Explaining Uncle Tom’s demise
While you’ve gotta hand it to Ken Blackwell for sticking to his guns of staunch conservatism mixed with Christian activism, it also may explain his sagging poll numbers. Independants and conservative Democrats (many of whom voted for Bush) don’t like Blackwell, and many feel the religious right has too much influence over the Republican Party.…
More Boehner Bloopers
House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) is now offering a strange defense for his party’s inaction in Foleygate: Blame the Democrats for not catching us sooner. Earlier today, Boehner practically tripped over himself to throw House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Not For Long) under the bus in a radio interview. But in a quick return to…
Would you trust this guy?
Unable to trust the election system he oversees, Secretary of State Uncle Tom Blackwell is now urging people to vote absentee. Okay, so it may be his job to provide functioning voting machines. But since he failed so miserably in last spring’s Great Voting Machine Meltdown, the Tomster is hoping you’ll forget all that and…
Boehner bones it
If you’ve used the Internet for something other than cybersex in the past few days, you’ve no doubt heard about the email dalliance Republican Representative Mark Foley (R-Sodom) had with a boy page. In turgid prose worthy of “To Catch a Predator,” the distinguished pervert from Florida inquired about the boy’s penis size and compared…
Bogus reporters
Over the past few months, various bands have told us they’ve been contacted by shadowy figures who claim to be Scene writers, then ask various “weird questions.” While a few of these reporters were no doubt legit — “legit” being a very relative term when it comes to our staff — most of them appear…
Manic Monday
The daughter of TV investigator Carl Monday has been charged with DUI and assault. The 30-year-old Michigan resident got arrested by Westlake police over the weekend after crashing into two cars at Crocker Park. Perhaps she was despondent over this Comedy Central clip that makes a mockery out of her dad. Dude, the Library Masturbator…
Music to Die To
A week after C-Notes posted a list of good mourning songs, BBC News reported the results of a survey carried out by the Bereavement Register. The results? 1) Half of all Brits know what song they want to hear at their funeral, and 2) most of them have awful taste. (See also: the Spice Girls,…
Cavs Get Ripped
Yesterday was Cavaliers Media Day at The Q, a day for reporters to do all the menial preseason reporting for all their menial preseason stories. For a day devoted to interviews, shockingly little was revealed. Even Damon Jones, king of the quote, said almost nothing of consequence and didn’t even tell any good jokes. If…
In the Zone at the Parkview
As Madelyn Zone ran herself ragged behind the bar at the Parkview Friday night, her brother Matt acted like the politician that he is: The Cleveland city councilman shook hands, ate clams, and chatted up any barfly who’d listen. The Zones joined oldest sibling Beth and Matt’s wife, Michelle, for their annual “Have a Drink…
Waste a lot, want a lot
A story in today’s Akron Beacon Journal chronicles yet another example of Ohio government working for you. Or at least working to torch your money. According to the Beacon, the Ohio Supreme Court spends $1.1 million a year providing “public information,” presumably to the public. But its 11 fulltime employees don’t do much to earn…
More Controversy at Case
According to The Plain Dealer, Case Western Reserve’s alumni are curtailing their donations over dissatisfaction with the college’s use of the brand name “Case” and a logo many claim looks like . . . a fat guy carrying a surfboard? Apparently there are some very potent hash brownies circulating on campus. These were some other…
Panther woman
Yes, there was a time when people were motivated to do stuff like “take action,” “fight the system” and “change the world” — things only printed on T-shirts nowadays. Don’t believe us? Then go see Elaine Brown speak at The University of Akron at 9 a.m. on Saturday, October 7. Brown is the former chairwoman…
Two Dudes go pro
We don’t suspect the concert-booking behemoth better known as Belkin will get much competition yet from Peter Cimoroni and Tom Porter. But the owners of Two Dudes Productions beg to disagree. At a September 28 kickoff party at XO downtown, Cimoroni and Porter told the la-de-da throng of invited VIPs (yeah, that includes us) that…
Strickland’s henchman
As Ted Strickland campaigns with the promise of being The Antidote to Republican corruption, one has to wonder about the Democratic gubernatorial candidate’s own greased palms. After all, his inner circle includes Brian Hicks, former chief of staff to Governor Bob Taft — and a man who doesn’t shy away from accepting gifts in exchange…
Eszterhas Burns More Bridges
Bring the kids down to Joe’s talk at Joseph-Beth. It’s official: Joe Eszterhas has now spent more time bitching about his time in Hollywood than he actually spent working there. The latest book by the onetime Plain Dealer reporter/Showgirls auteur — The Devil’s Guide to Hollywood: The Screenwriter As God! — pretty much guarantees that…
Sunday Sparring with Mike and Sherrod
If you spent Sunday morning at church — or, more likely, worshiping at the altar of NFL Sunday Countdown — you missed a decently interesting debate between Senator Mike DeWine and Representative Sherrod Brown. You can watch it here. — Joe P. Tone
You Jackin’ It?
We’ve written a lot about local investigative reporter Carl Monday’s unintentional comic genius — particularly his ruthless takedown of the Library Masturbator and his squabble with the Masturbator’s dad. So this week, when I clicked on Carl’s blog in search of more comedic inspiration, the tears of joy flowed like Mickey’s when I read this:…
The Party of Perverts
Though Republican leaders like to bag on fags, it might be wise to never trust people so obsessed with the sexual activity of another man. Introducing Florida congressman Mark Foley. He actually founded the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus. That’s like hiring John Mark Karr to babysit. But he had to resign after he…
Tailgating at the mall
Tailgate parties at football-stadium parking lots are so 2003. Real sports fans know that the best tailgate parties happen outside of the mall on game day. Sunday’s tailgate party in front of the new Dick’s Sporting Goods at Westfield Southpark features such gridiron staples as giant inflatables, jugglers, and stilt-walkers. It happens from 9 a.m.…
Judaism: The best religion ever
Polite society dictates that we must respect all religions. But that’s stupid, isn’t it? After all, Judaism is way better than your religion. To prove it — and in honor of the Jewish High Holy Days (Monday is Yom Kippur) — we offer these Ten Reasons Why You Should Really Wish You Were a Jew:…
Chocolate Wars
When news hit the international drag community that the Hershey Chocolate company was considering legal action against Toledo drag queen Hershae Chocolatae for trademark infringement (“Bitter Chocolate,” September 13, 2006), they mobilized quickly, calling for a boycott of all Hershey products. We wanted to show that the drag community is “one to be reckoned with,”…
“Dateline” predator gets 17 months
After Iraq-war vet Mike Barnett was arrested for robbing pedophiles [“To Rob A Predator,” September 20, 2006], the public debated whether victimizing perverts merited a veteran’s arrest. Half said yes, the other half said no. After all, Barnett’s scheme was patterned after the popular Dateline segment “To Catch A Predator,” where reporters pose online as…
Gallucci’s verdict
Scene calendar editor Mike Gallucci, more commonly known as the Great Music Critic in the History of the World�, launches his first installment of What I Listened to Last Night, a chance for readers to hear the voice of God — or perhaps a lesser saint — on all matters music: Chingy — Hoodstar: With…
Roots plays free show
Live-band hip-hop phenom the Roots will play a free show Saturday, September 30 at Mirage on the Water (2510 Elm St., on the West Bank of the Flats, 216-348-1135). Doors open at 10 p.m. For tickets, RSVP to TONYSLIST@TANQUERAYSTYLESESSIONS.COM by Thursday, September 28. Include first and last name. Offer valid to party people 21 and…
Prejudice against prog rock
Phil Freeman’s piece on why progressive rock acts are denied entry into the Rock Hall of Fame illuminates the obvious, but he doesn’t offer any explanations or solutions. Bands like Genesis, Yes, ELP, King Crimson, Roxy Music and Soft Machine lost a lot of credibility in the mid-to-late ’70s because their challenging music strayed too…
Salsa in the City
Though Ohio City may have celebrated when Moda, West 25th Street’s hottest club, shut down this summer, the rest of us were suffering. Okay, so the nightly brawls, gunfits, and the owner’s conviction on money laundering charges may have created small problems, but the club also provided the best place in town to learn salsa…
The Cavaliers are coming
Yes, the NBA Finals ended not long ago, but since basketball season is, like, 11 months long, the new year is just around the corner. The Cavs will host Media Day on Monday, a chance for all the players to talk about “how they’re ready to start working and come together as a team to…
Mushroomhead director’s cut
A director’s cut of the video for Mushroomhead’s eerie new single “Simple Survival” is available at iklipz.com. Chad Calek, an up and coming director who’s shot well-received clips for Bleeding Through and Index Case, directed. Between performance footage, some shaky conceptual footage follows a young couple through what appears to be a drunken attempt to…
PD-Police beef
It appears that Plain Dealer reporter Mark Puente is running into trouble with Lorain Police, though the union says it ain’t true. This from today’s Lorain Morning Journal: President of FOP disputes harassment allegations By JENNIFER BRACKEN, Morning Journal Writer LORAIN — Lorain Faternal Order of Police Lodge 3 President Buddy Sivert is disputing allegations…
GOP stiffs Cleveland
The GOP has chosen the site for its convention, and it ain’t us. Minneapolis-St. Paul will host the 2008 Republican shindig, according to CNN. Of course, everybody except Sam Fulwood knew this was a foregone conclusion. After all, Cleveland makes not the perfect poster child for demonstrating to the nation just how well Republican policies…
Mushroomhead No. 73 on Billboard
Mushroomhead sold a lot of albums in its first week, Savior Sorrow. We can’t tell you exactly how many, though. Depending on who you’re talking to, the Cleveland band’s solid new LP sold either 12,000 copies or 26,000 — something like that. Trade journal Hits Daily Double and estimates by Megaforce (a long-running metalworks that’s…
The Curse of Greg Brinda
I got up at the crack of 8:30 this morning and headed to the gym. On the way there, I caught the last few minutes of the Mike and Mike show on ESPN radio, which is carried on WKNR (6 a.m. to 9 a.m.). Greenburg, Golic and guest Cal Ripken Jr. were breaking down the…
TV: Showcasing Cleveland
Attention, TV fans. For those of you too lazy to read our exemplary Night & Day section for the week’s best arts-and-entertainment picks, check out Metro Cleveland every Wednesday at 9 p.m. on Time Warner channel 20. It promises to showcase our city’s “entertainment, dining, upcoming events, venues, and lifestyle options.” The half-hour program premieres…
Couples Therapy
Spinning acid jazz and deep house every night almost cost DJ Orion his girlfriend 10 years ago. He fended off the break-up by teaching her how to work the turntables. “She said, ‘I feel like the other woman in our relationship,'” recalls Orion (aka Rob Patterson). “Now I can’t get her off the tables.” DJ…
Husband and Strife
Comedian Brad Trackman recently got married. Not so coincidentally, he updated his act with plenty of new material. “I had no idea what PMS was,” he says. “I was like, ‘Hey baby, is it painful?’ And she says, ‘Only for you.'” Trackman says his wife spends a lot of time these days apologizing to friends…
Best Band Gimmick
To credit Gil Mantera’s Party Dream with a great stage show would not do it justice. Brothers Ultimate Donny and Gil Mantera have created an entire alternate universe to inhabit. The darling duo in colorful garb bangs out chunky electro-clash and art-damaged R&B while prancing about like a cross between Boy George and Garth from…
Best Theater Choreography
Theater choreographers almost never get top billing, but often it’s their work that truly gets a show off the ground. Certainly that’s been the case with Martin Cespedes, a choreographer affiliated with Beck Center in Lakewood. He’s done great work adapting some of Broadway’s biggest, most physically demanding musicals to a stage of relatively modest…
Best Orchestra
Eschewing the usual orchestra fare, Red’s witty, smart programs stick to music written by avant-garde and experimental composers from the 20th century. In the four seasons it’s been around, Red once paid tribute to sci-fi’s favorite musical instrument, the theremin. And it staged a three-part production titled “3, 2, 1 . . . Piano,” in…
Best Rooftop Drinking
When you’re blessed with just 10 days of tolerable weather a year, you can’t waste warm evenings hunkered indoors. Atop this three-tiered dance club sits an expansive deck, anchored by an umbrella-shaded bar in the center. Kick back while the DJ — situated in his very own hut — spins thumping Top 40. Bamboo sticks,…
Best Bar to Warm Up In
At this quaint bar in the heart of Tremont, everything from the tables to the floors seems carved from the same piece of maple. Choose one of the 12 drafts — including Woodchuck, Sierra Nevada, and of course Guinness — and then curl up in the cozy back room, where the fireplace will be roaring.…
Best All-Day Breakfast
By the time we haul our lazy butt out of bed, most restaurants have put the eggs and bacon away till tomorrow. Luckily, there’s the Diner on Clifton. And what a breakfast: Fluffy omelets overflow with sausage, ham, and cheese. The portions are generous, flavors wholesome, and prices modest. The diner’s relaxed, hip vibe is…
Best Restaurant for People-Watching
The beauty of the salmon rolls at Sushi Rock is surpassed only by that of the patrons who dine there. Stylishly coiffed men in Ralph Lauren polos savor martinis while typing on their Blackberries. In the lounge area, women gather on suede couches, legs crossed, toes and fingernails painted. Thursday nights is when the best…
Best Soul Food
Don’t let the Chinatown location fool you: Southern-style soul food is the order of the day at this unpretentious little eatery inside the Golden Plaza. Homemade goodness abounds in everything from the giant Polish Boys to the crisp fried chicken and freshly breaded perch. Of course, Mom’s best work may be in the soulful sides…
Best Place to Get Your Veggies
Eating vegetarian doesn’t have to be a bland succession of tempeh burgers and salads. At Udupi — located, as all good ethnic food should be, in a strip mall –the menu reads like a novel. Popular favorites include dosais, enormous rice crpes filled with potatoes and onions, and the lesser-known uthappam — thin pancakes made…
Best World Tourin 10 Blocks or Less
Mexico, Lebanon, Italy, Germany, Cambodia — the names read like a World Cup semifinals bracket, and you’ll find them all on a half-mile stretch of Lorain Avenue, where some of the city’s most adventurous kitchens work elbow-to-elbow. Beginning with the authentic Mexican cuisine of Luchita’s at West 117th and meandering westward, this culinary crawl unfolds…
Best Outspoken Politician
After 25 years on the Cleveland City Council, there are very few things Mike Polensek is afraid to say. Reporters love him because he provides quotes that are both hilarious and blunt, on everything from the Cavs to former Mayor Mike White’s criminal associates. Recently, he compared city inspectors to blind people. “Stevie Wonder could…
Best Place to Walk and Shop
This tree-lined patch of shops and restaurants captures the quaint feel of a 1950s town square. Children enjoy ice-cream cones from Cold Stone Creamery while their parents listen to live music in the middle of the grassy quad. Specialty stores include Abigail & Annie’s, which sells housewares and knickknacks, and the Land of Make Believe,…
Best Haunted Hill
This unlit, winding street used to cut through several townships, but fell into disrepair and was eventually closed off with road blocks. Dubbed “The End of the World,” after several fatal car crashes, this dead end is said to be haunted by a hearse-driving ghost, who rides your tail only to disappear just before you…
Best Organic Housewares
If you think “living green” means sleeping on a pile of straw inside a yurt, take a peek at Ecokiss, a tiny gift-and-decor shop that proves “fashionable” and “earth-friendly” aren’t mutually exclusive. The eclectic collection of organic, recycled, and environmentally sensitive products includes artful jewelry composed of vintage pottery fragments, plates and serving pieces crafted…
Best Place for Indie and Electronica
Tucked away on the border of Cleveland and Lakewood, the Bent Crayon has a location almost as obscure as its selection of albums. Owned by John Cellura — nicknamed “Smart John” for his discriminating musical tastes — the store is a tribute to indie rock and electronica. Whether it’s that 1995 Palace Brothers record you’ve…
Best Cav Not Named LeBron
After he spent three of his first four seasons injured, Cavs fans wondered whether Z would ever live up to his incredibly cool name. But since getting healthy in 2002, Ilgauskas has been a steady offensive force, drilling midrange jumpers with guardlike consistency and averaging more than 15 points and close to eight boards a…
Best Announcer
Michael Reghi had the perfect voice: a deep, raspy call that just felt manly. And he knew exactly when to turn up the volume — say, when LeBron tiptoed along the baseline for a playoff game-winner. He also had an amazing knack for prodding partner Scott Williams into offering up interesting info. And he had…
Best Place to Train for the UFC
So you wanna be a fighter? If you want to learn how to strike like Chuck Lidell or choke people out like Royce Gracie, sign up at Hillcrest Academy, one of the oldest and most renowned dojos in Greater Cleveland. Master James Meola, a seventh-degree black belt, designed his own mixed martial arts style, which…
No Surrender
It’s before noon on Friday in Portland, Oregon, the morning after the first stop on Subtle’s 37-date international tour. Before November ends, the Oakland sextet will have traveled from Montreal to Austin and from Leeds to Antwerp, supporting its second full-length album, For Hero: For Fool, which comes out the day of the group’s Cleveland…
Nicholas Megalis
Picture a PG-13-rated Dresden Dolls: Both members of Cleveland cabaret-rock duo Nicholas Megalis claim to be 17, but we don’t know any adolescents who can sing so convincingly about cigarettes and wine. Chelsea Simmons keeps the beat while Nicholas Megalis sings, plays guitar, and emotes behind a Wurlitzer keyboard. The group’s newly revamped, vaudeville-style stage…
Capsule reviews of current area theater presentations.
