John Wick is a hyper-violent action franchise about men’s fashion and pet ownership in New York City. It stars a bruised and grunting Keanu Reeves as a retired hit man and features some of the most senseless, brutal, boring fight choreography in the history of cinema. Its deranged narrative architecture, the central plank of which is that roughly half of the world’s population, and all of its homeless people, belong to secretive, hierarchical associations of assassins, is hands-down the dumbest ever conceived. It is impossible to enjoy even as pure fantasy, yet it remains beloved by the country’s savviest culture critics, who were smitten by the simplicity of a man going on a killing spree to avenge his dog, (the plot of 2014’s John Wick).
The franchise’s unbearable third installment, John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum, (the latin phrase meaning “prepare for war”), opens Friday in wide release. Its gleeful excesses — the particulars of which I’ll touch on below — will no doubt receive the same herdlike rave reviews that the first two did.
John Wick Chapter 2 (2017), for example, was pronounced “more audacious, bolder and more violent” than its predecessor (RogerEbert.com). The mind-numbing gun fights were “like a dance,” (MTV News) “some of the most elegant action since the 1980s,” (The Age). It offered “more cohesive doses of ferocious thrills” than its CGI-infused counterparts, (IndieWire). The film scored an improbable 89% Fresh on RottenTomatoes, better than the 87% of the first film, and the critical consensus was that everyone should shut up and allow themselves to mindlessly escape, to disregard the plot holes because it was “crazily entertaining,” (Arizona Republic).
These films are no such thing.
The biggest and most disgusting problem with John Wick is its inhuman violence. This was most consistently pronounced in the second film, but most grotesquely so in the third. These films are meant to be adrenaline highs, “action from start to finish,” and that’s true in a sense. But the action’s over-the-top bloodletting becomes a kind of monotone.
Most of the interminable mob fight scenes feature Wick unloading magazine after magazine of bullets into the heads of his enemies. In the third film, these enemies are often obscured by scarves or helmets, so we can forget that it’s human beings he’s offing so casually.
The aging Reeves has about three moves in his hand-to-hand combat arsenal, his favorite of which is a little takedown maneuver where he wrestles a bad guy to the floor and then shoots him in the head at close range. He then shoots the corpse in the head two or three more times.
It is a film of nonstop head shots. This is not only monotonous and boring to watch — it may as well be a command on a gaming device’s controller (X = head shot) — but deeply disturbing. In a showdown late in the third film, Wick defends the Continental Hotel from a battalion of intruders. These intruders wear sophisticated body armor and helmets that can’t be pierced by bullets at long range, so Wick has to shoot each one in the head five or six times up close to get the job done. It’d be almost parodic if it weren’t so repulsive. Wick sometimes even opens up a visor and shoots an assailant directly in the face a few times. These assailants rarely fight back convincingly, especially in the hand-to-hand sequences in which the trained martial artists can be seen working double-duty to pretend that a slow and gimpy fifty-something Reeves is giving them a workout. Usually they just submit to getting their brains blown out.
I noted this head shot tendency with disgust in the second film and was distraught to learn that nothing had changed in the third. Or, actually that’s not true. One thing has changed. The franchise has now giddily discovered knives. Blades of every length and variety are on display in the third installment and are just as excessively deployed to slash and chop and thrust and stab at the heads and necks and eyes of everyone in sight.
John Wick is “excommunicado” from the “High Table” — his secret assassin organization — which means that most of New York City descends upon him in the hopes of collecting a high-dollar reward. In an opening scene, Wick kills an assassin (played by the NBA’s Boban Marjanovic) by bashing a hardcover book into his mouth and then snapping his neck over the book’s spine. Cool move! A few minutes later, Wick finds himself in an armory or antique shop of sorts and dispatches a mob of attackers with knives and axes and machetes. In multiple cases, he stabs someone in the head and then bangs on the inserted blade so it goes deeper into the head. In one shot, he pushes a knife slowly into someone’s eye. After most of them are dead, Wick sees one of the bloodied bodies removing a knife from his chest — still alive — so he throws an axe at his face.
