Looking back on the year that was 2017 leaves us laughing and crying and nostalgic and also ready to move on to 2018. But before we move on, we thought we needed to take a look back at the strangest and craziest stories from the year that was. There was no shortage of odd and bizarre Northeast Ohio stories from 2017. In fact, this is our second slideshow covering this topic this year. Happy New Year to all and here’s to all the weird stories we know are coming to Northeast Ohio in 2018.
Looking back on the year that was 2017 leaves us laughing and crying. But before we move on, we thought we needed to take a look back at the strangest and craziest stories from the year that was. There was no shortage of odd and bizarre Northeast Ohio stories from 2017. In fact, this is our second slideshow covering this topic this year. Happy New Year to all and here’s to all the weird stories we know are coming our way in 2018.
“Why One University of Akron Student Longboards Around Campus Dressed Like Jesus”
Feb. 22
If you’ve ever spotted a Christ-like figure longboarding around the University of Akron, you (probably) weren’t hallucinating. Chances are it was Joe Gerin, or “Longboard Jesus,” who put his skateboarding skills and distinctive facial hair to good use earlier this year.
Photo via @JMGerin/Instagram“Sandusky Couple Charged After Staging Fake Murder Scene With Ketchup, Spreading Photos”
March 10
A Sandusky couple thought it would be funny to stage a murder. The woman went into the bathtub, where her significant other covered her with ketchup, and the male then sent the photos to family and friends to show that he murdered her. Whoever they sent the pictures to didn’t find it funny; they called the police, who came to the couple’s house and charged them with inducing panic.
Photo via Wikipedia“This Ohio Love Bird Didn’t Quite Think Through His Spray-Painted Marriage Proposal
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March 30
Kyle Stump of Sheffield Lake wanted to be romantic in his marriage proposal and spray painted a message to his girlfriend Michelle, asking to marry him. Unfortunately for Stump, graffiti is against the law and police quickly figured out that Stump was behind the message, as he had gotten in trouble for spray painting in red in the past. He was sentenced to community service but Michelle did say ‘yes’ to the proposal.
Photo via Sheffield Lake Police Department“Ohio Man Who Epically Botched ‘Wheel of Fortune’ Answer Earns Second Chance On ‘Ellen”
April 4
Kevin Haas, a Brunswick-native, appeared on the television game show “Wheel of Fortune.” Unfortunately, for Haas, he missed an absolute gimme, and was then roasted on the internet. Haas had to fill in “A Street Car Na_ed Desire,” and guessed the letter ‘k’ for ‘A Street Car Naked Desire,’ instead of ‘m’, for the correct answer. Luckily for Haas, Ellen Degeneres invited him on her show to get some redemption for his epic gaffe.
Photo via Scene Archives“There’s an Instagram Account Devoted to Piss Jugs in Akron”
April 27
The next time you see a water bottle, soda can or jug of piss on the side of the road, you know where to submit a photo. While this account is a departure from typical Instagram fare of FitTea and sugary hair vitamins, they’ve amassed over 600 followers. As the account’s owner told Scene, “we all need hobbies.”
Photo via @AkronTruckerBombs/Instagram“Matt Underwood Sang the Hot Pockets Jingle and Brought Last Night’s Indians Broadcast to a Screeching Halt
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May 3
Indians announcer Matt Underwood is known for his gaffes from time to time. When he mentioned Tribe reporter Andre Knott’s pockets, he decided it was a good time to sing the Hot Pocket theme song, which then led to a very awkward, long silence between Underwood and partner Rick Manning.
Photo via Wikimedia“’Jesus’ Invaded Home, Prayed with Man, Stole Golf Cart, Asked to Fornicate with Police: This May Be Greatest Criminal Narrative of All Time”
May 4
According to Wayne County Captain Douglas Hunter, a man who called himself “Jesus” invaded a home, discharged a fire extinguisher, laid down at the foot of the residents’ bed and then prayed for a short time with the man of the house before exiting “into the darkness.” When picked up by local deputies on a golf cart, “Jesus” stated that he wanted to fornicate with the officers, but, per Hunter, “the officers just weren’t interested in having that type of relationship with the man.”