Porgy and Bess — If you’re looking for only one take on the African American zeitgeist in the Depression-era South, it’s hard to beat this American icon written by two nice, white Jewish brothers from Brooklyn. The immensely powerful folk opera, crafted by George and Ira Gershwin, requires singers that can match the demands of…
Art From the Garden
There aren’t too many professional gourd carvers in Ohio. That’s one of the reasons Olmsted Township artist Susan Begin spends as much time enlightening folks as she does making veggie sculptures. “There’s not a lot of us in this part of the country,” she says. “Out west it’s more prevalent, because Native Americans have been…
Simply the Best
Think of New Frontiers: American Art Since 1945 as the greatest-hits collection of the Allen Memorial Art Museum. The exhibit features dozens of modern and contemporary pieces by such artists as Willem de Kooning and Andy Warhol. Look for paintings, drawings, and sculptures from postwar movements that include pop, minimalism, and abstract expressionism. And don’t…
Best Sonic Youths
If you’re looking for reassurance about the state of tomorrow’s local music scene, you don’t have to look any further than today’s: Half the area’s best new musical talents are teenagers. Our favorites, the members of Cleveland’s To Live Is to Die, look like harmless, gangly teens . . . until they plug in, turn…
Best Intermission Concessions
Time is of the essence when you’re at the theater. You’ve only got 10 or 15 minutes between acts to grab a snack and shotgun a drink. Thus quality and variety of menu aren’t nearly as important as speed of service. Which is why, though other venues have higher-class fare, we prefer the State Theatre…
Best Local Composer
The list of Cleveland composers is long and distinguished. Unfortunately, few on that list get much attention outside scholarly circles. Still, a few are making quite a name for themselves on the national scene. One must pay honor to Margaret Brouwer, head of the composition department at the Cleveland Institute of Music. In addition to…
Best Happy Hour
From 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday, this small, simple bar at the west end of Lakewood offers 25-cent wings and dollar Bud drafts. You can also order up Cronies’ luscious mussels, which run for five cents a pop. Seriously. With Golden Tee, TVs locked on ESPN, pool, darts, comfortable booths, and swift,…
Best Island Bar
Kick back in the plush lawn chairs on the patio and watch the boats glide by against the Lake Erie sunset. You can even bring your suds with you to play a game of sand volleyball or toss a Frisbee around one of the island’s wide-open fields. It’s like a little Eden tucked between freeways…
Best Sunday Brunch
It takes something pretty special to get us out of bed on a Sunday morning, but the fabulous seafood buffet at Pier W is worth setting the alarm clock for. The buffet tables boast dishes like steamy bouillabaisse, icy West Coast oysters on the half shell, and whole smoked salmon. You’re also likely to find…
Best Bet for Upscale Shoppers
Half café, half boutique, and all urbane, stylish little Isola Bella offers choice accessories, designer chocolates, and a small menu of rustically elegant noshes within a lovely, villa-like setting. Simple pastries, grilled panini, and well-appointed salads make fine light fare, but our favorites are the tiny sandwiches, including herbed grilled chicken or sheer prosciutto, each…
Best Mac and Cheese
Mac and cheese isn’t even on the menu. But if you know to ask, and if they’re not too busy, they’re more than happy to make it for you. In fact, it’s a favorite among Italian families in the area, especially during Lent. You’ll be served a giant mound of elbow macaroni with a secret…
Best Flavor for Health Nuts
At Pure, staffers turn the simplest of foods into irresistible delights. It’s the wildly imaginative combinations that win the day: salads enlivened with fresh lemon, thyme, and chives, or juice blends like watermelon and mint. And don’t get us started on the couscous, made fresh daily with dates, raisins, shallots, lemon zest, cinnamon, almonds, and…
Best Town Square
While it’s invariably described by nonresidents as “quaint,” Medina’s Square has actually evolved into a pretty hip place. At the heart of the square is the town’s famous gazebo, a favorite spot for weddings during spring and summer. The surrounding period buildings house an eclectic array of shops, where you can find everything from military…
Best Place to Shmooze Akron Politicos
Need to gripe to Akron mayor Don Plusquellic about your trash pickup? Itching to tell Summit County Executive James McCarthy how you feel about the County’s smoking ban? Just head down to Bricco, where on any given day you can rub elbows with the area’s political players. Since the restaurant opened in 2003, Bricco has…
Best Place to Bump into a Cavs Player
Forward Drew Gooden can sometimes be seen here, capping his night with a late-night pizza. Just don’t hassle him for autographs. The man’s hungry.
Best Chess
In front of the bookstore is a giant chessboard painted on the sidewalk, with plastic pieces that stand three feet tall. Funny how you take it a little more personally when one of your pawns gets killed, since it’s the size of a small child. And running all the way across the board with a…
Best Budget Flowers
Every year homeowners spend a small fortune on brightly colored flowers, only to see them wilt away in the fall. Since we can’t seem to give up on planting annuals, our only option is to find them at a good price. Buyers Outlet is a closeout store that sells everything from greeting cards to duct…
Best Vintage Audio Store
Nothing beats the warm, soulful sound of vintage audio equipment, and no man knows that better than George Morris. That’s why he’s dedicated his life to building and refurbishing everything from 1960s tube-amp radios to 1930s speakers. His skill with antique radios has earned him a loyal mail-order base that stretches all the way to…
Best Sports Owner
Last November, NBA Commissioner David Stern declared that Dan Gilbert is the kind of owner who will lose sleep over both his team’s record and the fans’ experience. Not so far. Gilbert has made a pair of winning hires in GM Danny Ferry and head coach Mike Brown. Fans and staff alike wear Anderson Varejao…
Best Sportswriter
This Akron Beacon Journal sportswriter is one of the most prolific reporters on any beat. In the past five years, he’s penned eight books. His latest, Dealing: The Cleveland Indians’ New Ballgame: Inside the Front Office and the Process of Rebuilding a Contender, is a typically well-researched volume about Tribe General Manager Mark Shapiro’s controversial…
Best Driving Range
The Range distinguishes itself by offering the best combination of comfort and convenience. The small pro shop stocks buckets ranging from small (40 balls) to blister-inducing (185). Covered, heated stalls allow addicts to get their fix through the winter. An expansive grass-tee section fits plenty of hackers during the summer. And if you’re really feeling…
Pop Quiz
Xtina, Paris, Jessica and Beyoncé have all just released records. Are you up to speed on your pop pablum? 1) A “Freakum Dress” is: a) A song on Beyoncé’s new album b) Something Bill Clinton would rather just forget about c) The title of the new Devendra Banhart record d) The name of next week’s…
Geisha Girls
If you still have a few hairs left that haven’t been pulled out in irritation at the mention of yet another Cure/JoyDivision/Wire-groping combo, that comb-over will be flapping when you dig into these Killers-in-training. Yes, they’ve got those ’80s machinations we’ve been smacked upside the head with of late. But these sneering snots waste no…
Capsule reviews of current area art exhibitions.
NEW Degrees of Frank — Twelve artists pool their talents in sculpture and video installation to honor Frank Green, a Cleveland performance artist, art critic, and all-around creative personality suffering from HIV and long-term memory loss. Unfortunately, noble intentions don’t always add up to quality. One goal is to diminish the effects of memory loss…
Brooklyn Dodger
Brooklyn’s Baby Dayliner is the brainchild of Ethan Marunas, a brooding crooner whose electro-pop backdrops contradict his morose manner. On his second album, Critics Pass Away, Marunas sounds like Morrissey fronting a dance-happy Magnetic Fields (with a little Frank Sinatra and New Order tossed in for good measure). The intriguing mix has garnered him a…
A Heartbreaking Work
Jerrold Scott considered tweaking Heartbreak House — the play he’s directing at the Cleveland Play House — to reflect modern times. Then he realized that he didn’t need to. “It’s disturbingly reminiscent of what’s going on in America right now,” he says. George Bernard Shaw’s World War I-era comedy — staged by Case Western Reserve…
Best Outdoor Venue
Even after four decades, Blossom is still the best place to catch a concert under the stars. Just a short drive from Cleveland, it still feels like the middle of nowhere — and so much the better. It’s the perfect atmosphere for those looking to lose themselves in the performance. The design of the pavilion…
Best Hollywood Actor From Cleveland
Though born in Chicago, Howard was raised in Cleveland. And considering his recent run on the big screen, we’d be wise to claim him now. Howard got his start in 1995’s Mr. Holland’s Opus, but really earned notice in Crash, winner of last year’s Oscar for Best Picture, in which he played a black TV…
Best Art Gallery With Beer and Toys
Beyond Bela Dubby’s black linoleum floor and mismatched laminate tables lies a clever attempt to make art available for everyone: At the café’s semi-monthly exhibit openings, local artists’ works — everything from fantastically vibrant prints to expertly composed portraits — enliven Bela Dubby’s stark white walls. A toy-train table takes center stage. Artist receptions, long…
Best Meat Market on West Sixth Street
By 1 a.m., it seems as if the entire Warehouse District is inside Bar Flyy. Once you work your way past the inevitable line, the Flyy offers two levels of loud, crowded, sweaty fun. The upstairs boasts two bars and a dance floor, but the real party is downstairs. Dark enough to make everyone look…
Best View of the Field
Imagine watching Grady Sizemore shag flies on a screen the size of New Hampshire. At Malloy’s — a former movie theater that was converted into a sports bar boasting Ohio’s largest screen — you can. Malloy’s is the place TV reporters go for live shots of the crowd’s reaction during The Big Game. With a…
Best Power Lunch
Got a deal to finesse or a client to impress? Do it over lunch at Vivo, one stunner of an Italian restaurant located inside downtown’s historic Old Arcade. From the worn brick walls to the white-cloth-draped tables, the setting serves as a classy antidote to sterile conference rooms and cluttered offices. And you can rest…
Best Cheap Date
While the $10 martinis may set you back, the elegant noshes are dirt cheap. During weekday happy hours, a mere $4 will snag you a trio of Prime beef mini-cheeseburgers or a quartet of filet mignon sandwiches. And plump, chilly oysters on the half-shell go for just $1.50 a pop. Clubby decor, comfy seating, and…
Best Fondue
Tucked into a back corner of the West Side Market, this tiny booth overflows with a trove of Cambodian treasure. Pad thai (served with either chicken or shrimp), buckwheat noodles, and egg rolls are served cheerfully by the smiling young proprietor, Sopheap Heng. She’s always happy to see you. In fact, she often seems pleasantly…
Best Smoothies
Whoever said smoothies are for sissies, well, they’re right. But you won’t care once you take a euphoric pull from one of these suckers. There aren’t many things that taste as good as they are nutritious. Take the “Elvis Chill”: peanut butter, banana, honey, nonfat frozen yogurt, and skim milk. If you’ve never had peanut…
Best Lofts
Lofts are cool and arty, but most are way overpriced. $400,000 for a little concrete box with no yard? In Cleveland? C’mon. But the developers of the Mueller Lofts know this town. They’ve turned a former factory into 45 loft condos with high ceilings and massive windows. They’ve got the amenities that new homebuyers look…
Best Crusader
She may be the songbird of the matron class, but when Regina Brett wants to light a fire under someone, she can make things pretty hot. Officials at the Cleveland school district have been scurrying for flame-retardant suits since The Plain Dealer columnist took aim at their bumbling administration. While they fabricated numbers and ignored…
Best First-Date Spot
Beautiful, playful, and a little mysterious, Lolita is the ideal place to take a first date. The menu is built around a trendy but reasonably priced collection of Greek-influenced “small plates” and entrées. Best of all is the vibe, which is as energetic as a party at your rich uncle’s penthouse. This destination has both…
Best Museum
This museum has something most others lack: balls. Month after month, it takes chances, turning exhibitions into extreme sport. One recent show included everything from ghostlike Japanese cartoon figures to an artist who programmed a SimCity videogame to reenact her autobiography. Crazy!
Best X-Rated Greeting Cards
After buying the Clifton Web last year, Mike Schneider’s first move was to deep-six the dusty, dingy dildos in the back of the novelty shop and expand his gay- and straight-porn greeting-card collection. It must be working. Schneider reports that card sales account for 40 percent of his business. Here’s a taste of what’s on…
Best Hardware Store
Thanks to its old-world charm and impeccable service, West Hill Hardware continues to fulfill its 1930 mission statement: “To instantly find last-minute, desperate solutions to impossible problems created by others.” The store is run by the original owner’s grandson, Richard Tschantz, who keeps his parking lot stocked with a sea of claw-foot bathtubs that sell…
Best Sports Exec
With the Indians’ season lost to a circus of bad pitching and even worse fielding, this won’t be a popular pick. But the smart money says that Mark Shapiro is still the best sports exec in town. His roster remains stocked with names like Sizemore, Hafner, and Sabathia. It’s the kind of top-flight young talent…
Best Sports Talker
Time was when Roda was the crassest DJ this side of Howard Stern. The afternoon Happy Hour was too shot up with testosterone even to qualify as a guilty pleasure. But then Roda was given a voice in the Bowl Championship Series. Almost from the day he humbly announced on-air that he had been selected…
Best Public Golf Course
That Titanic-sized driver you dropped half a paycheck on will serve you well at Stone Water, a track Golf Digest ranked among the country’s best public-access courses. Though the layout features plenty of trouble — bunkers, heavy brush, marshy ponds, and rocky creek beds — the fairways are plenty wide. Which is good, because Stone…
Amsterdam or Bust
The members of Cleveland four-piece Boatzz are as persistent as the hooks that gild their anxious art-pop. Among other things, the band endured having its van stolen in 2004, while it was playing in New York City. “We were considering just staying in New York. Mike’s like, ‘We could hustle or get modeling jobs,'” says…
¡Forward, Russia!
