“Just sex.” So read my tagline when I posted my first profile on Ashley Madison. I’d hastily assembled a bit of relevant information about what I was looking for: a regular partner, attractive, no diseases, no idiots. Also, free weekdays. After all, I’m a married mother of school-aged children—not exactly in the market for dinner dates and weekend getaways.
Did I lose you? You read it all correctly: I’m a suburban housewife who spent six months trolling for sex on an affair website. What’s more, I’m actually a pretty happily married housewife—almost twenty years with my husband. I wasn’t there to fill a void, or to be nurtured, or to fall in love. I wasn’t there to get out of my marriage, although I certainly could have ruined it. I really was looking for sex only—more, and different, sex than what I had at home.
I remember thinking early on that I must be one of maybe twenty women with profiles, due to the sheer volume of messages and winks I received. Photos of unsolicited penises flooded my AM inbox, attached to messages like, “I’ve got what it takes,” and “Free tomorrow—where can we meet?” An amazing number of men assumed that simply wanting sex meant I would have sex with just anyone, which was far from correct. And profiles that included photos of something other than dicks often simply showed a shirtless torso—very rarely were faces included. I couldn’t really complain though; after all, I never uploaded any photos to my profile. I just thought it too risky—the westside suburbs aren’t that big, and I’d already come across profiles of men whose wives I know.
Determined to find a sane, attractive man, I set about filtering through the messages. A man ten years my senior stuck out as promising, and after a couple days of messaging, I met him for coffee—and learned the first lesson of Ashley Madison 101. People lie. Profile pictures, I discovered the hard way that morning, were far from accurate. I left discouraged, but not ready to give up. From then on, though, as soon as I felt any potential with someone, I’d agree to meet them for coffee. Many times, I walked into some random Starbucks only to lay eyes on the guy and wish I could turn around and leave. Attraction, at least for me, was a huge component of this; if I wasn’t physically attracted to someone’s face, no amount of physical fitness or well-endowedness was going to sway me.
Over the course of two months, I probably met a dozen men at various Starbucks and Paneras across greater Cleveland. It became an experiment of sorts, to the point that I even wore the exact same outfit and styled my hair the same way each time. I’m no Gisele by any stretch, but I was never turned down—always had a follow-up message post-meeting telling me how sexy I was, or how I’d played down my attractiveness in my profile description. And I can’t lie: when a 28-year-old guy finds a 42-year-old mom sexy, it’s beyond flattering and a huge ego boost.
As strange as it sounds, many of the men I met wanted full-fledged affairs. They talked about how much they loved their wives, but how those wives never touched them anymore. These were wounded men looking for the emotional connection of sex, not just the act itself. And these were easily the majority. It got me wondering how many wouldn’t have even tried AM if their wives were still having sex with them. I actually met a couple of men after getting very close to the hotel phase who couldn’t ultimately go through with it. I sat in a bar one afternoon listening to one talk about how his wife used to always want sex, but since having kids she wasn’t interested. He showed me pictures of her, and I could tell how deeply in love he was with her. So I offered my own perspective of those early years raising kids, and sent him home to fuck his wife—because that’s what he wanted, far more than sex with a virtual stranger.
Of course, I was looking for just sex—someone who could spend a couple hours in a hotel bed pleasing me, then disappear from my life until the next time. I found a few who fit the bill, and one for some very hot sexting. My sex life with my husband didn’t suffer either—we still did it a few times a week. I looked at my pairings as enrichment sex; we did things with each other our spouses just wouldn’t be comfortable with—talking dirty, spanking, tying each other up, etc. We all love our spouses deeply, but weren’t being as fulfilled sexually at home as we’d have liked. It definitely helped to be on the same page. We enjoyed each other’s company, then went our separate ways. It was a great arrangement, and I dare say my AM experience ended up enhancing my sexual relationship with my husband. It’s certainly not for the faint of heart, but I can’t say at all that I regret it.
[Ed. note: The byline used here is a pseudonym.]