Photo via Wayne County Sheriff“Beyonce’s Dad is Doing a Book Signing Tonight at… a McDonald’s in Suburban Cleveland”
May 12
Matthew Knowles, father of Beyonce, may not exactly enjoy the same level of fame as his daughter does. How do we know? When he came to Cleveland for his book signing, to autograph copies of his book, “The DNA of Achievers: 10 Traits of Highly Successful People,” the appearance took place at a McDonald’s in Maple Heights.
Photo via Scene Archives“Cleveland Took Solace in Lots of Porn After the Cavs Lost Game 5 of the NBA Finals”
June 19
When the Cavaliers lost the NBA Finals to the Golden State Warriors by a final tally of three games to one, Clevelanders took solace in pornography. How do we know? Pornhub, one of the most popular porn sites on the internet, reported that hits from the Cleveland area spiked 28 percent between the hours of midnight and 1 a.m. the night after the team lost, compared to just a 6 percent spike after the game nationwide.
Photo via Scene Archives“88-Year-Old Ohio Man Says One-Eyed Hooker Stole His Wallet After Morning Rendezvous”
June 23
Sometimes, the headline really says it all.
Photo via Scene Archives“A Man Who Dresses in Medieval Garb and Walks Around Downtown is a Strange Ranger. But is He Dangerous?”
June 28
Our reporter Sam Allard took a deep dive into a man who walks around downtown Cleveland dressed as a knight while wielding a sword. The man, who goes by Lord Levi Athon (Leviathon) and also McKenzie Levie (or Mac Levi) can be seen walking around Public Square most days.
Photo by Eric Leiser“Avon Man Who Stole 500 Yard Signs Receives Jail Time, Forced to Apologize”
July 13
We’ve all seen signs in our neighborhood that we haven’t been fans of (especially during the past election cycle), but most of us don’t steal one — or 500. John Hoelzl, 62, however, is not most of us, and was caught with the $5,000 worth of signs neatly stacked and sorted at his home. His reasoning? They were distracting to drivers, and he thought he might use them someday.
Photo via Avon Lake Police Department“Hermes Cleveland is Suing St. Malachi’s For Literally the Dumbest Reason
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July 21
Hermes, a local company that manages races, sued St. Malachi Church for a very dumb reason. St. Malachi’s wanted to use it’s own name for a race. Hermes has organized the St. Malachi Run since 1981 but this year, the church wanted to run it on their own and Hermes sued them for wanting to use their own name.
Photo via Hermes Road Racing/Facebook“Canton Man Loses His Mind After His McDonald’s Order Took ‘Too Long’”
Aug. 15
At an East Canton McDonald’s, a man believed he hadn’t received his chicken sandwich fast enough. The man became very upset and began throwing chairs through multiple windows at the McDonald’s. He then leapt through the shattered glass and climbed atop a Stark County sheriff’s deputy’s cruiser. From there, believe it or not, the situation got crazier. He boarded the top of a SUV, riding it almost surfboard-style as the driver tried to shake him off in the McDonald’s parking lot and in the street.
Photo via Wikipedia“Cleveland Caller Takes Opportunity to Mention Local Host’s Dildo on National TV”
Aug. 23
After Kyrie Irving was traded to the Boston Celtics, local ESPN Radio host Aaron Goldhammer appeared on SportsCenter to discuss the trade. Then they opened the phone lines — a dicey decision — and one local caller pounced on his golden opportunity of being live on SportsCenter. “Hey fellas,” caller Steve said. “I just have one piece of advice for Kyrie Irving: Yeah, you might’ve hit a big shot. You might’ve won the Finals. But you’ll never be as big as Aaron’s dildo.”
Photo via Wikipedia“You Can Now Get Pizza Out of an ATM in Cleveland”
Aug. 29
Case Western Reserve University recently installed the first Pizza ATM in the region. Yes, a vending machine that dispenses pizza. They’re popular in Europe – we’re not sure if they’ve totally caught on here yet though.