The quirky Leeds quartet ¡Forward, Russia! pursues a spasmodic approach reminiscent of Art Brut, We Are Scientists, Bloc Party, and the Futureheads. Scouring through Prodigy’s ’90s post-punk concoctions, siblings Katie Nicholls (drums) and Whiskas (guitar), alongside formerly Black Helicopters castaways Tom Woodhead (vocals and synths) and Rob Canning (bass), shimmer and shake artfully. Jittery vocal…
Camel Light
The Big Animal (Milestone) It’s a simple yet lesser known law of comedy: Camels are always funny. There are the jaws that drool and chew side to side, the front legs that move like a human’s, the humps — but mostly it’s the eyes: There’s something of Buddha in a camel’s eyes. The Big Animal…
Sing Out Strong
Sweet Honey in the Rock has been singing about civil rights for more than 30 years. The female septet’s concert tonight is no different. “We’re about standing up and exercising your right as an American citizen to raise your voice, speak out, and call out things you feel are both right and wrong,” says co-founder…
Feels Like the First Time
Fans have only to scan the contents of Foreigner’s latest CD, Live in ’05 , to get an idea of what tonight’s House of Blues set list is going to look like. It’s stuffed with 30 years of hits: “Waiting for a Girl Like You,” “Urgent,” “I Want to Know What Love Is” . .…
Best Prescient Music Coverage
Cleveland’s Alternative Press isn’t as old as Rolling Stone, as big as Spin, or as well connected as Blender, but it’s become the tip sheet of choice for all three. AP introduced the Big Three to such acts as My Chemical Romance, AFI, and Fall Out Boy. And when it came to Fall Out Boy,…
Best Place to Watch a Summer Hit
Drive-ins make any movie at least 20 percent better, and Memphis is a good drive-in. It’s well organized. It has three screens. And unlike most drive-ins, you won’t get lost in a sea of parked cars. The owner himself will direct you to one of three lanes, each separated by split-rail fences, which in turn…
Best New Body of Work
Peggy Kwong-Gordon’s exhibit of new drawings and other works this winter-spring at the Museum of Contemporary Art Cleveland was an overwhelmingly honest and cohesive exploration of personal identity. Instead of mere paper, Kwong-Gordon used such materials as manila fiber, vellum, pressed wool, and Kozo paper to suggest the multilayered complexity of the Chinese American soul.…
Best Warehouse District Find
If the District’s high-priced hot spots serve as refuges for downtown’s white collars, Karl’s Inn of the Barristers — so named for its proximity to the Justice Center — is a respite for blue-collar types: the cops, secretaries, and paralegals who keep the world safe for their Blackberry-toting colleagues.
Best Unsung Music Club
Located a block away from Lincoln Park in Tremont, the Church has neither a big stage nor a nice sound system. In fact, it isn’t a rock club so much as a performance space, playing host to art shows as well as some of the best experimental-noise rock. From the downstairs reading room stocked with…
Best Bet for Lunch at Your Desk
We don’t get out much anymore since we discovered lunchtime delivery from downtown’s Tomaydó-Tomahhdó. Why leave the cube farm when this smart little eatery is standing by with a giant menu of homemade soups, wholesome salads, plump sandwiches, and creamy fruit smoothies? The best part is the efficient delivery system that gets them right to…
Best “Eats Street”
West 25th Street, between Lorain and Jay The menus of these small, independently owned eateries clustered within a few short blocks read like a United Nations of noshing. The options include Greek (Opa!), Puerto Rican (Lelolai Bakery and Cafe, Lozada’s), Irish (the Old Angle), Middle Eastern (Kan Zaman, Nate’s Deli), Cambodian (Phnom Penh), and American…
Best Comfort Food
Forget the menu of southern-style fare; they’re really serving love at this funky little roadhouse — love in all its batter-dipped, deep-fried glory. Whether it’s gumbo, chicken, or a fried Twinkie, everything here is seasoned with warmth and good cheer. This must be what they mean by southern comfort.
Best Jamba Juice Substitute
For California transplants, one of the hardest adjustments to the Midwest is the lack of Jamba Juice, the prolific smoothie chain. For the next best thing, check out Robeks, which recently opened its first Cleveland store. Like Jamba Juice, Robeks offers a huge menu of protein-packed blends like Raspberry Romance, Strawnana Berry, and Mahalo Mango,…
Best Luxury Living
Why settle for a room with one view? These newly constructed condominiums along the West Bank of the Flats offer a whole panorama. The corner units are shaped like a slice of pie, with the mighty Cuyahoga River as its crust. The bathrooms feature black granite floors and a spalike walk-in shower. The kitchens offer…
Best Defense Against Predatory Lenders
Thanks to rampant predatory lending and the politicians who sanction it, Cleveland now boasts the dubious distinction of having the second-highest foreclosure rate in the nation. While the Statehouse has largely turned a blind eye to the epidemic, the East Side Organizing Project has risen to fill the void. With just two employees, ESOP has…
Best Place to Be a Male Dog-Owner
This park, less than half a mile from the Detroit Avenue entrance to the Metroparks, has everything your dog could ask for. There’s ample space to run, single women, other dogs to sniff, and single women. It’s a win-win! And if you don’t own a dog, try pretending that yours ran away. You’ll be beating…
Best Place to Watch Planes Land
Sit outside, hoist a brew by the fire pit, and look up. As planes land at Cleveland-Hopkins Airport, they come within strafing distance of the restaurant roof.
Best Tattoo
When art is permanent, you want to be sure the artist knows what he’s doing. 252 not only does the work, it knows the score. Case in point: When a recent customer asked for a giant, colorful dragon on his back, the artist on duty offered some good advice: A rainbow of ink might look…
Best Bike Shop
A bike shop is only as good as its proprietor, and Mitch Paul, owner of Shaker Cycle in Tremont, has chain lube running through his veins. Paul’s been hawking bikes since the invention of the wheel, and he’s happy to tell you about the physics behind aluminum frames, tire thickness, and gear ratios. His shop…
Best Taste of Sports Glory
The Cavaliers’ ascendance from mediocrity to league powerhouse and then heartbreaking defeat against Detroit were all writ in the shot that got them there: not a LeBron slash and dunk, not a Zydrunas baby hook, but Damon Jones, shooting from deep on the bench. With the Cavaliers down by a point and the Wizards poised…
Best Boxer
Though we’re the hometown of one of boxing’s biggest promoters — the uniquely coiffed Don King — Cleveland has yet to produce a major pugilist. Ray Austin wants to change that. After nearly throwing away his career selling drugs, Austin has managed to hone his wild right and develop just enough technique to make a…
Best Place to Play Frisbee Golf
The first four holes hug the Lake Erie shoreline, so it feels like you’re playing on the PGA Tour. The next six are carved out of the woods, so it gets technical and fun — try throwing hooks to get around the trees. After that you’re mostly out on a huge open lawn, navigating around…
Desert Isle Discs
MC-producer Johnny La Rock shares his favorite discs. 1. DJ Shadow, Endtroducing I never knew instrumental music could be so personal. I heard it and was hooked. 2. Hayden, Everything I Long For Takes me back to being a teenager. I don’t think I would’ve survived without it. 3. Stevie Wonder, Songs in the Key…
Solomon Burke
Legendary soul belter Solomon Burke never had Otis’ or Aretha’s crossover success; however, he has been making up for it in recent years. His ’02 Grammy-winning comeback album, Don’t Give Up on Me, found him reinterpreting tunes by Elvis Costello, Brian Wilson, and Tom Waits. Last year’s Make Do With What You Got followed a…
Fourth and Inches
Football is a game of inches. The same goes for the Madden series. Each fall, a new Madden game arrives, with a roster update and an incremental change in the game-play formula. Last year brought a “cone of vision” for the quarterback, which mostly just annoyed the fans. Madden NFL 07 is no exception to…
Return of the Strings
When the Emerson String Quartet performs at Oberlin College tonight, it marks a homecoming of sorts. Violinist Philip Setzer, a Cleveland native, heard a recital at Oberlin in the mid-’70s that prompted him to move to New York City. There, he met Eugene Drucker, and together they co-founded Emerson. “In a way, we got our…
Best Wrestling Promotion
Though Cleveland has unusually solid semipro federations, none does it as well as Absolute Intense Wrestling. Many of its alumni seem bound for the WWE — Raymond Rowe recently made his freelance Smackdown! debut, having his butt handed to him by World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry, and Mark “the Deviant” Hutter is toughing out a…
Best Podcast
Cleveland Celtic Podcast host Wendy Donahue reliably delivers new installments of her program biweekly, giving loyal listeners their dose of Celtic music from trad-leaning folk (North Royalton’s Emerald Isle) to Celtic punk rock (New York City’s Black 47). Between songs, Donahue welcomes such guests as Homeland, an Ohio Celtic rock act, and provides updates on…
Best Local Author
Don’t ask him about his next book, because like most writers, Dan Chaon is convinced it might suck. But if his previous work is any indication, it’ll be big. His Among the Missing, a collection of short stories, was a finalist for the National Book Award in 2001. You Remind Me of Me, Chaon’s morose…
Best Nudie Bar for Regular Guys
The best part of the Crazy Horse is the off hours. Curvy exotic dancers are ready to go when the bar opens daily at 5 p.m., but the bright lights for the big stage show don’t blaze until nearly 8 o’clock, leaving a cast of regulars to spend happy hour nursing two-dollar beers, discussing the…
Best Belgian Beer
Thanks to McNulty’s, expanding your horizons couldn’t be easier. Not only does it provide scores of Belgian and Belgian-style beers in bottles and on tap, but the lengthy menu is a veritable compendium of suds, crammed with details on each brew’s style, history, and vital statistics. Master all that info, and you’re guaranteed a seat…
Best Live Music Club
The Beachland remains the city’s most adventurous concert venue. It isn’t rare to find a hip-hop show in the ballroom (which holds 500 folks), while a guitar-slingin’ singer-songwriter plays a cozy set in the tavern (150 capacity) next door. In fact, a typical week at the Beachland includes modern-rock bands, jazz combos, laptop artists, and…
Best Sandwich Shop
Nestled in a former gas station, this nifty, ’60s-themed sandwich shop offers an expansive menu of soups, salads, and sandwiches. Among the best sellers is the spicy tomato bisque, which boasts a cargo of blue-cheese crumbles. Then there’s the Big Mensch sandwich, which comes loaded with pastrami, Swiss, spicy coleslaw, and chipotle mayo. Presto’s does…
Best Deli
You don’t have to be an actual fresser to appreciate Jack’s big menu of Jewish deli favorites — but a propensity toward gluttony can’t hurt. Go ahead, try the chopped liver, the kippered salmon, and the lox. Nosh on blintzes, borscht, and latkes. Savor the towering New Yorkers, the baseball-sized knishes, the vast oceans of…
Best Italian
Combine one fiercely talented chef (Michael Annandono), one gregarious business partner (Joe Rutigliano), and one of the city’s foremost ma”tre d’s (Marco Rossi), and you get Michaelangelo’s, a delightful contemporary-Italian restaurant that features smart decor, gracious service, and killer fare. Annandono’s seasonal menu is built on luxurious ingredients. Whether it’s the prosciutto-wrapped wild-boar chops, homemade…
Best Farm Run by Nuns
Since 1998, the Sisters of St. Dominic have sold produce from their 130-acre farmstead. For a flat fee of $575 annually, the nuns provide enough fresh produce to feed two strict vegetarians (or a family of four omnivores) for as long as the growing season lasts — usually around 24 weeks. If you can dedicate…
Best Place to Watch Fireworks
Every Fourth of July, Edgewater Park is jam-packed with families trying to see the fireworks. What most people don’t know is that a better view is just a few hundred yards west. Cliff Drive is only a block long, but this cliff along Lake Erie is even higher than the one at Edgewater. You can…
Best Advocate for Local Kids
With his white hair and round belly, Jim Lardie looks like Santa Claus, and he’s been almost as generous to kids. For the past 30 years, he’s run a nonprofit advocacy group called For the Children, which acts as a watchdog for the pathetic morons who pass as city school officials in our town. When…
Best Bet for Dinner and a Movie
We dig dining out, and we’re mad about movies; but more than anything else, we love a good bargain. That’s why the “meal and a movie” package at Boulevard Blue always makes us smile: Every Monday through Thursday, $25 snags us a two-course dinner at this trendy restaurant, bar, and blues venue, along with a…
Best Taste of Nature
You’ll encounter wetlands, ponds, forests, ravines, waterfalls, rocky ledges, and a mighty river. You’re guaranteed to see deer, raccoons, and great blue herons, and if you go often enough, you’ll probably spot coyote, fox, and maybe even a bald eagle.
Best Body-Piercing
Any lughead can put a hole in your body, but Define Tattoos is the place to go for maintenance. The shop’s exceptionally large stock of body jewelry goes beyond the standard selection of starter gauges to offer a full range of barbells and flesh tunnels. And unlike most body-mod establishments, Define lets you bring a…
Best Locksmith
James Kennelly has never lost a fight with a door. “There’s no car that I’ve had to walk away from,” says the former repo man. Kennelly, who describes himself as “freakishly mechanically inclined,” got out of the car-lifting business four years ago and taught himself how to pick locks. His business, which Kennelly runs out…
Best New Slogan
Yes, it arrived with a corporate swoosh, but it also looked very cool written in the windows downtown when the Cavs were making a surprisingly good showing in the playoffs. The six-story LeBron billboard– looming like the eyes of Doctor Eckleburg in The Great Gatsby — is the perfect visual complement. As the mantra of…
Best Indoor Soccer
Buried in a run-down business park in Warrensville Heights, the MultiPlex doesn’t look like much. But inside this sprawling, 30,000-square-foot warehouse is a soccer player’s winter dreamland. Under new management, the MultiPlex recently melted the ice on its only hockey rink, leaving it with three full fields for soccer. The crew spent the summer renovating…
Best Place to Play Ultimate Frisbee
The campus is beautiful and leafy. The fields are flat and immaculate. And league games on Thursday nights are fast and competitive. Don’t bother showing up without cleats or a killer forehand. Pickup games on the weekends are more relaxed, for all you pussies.