Mindless escapism! What fun!
Most of the violence, though, to reiterate, is just endless gun battles indistinguishable from videogame massacres. Halle Berry joins the fray in Parabellum for a big fight in Casablanca — don’t ask — when she and Wick take on 60-80 opponents in a Riad courtyard. As usual, they shoot everyone in the head multiple times. In this fight, Halle Berry has two German Shepherds with her, and they mangle the bad guys’ private parts or chew on the corpses as the fighting rages on. In one egregious instance, Berry’s character fires two bullets into the chest and leg of an opponent — everything is at extremely close range — and then invites her dog to attack. The dog immediately charges and begins savaging the guy’s crotch as he’s dying. Berry then fires into his neck and head a few times.
Some of these battles are more coherently staged than others. But there’s no drama or tension involved in any of it. It’s just mowing down nameless, faceless foot soldiers.
This mindlessness is not compelling or fun. In fact, as I keep saying, it’s extremely boring. In a late showdown at the Continental Hotel, Wick takes on, sans guns, two martial artists (including Rayan Yuhian, Mad Dog from The Raid: Redemption, a very good action movie). And these dudes throw Wick through a series of decorate pane-glass displays. There are like seven of these in the room where they’re fighting and they alternately throw and kick Wick through every single one. In immediate succession. There’s no creativity or ingenuity in this choreography. Wick keeps standing up and then getting kicked through the next pane of glass. Was this a joke? Was this supposed to be multiple takes? It was unreal. But it demonstrates the filmmakers to be obsessed with new moves or kill ideas as they discover them. Early on, for example, Wick finds himself in a stable and uses horses to kick his attackers in the face. This is actually a fairly inventive idea, in terms of fight choreography. But then he proceeds to do the same thing like three or four more times. It’s gratuitous to the nth.
All this excessive, intimate, depraved violence is exacerbated by the utter stupidity of the story lines loosely stringing together the bloody encounters that are the franchise’s only purpose.
Wick is retired, sort of, from an organization called the “High Table” which appears to oversee all other assassin organizations, one of which is made up of homeless people (or assassins disguised as homeless people?) led by Laurence Fishburne, whose main idiosyncratic character trait is that he speaks with a Shakespearian lilt — he is a king? — and uses carrier pigeons to communicate with his network.
Wick is also maybe named Jardani Jovovich and maybe belongs to a Belarussian organized criminal outfit, under whose protection he is shipped to North Africa to escape his death, passage he secures by being branded with an Orthodox cross. There are more amulets and trinkets and coins and pseudo-cultish ritualism than the National Treasure and Indiana Jones franchises combined.
In Morocco, the guy who oversees the High Table turns out to be some sort of Bedouin royal figure. (What?) But he doesn’t seem all that connected to the High Table’s central administration, which seems a bit like that time travel organization in The Umbrella Academy. It’s all weirdly analog. Hits are tabulated on a big chalkboard and disseminated via 80s computers and intercoms and actual switchboards. Moreover, none of these assassins are ever called upon to assassinate anyone of importance. All they seem to be interested in is killing each other. It’s like an Albanian blood feud.
All this shit is nonsense and I’m realizing that it’s not even worth trying to explain. The script for Parabellum seems to be exclusively influenced by Wikipedia searches for the Yakuza and the Illuminati. It doesn’t withstand even the slightest narrative scrutiny, but does make at least one Matrix callback.
It all sucks. And there’s no end in sight.
This article appears in May 8-14, 2019.
“Unloading clip after clip of bullets”
Spoken like someone that was never quite able to step all the way out from behind mommy’s skirt and be a big boy.
Such a wannabe tough guy Sammie.
“unloading clip after clip of bullets”
At least John Wick knows the difference between a clip and a magazine.
Sam, you must get paid by the word. Either that, or something is seriously wrong with you, pal. You unloaded clip after clip of verbiage…FIFTEEN HUNDRED FUCKING WORDS!…in your condemnation of this piece of shit.
