If you ever downed a couple of Four Lokos, sat in a liquid cocaine-fueld frenzy and thought to yourself, "Hey, this stuff makes me feel like my heart's going to explode. It's like nuclear power in a can! I bet if I poured it into my car it would totally work!" you're kind of dumb, but not too far off base.
Now that the FDA has put the clamp down on caffeine-injected alcoholic beverages like the Loko, there are stockpiles of the stuff sitting around unsuitable for sale to the buzz-desiring public. So what to do with it?
The Huffington Post reports that unsold shipments of Four Loko, which was created by three Ohio State grads, are being trucked down to Virginia and other states to be recycled into ethanol.
Truckloads of Four Loko and other alcohol-laced energy drinks are being recycled into ethanol and other products after federal authorities told manufacturers the beverages were dangerous and caused users to become "wide-awake drunk."
Wholesalers from Virginia, North Carolina, Maryland and other East Coast states started sending cases of the high-alcohol, caffeinated malt beverages to MXI Environmental Services in Virginia after the U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced a crackdown on the sale of such beverages in November.
Brian Potter, vice president of operations at MXI's facility in Abingdon, Va., said about a couple of hundred truckloads of the drinks would be coming to the plant. Each truck holds 2,000 cases of the 23.5-ounce cans.
It's a shame no one will get to enjoy the last remnants of loco Loko. Couldn't we have shipped the remaining stash to a Third World country like we do our unused sports gear? We kind of like the idea of some kid in sub-Saharan Africa running around in a "Indians — 1997 World Series Champions" t-shirt while drinking watermelon-flavored Four Loko.