Whether you’ve arrived from New York City or a rural Indiana town, whether you’ve come from the sun down south or from somewhere that makes you shocked at Cleveland summers, this town can surprise transplants. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. But certain things are immediately noticeable when you move to Clevleand.
Everyone Wears Cleveland T-Shirts
As a travel writer for the Daily Mail noticed years ago, it’s slightly bizarre to arrive in a city where the locals all seem to be wearing hometown gear at all times.
”In most parts of the world, if you were to wear a T-shirt bearing the name of a city, it would mark you out as a tourist. In Cleveland, things are different – if you’re NOT wearing a T-shirt with the name of the city on it you look like a tourist,” they wrote. “Whether it’s one of the sports teams or just the famous city script, Cleveland T-shirts are everywhere you look. Moms on the school run, construction guys on their way to work, waitresses at the neighbourhood diner – they’re all proud to wear their heart on their sleeve and Cleveland on their shirt.”
No lie detected. Credit: Scene archivesWe Have an Accent
We don’t think we do, but boy howdy is it obvious if you didn’t grow up here. Credit: Scene archivesWe’re Pretty Apathetic About Government
With a full roster of scandals and bad elected leaders in our backpockets, the outsider would expect Cleveland’s citizenry to be involved and engaged. That outsider will be disappointed, as Cleveland’s voting records have historically declined, leaving few to make the biggest decisions on what happens in Northeast Ohio. Credit: Scene archivesYou’ll Be Asked Where You Went to High School
It’s our favorite question. No, we don’t know why. Credit: Scene archivesAnything Longer Than a 20 Minute Drive Feels Like Forever
It doesn’t take long for someone used to insane commutes to sigh with relief that there’s basically no traffic in Cleveland, a blissful city where rush hour doesn’t seem to exist. Of course, it doesn’t take long after that to adopt a new mindset: Something that’s more than 20 minutes away is pretty far and the travel time worthy of a polite cancellation. Credit: Scene archivesEverything Is Centered Around Alcohol
Baby shower? Intramural flag football game? Workday lunch? Early-morning EPL soccer? Middle-school chess match? Clevelanders got you covered if what you’re looking for is booze to go with any of those delightful events. It’s at the top of the city’s food and social pyramid. Credit: Scene archivesWe Have the Civic Infrastructure of a Much Larger City
Three professional sports teams, a world-class orchestra, a world-class art museum, a natural history museum, the Rock Hall, the botanical garden, legacy arts organizations, Playhouse Square. These are the offerings you find in a city with twice or even three times the population of Cleveland. Thankfully, we did all this before everyone left town. Which means all the benefits of a big city while enjoying less waiting and less traffic to enjoy it. Credit: Scene ArchivesWhat’s With All the Clam Bakes?
You’d be forgiven for thinking you were in the middle of New England in the fall, what with clam bakes dominating the culinary conversation. Bill Gullo, director of purchasing at Catanese Classic Seafood in the Flats, once told us. “I had a clam supplier tell me a couple years back that more clams were being shipped to Northeast Ohio during September and October than the rest of the country combined. I would think that that was still true today.” How’d we come to love clam bakes so much? Good question. Credit: Scene archivesWe’ll Go to Any Festival
According to a recent study, Ohio is the second-most festival-obsessed state in America, and judging by the crowds from spring to fall, that checks out. What, you didn’t have a choice of five festivals every weekend where you came from? Whether it’s bacon, pickles, corn, garlic, art, beer, twins, skunks or even testicles–yes, testicles–we can’t seem to get enough of festivals. Give us a crowd of people, a loose theme, some/a lot of alcohol, lines of people, and we’re in heaven. Credit: Scene archivesWe Go Into Prepper Mode in Advance of Snow
You would think for an area with intimate knowledge and experience with winter weather, we’d be less skittish that any measly amount of snow cover would shut down the area long enough that before a flake falls we’re stocking up at Giant Eagles like we’re preparing for the apocalypse. But no. Credit: Scene archivesThe Amount of Parks
Between the Metroparks and the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, we’re simply blessed in ways other cities aren’t. Most Clevelanders live within a 15-minute walk of a park, and the systems are constantly expanding with big plans for the lakefront, Gordon Park, and more connections on the east side. Credit: Scene archivesYou’d Think Everyone Was Eating Polish Boys All the Time
In Chicago, it’s deep dish and Italian beef. In Maine, it’s lobsters. In the southwest, Tex-Mex and tacos. Cleveland has the Polish Boy, which everyone seems to cherish even if very few know the origin story and the dish isn’t exactly a common inclusion on local menus. It’s delicious, of course. We adore it. But you’d think it was the centerpiece of Sunday family dinners with the way it’s talked about sometimes. Credit: Scene archivesWe’re One of the Most Segregated Cities in America
Few places can lay claim to the dubious distinction of being as segregated as Cleveland, whose east and west sides remain racially divided thanks to myriad factors, including uneven housing investment and source of income discrimination. And we’re not just segregated. We’re hyper-segregated, according to 2018 research, little better off than when redlining set the table decades ago. Even as cities like Columbus and Cincinnati have shed the designation in recent years, Cleveland remains stubbornly bifurcated, with disastrous effects: There are wide disparities between Black and white residents in the areas of birth outcomes, criminal justice, income and health. Credit: Scene archivesWe Will Shit on Cleveland and Defend It to Outsiders
The old ‘no one picks on my little brother but me’ adage is perhaps nowhere more true than in Cleveland, where we will pick off our own with sharpshooter skill but defend our own to any outsiders who deign to say something mean. Credit: Erik Drost/FlickrCCFor All Our Concern About Snow, We Don’t Shovel the Sidewalks
Okay, some people do. But not enough. And it’s a serious hazard out there. Credit: Erik Drost/FlickrCcWe Drive Painfully Slow on Highways and Dangerously Fast on City Streets
What gives? The same person camping out in the left lane doing 60 mph will do 45 mph down city streets. It makes zero sense, and beyond that, is incredibly dangerous in both situations. Credit: Scene archivesWe Like to Talk During Concerts
That act that everyone paid good money to see perform? Second fiddle to Clevelanders, who you can find chatting away nonstop at every local venue in town. As John Mellencamp and others have noted, it’s something we excel at. (“Listen, hey, you guys, if these people don’t shut the fuck up I’m just going to leave, OK?” Mellencamp said at a recent show. “Because I’m not used to this crap. Look, guys, if I wanted to play in this type of drunken environment, I’d play outside or I’d play in an arena.” Sore luck, pal. Jared over here wants to tell his pals about what he had for dinner.) Credit: Scene archivesEdgewater on the hottest holiday weekend of the year. No parking, no space, probablly just give up Credit: MetroParks