From what little I read, this flick sounds like the usual Hollywood garbage that has spewed forth and seriously messed this country up for what…oh…say…fifty years now? As far back as Straw Dogs? So this one, apparently was hyped-up and a was violent action film on steroids…or were YOU?
Did you just wake up to all the crap on the big screen, or what? Did this rant make you feel better? Who the hell wants to read all those keystrokes? I don’t. Why didn’t you just WALK THE F’K OUT? I would have!
Sometimes, Sam, the best resposne is NO RESPONSE AT ALL. Total silence. Turn your back and walk away. Or just let it all hang out and then delete everything but the last four sentences. Maybe if you and the rest of your journalistic ilk refused to review these atrocities, Hollywood would wise up and stop allowing these cinematic abortions to be see the light of day. But don’t bet on it.
As long as there are teen boys and twentysomethings full of piss and vinegar, millions will be wasted on this grabage, and million more on producing it. No wonder so much of the rest of the world would like to kill as many Americans as possible.
if Kim nukes Hollywood, they did it to themselves.
Roger Ebert would have walked out, Sam.
And given it zero stars or a minus…or whatever.
I knew Roger Ebert…and Sam…you’re no Roger Ebert.
Spoken like a true beta soy cuck Sam…
Thoughts like this is why you were bood offstage in high school
Bood? You must mean “booed”…or did you mean “booted” instead?
Sounds like you hated the concept before walking into the cinema, which is not an unbiased review technique. Regardless of the film’s merit, it delivers what it promises and is made for people who want to see this type of film. Keanu is awesome as a human and is an ok actor. No one goes to this film expecting an oscar worthy 110 minutes, so what’s the purpose of you seeing this movie? I won’t see the transformers franchise because i know what it’s about and doesn’t interest me. The ads tell me all i need to know about the film. This franchise has no surprises and i can’t wait to see this on cable in 8 months
I’ll bet you aren’t a whole lot of laughs, because sick puppies aren’t much fun.
Worst review of this movie I have ever read. I loved this movie and thought it was the best one out of all 3. A good action movie, with plenty of action from start to finish and wasnt focused all about some and some girl in love , sex, drugs, bullshit, make out scenes some naked girl running away and so on. The usual now a days Hollywood movies. It is the definition of an action movie. FYI you darling angry child , The multiple head shots were because the helmets and the armor the high table guys were wearing, were very high bullet proof. Yet you supposedly seen the movie so you should have known that. I thought the incorporation of the dogs was different, memorizing and honestly cool as fu**. I wish my dog did that damn. Anyways, your post is biased and is clearly the case that you hated this before since the very first trailer of the first John Wick. Sam this writing is garbage and you should be ashamed of yourself. What did mother always say?.. if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all … she must have bood you from the dinner table where you never learned that lesson in life. .. shame.
dude you’re a trash writer…go back to the drawing board and rethink your whole career path
A heads-up, asshat…you don’t need multiple names to spam this site…you do that ” anonymously”…
Haven’t seen the third installment yet, but I loved the first two! I love the Kung Fu, Jujitsu and martial arts style fighting, it’s like a dance. To me it’s visually entertaining. Great cast of people, cool locations, and a different world we get to explore.
How did you not think it was going to be crazy violent?, the story is about a trained assassin in an underground world of assassins and the third one is about everyone trying to kill him sooooooo more violence and craziness ensues. I can’t wait to see it, watched the trailer and I am super excited. Can’t wait to see Halle with the trained dogs and more cool martial arts fights.
I am not a writer by any means but reading the first two paragraphs it is clear you hated the John Wick series thus far so it’s no surprise you were going to trash the third one. Your article was so biased I actually stopped reading it after the second paragraph because it just wasn’t entertaining .
Why dont you go and watch Bambi? Love The Wick!