This article appears in Jul 29 – Aug 4, 2015.
With the latest data breach of AM, the pseudonym byline may not help being outed.
Whore.
Simply put, she has a shallow understanding of the power of sex.
where are the pictures?
You are disgusting and what is wrong with marriage today. Imagine how your husband would feel if he knew. Your non working and taken care of weekdays off would switch to some low paying job you are forced to work instead of cheating on him while he is at work if he found out and divorced you. If you communicated your feelings and didn’t lie, maybe you would be happily married which you clearly are not or you wouldn’t be ruining your own or other’s marriage. You’re disgusting.
More power to her. I would be too afraid of being caught to glean any enjoyment from sex.
It doesn’t say in the article if she stopped after six months because she grew tired of the situation or was she only using the site for fodder for her writing?
MA sounds like the type of person who wears sweatpants to Brookpark road establishments at 1pm on a Saturday.
She writes as if she thinks she is “above it all.” She sends one guy home to have sex with his wife as if she is somehow doing a service to the community. When in reality she is nothing more than a cheater, a simple cheater. She is cheating on her husband, she is cheating on her family. And she can never undo that. Rather than face the reality of her situation, she seems to have convinced herself that what she is doing is “experimenting.”
Honey, you are not conducting a six-month experiment or journey, you are trolling the internet to get fucked.
Wow – a lot of angry judging out there… Why the outrage? Is it jealousy? That she went and did something others have only fantasized about? Not clear to me. Is it that it’s behavior that is different from the “norm”? Are you the same people who opposed gay marriage? This is someone’s private life – a consenting adult.
This is not wrong because it’s going against some sacred tradition of marriage. It’s wrong because you’re lying. Sorry if you got yourself in a situation you weren’t happy with. But you’re just lying. To your husband. Who loves you. Lying to him for the rest of your lives. Shitty. Period.
Of.course the only people who judge are men and religious nuts lol live your truth girl it’s your life you only get one so do what makes you happy!!!!
Michelle Thompson…What is there to be angry about!? You marry for commitment. You have children in those marriages to provide security and a well rounded family that equals safe. Where does sleeping with strangers fit in to that!? It doesn’t. She needs to use her productive mind and figure out how she can make her marriage/sex better instead of being lose with her morals and commitments.
She’s nothing more than a liar,cheater and false advertising as “good” wife and mother. And by the sounds of with the comments, nothing to be admired. So pipe it down with the judgment. No One is wanting To be her here, except maybe you!
@Newnanfrog1… But you seem angry. I think the point michelle thompson makes is that it’s her business what she does, not yours or mine. People marry for lots of reasons (the ones you give are good ones) and there are lots of different types of marriages. I think @Jim got it right.
Husband working his ass off to provide and his whore wife is out fucking complete strangers. Wait till the kids find out!
Whoa.. Ive been married 20 years.. we are West Siders, she is 42..
Oh.. wait.. never mind
“we did things with each other our spouses just wouldn’t be comfortable with—talking dirty, spanking, tying each other up,”
Not a problem with me. Lol. WOW that is close however. Right until the last paragraph you had me glued. Funny. That is a big problem with marriages from all the friends that have gotten divorced. No sex was usually the core issue. Now I get it too. She doesn’t want it that much when she has kids and the resentment builds. Which dumps more oil in the water of marriage. Not an easy fix but easy to understand the causes. Strange maybe this article will be an eye opener for some.
You should give your spouse the opportunity to decide if he wants to be in an open relationship. Maybe you are not satisfying all his needs. You may love him but you clearly don’t respect him as your partner/equal.
Even registered sex offenders are having fun with this one.
http://sosen.org/blog/2015/08/01/dear-37-million-ashley-madison-customers-welcome-to-our-world.html
You are not only lying to him but clearly don’t give a shit about him and are therefore lying to yourself too.
