Maybe you already got your family together and brainstormed on what you’d like to do for this year’s summer vacation. Everyone chimed in on their ideal destination. Daughter Fritzi clamored for Munich. Son Guido pined for the hills of Sicily. Your dream was to play a third of a round at Pebble Beach, while your wife wanted to hit the lesbian bars in Brasilia.
Well, guess what — you’re not going to any of those places.
While daydreaming about expensive trips may be fun, in this economy,
you have to get real. “Just fucking forget it,” advises financial
strate-gist Robert Charles.
Sometimes the best things in life are free, and all it takes
is some planning to get your “staycation” off on the good foot, to find
ways, before you start, to minimize your cost and maximize your fun.
Good luck with that, but here are a few ideas anyway.
Pool your resources. Your community has untold riches, often
right in your neighborhood. Vacation planner Elaine Bustos suggests
making friends with someone who has a pool.
“You can take the entire family swimming,” she says. “And see if the
owners of the pool will give you food. That’s what I do. I’ve had
entire meals poolside. There’s nothing like a cheeseburger with your
feet dangling in the water. If they have Tostitos, that’s good
too.”
There are pitfalls to watch out for with this, however. “Don’t let
your food fall into the water,” cautions Bustos. “I once dropped a
plate of nachos in a pool and it left an orange film they couldn’t get
out. I didn’t get any more food, and I wasn’t invited back either.”
Doin’ what comes virtually. Another activity you can enjoy
without leaving town, or even home, is watching television shows or
Internet videos of other people’s vacations. Unlicensed psychologist
Noel Berrysill is a big proponent — and we mean big, at 320
pounds — of the three Vs: Vicarious Virtual Vacations.
“You might try the Travel Channel or National Geographic. Or Google
‘people’s summer vacations’ and see what you come up with. It can be
very emotionally satisfying to go along with a stranger to Nice or
Switzerland or Paris.” Berrysill has personally watched many TV shows
about travel. “It makes me feel really good, like I’m really going out
there,” he grunts.
Laid at the library. Your local library is a goldmine for
books and information, but why not take a different tack with this
invaluable resource?
“A good inexpensive way to enjoy summer is to lay down a beach towel
in your town library’s parking lot,” says libraryvacation.org‘s Puffi
Livermore. “We promote a program, ‘Tan ‘n’ Tarry,’ where we encourage
people to tan in our parking lot, then cover them with chicken fat and
invite them in for an afternoon inside the library.”
Why chicken fat? “We found that more people develop an interest in
reading after a combination of sunning and chicken fat,” says
Livermore. “Families come to the parking lot for free summer fun and
end up learning. It’s sustainable too, because it involves solar
energy.”
On the beach. To simulate a day at the beach, cover the
living room floor with sand (available at most hardware stores in
inexpensive five-pound bags) and fill the fireplace with water. Turn a
fan onto the fireplace to make waves and presto! Your own beachfront to
enjoy. Build a campfire to complete the classic summertime tableau.
“People truly don’t understand the power they have to adjust their
environment,” marvels Philip Monroe, decorating motivator from yourindoorsummerbeach.com. “You
can transform your living space into anything, from Canada to the
Congo. All it takes is a little old-fashioned American know-how.”
Monroe suggests picking over neighbors’ trash on garbage-collection
day to pick up discarded chairs and small tables for your personal
beach. “Then put together a fabulous relish tray!” burbles the
effeminate designer. “Celery, peppers, carrots, cauliflower — oh,
I don’t know what else!”
Hop on this and rotate. Since you can’t get to a real
amusement park this summer, get together with the kids to devise rides
for your backyard. Looped over a sturdy tree branch, the combination of
a tow-truck chain and an old tire from the city dump can create magical
moments for you and your family.
Steven Pinkler, author of Stuff You Should Do With Your Family
but Probably Won’t (FamFun Books), thinks you should have a
variety of homemade amusement park-type rides in your backyard.
“People can easily make their own roller coasters, Tilt-a-Whirls,
Dodgem cars, Ferris wheels — anything you can find at Six Flags,
you can build yourself,” he says. “But let’s face it, that’s not gonna
happen.”
This article appears in May 20-26, 2009.