Hey Sammie,
Of course I was going to see the movie, as the first two were excellent, but your review persuaded even my 10 year old son to want to be involved in the franchise. So I got to go back and watch the first 2 movies with him and he tagged along for the opening of Parabellum. The movie was tits! All hail the true trifecta of trilogies (The Matrix trilogy, Nolans Dark Knight trilogy, and John Wick). Welcome, Mr. Wick. Do enjoy your party…
Garbage like this is why Americans are the most violent people on the planet. Thanks, assholes!
Absolute dogshit review
maybe just end your career after this one.
Sam you just made a mistake calling john wick garbage
Now your career is garbage
“And these dudes throw Wick through a series of glass walls or displays or something. There are like seven of these glass structures in the room where they’re fighting and they throw or kick Wick through every single one. In immediate succession.” Straight from this article. Not only does the author of the review give a completely biased view of the film and series in general, but he can’t even present his argument intelligently because he doesn’t have a grasp of how to write professionally, or what sentence structure is. My one hope is that he’s not actually getting paid for this.
If you dont like it sont watch it. Its literally just a movie and people like to get hyped. Makes you feel happy. Obviously you’re not. I hope life gets better for you from here on out, maybe try actually following up on the stuff your bio says about you instead of trying to trash a movie with blog post. Best of luck bro! Maybe try watching it again when you’re not so salty.
Everyone has the right to their own opinion, however your “review” fails to provide an unbiased view on the trilliogy. If you want to bash the movies go for it but to call it a review is absurd, and to deny the skill involved in the action senes is ludicrous.
Reddit about to end this man’s whole career
See the door? You probably dont because you must be blind as hell if you think John Wick is bad. Normally I try to understand the other persons opinion, but I didnt get a single thing you were trying to say. All I understood was that you dont like how the main character knew how to actually fight, and how the gun works. Is that not one of the main aspects that was intentionally made for the story? I at least understand that this is an opinionated piece, but it was far too unreasonable, and it wasnt really based off much facts. If you didnt enjoy this film, you must have a really hard time finding an enjoyable film.
This POS sounds like a complete waste of time and money, same as all the other action films are, and the review was a total waste of space and keystrokes…like writing an opinon piece about dog owners by reviewing a pile of dogshit you stepped in on the sidewalk.
And those who love and support this cinematic garbage are mostly immature juvenile asshats whose comments here are also a complete waste of time and keystrokes. All of you can kiss my ass. Who’s responsible for okaying the posting and printing of this crap in the first place?
A whole month already. Enough! Time to pull the plug.
This “review” and its comments need to make like a tree and leave.
Should really reconsider your career bud. You’re a shit writer.
Hats off to you sir for saying it like it is.
You are totally right, something’s (i mean almost everything) definetly wrong with this movie and it’s actually stupid. Probably most of audience of this bullshit are kids and grown-up kids…They probably get same effect like watching John Wick by taking some super hero toys make some double triple…10X kills and laugh hard saying WOW THAT’s so cool. Movie is unnatural and retarded…Just a couple of good actors here, that’s all. I understand some 5-12 yo kids saying it’s good or some parents who watched disney cartoons with them…and say oh come on it’s just another FAIRY tale…ok it is. THis is just some another marvel film you know…But with no cool costumes and video effects.
Can’t agree more with Sam, this sad that Hollywood entertainment is all about senseless violet, I have better use for my time, those ALL YOU PEOPLE chasing after this garbage.
PS: I dint pay a dime for it, it was a broadcast, third installation but my 1st “John Wick” I dint even bothered to watch after 15 mins.
The reason why i’m here is curiosity to find out how is it possible that this POS garbage of a waste of time movie got such high reviews with the big houses. This review is right on the money and starting to think it’s somewhat a positive note for the actual film.
After this hogwash ended I almost thought I’ve slept for 100 years and “Idiocracy” is the norm. Imagine how glad I was to realize it didn’t take 100 years to get there.
Please never write again.
I’m fucking pleb, but even I can’t stand that bullshit movie. Something gone wrong and there’s a whole lot of degenerates worshiping the lack of value in this movie as something valuable.
