants. Any possible flavor, from coconut to potato, was concocted. But its real talent lies in making ordinary choices (like, say, chocolate) taste like gourmet dishes. There’s an overload of flavor in every lick and bite, and Mitchell’s roomy parlor allows you to kick back…
Best Chinese
Dim sum in the morning, noodles at midday, and dishes ranging from custardy braised tofu to salt-baked squid at night make spacious Li Wah, located in the heart of Cleveland’s Chinatown, one of the city’s best locations for tabletop adventuring. While the Hong Kong-style restaurant specializes in seafood, we also adore the crisp-skinned Peking duck…
Best Local Beer
Like “Corinthian leather” and “Cleveland Indians,” the label “microbrew” comes with no assurance of quality. But amid all the overblown hype about microbrews, there’s no denying that Cleveland turns out some of the country’s best. And most of them are coming from the kettles of the Great Lakes Brewing Company, which produces a top-flight beer…
Best Suburb
It’s easy to overlook Euclid. It doesn’t have the wealth of Westlake or the horsey charm of Chagrin Falls. Even among the older established suburbs, it tends to be overshadowed by the tonier Shaker and Cleveland Heights or even Lakewood, mecca of the post-collegiate crowd. Yet the conventional wisdom is unfair to this East Side…
Best Customer Service
Big-box stores are to customer service what Eminem is to feminism. Nothing is more frustrating than being in an airplane hangar of a store, having to look for something specific, and being at the mercy of a 16-year-old clerk who believes his $6.50 an hour only buys his presence and an occasional grunt. Home Depot,…
Best Body Piercing Parlor
First of all, in this place, it’s as safe as it gets. Owner and senior piercer David Vidra is a registered nurse who has been doing piercings since 1991 and has continually updated his skills with classes in health and safety. Vidra sees piercing as “a way of life” and an art form based on…
Best Running Track for Real Runners
If you want to run the entire towpath, be prepared for a workout: It spans 20 miles from its beginning in Valley View to the penultimate visitor’s center off Smith Road in Akron. But that should be no cause for despair. Almost any piece of the crushed limestone trail makes for a good run. It’s…
Best Unsung Athlete
If Karim Garcia had played a full season for the Tribe, he could have slammed 50 homers and driven in 150. And while projecting a season’s totals from two months of play may not make for sound science, it does beat the hell out of projecting the Tribe’s next year of contention. Garcia, who was…
Various Artists
Compilations are crapshoots: disparate, frequently dodgy affairs that are more likely to represent a region or a record label than a collection of quality artists. And while It Takes a Village does boast a regional slant, what stands out is the unified aesthetic among the 12 bands involved. That’s not to suggest that the artists…
Best Deli
The corned beef is tender, thinly sliced, and not obsessively lean; the roasted turkey breast and stuffing are fresh from the oven; the baba ganoush is exceptionally light; and the dessert case is well stocked with decadent delights. But what really sets Joe’s apart is its warm and welcoming vibe, a sensation that seems to…
Best Reason to Read The PD
At daily newspapers, science guys are usually left to sit in the corner and dissect tree frogs. The big guns are usually investigative reporters or columnists, while the best writers are quietly shuffled off to the features department, where they can safely construct multiple-clause sentences without hurting anyone. Not so at “Ohio’s biggest newspaper.” In…
Best Theatrical Entrepreneur
Cleveland is a tough town for a performer seeking recognition. Taking matters into her own well-manicured hands, Barbara Corlett transformed a restaurant party room into a cozy theatrical nook, where she performed (along with the wonderfully comic actor-bartender Christian Shepherd) in the ’60s romantic comedy The Owl and the Pussycat. Playing director, producer, and star…
Best Basic Breakfast
