Critical Fatwa

All hail Dr. Dre, who has spent his life lying with dogs, yet never catching fleas (or bullets). Unlike so many of those around him, Dre has always known that gangsta rap is music, not life. But so many others foolishly think that they are less cartoonish than Alice Cooper, yet get angry when anyone takes their boasts seriously. For the most ironic gangsta-rap moment since C-Murder was convicted of murder — i.e., Ja accusing the government of racial profiling for pursuing his bosses, the (fake) Gotti Brothers — we fatwa you, Mr. Rule!

Oh, Ja Rule (née Jeffrey Atkins), you posturing, puffed-up 21st-century Stepin Fetchit. You run around like a hooting, shirtless, semiliterate criminal thug. Your catchphrase is “It’s murder!” (Not exactly “We shall overcome.”) Who’s hurting black men more, Jeffrey: money-laundering probes, or you? (You know how the government is always accusing black men of money-laundering!)

We love gangsta rap, if not the weak tea put out by Ja. But we don’t go around wondering why the feds might be interested in men who change their last name to Gotti and found a company called Murder, Inc. You don’t have to be a racist pig to remember what happened over at Death Row Records. Or the murder of Biggie Smalls, Tupac Shakur, or Jam Master Jay. Face it, Jeffrey: If people weren’t afraid of being called racist for agreeing with you that you’re a thug, there would be congressional hearings on your industry.

Fatwa! May the charges stick next time, and may 50 Cent (a man much more comfortable with his contradictions) continue to spank you in your lopsided feud. It is written.

This article appears in Jan 4-10, 2006.