Thursday, November 9, 2006

Fulwood fumbles the political football

Posted By on Thu, Nov 9, 2006 at 7:24 PM

Headline: Cheer up, GOP, this, too, shall pass Date: November 9, 2006 Topic: Fulwood gloats about the election results in a letter to Republicans, pretending to feel their pain. Originality: 1/10. Having once heard the phrase "political football," Sam decides that the gridiron is a great way to explain politics, though his knowledge of both seem equal to Mike Trivisonno's mastery of neurosurgery. Difficulty: 1/10. Sam spent his Tuesday flipping back and forth between MSNBC and ESPN, saving him from writing his column entitled, "How Republicans are like what's in my refrigerator." Sam Gets Poetic: "See, in America, partisan politics is like a giant football game stretching from the Atlantic to the Pacific. Sometimes the Red Team is ahead; right now the Blue Team has surged out in front ... But rest easy, the game is played between the 40-yard lines and never ends. Rarely does one team cross the goal line, so neither team ever claims ultimate victory." Which would apparently make the Democratic sweep of Congress akin to the Chicago Bulls winning the U.S. Open. The Master Has Spoken: "My guess is that in a month or so, after all the recounts and lawsuits are done, Democrats will cling to a one-vote advantage in the Senate." Sam was indeed correct, if by "in a month or so" he meant "several hours after this column is published." CliffsNotes Version: Dear Republicans: Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo! You lost big time! Now what it's like to be a loser, which is exactly how I felt in 1994, 2000, 2004 ... and every year the Pulitzers are announced? But eventually, you will learn to share power with the Democrats, just as I have learned to share my work responsibilities with Cheryl, my newsroom researcher. Speaking of which, I need her help researching this "football" that I keep hearing about. Let's see, if President Bush is the center fielder, would that make Karl Rove the point guard?

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