While there is something indisputably weird about strolling into a Flats bar in the first light of day, it’s worth the fleeting disorientation to discover breakfast at the River’s Edge. At this hour, the well-worn East Bank watering hole is dim and friendly, with early birds perched around the bar downing huge portions of chow.…
Best Wings
Abandon hope, all ye who venture above “hot.” Born in Kent and originally known as Buffalo Wild Wings and Weck (or BW-3; “Bedub’s” to aficionados), this franchise restores truth in advertising when it comes to the spiciness gradient found at so many similar establishments. “Wild” is truly painful, and “Blazin'” is so harsh, it should…
Best Burger
A good burger is one of life’s small pleasures. Or not so small, when it’s Herb’s Super Burger, a half-pound behemoth that’s so big, you’ll have to dislocate your lower jaw, the way a python does to swallow a bunny. Unlike a snake, though, you can enhance your meal by choosing from among two dozen…
Best Outdoor Dining (East Side)
From its Caribbean-blue indoor-outdoor carpeting to the vintage brick structures that surround it, Lure Bistro’s open-air dining room exudes style and charm. There is handsome landscaping and a burbling fountain for lunch-hour luxe. At night, strands of tiny white lights and candles create a sense of romance. And the chic seating — which, beyond the…
Best Suburban Downtown
Any old downtown can be built around a square. But it takes a downtown like Berea’s — a bit different, a bit smarter, a bit better than the rest — to center on a triangle. Berea’s downtown is lovely and accessible from the Baldwin-Wallace campus, several senior citizen complexes, and I-71. There’s an Army/Navy store,…
Best Low-Budget Computerware
A Mohawk haircut is reassuring in some contexts. Behind the counter at a computer shop, for instance; nothing says digital literacy quite like a nose ring. In addition to at least one credible-looking employee, DC Parts offers closeout prices and sage advice. The store has columns of refurbished hard drives and monitors, enough cable and…
Best Smut Hut
We don’t know what “Emporium” means, but we know you can get a great deal on a glass dildo here. There are 3,000 videos, 2,000 DVDs — and the clerk doesn’t sneer at you, the way they do at Hollywood Video. A fresh remodeling did away with the “private viewing rooms” in favor of a…
Best Running Track for the Rest of Us
Pity the out-of-shape runner. He slogs along, willing himself not to stop, not to give up hope, not to collapse. What does he get for it? Firmer calves, perhaps, but certainly embarrassment, should anyone he knows see him. For such a runner, the perfect course must be short (so he can complete it), shaded (so…
Best Reason to Read The PD
At daily newspapers, science guys are usually left to sit in the corner and dissect tree frogs. The big guns are usually investigative reporters or columnists, while the best writers are quietly shuffled off to the features department, where they can safely construct multiple-clause sentences without hurting anyone. Not so at “Ohio’s biggest newspaper.” In…
Polischticks
Even in tragedy, there’s humor to be found — the trick is in knowing when to unleash it. According to Habitat for Insanity, Cleveland’s newest comedy troupe, now’s a good time to take on terrorism. In “Panic Phone,” a pipe-bomb recipient seeks help from the pipe-bomb-defusing hotline. “It’s a comment on help lines,” says director…
Where the Wild Things Were
To hear The Plain Dealer and civic leaders tell it, Cleveland needs an infusion of hip to jump-start our economy. Forget more stadiums; we need cool urban neighborhoods, where bohemians can live and play. Picture South Street in Philly, or even High Street in Columbus — places where you can eat a veggie burger, get…
Best Outdoor Dining (West Side)
Thanks to our unpredictable weather, Clevelanders spend entirely too little time outside. No doubt that’s why, once summer arrives, we will wait in line to dine at tables set on dusty little patches of concrete or on the edges of noisy streets. Of course, this is “outdoor” dining only in the broadest sense. The alternative?…
Best Cigar Bar
Unlike the hazy, mahogany-walled lounge where your grandfather puffed stogies, Zibibbo has a modern, smoothly metallic look. Convene at this Warehouse District bar after dining at Circo, the adjacent restaurant under the same ownership. Order a drink with your cigar, and get a few drops of cognac to dip it in. Zibibbo costs more than…
