Click for Deadspin's 2013 Browns preview Credit: Deadspin

Click for Deadspins 2013 Browns preview

  • Deadspin
  • Click for Deadspin’s 2013 Browns preview

Deadspin’s NFL preview series (Why Your Team Sucks) profiles each team in the league and, for Browns fans, today is the day you can read why your team sucks…

The fantastic Drew Magary reviews the 2012 season (“you have to deliberately plant staph fungus in the locker room showerheads and sign Jake Delhomme and hire Leo Bloom as your accountant to craft a failure this magnificent, this seemingly permanent”), profiles coach Rob Chudzinski (“young Beau Bridges”) and Brandon Weeden, lists the worst 18 Browns players of all time, and features a bunch of emails from Browns fans (Desmond Bryant’s mugshot makes an appearance as well, which is always entertaining).

I’ll just leave you with this excerpt, and you can read the whole thing here:

Only in Cleveland. ONLY in Cleveland would the new owner be a minority Steelers owner who turned out to be a fucking crook. Not only is Jimmy Haslam a crook, but his company of truck driver handjob emporiums is a whopping FOUR BILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT. Oh my fucking God! Are his truck stops built out of fucking platinum? This man isn’t even an effective crook. The feds are so far up Haslam’s ass that his dad might be called in to run the team. Jimmy Haslam’s father, you should note, is 82 years old. You get a crook AND you get Ralph Wilson all in one!

Of course, you should also check out this week’s Scene cover story, “Mangini’s Mess,” by former tight end Nate Jackson.

This article appears in Aug 7-13, 2013.

Doug Brown is a staff writer at Scene with a passion for public records laws and investigative reporting. A native of Ann Arbor, Mich., he has an M.A. in journalism from the Kent State University School of Journalism and Mass Communication and a B.A. in political science from Hiram College. Prior to joining Scene, Doug was a contributing writer for Deadspin.com, reporting behind-the-scenes stories about college sports through public records and developing sources. Doug's work as an enterprise reporter for the Daily Kent Stater was recognized by the Cleveland Press Club (2013 Ohio Excellence in Journalism Awards), Society of Professional Journalists (regional and national Mark of Excellence Awards), and the Associated Collegiate Press. He spent the summer of 2012 working for the Metro desk of the Cleveland Plain Dealer and spent previous summers working for Outside Bozeman Magazine and Crain's Detroit Business. His website is dougbrown8.com.

3 replies on “Deadspin: Why the Cleveland Browns Suck”

  2. It’s pretty sad when the best part of the article are the e-mails written by fans. Otherwise, it looks like the author spent all of five minutes researching the time before jumping into his “analysis” of the Browns.

  3. A once proud franchise. Title Town under Paul Brown. I feel so privileged that I got to see
    The Cleveland Browns when they were feared!

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