Via Deadspin, a letter to the editor in the Findlay Courier from a fella who discovered that the Buckeye tree is both male and female (technically) and as such is bisexual and undeserving of state-tree status in Ohio.
He’s obviously joking, but it’s some money satire.
Something in the “Just Ask” column (Page A3, May 29) disturbed me. According to the column, “the Ohio buckeye, Aesculus glabra, bears flowers with both male and female organs on the same tree. It is a monoecious species.”
I couldn’t believe this, so I did some research and, sure enough, a science website (forestry.about.com) states that “the Ohio buckeye is polygamo-monoecious, bearing both bisexual and male flowers.”
The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, “buckeyes.” But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!
I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term “buckeye” as a nickname for residents of Ohio.
Does anyone know if carnations are bisexual?
Jim Flechtner, Findlay
A couple of notes: 1) Forestry.about.com is most certainly a “science website,” much like Bang Brothers is a Sex Ed website. 2) Carnations are omnisexual and into open relationships and bondage. Everyone knows that.
This article appears in Jun 13-19, 2012.
this is ridiculous!
First, If there’s such a controversy about calling yourself Buckeye (Ohio State University), then Call yourself a Bobcat (Ohio University)! OSU is the more notorious university but not the only state named university, OU, is in fact older, and the original state school. The
Second, THE TREE IS A PLANT! found in nature! It is a natural thing! Why would it be “shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us” when said TREE is found in nature, and if the bible and religion is going to be brought into this, Genesis 1:11 “Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds. ” And it was so.” If the buckeye plant was not suppose to be formed it wouldn’t have.
Third, If homophobia has gotten bad enough to be discriminate of plants something is seriously wrong! Hate is the choice here. The state motto is “With God, all things are possible” If I were offended by this, and wrote to the legislation requesting it be changed I would be laughed at! The same should happen in this instance! Again I’ll say it, HATE IS THE CHOICE!
Someone overlooked the words “joke” and “satire”…
Lets just hope we don’t see any Buckeye Tree porn sites….
Really glad that this guy was just joking and not actually serious. I was about to lose even more faith in mankind.