Best Local Website
Cleveland is its own punk universe, and clepunk.com brings order to that universe. With 100-plus listings, bands from the Dead Boys to the Backdoor Men all have their place. Bios, photos, articles, and links are posted for each group. A “Venues” section keeps you up-to-date on who’s where and when. The message board, aptly named…
Best Greek Food
Depending on the time and day, diners here may find a DJ spinning contemporary Greek and Euro-techno tunes or performers playing traditional Greek music, or belly dancers shimmying through the aisles. But it’s the simple homemade food — perfect pastitsio, savory gyros, and crunchy galatobourekos, brought to the table straight from the oven — that…
Best Bakery
Some nights, we haven’t even hit the sack when Adam Gidlow unlocks the door of his Cleveland Heights bakery and begins tending his starters, fermenting his batters, and proofing and baking loaves of unsurpassed beauty and flavor. His approach is patient and meticulous, informed by love, chemistry, and an artisanal “slow food” mentality that finds…
Best Mexican Restaurant
Don’t let the fact that this restaurant looks like (and sits next to) a motel scare you away. Its equally unassuming and unpretentious approach to Mexican food lends the entire place a down-home touch (even if you have to endure an extra-long wait on weekends). Its dishes have an almost earthy flavor, and everything –…
Best Reason to Read THe PD on Mondays
Man-on-the-street interviews are rightly the stuff of parody (Uh, Saddam who?), but The Plain Dealer’s Fashion Flash gets it right. The weekly Arts & Life section feature that asks hip Clevelanders what they’re wearing and why is practical and fun. Best of all, PD stylist Brenda Sue Junkin chooses real people — legal secretaries, store…
Best Giver
He owns more than 8 million shares of Progressive Corp., the Mayfield Village insurance provider that turned a $411 million profit last year, but he doesn’t keep it all for himself. The checks Peter B. Lewis cuts museums and universities typically have eight digits in the amount box. Thanks to Lewis, Case Western campus tours…
Best Chocolate Shop
Don’t have a heart attack in here — unless you want to die in utter bliss. Made by little Croatian ladies in the back room, the European-style truffles and hand-dipped fruit and nut confections are pure poetry. The handmade candy bars are even dreamier: two paper-thin layers of dark chocolate, caressing a creamy nut or…
Best Liquor Store
Remember that scene in Pulp Fiction, when Travolta’s character is awestruck upon opening Marsellus’s mysterious briefcase? That was us, the first time we walked into Rozi’s and encountered its fabulous beer selection. Boasting the widest array of bottled import beer in town — from Kromberg to Golden Pheasant — along with a mammoth wine and…
Best Place for Walking 10,000 Steps
You can log a lot of miles on this shade-dappled paved path that runs through the Cleveland Metroparks, the city’s Emerald Necklace. Park stores offer a dandy little step counter for $15 (along with a walk record and park maps), so you’ll know how far you’ve gone as you stride past resident critters (deer, turtles,…
Best Reason to Read THe PD on Mondays
Man-on-the-street interviews are rightly the stuff of parody (Uh, Saddam who?), but The Plain Dealer’s Fashion Flash gets it right. The weekly Arts & Life section feature that asks hip Clevelanders what they’re wearing and why is practical and fun. Best of all, PD stylist Brenda Sue Junkin chooses real people — legal secretaries, store…
Feats in the Flats
We’re not sure how seriously to take a guy whose repertoire includes characters such as Boom Boom and the Romantic. But Shayne Courtright, the 25-year-old German wheel artist with Cirque du Soleil, is sincere about his craft. “I was trained as an acrobat,” he says. “I’ve been training since I was very young. My timing…
No Time for Bitchin’
Radio One is no different from the rest: I am unimpressed with your exposé on Radio One [“Hip-Hopcrisy,” August 28]. I’ve worked in radio for over 15 years, mainly in black radio, including at 93.1 WZAK. Payola has been around for decades. The industry is corrupt. Demonstrate to me that Radio One is any different…