No Place Like Gnome
Mr. Gnome’s music winds and twists like a high mountain switchback, ascending to peaks of great beauty and breathtaking delicacy, only to tumble quickly earthward in a vertiginous rush of screeching guitars and banging, ringing percussion. The duo’s richly textured songs weave elegant strands of prog into thick lattices of math-rock guitar, interspersed with plumes…
The Mountain Goats
When you listen to Get Lonely, one thing is certain — Mountain Goats mainstay John Darnielle has finally received that shipment of Xanax he’s been waiting for. Compared with his last three albums, which benefited greatly from the golden touch of indie producer John Vanderslice, Get Lonely is almost devoid of the sharp edges and…
Here are the week’s best releases from the pop-culture universe:
CD — Amputechture: Our favorite prog-metal band, the Mars Volta, has made a career out of 10-minute songs, incomprehensible lyrics, and an obsession with dead things. Its third album is blissfully more of the same. Whatever it lacks in brevity and subtlety, it makes up for in sheer force. This is one planet they’ll never…
Heart Beat
As Rusted Root’s Jim Donovan leads today’s Day of Drumming, he wants participants to connect with their inner selves. While they’re pounding away on hand drums, “They’ll experience relaxation in a meditative way,” says Harry Pepper, a coordinator at Common Ground, the holistic healing center that hosts the event . “It’s similar to a dream…
Best Beer
Deep amber in color, with subtle hints of spice, Rocket Fuel is brewed with a blend of Belgian yeasts, double malt, and more hops than LeBron at tip-off, yielding a flavor so rich, it may require its own seat at your table. Brewer Matt Cole says Rocket Fuel’s pressure-fermentation process explains its deceptive punch. We…
Best Radio Showcase for Local Music
Every Sunday, from 8 to 10 p.m., Pat “the Producer” and Jim Benson play homegrown Cleveland music, keeping an ear to the ground while occasionally breaking out favorites from yesteryear. Benson has been hosting local-showcase programs for more than 25 years — he was the DJ who introduced listeners to Trent Reznor. Now he welcomes…
Best Contest for Budding Playwrights
One of the big problems with being a kid is that you really don’t have a voice that anyone hears. So how awesome would it be if you could make adults listen to you for an hour and a half? This dream comes true each year for students who win the Marilyn Bianchi Kids’ Playwriting…
Best Harvey Wallbanger
As the Bible says, “Man cannot live by brewskies and shots alone.” If you’re looking for a dessert beverage — something sweet yet powerful — it’s time to hit Bounce, a gay club in Ohio City that’s home to the best Harvey Wallbanger in Cleveland. Think of this bad boy as a screwdriver with a…
Best Brewpub
An award-winning brewery, a historic setting, and a smart contemporary take on tavern fare all make Great Lakes the region’s top brewpub. Whether it’s a roasty porter, a golden lager, or a citrusy pale ale, each full-flavored beer offers its own satisfaction. Under the able direction of Executive Chef Kurt Steeber, the lunch and dinner…
Best Rock Bathroom
Concert halls have surpassed gas stations as locations for the most disgusting porcelain in the free world. But the House of Blues offers skeev-free accommodations. From the wonderful black-speckled countertops to the low mood lighting to the spacious stalls, the bathrooms at HOB are more like a fancy hotel lobby.
Best Food at a Gas Station
This eatery, inside a Rapid stop just east of downtown, boasts a long menu of solid and affordable meals, including loaded-up pizza slices, hefty breakfast burritos, toasted subs, gyros, and chicken wings. Most meals sell for under six bucks, and all while you fill up your tank. The best part? The food tastes so good,…
Best Downtown Pizza
The guy behind the pies is Ted Karter (aka DJ Cable), a multitalented gent who spent the past decade perfecting his pizzas at the venerable Mama Santa’s in Little Italy. Today, as the Map Room’s kitchen manager, Karter spins his years of experience into pizza masterpieces: crusts that are thin, yet remarkably tender, with fresh…
Best Vietnamese
#1 Pho is a great place for beginners and connoisseurs alike. After dozens of visits, we’re still finding new items on the affordable menu (most entrées run less than $10 and offer generous portions). Whether it’s the crispy noodles topped with crunchy stir-fried vegetables and strips of tofu, or the classic pho beef-noodle soup, the…
Best West Side Market Surprise
Tucked into a back corner of the West Side Market, this tiny booth overflows with a trove of Cambodian treasure. Pad thai (served with either chicken or shrimp), buckwheat noodles, and egg rolls are served cheerfully by the smiling young proprietor, Sopheap Heng. She’s always happy to see you. In fact, she often seems pleasantly…
Best Scalper
We’ll call him Mike, because we think that’s his name. At least, that’s what he told us. Either way, if you’re looking for a game-day ticket for the Tribe, he’s your man. These seats are so good, they’re within sniffing distance of Grady’s stirrups. Mike’s also reliable: You’ll find him perched near the corner of…
Best Pitchman
The goal of all advertising is to be memorable, and Marc Brown succeeds, albeit in a weird way. Once you’ve seen one of his ads on late-night local TV, you’ll have a hard time forgetting Brown’s unnerving raspy voice or the life-sized mannequins of motorcycle cops and pirates that appear as set dressing. In a…
Best Place to Be a 10-Year-Old Again
At the towpath-trail entrance near Rockside Road, you can rent a bike for $6 an hour and set off on a peaceful journey along the Ohio and Erie Canal. Granted, the bikes look as if they were dug out of Grandma’s garage, but that just adds to the retro charm. The ride alongside the canal’s…
Best Way to Drown Your Midlife Crisis
The Jimmy Buffett fan club claims almost 100 members and meets monthly to drink cold beer and raise money for charity. You don’t even have to like Buffett. It’s more about “chillin’ out and havin’ a good time,” says club president Dennis King.
Best 40-Ounce Store
Just over the Detroit Superior Bridge, on the fringe of Ohio City, is a neighborhood where gay clubs meet ghetto. On the corner of 28th and Detroit, Linda’s Superette runs a fine business in cigarettes and 40 ounces. The store offers a panorama of flavors, from the always-reliable Olde E to more exotic fare, such…
Best Butcher Shop
You mean meat didn’t always come in Styrofoam and plastic wrap? K&K Portage Market, located in the Warren Village Shopping Center, is a throwback to butcher shops of old. A display case of stainless steel and glass runs the length of the store and provides customers with a view of acres of fresh poultry, pork,…
Best Week to be a Cavs Fan
Four home games, four hot teams, and superstars galore. When the Pistons, Clippers, Heat, and Lakers come to town, get thee to the Q.
Best College Team
Yes, it’s Division III ball. But as accustomed to losing as Cleveland football fans are, we have to tip our hats to a program that never stops winning. Heading into last season, Mount Union had rattled off 93 straight regular-season wins and snagged seven national titles since 1993. And though the Purple Raiders slipped up…
Best Mountain Biking
Nestled amid the gently rolling cornfields of Wooster, the Knob is the state’s premier biking spot. You’ll find the best of everything: bone-jangling rock gardens, white-knuckle downhills, and lung-busting uphills, as well as a fair variety of jumps, balance beams, and other wicked obstacles. For the trick rider, the side trail called “Killbuck Run” is…
Righteous Thunder
As Priestess’ debut album, Hello Master, opens, the drums pound and the guitars slash, measure after measure, locked into the same ominous riff for 30 seconds, like an impending storm. The track “I Am the Night, Colour Me Black” combines the heavy, bluesy drive of Zeppelin with a searing, ledge-walking lead. It’s got the bottom-end…
Pere Ubu
Paced by the instantly recognizable singsong of David Thomas, Ubu’s first disc in four years spews 11 tunes of arcane lyrics and dense music. “Love Song” is the most conventional rocker, with lead guitar by Numbers Band guru Bob Kidney, while “Blue Velvet,” the most miasmic cut, showcases the harmonica of Bob’s kid brother, Jack.…
Our top DVD picks for the week of September 26:
Beowulf & Grendel (Anchor Bay) The Book of Daniel: The Complete Series (Universal) Bratz: Passion Fashion Diamondz (Fox) Con Man (Docurama) Curious George (Universal) Danger Mouse: The Final Seasons (A&E) Daniel Boone: Season 1 and Season 2 (Goldhil) Dark Shadows: DVD Collection 26 (MPI) Dracula: 75th Anniversary Edition (Universal) Drop Dead Sexy (Lionsgate) The Fast…
A Nightmare on Mentor Avenue
Tonight, Lake County Fairgrounds gets a head start on Halloween with the opening of Fright World 2006 and its six haunted houses. The excitement starts with Faces of Death, which features more than 100 actors reenacting scenes straight out of Friday the 13th and other splatter flicks. “We take you into the coffin room and…
Best New Rock Band
When he heard the Black Diamonds, Dead Boys bassist Jeff Magnum was impressed. “I think I know a thing or two about loud, noisy, kick-ass rock and roll, and these kids have swiped the best elements from all that rotten rock, personalized it, and made it their own,” he says. Early on, singer Chad Van…
Best Progressive Radio Station
This station, which claims to be operating out of an abandoned rubber factory, offers a liberal alternative to Rush Limbaugh. In the morning, the hilarious Stephanie Miller smacks conservatives around with glee, aided by one of the best voice impressionists in the business, Jim Ward.
Best Online Funny Guys
When he started it last year, former Kent Stater Charlie DeMarco thought thephatphree.com would be a place for him and his friends to screw around and make each other laugh. Instead, all hell broke loose. Local comic Mike Polk, a friend of DeMarco’s, penned “Look at My Striped Shirt,” a hilarious indictment of the JŠger-bomb-guzzling…
Best Oyster Shooters
Twenty years ago, Iza Riazian took a trip down to South Carolina, where he walked into a noisy oyster bar and realized it was exactly what Northeast Ohio needed. He immediately opened the Noisy Oyster, and he’s been serving the area’s only oyster shooters ever since. The cocktail includes one oyster, delivered fresh from Louisiana…
Best Microbrewery for Live Music
Some of us want more than fancy décor if we’re going to drop three bucks for a hefeweizen. That’s where Willoughby delivers. With live music up to five nights a week – ’50s, classic rock, Motown, even country – they’re taking the snobbery out of “doppelbock.”
Best Jazz Club
At Nighttown, the floor show is treated like a bottle of fine wine. It demands attention, respect, and just a little coddling. The intimate, inviting concert room has the best acoustics of any venue in town. It’s also one of the few local clubs that places the audience within spitting distance of the musicians. It…
Best Value for Gourmets
At Carrie Cerino’s, entrées are served the way God intended: with soup or salad, fresh bread, and a choice of risotto, potato, fresh vegetables, or homemade spaghetti on the side. Of course, just because it’s plentiful doesn’t mean it’s good; but here again, CC scores. The menu goes miles beyond spaghetti and meatballs, serving up…
Best Hamburger
The Galley Boy is as much an Akron icon as the Goodyear Blimp. Though Swenson’s is loath to divulge the 70-year-old secret recipe of its most popular burger, we know one thing — it’s unquestionably delicious. Two handmade patties are drenched with a smoky, tartar-like sauce, topped with cheese and served on a toasted, buttery…
Best Korean Barbecue
When Seoul Hot Pot first opened, owner Jin Huh offered pizzas and meatball subs, thinking that Americans would never take to the restaurants’ exotic offerings of kimchi (spicy pickled cabbage) and bulgogi (Korean barbecued beef). But Seoul Hot Pot, a no-frills restaurant on the edge of Chinatown, quickly became a hot spot for the best…
Best Tea House
Amid the pizza shops and art galleries, Little Italy has a hidden gem: an authentic tea house. With its afghan-covered couches and tie-dyed curtains, Algebra feels like your best friend’s living room — provided your friend is a hippie artist with a board-game collection dating back to 1973. The shop’s 20 flavors of tea and…
Best Barfly
In a town with plenty of worthy contenders, Melinda Urick grabs the crown with her hustle and consistency. She shows up at all of Cleveland’s best parties, whether it’s the opening of a posh new bar, a charity bachelor auction, or a crowded Tribe pre-game. And she brings a 100-watt smile, plenty of sass, and…
Best Culinary Spokesman
Author, chef, and confidant to the country’s culinary elite, Michael Ruhlman has the cred — and the connections — to carve a niche in Napa or make his mark on the Big Apple. But instead of living the high life on the coasts, he’s sticking with Cleveland. “Look, I could have lived anywhere I wanted…
Best Walking Trail
If you want to explore the great outdoors without getting lost, head to Cuyahoga Valley National Park and hop on the Towpath Trail at Lock 29 Trailhead in Peninsula. From there, the trail takes a gentle, winding path through some beautiful forest areas and meadowland without straying too far from civilization. Signs and markers point…
Best Place for a Dirt Nap
If you end up planted here, you’ll be sharing earthworms with short-term U.S. President James Garfield, crime fighter Eliot Ness, megamillionaire John D. Rockefeller, and the Van Sweringen brothers, who built Shaker Heights and the Terminal Tower. But Lake View is also one of the region’s most impressive public gardens, making it a great place…
Best Cigar Shop
After a hard day’s work, where can a man find a well-humidified and great-tasting cigar without feeling like he walked into franchise hell? The answer is Cigar Cigars in Rocky River. Purchased by a group of friends in 1996, Cigar Cigars prides itself on learning your individual tastes and preferences when you walk in the…
Best Shoe Repair
In today’s world of disposable goods, we rarely think of repairing anything. Still, it’s good to know that there’s a place to take your favorite pair of loafers when they give out. Visiting Hanna Shoe Repair is like stepping into the 1940s. When you open the door, you’ll be greeted by the scent of leather…
Best Indian
Rail about the Indians all you want, but the kids can flat-out rake — and none more majestically than Pronk. For a 29-year-old with just a couple solid seasons to his résumé, Hafner is sure well on his way to racking up veteran numbers. This year alone, he whacked 42 homers, scored 100 runs, drove…
Best College Coach
In four years of coaching the Golden Flashes, Christian has led the squad to four straight 20-win seasons — one of only 10 active coaches in Division I hoops to do so. Last season, with 10 underclassmen, his Golden Flashes held tough on the road against perennial tournament teams Syracuse and Southern Illinois, knocked off…
Best Cliff-Jumping
There’s nothing like diving off a two-story sandstone cliff into the cool water of a 16-foot-deep quarry. Tucked inside the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, the Quarry has offered the best cliff-jumping around since 1956. For an annual fee of $100 — or $125 for a two-person membership and $175 for a family — you can…
Clangin’ and Kickin’
With two hot singles under their belt, the Cleveland hip-hop production team the Kickdrums have just made their full-length collaborative debut with Ray Cash’s new Clangin and Swangin street album. Kickdrums Alex “Fitty” Fitts (also of Spittin Image) and Matt “Tilla” Pentilla are the in-house mixologists of Cash’s Rec Reel Entertainment and contributed five tracks…
Shane Vain & the Village Vandals
Remnants of Cheap Vinyl, Shock Cinema, and the Devilbirds, Shane Vain & the Village Vandals play punky power-trio rock and roll, heavy on the background harmonies. The loose, jangly “Bring It Back Again” filters the spirit of ’78 glam through ’50s sock-hop pop, and it’s the first punk in years that’ll make you want to…
Hamlet With Eggs
What if Shakespeare’s most famous brooding prince were actually a princess? That is the question posed by David Hansen, who directs the gender-bending production of Hamlet that opens at the Beck Center tonight. “What if [Hamlet’s mom] gave birth to a girl, and to insure the succession for the safety of the state, raises Hamlet…
Best New Country Band
Cleveland’s 77 South recorded its debut EP, 1-800, in Nashville, and it’s surprising that the country capital let the band go. Maybe it’s because — unlike most of Nashville’s recent offerings — 77 South tends toward the traditional: piano, mandolin, jangly guitar, and gentle harmonies. Lyrically, singer Jeff Ronay covers all the necessary bases, proudly…
Best Stage Actor
It’s easy to go wrong by being too-over-the-top while playing a nasty character. Jim Viront avoided that trap when he played Uncle Tony in the splendid Bang and Clatter production of Griller. Making Eric Bogosian’s lacerating language his own, Viront first seemed like a fairly harmless old fart, visiting a family he’d known for decades.…
Best Comedy Night
The Grimey Ninety is stand-up comedy’s answer to And-1 Streetball. In the dank basement of Bottom’s Up in Lakewood, aspiring comics put it all on the line. The Grime’s progenitor, comic Jason Lawhead, started hosting the night three years ago as an experiment in purism. “You can do anything you want down here,” says Lawhead.…
Best Blue-Collar Bar
McNamara’s has catered to its shot-and-a-beer clientele ever since Cleveland firefighter Gary McNamara bought the old Gleason’s pub in 1998. The eight beers on tap — from Guinness to Harp to Blue Moon — are priced at a remarkable $2 a pint. “The people who come here have found out by word of mouth,” says…
Best Microwinery
We’ve always thought Ferrante made some of the best wine we ever tasted. This year, a bunch of California snobs agreed: Ferrante’s Golden Bunches Riesling and Vidal Blanc Ice each won gold medals at the 25th annual Riverside International Wine Competition. The winery stocks 23 other varieties, many of them past award winners, including a…
Best New Strip Club
For years, going to the strip club meant descending into the Flats or Brookpark Road. But fret no more about the stiletto ghetto: The Warehouse District finally has a strip club. Next door to Johnny’s and Little Bar, Motion flaunts a low-lit Greco-Roman decor and a refreshingly intimate main room of round tables and couches.…
Best Cheap Eats
Aladdin’s offers food that is fresh, healthful, and inexpensive. Simple yet flavorful Mediterranean-style standards — hummus, shawarma, falafel, and the like — fill an extensive menu, and you’ll have to go out of your way to find something that costs more than $10.