Democracy is great, freedom of speech is even greater – helps find those who using their head to stick it in ass of their infant personal opinion.
tl,dr – the writer is a panty-waist / pillow biter and doesnt like on screen violence. his liberal use of “clip” means he is a gun grabbing cuck. what a loser. i enjoyed john wick and all the violence. its more honest to enjoy violence than to pretend you’re above it all.
The Wick series is now a caricature of itself.
The original hype was that there was no cgi, all the stunts were real; now they’re stating flat out that the fourth movie will have cgi in literally every scene…
Another hype point was all “original” action sequences, and yet the same gimmick is used multiple times in rapid succession… Over, and over, and over again.
Halle should have had about 6 months more training before she tried to pretend she could fight or shoot, and “her” dogs, while well trained, we’re obviously not *her* dogs.
The lack of attention to physics, never mind any actual acting/blocking details, made this chapter feel rushed, greedy, and insulting to the viewers’ intelligence.
I am saddened. This series started so well, before it made enough money for it’s producers to place quantity over quality.
wow. you very well may be the single most pretentious and boring human being alive. films don’t have to be high art to be enjoyable; some films are meant to have great deep meaning that changes the way you view the world, and provide you an avenue with which to really ponder the deeper meanings of life.
some are just fun to watch. not everything has to be thought provoking or deep. admit it, you couldn’t think of anything to say. “All this shit is nonsense and I’m realizing that it’s not even worth trying to explain.” why are you writing an article, then? if it’s “not even worth trying to explain” why did you waste our time?
you seem to have completely missed the point, but perhaps you’re incapable of having fun, so the point of the film was lost on you. or perhaps sounding like a pretentious windbag is your form of fun. either way, your article is garbage, you coward.
In defense of Sam’s opinion:
I agree 110% that John wick 3 is an endless blazing turd. I saw it at the cinema with my hot Lao girlfriend – she paid of course.
JW3 has turned into a hodgepodge of nonsense! It’s taken the linear formula of the first installment and morphed it into something especially chaotic and stupid.
The writers decided to take every idea from the overnight pizza and beer sesh at the office and put it on display to dazzle us into submission with wick’s legend and razzle us with the lore of secret societies and more secrets – oooooo ahhhhhhh.
Most of the poster’s comments responding to Sam seemed offended to Sam’s real objections and facts he systematically wrote about. The story just plain sucks, reeves doesn’t have the fitness, and all of you say Sam can’t write – do you think the dweebs who put out this movie can? A conveluted story that took the action genre to laughably bad boring circus. I sat thru it laughing or face in palm.
The franchise is horribly retarded, over saturated and the writers just like a junkie needing something harder are going to scratch that itch with JW4. Should be more stupid and most likely 2 plus hours to fit in more nonsense.
I love action, violence, depth, guns, and simplicity of the genre. The 80s, 90s, 2000s built arch types and erected action bad asses. Look at Jason statham and his movies like wild card or safe – enjoyable, able to rewatch and simple formula – great fighting, good acting, writing is good for what it is, and knowing its identity.
John wick moving forward is a blazing bag of dung that needs to be extinguished quickly.
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Come on, just let the prepubescent little tough guy wannabes enjoy living vicariously through their aging hero. Just look at all the butt hurt fan boys accusing you of being a “soy boy”. They’re not the over protected mamas boys lashing out because you dare rate this movie the ridiculous peice of shlt it is. No, no, no. Because THEY are soooo street smart and manly they know what a magazine is. Oooooh. They’re real men. Ah ha ha ha.
Sam Allard – You are taking a lot of hate here in the comments, and you deserve a little for calling magazines “clips” (a colossal faux pas in the gun community).
But I thank you for putting words to my lack of enthusiasm for this franchise. Don’t get me wrong, I love shooting. But I feel that so many of these movies sully the image of what responsible gun ownership and personal protection can be. I know, I know, it’s just a movie! It was meant to be adventure fantasy. But with a steady diet of this drivel, the weak minds start to lose their perception of reality.
So thank you again for vindicating my decision not to spend time or money on this franchise. For the price of a movie I can shoot two boxes of ammo at the local range. That is a much better use of my time.