Best Polish Cafeteria
If you visit Bernie and Mike Sokolowski’s dark, homey Polish cafeteria overlooking the gritty industrial flats, you’ll get a big spoonful of Cleveland’s ethnic heritage along with the dense homemade pierogi, meaty roasted bratwurst, and giant handrolled “pigs in a blanket.” The brothers, along with sister Mary Lou Balbier, are the third generation to man…
Best Radio Station
Cleveland is the birthplace of rock and roll, but with the city’s airwaves dominated by moldering classic rock stations that only toyed with modernity for the last several years, it also threatened to be the place where rock and roll lay down and died. Xtreme Radio has helped change all this by bringing a younger,…
Best Theatrical History
Cleveland historian John Vacha offers local theatergoers a rich opportunity to page through the splendors of the city’s theatrical heritage. :Showtime in Cleveland: The Rise of a Regional Theater Center, covering almost two centuries, is sumptuously illustrated and loaded with wry anecdotes that range from John Barrymore’s tumultuous stint in Cleveland to the founding of…
Best Restaurant When Someone Else Is Buying
Situated on the banks of the Cuyahoga River, Lockkeepers is sort of the Cary Grant of Cleveland dining rooms — handsome, refined, and yes, charmingly old-fashioned, with a masculine Arts and Crafts decor and a big menu of upscale American-dream foods, ranging from foie gras and caviar to prime rib and porterhouse steak. The wine…
Best Manly Sandwich
Size may not matter when it comes to the male reproductive unit, but it’s gospel when it comes to sandwiches. And for pure volume, no one makes ’em bigger than Max’s Deli. From burgers to Reubens, these monsters are big enough to hold up your sagging porch, if you’re short of concrete blocks. There’s a…
Best Gumbo
Free-spirited Mozell Devereaux is an artist, registered nurse, caterer, and chef, but her grandest achievement may well be her superlative seafood gumbo, bristling with shrimp and crawfish, ladled over red beans and rice. The key is obviously in her secret spice mix, a fiery layering of flavors that sear but don’t scar the palate. “It’s…
Best Door-Frame Journalism
Outgoing Mayor Mike White said there was an $11.8 million budget surplus. Incoming Mayor Jane Campbell said she couldn’t find it. Reporters went looking for explanations or at least gave the appearance of looking for explanations. The sweetest moment of this little drama was Channel 19/43’s Ed Gallek laying on the intercom at White’s Glenville…
Best Suburban Library
Even when it was squeezed into an overcrowded and thoroughly unmemorable building on West 213th Street, Fairview Park’s library was something special, with a great collection and helpful librarians. Now that it’s fully settled into its five-year-old steel-and-glass digs, it’s even better. Unlike lesser suburban libraries, which rely on gimmicks and frills and airy emptiness,…
Best Used Bookstore
Sharing space with a shop that sells antique Persian rugs, Loganberry certainly isn’t lacking in the quaint department. It’s the sort of warm, inviting secondhand bookshop now found only in college towns or the arty sections of a handful of major cities. There are some real gems to be found in its tall, closely packed…
Best Laundromat
If you can’t clean your duds in the comfort and cleanliness of your own home (or Mom’s), Northshore Laundromat is the next-best place. The shop’s sparkling clean washers and dryers, sunny lighting and houseplants, color TV and magazines (immaculate bathroom, too) create a pleasant, homey feel. There’s even a recycling bin for empty plastic soap…
Best Unisex Sport Pedicure
Routine exercise beautifies the body, but abuses the feet. Next time your puppies are barking after a jog, treat them to a soothing 30-minute “Sport Pedicure” ($28) or 60-minute “Spa Pedicure” ($40) at sleek Salon Mandalfino. As the manicurist fetches complimentary bottled water, coffee, or wine, you soak your feet in a sudsy mini-whirlpool. Then…
The South Falls, Again
So that there’s no confusion, be it known that the star of Sweet Home Alabama is Reese Witherspoon, who graces the film’s poster in full-body pout and appears on the press kit in closeup mug-shot smirk — any closer, and we’d shoot up her nostrils and exit through her pores. Of course, there’s a great…