Best Steakburger
These two thin squares of pure beef on a thick bun, slathered with grilled onions or mushrooms, are hearty, tasty, and a steal at $3. The diner has been there since the early ’50s, and its walls are lined with Cleveland memorabilia and old black-and-white photos.
Best Indian Buffet
If you have trouble trying new things, the $7.99 weekday lunch buffet at this tidy Indian restaurant is a great way to experiment. Among the tasty finds: sour-and-peppery rasam soup, buttery upma (a popular southern Indian riff on cream of wheat), and profoundly fragrant sambar, a highly seasoned lentil “soup” piqued with curry leaves, cumin,…
Best Iced Coffee
A really good cup of iced coffee is hard to find, but at Sergio’s, the iced coffee gets the attention it deserves. The heavenly drink is brewed double strength in a French press, from a freshly ground blend of Brazilian and French Roast beans. Garnished with a generous dollop of half-and-half and poured over ice…
Best Local Superhero
This summer, Superman flew back into the spotlight with a lively new movie, and once again, our city giddily went with him. Yes, Superman grew up in Smallville and became the protector of Metropolis, but he was born in Cleveland. His creators, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, were just a couple of scrappy kids when…
Best Grassroots AIDS Activist
Since his HIV diagnosis in 2000, Lakewood’s Ray Allmond has vigorously campaigned as an advocate for African Americans with AIDS. When he’s not working as a corporate-events manager at Cleveland Browns Stadium, the 50-year-old Allmond acts as a staunch watchdog in several AIDS activist groups, including the Ohio AIDS Coalition, the Ryan White Planning Council,…
Best Place to Play With Food
We have a buddy who insists that not taking your kids to Dave & Buster’s is pretty much the same as child abuse. After all, where else can Junior and Sis make like Jedis while Dad pilots a Boeing 777 — and Mom, perhaps, settles in at the cushy bar for some quality time with…
Best Haircut and Ego Booster
The royal treatment begins the moment you walk into this stylish salon. A hot receptionist pours you a beer. Now you can head for the dartboard. Then comes the haircut. In a private stall, with ESPN at convenient eye level, your hot stylist (yes, she’s hot too — they all are) cuts and styles, while…
Best Cheap Smokes
We had plenty of cheap smokes in these parts until legislators finally caught on. Whenever the state needs to raise money, it simply jacks up the cig tax, forcing smokers to raid their 401(k)s just to buy a pack of Camels. But the benevolent folks at Ross Deli are fighting for your right to enjoy…
Best Dress Alterations
Whether it’s for a wedding or a formal event, any honest woman will admit that she’s leery of letting just anyone alter her favorite dress. Luckily, there’s Julianne’s, located in the quaint shopping village of Grand Pacific Junction in Olmsted Falls. The first floor is a resale shop full of modern and vintage clothing. When…
Best Hope for the Indians
For the last two seasons, the Tribe’s pitching has been more than suspect. C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and Jake Westbrook are solid, but the team needs fourth and fifth arms. Last season the Tribe gave Kevin Millwood a one-year deal, then watched him bolt for Texas after leading the American League in earned-run average. He…
Best Gender-Bending Sports Team
Our National Women’s Football Association franchise has been a winner four of its first five seasons, and for good reason: These ladies are tough. Leading rusher Martina Latessa is a cop. Linebacker Stephanie Balochko, the team’s top tackler, is a firefighter. And Carla Lindsey owns a Toughman title belt. Best of all: Unlike their cup-wearing…
Best Place to Go Jogging
The trails around the lakes are smooth and flat, and you can do a side trip if you want a quick hill to climb. It’s shady, and the lakes keep the air cool in the summer. This is a popular spot for joggers of all kinds, but especially those pushing baby strollers.
Jeff Lang
Australia is in some ways a cousin of America — in telling the Brits where to go, for one thing; for another, in a mutual love for roots music. Aussie export Anne McCue is a counterpart to (not copy of) Lucinda Williams, and Jeff Lang is probably their Chris Whitley, in that both gents achieved…
Beaten Awake
Beaten Awake’s melodies drift like a riverboat ride over jangling guitars and sympathetic peals of organ. The album has an engaging vibe that invites you to escape with it. “Goin’ Nowhere” is more insistent than its title suggests, mining a folk rock vein that recall Fables-era R.E.M. Highlights include the bubbling, Shinslike psych pop of…
Local Treasures
In Treasures of the Western Reserve, our ancestors’ cars, diaries, and jewelry tell our history better than any textbook ever did. At the Western Reserve Historical Society exhibit, which opens today, the magnificent mingles with the mundane to paint a vivid portrait of the city’s past. “Our philosophy is that all treasures are created equal,”…
Best Roots Residency
Until this year, roots troubadour and bandleader Patrick Sweany was one of the area’s best-kept secrets. But word was bound to get out about the 31-year-old Massillon native. And the new C’Mon C’Mere album, released on New England’s Nine Mile Records, made it official: Sweany has arrived as a major talent. Bob Basone makes his…
Best Stage Actress
Chances are, it would ruin your day if you found out your husband was banging a goat on the side. But this scenario is at the heart of The Goat, or Who Is Sylvia?, an Edward Albee play with a premise a lot better than its script. Still, act two of this three-part play focuses…
Best Karaoke
Corky’s, which hosts karaoke every Wednesday through Saturday, keeps its songbooks stocked with the newest hits from the Nashville country scene as well as old-school Seattle grunge. And unlike most karaoke spots, where the drunk redneck singing “Ring of Fire” is shoved off into the corner, here you’re the headliner, front and center, with stage…
Best Hifalutin Bar
The View does everything it can to discourage riffraff. The bar is discreetly located in a brick building guarded by beefy security guards with condescending expressions worthy of Olympic skating judges. Upstairs, women in skin-tight Seven jeans and sparkly Chloe tanks cluster on the black leather seats, sipping appletinis. At the rooftop bar, men drink…
Best Hidden Bar
The pint-sized pub is surrounded by nothing but Mother Nature, offering relief from the cacophony of the Warehouse District. Inside, the decor is sparse — just a few rickety tables, an old wooden counter, and the owner, Kathy Scharff, chain-smoking away in the corner. But while the aesthetic is provincial, the roster of beers is…
Best Place to Drop Hamiltons
When the checking account gets a wee bit bloated, it’s nice to share some cash with the people. The hot, naked people. Look no further than Christie’s, a castle of legs, breasts, and butts on the Flats’ West Bank. This multi-leveled club is constantly stocked with a stunning roster of girls — at least 20…
Best Special-Occasion Dining
We love to feel special. That’s why we love to mark personal milestones at Classics, where first-rate service, gracious appointments, and fabulous food make us feel like VIPs. From the parade of complimentary canapes to the after-dinner tray of tiny sweets, every aspect of the experience is elegant. That same philosophy shapes the seasonal menu,…
Best Cheesesteak
Finding a decent cheesesteak this far west of Philadelphia is no easy task. Some places around here have even been known to throw a T-bone on a bun and call it a day. Luckily, the Parkview does cheesesteaks right. The chef starts with Grade A beef and carves it into fine wafers. The cheese is…
Best Southeast Asian
The artful digs make a tasteful backdrop to the 200-item menu, ranging from salads and soups to noodle dishes, rice plates, and stews, in varieties to suit both carnivores and vegetarians. In the face of such abundance, the only reasonable approach is to just dive in. Sometimes, that might mean sticking to old favorites, like…
Best Toddy
Talkies in Ohio City has been brewing the best toddy for years. For the uninitiated: To make a toddy, you must cold-brew coarsely ground coffee beans for at least 24 hours. The cold-brewing process prevents oil from seeping into the coffee, so the product is 60 percent less acidic than traditional hot brewed coffee. A…
Best Investigative Reporter
The competition for best TV investigator was tougher than ever this year. But at the 11th hour, Carl Monday of WKYC swept in and stole the prize with his seething exposé of the library masturbator. After using a hidden camera to catch a kid pleasuring himself at the Berea library, Monday tracked him down at…
Best Drag Queen
For the ultimate in female illusion, drive down I-77 to Akron, where you’ll find Danyel Vasquez, a former Miss Gay Ohio USofA-at-Large who choreographs nightly drag shows as the Interbelt’s entertainment director. In her form-fitting gowns, custom-made wigs, and designer stilettos, the 32-year-old Vasquez slinks across the stage, impersonating Joan Crawford, Cruella De Vil, and…
Best Library
Behold the Westlake Porter Library, the Taj Mahal of the literature-lending world. When it comes to new releases and bestsellers, this place rivals Borders. It’s also the only library we know that features both a café and a gift shop. With amenities like these, we’re in no rush to get home.
Best Place to Be Pampered for Under $50
When you’re groggy, hung over, and having a bad hair day, nothing beats a cup of coffee. On that score, this Aveda salon in Lyndhurst goes way beyond the call of duty. In addition to coffee and tea in the waiting area, there are granola bars, Oreos, and apples. The women who wash your hair…
Best Head Shop
Daystar is stocked with tie-dyes, candles, wind chimes, and other tchotchkes. But step to the back, and you’ll find a smorgasbord of cigarette papers, water pipes that stretch to your chin, rows of dugouts, and a wide array of colorful glass bubblers and pipes. Then there are the ancillary products, such as cleaning solutions, air…
Best Tailored Suits
If it’s well tailored, a $200 suit can look like one that cost $2,000. Ticknors, a specialty men’s shop, offers both, with brand names ranging from Hugo Boss to Armani. For the GQ man, Ticknors offers more than 15 different cuts of suits, including modern styles versatile enough to be paired with a T-shirt and…
Best Brown
Yes, this award is strictly for onfield performance. Otherwise we’d go with someone not accused of tossing around his wife shortly after getting cleared of DUI charges. But extralegal antics aside, Droughns is precisely what the Browns need to survive in the AFC North: a durable back who takes the ball all game, racks up…
Best Catfight on Wheels
If you thought roller derby was dead, you were wrong. The lovable sport — wherein tightly clothed women skate in circles, pummeling each other for position — is making a comeback nationwide. In Cleveland, local bad-ass Natalie Terry has organized the Burning River Roller Girls, an upstart league with (so far) four teams of 15-plus…
Best Natural Sledding
There’s a McDonald’s at the corner of Euclid Avenue and East 222nd Street. Behind it is a hill. The hill has no official name, so it’s just called McDonald’s. It’s steep, smooth, and about 50 yards of snow-sledding bliss. Because it’s surrounded by trees, you’re protected from the elements, even on the windiest winter days.…
Extra Golden
This is a special gig from any angle, making it well worth the 45-minute drive down to Oberlin. Extra Golden is an international collaboration between members of two bands: Otieno Jagwasi and Onyango Wuod Omari of Orchestra Extra Solar Africa, a Benga band from Nairobi, Kenya, and Ian Eagleson and Alex Minoff of Golden, a…
DJ Screw: The Untold Story
DJ Screw created the entire Houston hip-hop scene almost single-handedly, then put it on the national map. This intriguing DVD traces his rise from novice record-scratcher through his death in November 2000. DJ Screw, aka Robert Davis Jr., became synonymous with a style of mixing in which the music is slowed down, or “screwed,” to…
Moore the Merrier
Drummer Stanton Moore’s solo records incorporate a lot of the jazzy funk he plays with the New Orleans jam-band Galactic. On his latest album, III, Moore lays down a bubbling groove that is a bit more rooted in his hometown’s second-line jazz scene. It’s not as freewheeling as his band’s music, but it’s just as…
Best Disco Band
Head hidden beneath an oversized blond afro, “Johnny Vegas” leads maestro keyboardist “Electric Andy,” nimble guitarist “Flip Flash,” and hard-slipping bassist “Furious Styles” in Disco Dynamite. JV and the Double-D perform ’70s favorites, putting on a flashy show of synchronized dance-steps. “Love Train,” “YMCA” — if you’ve heard it at a wedding, these guys know…
Best Stage Drama
During World War II, while Nazis sent Jews from all over Europe to extermination camps, the Frank family spent two years hiding in four small rooms in Amsterdam. The Beck Center’s production of The Diary of Anne Frank, under the sensitive direction of Sarah May, beautifully conveyed the searing reality of the family’s growing dread…
Best Pipe Organ
Cleveland’s many churches, concert halls, and music schools offer a plethora of worthy competitors in this category, but the historic Rudolph von Beckerath organ at Trinity Evangelical Lutheran takes the prize. Built in Hamburg, Germany, and shipped here in the late 1950s, the Beckerath holds the honor of being the first large-scale mechanical organ in…
Best Glamorous Bar
You’ll enter from the broken-down street to find a tuxedoed man playing jazz at a grand piano. Owner Paulius Nasvytis bestows a fresh rose on each arriving female patron. Dine on truffles, fondue, and exotic fruit. Drink a glass of Grand Marnier for $12, or a glass of Hennessey Timeless cognac for $750. But be…
Best Straight Bar for Gays
Those of us old enough to remember rue the day when Keys nightclub closed and left the city’s gay glitterati without a late-night hang on Playhouse Square. But last year, Marc Hewlett opened Hamilton’s, a gay-friendly bistro conveniently located near the theaters. A hot spot for artsy queer eyes, the club has earned respect for…
Best Stripper Pole
On the upper level, in the far corner of the dance floor, is a fenced-in platform through which drops the most gymnastically metrosexual attraction on West Sixth Street. It’s more than thick, shiny firehouse brass — for those souls brave enough, it’s a virtual tube of homo nirvana. Don’t worry, fellas: One spin won’t make…