The moment you notice that those who are disrespectful here haven’t reached puberty yet…
don’t let them bring you down! A really clever review… John Wick 1 was original and great fun to watch.. the second began to go more in the direction of some test screen results… the number 3 is just boring.. the next one should make John Wick fight the whole third reich… alone…blindfolded….with a pocket knife…that is not sharpen..
Firstly, what is going on with most of these comments? Pitiful. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a small band of users posting repeatedly. Anyway…
Wonderful review, and having just watched all three in a relatively short space of time, I concur with pretty much everything the reviewer said. It’s a repulsive trilogy. The fight scenes were cliched beyond belief and brought nothing new or exciting to the genre. The acting, particularly that of Reeves’, was insultingly bad and the lines were lazily delivered. Fans will counter that “Hey what did you expect from Keanu/an action movie?”, but does this mean it gets a pass? Of course not. The acting was atrocious.
The critics reviews of this franchise are generally really baffling, and quite frankly discredits them immensely.
“Sometimes, Sam, the best resposne is NO RESPONSE AT ALL. Total silence. Turn your back and walk away.”
Wow, some of these commenters are harsh.
Doubt you’ll see this Sam, but I don’t disagree with your review, and feel that the best response should always be said, irregardless of whether you’ll be heard or liked. Even if you readers disagree, lend an ear out, since when did it hurt to do so? Total silence does nothing, nothing at all. Saying something means that someday, someone will hear your voice, and it echoes.
Please continue with as many controversial reviews as possible Sam, whether you’re right or you’re wrong, you’re hopefully planting seeds of thought.
Thanks,
Dan
come on people its a movie sure, but in reality can this guy last even one minute in real life without getting shot at least once? how can he fend off so many bullets. complete BS.
Sounds like the author of this candy-ass article was raise and taking advice from two daddy-mommies that now identifying as non-gender transgender liberal socialists crossdressers with a clear and unchallenged self-belief of world peace through the forfeiture of their rights & freedoms and a life of subservancy…
Making something this bad takes a true group of idiot savants and they should be appreciated for achieving a new low in cinematic history. I suffered through the first 10 minutes which is as much as i could stand. Thanks for your excellent review – it helped purge the after taste of this pos out of my brain.
Couldn’t have summed it up better, Sam. Your assessment of the movie is almost exactly what was in my head while I was watching the movie. In fact, I actually feel dumber now after watching John Wick 3. I’ll never get that wasted time back…
So many ridiculous points to the plot that weren’t even kind of believable. Aside from Fishburne’s character (which I still don’t get) I also don’t get Angelica Houston’s ballet school that apparently only has classes in the middle of the night, but only after the ballerinas get past the armed guard table in the lobby. What are those armed guys protecting anyway?
The fight choreography could have cool if it seemed organic, however, in a number of scenes it looks like the actors are just going through rehearsed moves rather than actually fighting hand to hand. In the bloodbatch scene with Halle Berry there were a few times she put her hands out to block a punch or a jab from an assailant before the assailant even began his move. She wasn’t responding or reacting realistically, she was doing some pre-rehearsed.
As much as I try to stretch my imagination, I still can’t see why these movies are so popular other than 18-25 males just like to watch one person slaughtering a bunch of other people like a video game.
While I do respect everyone’s right to have an opinion, I don’t see why you had to post yours as a news article. Of course, we all have our own taste in everything, but was it really necessary for you to post such a biased article. Yes if you look at it in a certain the violence is rather over the top and sometimes the plot seems pointless, but instead of insisting that the franchise is terrible, could you not have just kept it to yourself? And calling anyone a coward because their tastes differ from your own is just unreasonable. One last thing, if the first AND second movie bored you, then why on earth did you bother going to third movie?
As an argument, this article is nothing but opinions. No hard facts. In the end you will like something or you won’t. Trying to get others to see it as you do just by being negative and lambastic does nothing. If anything it is counter productive to the listed intent.