Best Regional Band
The hottest band on the area music scene is a brilliant young Akron duo whose 100-proof, shotgun-shack blues are as scorching as the Mississippi sun under which their sound originated. The British press is already beginning to salivate over them, and major labels are knocking at their door. And their recently released disc, The Big…
Best Coffeehouse
Yeah, several locations have closed. And yeah, coffeehouses — particularly franchised ones — are ubiquitous these days. But we still like the homey, java-centric vibe of Arabica (and with Starbucks now offering non-coffee coffee beverages, we appreciate it more than ever). Some Arabicas offer more atmosphere than others, but they’re still a fine place to…
Best College Radio Show
Listening to 669, late-night Fridays on WCSB-FM 88.3, is akin to being one of the berated sales pukes in Glengarry Glen Ross. The music is a brain-shearing mix of punk, metal, and oddball rock; the callers are stoned; and host Sweetass Sassafras is like MSNBC shouter Chris Matthews on nitrous. If humanity is indeed a…
Best Theatrical Dynamo
Actors and technicians familiar with Fred Sternfeld’s Prussian perfectionism might be tempted to say he’s anal retentive. Yet audiences who know him only by the consistent quality of his work simply consider him a damn good director. Whether it’s a Depression-era family saga or a screwball comedy, he can be depended on to unearth the…
Best Recipe for Winter Romance
Place one historic inn and one chilly night into a lovely Western Reserve town; blend thoroughly. Add two lovers, a crackling fireplace, and a menu of lusty foods. Season well with red wine. Simmer slowly until hot. Pour onto fresh sheets, and do not disturb until morning. Serves two.
Best Chili
Rich, robust, and subtly spicy, Whitey’s thick, savory Midwestern-style chili is a direct-flight ticket to Chili-Head Heaven. It’s served by the cup or bowl, with a tall head of chopped onion, shredded Monterey jack cheese, and sour cream, or “naked,” save for a little stack of oyster crackers on the side. It also shows up…
Best Taste of the Times
Culinary curmudgeons — including those whiny gasbags who write in nationally circulated lifestyle magazines — have been known to opine that dashing chef-owner Michael Symon and his restaurant, Lola, are just too precious for a blue-collar burg like Cleveland. That’s fine: Let those backward boys continue to masticate their way through towering heaps of cabbage…
Best Government Building Not Open to the Public
The background check is a beast, but a job with the Cleveland FBI sure would be sweet, now that the G-men and women have moved into their new digs on Lakeside Avenue. To prevent another Oklahoma City, the $45 million building is set back 100 feet from the street and surrounded by iron gates and…
Best Late-Night Hangout
After everywhere else closes down, there’s always the Vienna Restaurant (open 24 hours a day) for a home-away-from-home spot, where someone’s always in the kitchen whipping up another batch of comfort food (eggs, toast, mashed potatoes, chicken, fish, rice pudding, gyros). Its cozy booths are occupied by workers off late shifts, bikers, young couples, drunks…
Best Periodicals
“I’ve got a magazine for everybody,” boasts Bank News owner Gill Cafarelli. One look at the sprawling collection of glossies in his store, built into the old Broadview Savings Bank, and it’s clear he’s probably got a few magazines for everybody. Sure, there’s Vogue and Maxim, but also more obscure titles such as Fat Girl,…
Best Place to Buy CDs
From Merzbow to Meat Loaf, My Generation has you covered. Though the store’s hip-hop section is only average, My Generation is stellar in every other area, with an impressive array of hard-to-find underground discs for most every genre, in addition to all the current hits. There’s an extensive selection of rare and import releases (we’ve…
Best Reason to Like the Browns
Oh, let us be thankful for all the reasons that Phil is a Brown. Because, at six feet tall and less than 200 pounds, Phil reminds us that normal human beings do not come with 46-inch thighs. Because he is damn good at his job: Last year, he converted 22 of 25 field goals and…