I’m curious if every time you return to him after acting on such impulses, you have gone through an entire STD Checkup, blood work, urinalysis and a gynacalogical exam with clear results before touching him again. And that this is done every time ? Or do you believe people when they say they are disease free, and are ignorant to the fact that people carry diseases without realising? And just because a clean test occurred after a partner doesn’t mean he will always be clean as if he’s doing it to his wife he has no issue cheating on you too.
Therefore you are not only lying to him but risking his health and possibly his life and you want me to believe you care about him?
You are either a stupid ignorant woman or a complete self centered narcissistic bitch… Or both.
Next time find a hobby, join an art class or something, have a makeover and treat yourself to some me time without shitting on your marriage which is exactly what you did.
Take away all the details, the only thing that matters is that you’re married. Regardless of what your spouse does, you either stay with them and keep your promise to be true, or you can pack up and leave, then go ride whoever you want. No excuses, those are your two options.
wow, how people love to spout judgements to place yourself at a higher level. Everyone lives their own life and does what they do for different reasons or from different circumstances. I did the same experiment, and before, I was dying a slow death. The one being cheated on is far from being an innocent target, they are at least part of the problem. This experiment brought me back to life, to feel again, figure out myself, and release judgements for what people do to make the best of their situation. Almost everyone i met is trying to avoid a divorce because they don’t want to break up their family. Or they have been the family wage earner, while their wife was home, so they know their wife would not live in a similar fashion if they divorced and they don’t want to do that to her. But they want some excitement.
I got married because i was pregnant, and wanted to give my child a chance at a family. It has been very hard, but i have stayed 1 day at a time for 12 years. He has not been mr. Great Father or Mr. Loving Husband, but he has some positive qualities ….a divorce is likely someday, but I just keep trying to shield the kids from it all.
The people who keep saying “it’s none of our business,” “let her live her life and do whatever she wants without judgment” need to understand that she wrote this article and put it out for the world to read. To judge. To comment. She made it our business. If it’s none of our business then why are you commenting?
And yes she is a consenting adult, however her husband is not consenting to this situation. What did he consent to? The vows they both made to each other when they got married.
Congratulations…You just broke your vow of marrage…
I predict divorce in less than a year…
I hope all these folks who are too immature, greedy and chickenshit to get divorced instead of cheating their life partner ARE publicly outed so the rest of us can ostracize them from all ADULT relationships. They can’t be trusted if they would lie and cheat on their own partner. Let these rats only deal with each other instead for the rest of their lives. For them, THAT will be hell on earth because manipulators don’t like to be manipulated.
Data analysis show that actually were not any “real” women on the Ashley Madison website.
So, is this story true, or made up?
There were real women. I found them all. This one is 42. Lives in Rocky River. She screwed my husband. Her screen name was JHL7215. I also know her real name and other men she slept with and chatted up.
And glowie 21 (AM screen name) real name Kim From Chagrin Falls offered to sleep with me for $600 plus room. Who does that? Apparently women her in town on Ashley Madison. I have tons of proof.
Another in Oberlin. I know every woman’s name as well.
All I did was go on for one week posing as the opposite sex. People are so stupid and indiscreet. There are so many ways to catch these people. If I can do it…
I know this woman and the guy in her neighborhood who slept with her in her husband’s bed. He was dumb enough to tell. Guys on AM say anything to get into the next woman’s pants. Including bragging about conquests.
@Notincleveland…I agree and have so much info it’s sad.
When she/he is pointing out every tiny imperfection in the relationship, she/he might be looking for grounds to break up to be with someone else, It could be because she/he doesn’t want romantic messages from another to get discovered. Any sort of sneaky behavior like this is a sign, It is not so typical of me to refer professionals online but I feel like I owe a lot to my hacksecrete@gmail . c o m who helped me track my cheating husband when he was having an affair, I got to find out that he has been lying to me for the past 5 months and seeing two other women. I was able to get direct access to his text messages, phone conversations and all social networks on his phone remotely : what was most amazing was that his recently deleted messages were retrieved by him. If you are getting less than you deserve in your relationship and want to be sure , there is no crime in that contact hacksecrete@gmail . c o m . tell him angie refereed you