Best Wine List
Cheers to this stunning suburban beauty, where the modern Mediterranean menu makes a perfect departure point for an intriguing international wine list, which features more than 500 wines by the bottle and a whopping 50 to 65 options by the glass. Sommelier Michael Tomaselli has designed the ever-changing wine selection to showcase emerging areas and…
Best Bowl of Soup
Whether you have a hangover or a cold, the Souper Market has the cure for what ails you. Not even your mom’s best batch of chicken noodle can compete with the 10 varieties of soup served up at this tiny spot in historic Ohio City. It all starts with handcrafted broths, made from only natural…
Best Aloha on a Plate
For Hawaiians, “aloha” is more than a simple greeting. It’s an expression of warmth, mutual regard, and camaraderie. As an Oahu native, James “Kimo” Javier serves up big helpings of island flavor every Friday with his Hawaiian-style “plate lunches.” Available in three sizes — the Prince, the Queen, and the King — the full-meal deals…
Best Cup of Hot Chocolate
It took Angel Falls’ co-owner Rafael Oletta an entire year to create the perfect 16-ounce cup of antioxidant heaven. Now, the Vulcan, which means “volcano” in Spanish, is the café’s best-seller, even during the dog days of summer. Oletta, whose family has been in the business for more than 200 years, calls the Vulcan a…
Best Survivor of On-Air Staff Attrition
GMC’s happy family began to crumble in December, when beloved meteorologist Stephanie Roberts moved to Florida. Months later, morning anchor Adam Shapiro left the station after 18 years. Utility anchor Danita Harris has been the rock of the broadcast, splitting duties between the morning show and the noon broadcast. The show has been buoyed by…
Best Excuse to Cross-Dress
Each year, Oberlin College throws down around $30,000 to make its Drag Ball the best festival of debauchery around. For one night each spring, the school converts its student union into four floors of non-stop partying, with numerous dance clubs, runway shows, karaoke bars, cabarets, and sex rooms. As many as 2,000 townies, gownies, and…
Best Amish Road Trip
Take I-71 to State Route 83 south and follow the signs to the Amish Scenic Byway. Your route will be lined with roadside stands and handmade-furniture stores, country restaurants, and quaint gift shops. Do not miss the endless free samples at Heini’s Cheese House or the impromptu tastings at the Breitenbach Winery. Call to book…
Best Manicure
La Barberia offers top-quality service without the snobbish attitude. Unlike nail salons in shopping malls, La Barberia offers privacy and comfort — customers are seated on plush chairs in a small separate room. And unlike posh spas in the suburbs, this one is low on employees with diva attitude. It’s also affordable, with prices ranging…
Best Staff Flick Picks
Lester, Melissa, Shannon, Joe, and Heather offer eclectic recommendations and rarely steer you wrong. Hung over on a Sunday? Lester’s got My Cousin Vinny on his shelf. Ready to break that special hit of Orange Sunshine out of the freezer? Head to Shannon’s shelf, where Labyrinth will be calling your name. Experiencing a bit of…
Best Yuppie Market
For the discriminating foodie who absolutely must have top-of-the-line olive oil, there’s no better place to find it than the West Point Market. Here, connoisseurs can choose among three different bottles of oil imported straight from the vineyards of Italy. For the harried shopper, chefs provide pre-made meals as exotic as pecan roasted trout ($19.99…
Best Browns Draft Pick
In April, with the second pick of the second round, the Browns stole the draft’s best inside linebacker. Jackson, who at six foot, 228 pounds is considered “undersized” for his position, could be favorably described as “Ray Lewis, minus the murder rap.” He led Maryland in tackles three straight seasons, and since he’s played in…
Best Rollerblading
The Rocky River Reservation is one of the most scenic spots along the Emerald Necklace of the Cleveland Metroparks. It’s also the best for doing just about anything on wheels, especially in-line skating. The all-purpose paved trail snakes along the towering shale cliffs of the Rocky River and is smooth as a freshly paved driveway.…
Best Man-Made Sledding
Rent a toboggan for $8. Place it in a concrete slot that’s got refrigerator coils inside it (which means that you can sled all winter long, whether there’s snow or not). Then invite two to six friends (depending on their size) to come on board with you. Now hold onto your skullcap. The drop-off is…
Kid Congo & the Pink Monkey Birds
While “guitar hero” evokes six-string wizards of bygone eras, the punk-alt-indie-rock scenes definitely produced their own counterparts (loath as they may be to admit it). Johnny Ramone, J. Mascis, and X’s Billy Zoom redefined the role of the guitar as surely as Eric Clapton and Jerry Garcia established standards for the ’60s and ’70s. Another…
Men Behaving Badly
One would never confuse the work of writer-director Todd Phillips with that of the late Robert Hamer, whose filmography includes the essential Kind Hearts and Coronets. Hamer’s movies had a gentlemanly quality, no matter the cruelty that skulked beneath their prim exteriors; one always felt the characters in his movies would prefer to stab you…
A Wine-Tasting for the Rest of Us
Accessibility is the order of the day at the weekend’s brand-new Cleveland Wine Festival at Voinovich Park. “Usually at these types of festivals, you’d have to pay about $65 to $100,” says organizer Chris Previte. “That can be intimidating. This is not a snobby event.” Unlike the annual Vintage Ohio (which focuses on state-made vino),…
Best Music to Ease a Broken Heart
There’s something about a touch of country that adds to the weight of heartache. Chris Allen cut his teeth in Rosavelt, playing a rugged roots-rock sound reminiscent of Exile-era Stones and the Replacements. Now, on his solo debut, Goodbye Girl and the Big Apple Circus, Allen has created the perfect soundtrack for the brokenhearted. Whether…
Best Stage Comedy
It’s easy to laugh at the eccentrics among us. It’s much harder to make us care. That’s the challenge for any theater company daring to tackle You Can’t Take It With You. This comedy gem by Moss Hart and George S. Kaufman is frequently staged, but rarely done right. Fortunately, this Great Lakes Theater Festival…
Best Arts Festival
The state’s largest film fest celebrated its 30th anniversary this year by showing more than 200 movies by independent, foreign, and experimental filmmakers. Cinema Paradiso, Spellbound, and Born Into Brothels were just a few of the award-winning movies that made their local premieres at the annual celebration of all things celluloid. While the opening-night bash…
Best Bar for Watching OSU Football
Walls plastered with Buckeye memorabilia, 16 flat-screen TVs, and a menu that includes $5 pizzas and dishes named for Jim Tressel and Chris Spielman: No wonder this place is all scarlet and gray on Saturdays.
Best Gay Bar
Check labels at the door when you walk into Twist, the chic upscale nightclub on the Cleveland-Lakewood border. Although it’s regarded as one of the most fashionable gay clubs in town, gay-friendly and bi-curious yuppies from Lakewood’s Edgewater Drive and Lake Avenue neighborhoods have discovered they’re equally welcome to belly up to the bar. “It’s…
Best Ballast for a Water Street Pub Crawl
Jumbo wings, fresh-cut fries, and deep-fried Oreos star at this Water Street operation, headquartered inside Kent’s Club Khameleon. Service is mostly carryout and delivery, although hungry bar-hoppers are welcome to pull up a stool and load up on calories and carbs. As for the wings, the behemoths come with a choice of dozens of sauces.
Best Servers
You know how you always have to scan the room at Mexican restaurants to find someone — anyone — to bring you more? That’s not a problem at Nuevo Acapulco, where tortilla chips are replenished before you get to the bottom of the bowl and drinks are quickly refilled. The genial and swift staffers never…
Best Wings
In a world of scrawny chicken wings, the Brew Kettle’s plump, succulent, oversized morsels stand out. Slow-smoked over a hickory fire, then slathered with tangy BBQ sauce, they’re a two-fisted, three-napkin, drizzle-down-your-chin delight. They’re so enormous that each portion weighs in at a whopping pound and a half. Pair ’em up with some of the…
Best Taste of Brazil
Sergio Abramof’s stylish Brazilian hot spot on Shaker Square offers subdued lighting, a bustling bar scene, and a sexy samba soundtrack. Not to mention a menu of Brazilian-style bar noshes, apps, and entrées. The dishes can be as inconsequential as a handful of salty cashews or as sturdy as feijoada, a seductively flavorful black bean…
Best Milkshake
Don’t be fooled by the sprouts and tofu at this Coventry standard; it’s really a haven for the most sinful dessert drinks known to man. Tommy’s milkshakes come in every flavor you can imagine, including mint chocolate chip, cookie dough, banana, and black cherry. For less than four bones you get a shake so big,…
Best Radio Newscaster
A public-radio staple since 1990, David C. Barnett sets himself apart by telling a riveting news story with a crisp style, spellbinding sound bites, and a soothing bass voice that lets you know everything’s all right. Today, the lanky, bespectacled reporter contributes frequent radio stories to WCPN’s Morning Edition as well as WVIZ’s public-affairs shows,…
Best Makeup Artist
Jason Kelly is Cleveland’s answer to Kevyn Aucoin. The MAC-trained artist pairs Renoir’s eye for color with a makeup kit bigger than a plumber’s toolbox. He can make even the palest, plainest face ready for the runway, which is why he was chosen to head the makeup team at Cleveland’s Fashion Week, where he employed…
Best Place to Take the Kids
Little kids have a blast at this place. It has 11 miniature amusement rides, including the spinning cups and saucers. It’s better than an amusement park, because the lines for rides are shorter and there are shady trees to stand under. And it’s better than county fairs, where too often the rides are maintained by…
Best Paradise for Teenage Girls
To the naked eye, it appears to be some sort of surreal theme park. In the middle of a Westlake field sits a quaint fantasy town of shops, eateries, and apartments. While developers call it a “lifestyle center,” to the teenage girl with a shopping jones and a pocketful of babysitting scratch, Crocker Park has…
Best Family Outing
On the first and third Saturday of each month, Art House opens itself up to families. Located between Ohio City and Old Brooklyn, the community-minded center provides all the materials you need to draw, paint, sculpt, or practice other crafts. Stay for a short while and finish one project, or work on several projects through…
Best Place to Buy Art
Pioneering artist Don Drumm has made his career transforming sheets of aluminum, pewter, and steel into objects both fanciful and utilitarian. And his studios and gallery near the University of Akron campus draw flocks of devoted collectors as well as casual shoppers. But beyond Drumm’s signature sun faces, sculptures, and mythological beasts, the gallery also…
Best Righteous Hit
Action News has been practicing kneecap journalism with impunity for a while now. Leave it to the Browns to be the first guys to stand up to it. When the station broadcast a tape of a 9-1-1 call by team owner Randy Lerner’s sister — who had just found her six-year-old daughter drowned in a…
Best Adult Roller Boogie
From 9:30 p.m. to midnight every Tuesday and Thursday, you can find a throng of skaters grooving to soul, funk, R&B, and gospel. As men breakdance backwards, ladies drop their booties to the beat, and groups of three lock arms to spin each other around like human tilt-a-whirls. The Rollerdrome is the apex of the…
Best Place to Play Pickup Basketball
It’s not the asphalt courts, which are fine but nothing spectacular. The nets, rims, and backboards are in decent shape, considering that they were just replaced last year, but that’s to be expected. What sets this court apart is that it always has a game. 24-7. All night. We challenge you to play alone here.…
No Means No
While most American fans may have long left Nomeansno for dead, in Europe its cult hasn’t waned, and the early ’80s post-punk originators from Canada remain hallowed punk statesmen up north. They still tour once a year in Europe, but it’s been nearly six years since they’ve released a record. Maybe the nonexistent expectations help,…
Waterlogged
Watching The Guardian, you will learn that the U.S. Coast Guard’s rescue swimmers rank among the bravest and least heralded of military personnel, selflessly hurling themselves into raging currents or hurricane swells to save a single human life. But I doubt that even these knights in neoprene armor could rescue an audience from The Guardian’s…
The Art of Rock
Cleveland Institute of Art grad Dana Schutz is known for piling on the bright colors in landscapes. But in her latest exhibit, Dana Schutz: Paintings 2002-2006, on display at MOCA, she applies the reds, greens, and yellows to portraits of fem-rockers like PJ Harvey and the Breeders. Schutz renders her work in a hazy, flashy…
Best Band for Venting Your Spleen
On record, Disengage is a taut, ass-kicking hardcore machine. Live, it’s a brutal juggernaut of unrestrained roar, cleaving the air like a locomotive and producing enough turbulence to knock you down. Singer Jason Byers roams the stage like a rabid animal, as the rumbling quartet behind him plays sonic steamroller. For the listener situated in…
Best Stage Musical
Listening to Liza sing “Cabaret” on the radio, the uninitiated might mistake it for an ode to sybaritic nightlife and rollickin’ good times. But put that tune in its proper context, and the song becomes a desperate grasp at freedom as the fist of fascism slowly strangles the life out of pre-World War II Germany.…
Best Gay Event
Gay activist John Katsaros earns an eternal pat on the back for resurrecting the once-doomed Dancin’ in the Streets AIDS benefit. Founded as a downtown street fair in 1985, the annual blast gradually expanded for 20 years. But that created a problem for its sponsor, the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland. The agency simply didn’t…
Best Hair-Metal Bar
Jonesin’ for some “Dr. Feelgood”? Check out Big Hair Wednesdays at this gearhead-themed bar. Maria, the sultry midday DJ from WMMS 100.7, hosts all the best ’80s and ’90s metal. Go forth and bang thy head.