Photo via Pizza ATM Brand/Facebook“Let’s Check In With Some Clevelanders Who Forgot About the Air Show and Momentarily Worried About Fighter Jets Flying Over Downtown
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Sept. 1
When you don’t remember the Air Show is happening, it can be scary to hear and see fighter jets over the city. This caused some hilarious confusion on social media. “Can anyone tell me why there are combat planes over cleveland rn (right now)”? asked Twitter user @Knifeprtty. “What’s up with these jets flying overhead here in Cleveland? I feel like if I’m in a war zone, they flying too low!!!,” proclaimed Rafael Rodriguez Jr. on Facebook.
Photo by Emmanuel Wallace“Youngstown-Area Dad Chases Daughter in Clown Mask, Neighbor Fires Gun”
Sept. 18
A father decided to discipline his daughter by by chasing her around their Boardman Township neighborhood in a clown mask, police said. The chase turned into a fiasco when the 6-year-old girl jumped into a random car and also a nearby apartment, yelling that a clown was following her. A bystander in the apartment building then shot a bullet into the ground to stop the madness.
Photo via Wikimedia“Someone Stole Trevor Bauer’s Drone”
Sept. 26th
Indians’ enigmatic pitcher Trevor Bauer made national news when he cut his finger while fixing his drone and had to be pulled out of his start in the American League Championship Series in Toronto after facing just four batters. Bauer’s drone came back into the news this fall when Bauer posted on Twitter that his drone was stolen from Clague Park in Westlake. Bauer started the hashtag #SaveMyPinky – he didn’t want to have to build a new drone and potentially injure his finger again right before the start of the 2017 Playoffs.
Photo via @BauerOutage/Twitter“Maple Heights Superintendent Suspended for Pantsing the School Board Vice President
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Oct. 3
At a football game this October, Maple Heights Superintendent Charles Keenan decided to pants the school board’s Vice President. The incident was captured on video. Keenan was suspended for ten days.
Photo via Wikipedia“The Cavs Took the NYC Subway Today and Not Everyone Was Pleased”
Nov. 13
When the Cavaliers visited New York to take on the Knicks in November, they were leaving practice at Madison Square Garden in Midtown Manhattan and because their hotel would’ve taken at least 45 minutes to get to because of traffic, most of the team decided to jump on the New York City Subway. It’s not everyday you see a bunch of 6’10″ professional basketball players in team gear on the NYC Subway. LeBron James began filming his subway ride and an unsuspecting passenger didn’t recognize James; when James turned his cell phone camera on the man, the man put his hand up to block James. Next time James panned the camera to the spot, security had removed the man.
Photo via @NBA/Instagram“Do You Want This Clevelander’s Partially Used Bottles of Shampoo?”
Nov. 16
Looking for two half-used bottles of shampoo? You’re in luck. On the Cleveland Craigslist page, someone posted about giving away two bottles of used shampoo. They apparently had dandruff but don’t anymore and no longer need the dandruff shampoo. Hey, it’s always nice to think of others.
Photo via Scene Archives“Ohio Supreme Court Justice, Gubernatorial Candidate Bill O’Neill Writes About Sleeping With 50 Women, Wants to be Voice of ‘Heterosexual Males’”
Nov. 17
After sexual harassment allegations came out against Senator Al Franken, Bill O’Neill, a former Justice of the Ohio Supreme Court, decided to post on Facebook about his sexual history. O’Neill, who is running for Governor of Ohio, posted that in “the last fifty years, I was sexually intimate with approximately 50 very attractive females.” He also wrote about “making passionate love” in a hayloft to former Senator Bob Taft’s secretary, in her parent’s barn. O’Neill later apologized for the post
Photo via Facebook/Bill O’Neill“Area Blue Man Wanted in Connection With Lakewood Robbery”
Nov. 29
Police released a grainy picture of a blue man in hopes that someone could identify him. He made off with cash from a cash register of a 7-Eleven in Lakewood. Unclear on whether he is a Smurfs fan or not.
Photo via Scene Archives“Ohio City Banners Display Presidential Wisdom… and Donald Trump’s “Grab ‘Em By the Pussy” Quote”
Dec. 1
Around West 20th and Lorain Avenue, someone posted banners of former presidents, with their faces and a famous quote next to their picture. “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power,” was the quote next to Abraham Lincoln’s banner. “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets credit,” was next to Harry Truman’s. “Grab em’ by the [pussy],” was next to current President Donald Trump’s picture.
Photo via Scene Archives