It is sad that people feel that putting something down is “writing worthy” enough to put this much time and effort. If someone doesn’t like the movie how does other people liking it affect you. If you are in the minority, then accept that place and be content.
In the end this sounds like a petulant child who is throwing a tantrum. (My opinion of this piece, in no way intended to have others agree)
TL; DR; on this article Comments Section
1 – Most are just insults to the article writer (Calls ‘Cowards’ to those against his opinion – right there on the title – not a good start)
2 – Second most are insults to the insulters referred in 1.
Now, IMO
– Cleveland Scene is Sensational Media.
– Hate only generates more hate.
– I sincerely hope all Sensationalist media groups DIE.
“Sam Allard is the Senior Writer at Scene, in which capacity he covers politics and power and writes about movies when time permits”
I recommend Sam to stay with the politics and power reviews because as a movie reviewer he sucks.
I am not saying he doesn’t suck at politics and power… those are subjects I have no interest in.
Dear Sam,
Would you write:
“Admit that Donald Trump is a Garbage President You Cowards” in a politics and power review?
Just saying.
Could not have said it better. The first Wick was a mildly entertaining rip-off of about two dozen better movies, from Taken to Payback to Commando. Not a single thing in it was original or notewothy, but it was what it was.
The sequels are just a joke. The story is cartoonish and non-existent, and the violence is as juvenile as it is mean-spirited, ripped straight from the notebook sketches of an incel fantasizing about shooting up his high school. “Yeah, and then John takes down two football jocks, and he shoots one three times in the eye and the other in the throat!! Then another assassin tries to shoot him, but his black suit is completely bulletproof, and he throws an axe into the assassin’s head!!” Yawn.
This might almost be forgivable if the action was executed halfway competently. But it’s not. Somehow, amazingly, tragically, a franchise that is about nothing but nonstop action can’t actually do action. Reeves is so old it’s like watching an aging pro wrestler get in the ring. He uses the same three moves over and over, including a clumsy takedown that doesn’t become any more convincing the 100th time he deploys it (and which you’d think at least one of his 2 million victims would have figured out how to counter). Half of his punches *visibly* don’t touch his opponents, and in many scenes the stuntmen are *visibly* inserting pauses because Reeves can’t keep up with the choreography. Even low-budget student films clean this stuff up in post by cheating shots, match cuts, etc. But Wick 3 doesn’t even try. The sound editing is equally inept: Wick hits an opponent with an open-handed slap that visibly doesn’t touch the other actor, and the soundtrack plays an over-the-top thud of a boxer punching a heavy bag. Lol, really? Why not just dub in the sound of an atomic bomb blast. And lets not even start on the ludicrous CGI gunshots and stabbings. If you’re going to gratuitously shoot someone eight times in the head at point blank range — cause that’s hardcore gritty combat just like in Call of Duty!! — at least have the courtesy to do it with something better than Alien 3-level cgi.
Anyone with half a brain watching John Wick 3 is going to spend their time quietly wondering whether it’s the irredeemable garbage it first appears to be, or whether the whole thing is actually a satire of terrible angry-teenage-male-fantasy filmmaking designed to embarass stupid audiences and critics. The jury is still out.
Amazing. Every word of what you just said is wrong.
Totally agree. All 3
If you’re wondering why this happened.
1. Matrix 1 blew everyone away.
2. Matrix 2 came out and people weren’t sure how to feel because Maddox was telling everyone to hate on it.
3. Matrix 3 comes out with a lot of cuts by Disney and several actors murdered. People dismiss it entirely.
Now we have this cheap-imitation Matrix/Constantine clone attempt, and we can tell we’re being had here.
Some of us can tell.
Wow, what’s up with all the hate here in the comments??
I just read through this review after watching the trilogy, and totally get what Sam is saying here. I actually laughed out loud all my way through reading this review, totally recognizing the thoughts I had when I was watching this movie. I love action films, but John Wick just gets too boring and repetitive. Thanks for a well written and witty review, Sam!
Love from Norway!
Audun