Friday, May 9, 2014

Johnny Manziel, Cleveland Browns, Johnny Football, Johnny Cleveland, Johnny Johnny Johnny

Posted By on Fri, May 9, 2014 at 11:37 AM

Johnny

Good morning, Manzieland. Last night, the Cleveland Browns drafted a young quarterback from the land of Texas and changed the face of the franchise and the landscape of media coverage in Cleveland. Things are about to get interesting, and if you don't believe that, just take a look through the stories that have been penned in just the 12 hours since this Manziel was Manzieled upon Manzieland.

Let's begin with the fact that the Browns, an organization even more prone to typos than this one, couldn't even get the announcement right.

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Fabulous.

And that Jimmy Haslam says a homeless guy convinced him the team needed Manziel.

But that didn't take away any of the joy from Browns Fan, as reaction was jubilant and frenzied.

But no one is happier about this pick than the folks over at Cleveland.com/the Plain Dealer/the Northeast Ohio Media Group. It's free pageview season and it's all hands on deck for quality clickbait posts like

- "5 events Johnny Manziel will love in Cleveland," which, incidentally, has made Troy Smith the leader in the clubhouse for worst media member in town this morning (Update: scratch that. See below re: Mary Kay Cabot.)

and

- "Clevelanders can't stop 'Manzieling' Show us your best Johnny(Cash) (Money)Manziel pose!" which includes a slideshow consisting of one picture, ONE PICTURE

and

- "House Hunters: Where should Johnny Manziel live in Cleveland?"

and

- "Johnny Manziel would face big tax hit if he becomes a Cleveland resident"

and

- "Cleveland Browns take page from 'Draft Day' movie, make splash with Johnny Manziel"

and

- "Don't be fooled by imposter Johnny Manziel Twitter accounts"

Shoot us.

And then Mary Kay Cabot asked Johnny about LeBron at his introductory press conference. Naturally.


Even local sports talk outfit WKNR jumped on the Johnny schill machine with its latest brazen marketing ploy, shooting out a press release announcing it had officially switched the name of the station from ESPN Cleveland to ESPN Johnny Cleveland. It went so far as to officially register espnjohnnycleveland.com and have it redirect to its homepage.

Of course, not all media members are thrilled that Johnny is coming to take over their lives. Here's the Associated Press's Tom Withers:


Then again, Withers doesn't work for TMZ, who is all up on the party beat circuit documenting how Johnny was "raging his face off" last night. HOT CHICKS, GUYS.

Meanwhile, things are about to get all Tebow-esque around town, as swarms of media from around the country descend on the Forest City to document Johnny's every move. And if you thought LeBron was mentioned a little too much on ESPN, or First Take talked about Tebow a tad more than he deserved, just wait. Here's Deadspin's breakdown of how often Johnny was mentioned during last night's telecast compared to other players.

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And then there's this: All of that excitement and hype is going to trickle, no, flood into the Browns' bank account. Season ticket sales, including renewals, hit 1,200 between midnight and 7 a.m. this morning. Hooboy. That's a lot of people. And then there's this lone Facebooker, who might literally be the only person on the other end of that Johnny spectrum.

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Whew.

Can you guess which Johnny face most closely represents our feelings right now?

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If you're looking for something, ya know, substantive to read on our new savior, do take some time to read Wright Thompson's profile from ESPN last year.

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