Best Gay Bartender
Axford is a short, stocky mixologist who can rattle off recipes for 500 different cocktails and 200 martinis. Among his signature drinks is the Bazooka Bubblegum Shooter, made with Southern Comfort, banana liqueur, grenadine, and cream. He’s also known for his cherry-garnished Stiletto martini with Skyy Berry vodka, blue curaçao, and sour-lemon mix. But to…
Best Pub Grub
Dark, cozy, and handsomely accessorized, this Irish pub offers top-rate tavern fare. Choose from an eclectic menu offering everything from burgers and fresh-cut fries with spicy homemade ketchup to savory lamb stew, sided by a thick slice of Irish soda bread and slathered with shallot butter. Well-prepared and generously apportioned, it’s the kind of unfussy…
Best Marketing Scheme
By the time his epiphany came, Fred Peters was a seasoned vet of the pie game. Already the owner of eight Pizza Pan shops scattered through Cleveland’s West Side, Peters had spent 18 years erecting a modest empire from what was once a single humble location at Lorain and West 117th. Then in April 2002,…
Best New Wings Flavor
A perennial winner in the Best Wings category, BW3 could have rested on its deliciously slathered laurels. Instead, it rolled out four new flavors for its ever-expanding list. Asian Zing is the best among them by far. Sweet and spicy, tasting exactly like what its name suggests, Asian Zing makes a good appetizer while you’re…
Best Cheap Latin Food
You can’t spend more than $5 for lunch here, unless you’re really trying. It’s a one-woman shop, where the owner takes your order in one room, then goes into another and cooks it herself. Try the wonderful pork or cheese papusas and tamales for $1.50. Eat three, and you’re stuffed. Or live dangerously and try…
Best Frozen Custard
When you pull up at Weber’s, you immediately notice all the people sitting on benches. The store is barely large enough to hold six customers, but don’t let its size fool you; the custard and ice cream pack a wallop. With more than 35 all-natural, homemade flavors, Weber’s has something to suit every palate, including…
Best A.M. Radio
At WNIR-FM 100.1, Stan Piatt leads a chipper squad with a natural chemistry. Morning Show sidekick Maggie Fuller flashes a quick wit, Steve French is the resident sports nut and parrothead, and Jim Middock handles news. Piatt is outspoken about anything that comes to mind: He likes to watch girls kiss, and he thinks Akron…
Best Emerging Fashion Designers
Felicia Kassim and Dartanya Butcher’s new collection reflects the designers’ personalities: loud and risqué. The duo’s 2006 catalog includes denim miniskirts with lacy pink fringes and black fishnet tank tops paired with furry leg warmers. Kassim and Butcher, both graduates of Kent State’s prestigious fashion program, are as likely to draw inspiration from hard-rock bands…
Best Place for Fun With Golf Carts
As soon as you get to Put-in-Bay, you’ll be barraged with offers for renting golf carts. They cost $65 a day and are considered licensed vehicles on the island. The investment is well worth it. In a golf cart, you can visit the lesser-known sites of the island, drive to the beach, or coast down…
Best Place to Buy Beaded Jewelry
Tucked away amid incense holders and mosaic plates, a trove of jewelry awaits visitors to this Ohio City landmark. The bling includes everything from 50-cent flower rings to a glam necklace layered with turquoise beads. With the wide assortment of colors and unbeatable prices (the most expensive necklace we could find was $20), you’re sure…
Best Pet Store
Whether you’re looking for a studded collar for Fifi or a water bowl for McGruff, Pet-Tique has it covered. The West Side pet store offers prices comparable to those of the big chains, but it has an ambiance that the chains can’t match. As you walk in, you’re greeted by Nemo, the owner’s pet pug…
Best Way to Stretch Your Book Dollar
What many people don’t know about Half Price Books is that you can actually buy new stuff there. Much of the stock — including hardcovers, paperbacks, music, and films — has never been used. Check this recent find: Total Football II. The jacket on this 1,800-plus page book suggests a charge of $59.98. We paid…
Best Homecoming
One of three Browns free agents from around here, Jurevicius comes armed with the best backstory. A Lake Catholic grad, Jurevicius won fans over in 2003 when he grabbed four balls for 78 yards in his Buccaneers’ Super Bowl win over the Raiders — and then rushed home to be with his son, who was…
Best Old-School Hockey Rink
Lakewood’s aging arena is home to public skates, broomball, speed- and figure-skating, — even programs for the disabled. But it’s best known for housing the greatest sport ever known to mankind: hockey. With two rinks, old wooden benches, and cramped, dingy locker rooms that would be useful to the Pentagon if it ever decided to…
Best Way to Pretend You’re Back in Fifth Grade
Yes, it’s that kickball — the game you dominated in grade school. With all the fun of baseball — and the undeniable added joy of pegging base-runners with the ball — kickball just might be the perfect game. The awkwardness of the heavy ball serves as an athletic equalizer, so virtually anyone can play. And…
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Whether you despise the bandmates or crush on them hardcore, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah has made indie rock freaking exciting again (step aside, Arcade Fire). Last year the Brooklyn-via-Philly band of nerdlike literati wooed both Pitchfork enthusiasts and the blogger elite with its eponymous debut album of quirky, smarty-pants art rock. The self-released Clap…
Sorry Raters
Among documentary muckrakers, Kirby Dick may not be as righteously indignant as Michael Moore or as brilliantly droll as Nick Broomfield. But say this for the maker and star of This Film Is Not Yet Rated: He’s not afraid to soil his hands to get the story. Rummaging through the garbage of a woman he…
Saint Elsewhere
The 10 local and international artists whose work is on display in B.K. Smith Gallery’s Here and Elsewhere explore a sense of place that is both comforting and disorienting. None of the artists takes a literal approach to the subject, so perspective and meaning are often skewed in the paintings, photographs, and other pieces. Mondays-Fridays,…
Best Band Stage Show
Anyone expecting to make money as a musician is a little nuts. But if you want to really rake, it’s best to be completely psychotic. While the ramshackle nature of their instruments — which include cracked cymbals, cardboard barrels, and a mic constructed from an old CB radio — could be a gimmick, this duo’s…
Best Stage Production
In theater, there’s no reward without risk. Of course, that doesn’t stop people from offering up banal and safe productions of dull scripts. So it’s exciting when a theater decides to pursue a unique direction. Such was the case with Terrence Spivey’s direction and co-choreography (with G. Carlos Henderson) of Dream on Monkey Mountain. This…
Best Knights Out
Unlike other summer fairs, which smother community parks and church parking lots with funnel cakes and SpongeBob mirrors for a weekend, the Great Lakes Medieval Faire’s 13 acres are devoted exclusively to kicking it olde school. Period-clad knights, jesters, and wenches party like its 1399 every weekend for over a month. More than two dozen…
Best Irish Bar on the East Side
This dark little place has live Irish music on Thursday and Friday nights. The bartenders know how to pour a good Guinness, and sometimes they hold competitions for customers to try their hand at it. And if there’s a soccer match being televised anywhere in the world, it’ll be on one of the TVs.
Best Bar for Drunken Law Students
Compared to the rowdy, frat-boy vibe at Coventry’s other night spots, this lounge is a welcome change. The lights are dim, the bar is well-stocked, and the comfy black-cushioned booths invite conversation. But the real draw is the patio out back.
Best Blackout Food
The food here will still taste delicious when you’re sober, but when you’re training-wheels wasted, it’s like a dream. Much like the beer helmet, City Place was designed with you, the drinking man, in mind. Note the incredibly large menu, which serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner 24 hours a day. For a 3 a.m. breakfast,…
Best Outdoor Dining
Alfresco dining is hot, and nowhere does the setting sizzle so much as at this trendy Tremont tavern. Among the amenities: sexy mood lighting, a fireplace, and comfy seating, along with a contemporary copper-topped overhang that offers shelter when the weather turns iffy.
Best Seafood
You’ve just got to feel good about a restaurant whose motto is “Eat oysters. Make love.” A gold-and-cobalt swirl of sophistication, Blue Point’s dining room makes a fitting backdrop for its fine, fresh, and flavorful fish. Whether it’s the namesake Blue Point oysters, the lobster Bolognese, or the buttery yellowfin tuna, you’ll know what it…
Best Bite of Modern Mexico
If beans, rice, and a roomful of sombreros is your idea of a Mexican restaurant, a trip to Momocho is in order. Sure, guacamole, chiles rellenos, and tostadas sound familiar. But wait till you see how chef Eric Williams executes them: starting with top-shelf ingredients, seasoning them with exotic spices, and plating them artistically. The…
Best Reason to Eat More Ice Cream
Not that we needed an excuse, but knowing that our pleasure supports a good cause makes it less guilty. In this case, the cause is breast-cancer prevention: Each time you buy a pint of Pink Ribbon Peppermint Chip — creamy, minty, and laden with giant chocolate chunks — the Mitchells send half a buck to…
Best Radio-Host Homecoming
Like many Clevelanders, we were bummed when Rover announced he was moving to Chicago. It also seemed all too typical: Whenever folks get successful, they bail on Cleveland for a bigger market. But Rover promised that it would increase the quality of his show, and you know what? He was right. Rover has never made…
Best Cosmetic Dentist
While most people view tooth-whitening as a costly annoyance, Dr. Donald Shingler sees it as cause for celebration. Two years ago, Shingler started holding tooth-whitening parties at bridal salons and hair parlors downtown. And every season, the Cavalier Girls go to him to get their teeth pearly white for game day.
Best Swimming Hole for Dogs
Located off Lake Road, Rocky River Park boasts a generous amount of hilly green space, a playground, picnic benches, a small beach, and a great view of Lake Erie. There’s a breakwall about 30 feet offshore, where the water is no more than 5 feet deep. At any given time, you’ll find several dogs and…
Best Place to Buy a Gift for Your Girlfriend
The unofficial mascot of this Tremont shop is an enthusiastic toy poodle, who greets you at the door before returning to his tiny couch to snooze while you browse. The store offers a wide variety of gift options — from silver and glass jewelry to hip belts, wallets, Oriental satin purses, and scented candles. On…
Best Pet Hospital
With no appointment necessary, Gateway is a nonprofit animal hospital that defrays costs by cutting overhead. Those savings are passed on to its customers, making its services affordable to low-income pet owners. But with the best veterinarians in town, it’s the animal hospital of choice for more affluent pet owners as well. One of the…
Best Store for Graphic Novels
At Carol and John’s, the selection of new issues — including a wall of last week’s releases — is top-notch, but what makes the store vital is its thorough stock of trade paperbacks. From Sandman to Akira, with plenty of Mike Mignola and Frank Miller, the store’s library is to be envied. The knowledgeable staff…
Best Clutch Player
For all LeBron did last season (pretty much everything), give D-Jones props for two big hunks of clutch. In March, the Cavs’ highest profile free-agent signing was battling the flu and trumped-up allegations of sexual assault. Then, because the week needed one last touch of drama, he buried a game-winning three-pointer to extinctify the Raptors.…
Best Hope for Minor League Hockey
The latest incarnation of the Cleveland Barons died last spring, but there’s one last, best hope for the success of hockey in Cleveland: Len Komoroski. The former minor league hockey exec, now president of the Cavs, announced that he will launch a new AHL team at the Q in 2007. If anybody can make hockey…
Best Way to Get Yourself Out of the House
You’re not 12 anymore, so Mom and Dad can’t force you to sign up for soccer. Luckily, Cleveland Plays is here to help. A local nonprofit, Cleveland Plays is the best portal to the adult league of your dreams. An easy-to-navigate website offers entry to dozens of coed leagues. Whether it’s volleyball, football, softball, or…
Social Distortion
Formed in ’78, Social Distortion is a punk godfather. Singer-guitarist Mike Ness’ battles with alcohol and drug addiction kept the band from having more than an album to show for its first decade of existence, but what a record it is. Released in ’83, Mommy’s Little Monster is a brash, influential three-chord salvo epitomized by…
Scene’s Guide to Halloween Night
Ghostly Manor & XD 3D Motion Theater Two Attractions One Location www.ghostlymanor.com www.xd3dtheater.com Ghostly Manor: Rated top 10 in the U.S. Open Year Round. This old mansion instantly comes alive. Walk through this amazing haunt filled with chills and thrills. Discover ghosts and sprits. And now a 3D motion theater which transcends time, space and…
Army of One
Many of Nick Griffin’s jokes stem from a bygone era. “When I was in my 20s and saw a beautiful girl, I was like, ‘Oh, I gotta get that,'” says the thirtysomething comedian. “Now I’m like, ‘I’ll never get that. Young girls are filled with sugar and spice and everything nice, and I’m filled with…
Full Monty
Monty Python’s Spamalot, the Broadway musical that comes to Playhouse Square tonight, managed to do what its movie inspiration couldn’t: win tons of awards. While Monty Python and the Holy Grail is indisputably one of the funniest films ever made, it couldn’t even muster a measly technical nomination at the 1975 Oscars. The play, on…
Best Stage Patter From a Band
Chris Kulcsar, manic frontman for This Moment in Black History, has the goofy, over-the-top appeal of Pee-wee Herman. While Kulcsar’s mid-song forays into the audience are amusing, it’s between songs that he really shines, spewing non sequiturs as if his head were a balloon with a slow leak. “We write Sesame Street songs, like, remember,…
Best Free Theater
Every summer, these directors and actors commit themselves to making the Bard accessible to all members of a family. They mount their shows in enticing outdoor venues around the city, turning every play into a festive alfresco event. And since every performance is free, you’ve got nothing to lose by taking in a fresh-air version…
Best New Museum
Since opening last October, this intimate venue has proved invaluable to both Jews and Gentiles. Although its primary objective is to pay tribute to the community’s Jewish population, it’s become one of the area’s most exhaustive chroniclers of the immigration experience. Permanent exhibits include generation-spanning photos, artifacts, and documents. Its latest exhibit, Cradle of Christianity:…
Best Irish Bar on the West Side
The Harp is the most Irish bar you can find without flying to the Emerald Isle. This West Side institution has 11 Irish, Scottish, and British beers on tap, plus rare Irish whiskeys. The menu includes boxty, an authentic Irish potato pancake. And each meal comes with homemade Irish soda bread.
Best Place to Take a Blind Date
This Tremont bar excels at the two keys to making a blind date pleasant: dim lighting and strong drinks. Keeping with a lava theme, the red walls are complemented by matching red lights, which cast an intimate glow. The extensive wine, beer, and cocktail lists offer something for even the pickiest drinkers — including a…
Best Capper for a Weekend Bender
The weekend’s buzz is starting to wane, and you’re tempted to shut it down and trade jeans for pajamas. But what fun is that? Instead, stumble over to Mercury Lounge, a small bar on West Sixth. The soft, red lighting and nap-worthy couches will ease you back into party mode while tiptoeing around the potential…
Best View
Cantilevered about the mighty Cuyahoga River as it writhes down a series of rocky falls, Piatto Novo provides a spectacular view of nature to observers enjoying the cushy comfort of a well-appointed dining room. There’s not a bad sight line in the house, thanks to soaring walls of windows and tiered seating. And regardless of…
Best Sushi
The fish at Parallax is so fresh and tender, it falls apart on your tongue. But what really makes the sushi explode is its seasonings. On spicy tuna rolls, chefs use three different sauces to dazzling effect: You taste a hot chili flavor first, and then a sweet, plum spiciness, ending with a slightly garlicky…
Best Creole
If you’re searching for a taste of the Big Easy, check out the Mardi Gras Lounge. The Creole-themed joint in old Chinatown features a weekend retinue of live jazz, blues, and R&B. While the vibe is gritty and unpretentious, the kitchen demonstrates remarkable flair. Among our favorites is the jambalaya: a mound of firm rice…
Best Donuts
Whether you load your first dozen with crullers, twists, or jelly-filled wonders, you’ll soon be eating spudnut after spudnut. The shop’s interior is just as delicious, a reminder of when every donut shop was a gathering place: a U-shaped counter populated by chatty old-timers, thumbing through papers that by 9 a.m. look as if they’ve…
Best Homegrown Radio
There’s hope for the future of homegrown radio in 98.5 FM’s WNCX Morning Show, featuring Mud, Mihalik, and Mike. For the first time in 14 years, the classic-rock station’s morning show is in the hands of true Clevelanders. Host Mud graduated from Beachwood High School and was later booted out of Ohio University. Co-host Kim…
Best Traditional Wedding Location
If you and your beloved are traditionally minded, the Old Stone Church at Public Square is the perfect choice. The sanctuary features dark wood and Tiffany stained-glass windows, as well as one of the most beautiful pipe organs you’ve ever heard. The mandatory weekend marriage course offers useful lessons on finance, conflict resolution, and dealing…
Best Plant Nursery
Even if you’re not buying plants, Wooster’s Quailcrest farm is worth the trip. The nursery is known for its herbs, roses, shrubs, and perennials, and boasts more than 25 gardens, including the Tea House Garden and formal Herb Garden. Stroll around and take in some of the historic buildings on the grounds. Then head to…
Best Place to Buy Gifts for Everyone Else
With hundreds of unique, hand-made gifts from around the world, this is the perfect place to shop for The Person Who Has Everything. Indigenous art from Kenya? Check. Ceramic bowls from Mexico? Check. Carved storage boxes from Vietnam? Check. No matter what you buy, you can guarantee that your friend doesn’t already have it. Unless…
Best Thrift Store
With thrift-store threads in high demand, it’s hard to find product that hasn’t been picked through. But just off the beaten path is thrift-shop Valhalla: the Salvation Army in Barberton. Since its clientele is largely made up of grandmothers in search of elastic-waist slacks, the racks remain stocked with to-die-for finds for penniless hipsters, including…
Best Oddball Emporium
Everything about this newsstand-in-a-bank is quirky. You’ve got to get buzzed in. Some old guy is at the register, talking on the phone; he gives you free rein to roam row upon row of magazines. As you might imagine, several walls are devoted to gearhead culture, but there’s also enough variety to cater to every…
Best Pigskin Prognosticator
Westlake’s Northcoast Sports Service has been hawking top-shelf pigskin intel to thousands of bettors for nearly a quarter-century, and for good reason — for the last seven years, the annual Phil Steele’s College Football Preview has pancaked competing tip sheets. Written almost entirely by Steele himself, it’s done in eye-numbing detail: teensy type, most of…
Best Bowling Alley
Bowling is one of those activities that feels like it should be free, but always ends up costing more than you bargained for. But not at Mahall’s. This small, split-level bowling alley with 20 lanes was opened in the 1930s by John Mahall. Seven decades later, grandson Thomas charges just $2 a game and $2…
Best New Extreme Sport
Imagine cutting through the waves on a wakeboard, flying gracefully through a curtain of surf. In the rapidly exploding sport of kiteboarding, all you need is the wind. If you’ve ever driven past Edgewater Park on a breezy day, you’ve probably seen them — those massive, horseshoe-shaped kites bobbing in the air. Twenty-four-year-old Joel Hageman…
CSS/Ladytron
There’s every reason in the world to think that at some point, Gary Glitter and Peaches hooked up and squeezed out a love child. At least, that’s the indication given by CSS, a sextet from São Paulo, Brazil. Its debut, Cansei de Ser Sexy, is a hoot, the kind of thing that gets “serious” dance-music…
Laugh Through the Pain
Perhaps there is no more agonizing event than the death of a small child. There is no metaphor, no simile, no turn of phrase that can come close to expressing what a parent feels in such a tragic situation. Yet that is the assignment playwright David Lindsay-Abaire sets for himself in Rabbit Hole, now at…
Hair of the Dog
At today’s Yappy Hour, dog owners get blitzed on booze while Fido gets fitted for his Halloween costume. The monthly social lets canines romp through the Pet-Tique pet shop, while their owners throw back beer and wine. Dogs can try on witch, devil, and princess costumes for the store’s Halloween party on October 26. Thu.,…
Love in Gloom
Minneapolis singer-songwriter Ben Connelly finds hope in even the most dismal subjects. His latest album, Over You, is filled with death, divorce, and loneliness. Yet, despite a photo of Connelly looking all gloomy underneath an umbrella on the CD’s back cover, the songs — most performed with just guitar and drums — look for a…
Best Chance to Be a Star
Ross’ name will surprise some people, since she’s only 16 and hardly as accomplished in her singing and musicianship as other artists in town. But stardom’s no longer about talent so much as sex appeal and youth — that and pitch-correcting equipment, writing teams, million-dollar ad budgets, and sponsorships. Which isn’t to disparage the Mentor…
Best Costume Design
For all their flashy contributions, costume designers are some of the easiest theater people to overlook. But just as clothes can make the man, so too can the right costumes make the show. This season we’ve been particularly impressed with the work of MaryJo Alexander at Actors’ Summit, a small but professional theater in Hudson.…
Best Chance to See CMA’s Art Collection
Without this citywide program, the Cleveland Museum of Art’s masterpiece-filled collection would be gathering dust in a warehouse while the museum goes through what seems like a decade-long renovation project. But since early this year, the museum has lent paintings, sculptures, and other art to various spots around town, including the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, the…
Best Patio Drinking
The patio at this Lakewood bar combines the ambiance of a European beer garden with all the raw flesh of a 50 Cent video. Whether you’re mingling with coeds at the massive bar or playing it low-key in a nook of the mazelike terrace, there’s no better place to chill on a hot summer night.
Best Place to Show Off Your Tan
At Shooters, the aroma of piña coladas blends seamlessly with the fragrance of coconut tanning oil. Bronzed gods and goddesses in summer white induce awe. If you’ve got it, this is the place to flaunt it.
Best Restaurant
The Ohio City hot spot offers sleek decor, a bustling bar scene, and the creative offerings of chef-owner Karen Small. As one of the region’s staunchest supporters of sustainable agriculture, Small ensures that her menus change with the seasons — her large, international pantry yields everything from tempura-battered baby green beans and hoisin-glazed short ribs…
Best Movable Feast
Why cook when you can tote home a variety of ready-to-eat dishes from Mustard Seed’s Market Kitchen? Vegan, vegetarian, or omnivorous, there’s always something to try, with possibilities ranging from ginger-baked tofu to grilled chicken with cherry-chipotle barbecue sauce. Round out your take-home feast with a loaf of freshly baked bread, a big salad, and…
Best Catfish
Executive chef Jeff Uniatowski’s Crispy Catfish Nuggets are bite-sized bits of down-home heaven, as sweet and delicate as a belle’s first kiss. They arrive at the table in a Chinese carryout box (of all things!) and are accompanied by a passel of sweet-potato fries and a tub of spicy tartar sauce.
Best Bistro in a Dance Club
A contemporary take on the 1950s supper club, Touch balances a hip music and dance scene with an eclectic menu of contemporary bistro fare. The kitchen produces multicultural dishes and robust flavors with plenty of labor-intensive touches, like homemade ketchup, fried-to-order potato chips, and what are probably the best Belgian-style frites in the city. Sure,…
Best Taste of Tomorrow’s Cooking
When the students take over the kitchen at this private culinary school — a professional offshoot of the Loretta Paganini School of Cooking — the results are as mouthwatering as they are inexpensive. For a mere $15, budget-minded foodsters can feast on fabulous five-course luncheons, complete with apps, soups, salads, entrées, and desserts, all prepared…
Best Crime Fighter in a Suit and Tie
Greg White prepped with the farm club in Lorain, so cuffs or no cuffs, you know the guy can scrap. And that’s exactly what the U.S. attorney has done. Nate Gray and four of his associates are in prison after being prosecuted for a citywide extortion ring. This on the heels of a treasure hunt…
Best Unusual Wedding Location
Renting the facilities is fairly cheap; the RainForest exhibit — which holds up to 300 guests and features crocodiles, snakes, and porcupines — costs $3,000 for the night. The zoo makes planning easy, offering its own catering service. But if you’re eating at the aquarium, you might want to forgo ordering fish.
Best Place to Score an Heirloom Tomato
Needless to say, old-fashioned toms are best found in old-fashioned places — like weekly farmers’ markets, where locally grown produce arrives at peak freshness. While new venues seem to pop up every summer, our favorites are still the reliably well-organized, well-stocked, and well-attended ones sponsored by the North Union Farmers’ Market. Here, heirloom veggies mingle…
Best New Home for Old Memories
If there was a knock on the original Big Fun, it was that it was a bit too cramped. Often, you’d have to get uncomfortably close to strangers just to get to the Star Wars figures. So owner Steve Presser made a smart business decision when he moved across the street to a location twice…
Best Source of Vintage Dresses
Nancy Wilson has amassed so many vintage dresses that it takes two stories of clothing racks to keep her Cleveland store organized. While Chelsea’s specializes in 1950s and ’60s dresses, the store’s narrow aisles are bursting with everything from lacy Victorian shawls to ’80s jumpsuits. It’s all organized by era and by color, so if…
Best Pro Team
After fighting to within a game of the Eastern Conference Finals, the Cavs have finally lived up to their promise. But it was the way they pulled it off that earned them this title: They did it with a rookie head coach. They got help from unexpected places, like Flip Murray and Anderson Varejao. And…
Best Mascot
Since the Tribe’s Slider is, well, pink, the Cavaliers’ lovable pooch didn’t have much competition in this category. But worry not: Moondog is one bad-ass pup. He’s constantly on the move, popping up in the rafters of the Q to surprise unsuspecting fans with flying confetti. And for someone who can’t speak, M-dog talks smack…
Best Year-Round Batting Cage
This complex is prettier than Grady Sizemore: 19,000 square feet of chain-link fence, synthetic turf, and sky-high ceiling. Walk-ins can swing away — helmets and aluminum bats provided — inside four token-operated cages, where softballs or baseballs are launched at speeds of up to 90 miles per hour. (Forty mph — the slowest speed –…
USAisamonster
USAisamonster’s most emblematic track, “Desert,” gets off with some serious acoustic slow-jamming, warbly and loose, like riding a horse. It is, in fact, quite a bit like America’s “A Horse With No Name,” all catchy in that sort of don’t-tell-anyone way, but no more than a few seconds pass before the whole thing dissolves into…
Playtime
Sweet, crazy, and tinged with sadness, Michel Gondry’s The Science of Sleep is a wondrous concoction. The tricksy romantic story — in which Gael García Bernal plays a hapless, Chaplinesque mad man — may be reminiscent of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which Gondry directed from Charlie Kaufman’s script. The look, however, harks back…
Man’s Man
Although Cleveland Public Theatre’s M4M features an all-male cast performing Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure, “It’s not a gay version,” says director Craig George. “But people will filter it through their own sensibilities.” All the same-sex hand-holding, kissing, and courting is nothing new. Back in the Bard’s day, all roles were performed by men on the…
Shakespeare in Love
In Shakespeare’s Love’s Labour’s Lost, which opens tonight, four pals (including a king) swear off women. Then, a princess and three of her friends come to town, and all bets are off. “It’s a tricky piece and very delicate,” says Great Lakes Theater Festival artistic director Charles Fee. “But it’s also extraordinarily funny. Shakespeare’s comedies…
Best New Record Label
In the summer of 2005, Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney had an epiphany: “If my little Ohio band did it, so can the rest.” With that, Audio Eagle Records was hatched. Carney scoped out the local scene in search of Ohio’s most promising acts, and less than a year later, Audio Eagle put out its…
Best Street Event
Three years ago, artist Susie Frazier Mueller embarked on an ambitious quest to rejuvenate downtown Cleveland when she founded the annual “Sparx in the City” art-gallery hop. To piggyback on the popular tours, Mueller and a core of volunteers established the Street Beats performance series. Mueller and company hire an ultraeclectic array of entertainers, from…
Best Public Art Piece
Quadrum is a functional art piece that consists of about two and a half tons of stone obtained from the Cleveland Quarry, which happens to be the largest sandstone quarry in the world. The original commission called for a park bench, but that evolved into this stone seating piece that overlooks the only waterfall (Mill…
Best Bar for Conversation
Cleveland’s oldest bar doesn’t look as if it has aged a day. Sure, it has a few TVs, but the real charm is that you can actually have a conversation without screaming into your companion’s ear. The jukebox has a good selection, but the best part is, they’ll turn it down if you ask. And…
Best Beer Lesson
Each Friday and Saturday, Great Lakes hosts free tours of its historic complex. The Great Lakes grounds represent a remarkable convergence of Cleveland’s past: They once housed the stables and kegging equipment for the Schlather Brewing Company — a giant, back when our city was a beer-making hub. The brewpub also rests in the space…
Best Neighborhood Restaurant
Located in the center of downtown Euclid, the Bistro takes its name from the beach clubs that hug the shoreline from the eastern part of Cleveland to Euclid. The Beach Club serves 13 different pizzas, named after local clubs — including the Gilchrist, the Arcadia, and the Utopia — or local landmarks, such as Henn…
Best Stand-in for Mom’s Home Cooking
Joe and Carolina Coreno will make you feel like famiglia in their homey little restaurant, Caffé Roma. The menu’s nothing fancy, composed mostly of pasta, and their plates are unapologetically mismatched. But what a value! An ample portion of spaghetti and meatballs, followed by a freshly stuffed cannoli, will set you back less than a…
Best Beef Brisket
While this is technically a seafood restaurant, those in the know order the German fare. Take the “Kluck’s Specialty,” for example: tire-size shards of mouthwatering beef brisket, drowning in piping-hot gravy and served with a heaping portion of homemade potato pancakes. A tribute to portion size, often heard at Kluck’s: “How do they make money…
Best Limited-Time Veggie Offer
At Parker’s, chef de cuisine Andy Strizak lavishes each naturally grown bean, bud, and berry with the same attention others give to ingredients nearer the top of the food chain. The best way to sample his work is to attend one of the bistro’s prix fixe Vegetarian Dinners, a monthly five-course homage to meat-free luxe.…
Best New Restaurant
Elegant but fun-loving, beautiful but sassy: Michael and Liz Symon’s long-awaited, relocated, and reimagined Lola is all that and a stack of rosemary-and-sea-salt-scented French fries too. Think of it as your average neighborhood bistro on performance-enhancing drugs. There are some seriously funky twists to celebrity chef Symon’s small, seasonal menu, including a lineup of intensely…
Best Public Servant
Take a normal person’s workload, cut it in half, then skim from there. That’s how most Ohio public officials approach their jobs. But U.S. Marshal Pete Elliott apparently never got the memo. In 2003, he organized the Northern Ohio Violent Fugitive Task Force, composed of officers from 37 area police departments. Since then, the force…
Best Downtown Parking
The location is ideal: The lot connects with both Euclid and Carnegie, so you have two options for avoiding traffic. And hey, if you go during the day, it’s completely free.
Best Place to See Snakes
A flooded snakehouse sounds like the setting of a bad horror movie, but that’s exactly what happened at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo back in 1959. The zoo’s collection of snakes — that creepy creature most favored by little boys everywhere — was never the same again. Thankfully, the Lake Erie Nature & Science Center in…
Best Gourmet Gift Basket
Self-styled “aging hippies” Jody Byrne and Michael Slyker operate a Streetsboro farm teeming with fields of lavender that, until recently, was harvested as an ingredient in Byrne’s handcrafted soaps and oils. Lately, though, Byrne has been experimenting with various infusions, blends, and mixes. Her preoccupation has resulted in a whopper of a gift basket that…
Best Vinyl
Original pressings of jazz records are hard to come buy, but not at Checkered Records. Owner George Bertovich keeps his shelves stocked with rare reissues and essential collectibles, from indie rock to ’60s pop, soul, and rock. Unlike most record stores that carry one Otis Redding record for every 100 copies of Sports by Huey…
Best Pro Coach
When Danny Ferry hired a rookie head coach, he was counting on three veteran free agents to make the transition easier. Instead, Larry Hughes missed much of the year due to injury, while Donyell Marshall and Damon Jones barely showed up. That left LeBron and . . . well, that’s about it. But Brown, who…
Best In-Game Entertainment
Yes, we realize this relegates the Cavalier Girls to second-best in-game entertainment, but doggonit, we’re an equal opportunity paper, and the Scream Team appeals to both chicks and dudes. Composed of seven male and six female hip-hop dancers, the Scream Team never fails to wow the crowd during timeouts at the Q. These freaks can…
Best Ubiquitous Gym
This gym chain has got Cleveland firmly in a headlock. The staff at the area’s eight FitWorks offer personal training, aerobics, and spinning classes, not to mention a primo selection of treadmills, ellipticals, free weights, and tension-adjustable resistance machines. No matter where you live, there’s a FitWorks nearby.
What Price Victory?
The members of Hawthorne Heights have taken the hard road before. The Dayton quintet toured the nation — before signing with Victory Records — playing in empty dives and dank basements for a handful of people. They’re not ones to shy away from a challenge. But suing your label is like declaring war: You’d better…
Jason Popson and Friends
Jason Popson — formerly known as Mushroomhead’s frontman and fan-favorite J. Mann — has been stalking the Cleveland underground for more than 15 years, and he’ll perform a set of 35 favorites culled from every band he’s been in, to pay tribute to his late father and raise funds for his family. For the first…
Singled Out
It’s a damn shame there isn’t a Nobel Prize for Courage in Interpersonal Relationships. If there were, a “single-and-looking” man or woman would win it every time. While many singles are OK with their status, many others are driven to find that one true love, the person whose yin matches their yang, the unique piece…
