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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Media / News O'Brien Factor: Terrorists should either get color-coordinated or get tortured

Posted by Joe Tone on Thu, Jun 19, 2008 at 8:03 AM

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We read Kevin O'Brien so you don't have to ... Column: The terrorists get their day in court. Topic: Last week, the Supreme Court ruled that terror suspects will get their day in court. Kevin-- steel yourself -- doesn’t like the idea. Kevin's Sanity Level Today: 38 percent What Your Head Would Feel Like if You Read it Yourself: A mayfly buzzes around your ear. You try to smack it, but in a freak occurrence, the sudden hand movement creates an air pocket that pushes the insect through your ear canal. It flutters around in your cranium, tickling your cerebral cortex and causing your eyes to cross. Also, you’re wearing a baseball hat that’s 3/8 of a size too small. A Yankees hat, to be precise. Charting Kevin's Logic: 1. In case you forgot, Kevin’s totally into the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. A bit more surprisingly, Kevin also loves the Constitution. Honest. In his diary, he ranks it third behind only Lee Iacocca’s biography and the Forum section of the Plain Dealer in his list of America’s most vital documents. He’s also a fan of the Geneva Convention—specifically its use of the word “uniformed.” By the way, isn’t foreshadowing nifty? 2. Terrorists don’t wear uniforms. And no, dressing like the bad guy from The Mummy doesn’t count. You need to have, like, patches, to fall under Geneva’s protection. That’s why boy scouts shouldn’t be detained indefinitely, or tortured. Also Burger King employees. 3. Plus, terrorists don’t believe in the Geneva convention. And they use copies of the Constitution for AK-47 target practice. So when we capture them, it would be silly to follow the Geneva convention, or the Constitution. See how that works? If you don’t, you’re basically Al Gore in a kufi. 4. Thanks to those liberal loosies over at the Supreme Court, all those jihadists currently bronzing in Guantanamo now get to enter the cool confines of U.S. court. But how does he know they’re jihadists, you ask, if they haven’t yet been to court? Shut up, jihadist! 5. You see how unfair this is? The terrorists get to cut our heads off after just a few ooga-boogas in front of a video camera. But we don’t even get to lock them in a cage forever without first going through the hassle of proving that they’re terrorists. And does this mean we can’t even electrocute their nipples? Just a little? Bogus!

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Friday, June 6, 2008

Media / Sports PD's Pluto shockingly level- (and smooth!) headed about sports blogs

Posted by Joe Tone on Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 1:01 PM

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In the growing debate between the mainstream sports media -- mascot: a giant-headed, froth-spewing Buzz Bissinger -- and the sports blogosphere -- represented by an angry band of bloggers in Deadspin T-shirts, all of whom are highly skilled in the art of the dick joke -- it’s always interesting to see on which side of the fence big-time print guys fall. Thankfully, the ever reliable folks at Cleveland sports blog Waiting For Next Year posted a pretty lengthy and comprehensive interview with the PD’s Terry Pluto this week, and beyond sounding quite reasonable on the internet/media debate, he also heaped some pretty high praise on sports blogs: ...

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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Media Grading the PD's Web site

Posted by Joe Tone on Tue, Jun 3, 2008 at 1:57 PM

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The financial web site 24/7 Wall Street has graded the web sites of the country's biggest newspapers. The New York Times and San Francisco Chronicle get well-deserved As. Cleveland.com, the Plain Dealer's site, earns a C-, which seems about right. Granted, it's harder to hell to navigate, and sometimes when you're clicking around you accidentally stumble on an old Sam Fulwood story, which can really ruin up your day. But we went to public school, where they only give out Ds if you stab the teacher, so C- seems fair enough. Here's 24/7 Wall Street's take: ...

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Media The Masters of Metal Tour skips Cleveland. How do you feel about Pittsburgh?

Posted by Joe Tone on Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 1:07 PM

The Masters of Metal Tour -- the most metal tour ever, assuming you're a die-hard old-school guy -- featuring Heaven and Hell (that's the Dio-era lineup of Black Sabbath), Judas Priest, Motorhead, and Testament has announced tour dates. Cleveland's not on the itinerary, but Pittsburgh is. Maybe it has something to do with gas prices. Dio's a big sports fan, and he's from upstate New York; maybe he doesn't like the Browns. Pittsburgh's a good metal town, but not like Cleveland is. Who knows? It's a weird business. ...

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Media / News O'Brien Factor: Kevin fears Obama's race speech was full of hidden blackness

Posted by Joe Tone on Thu, Mar 20, 2008 at 7:41 AM

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We read Kevin O'Brien so you don't have to ... Column: Obama's response to Rev. Wright is a split decision Topic: Kevin’s stern disapproval, and savvy decoding, of Barack Obama’s race speech Kevin's Sanity Level Today: 47 percent What Your Head Would Feel Like if You Read it Yourself: Ever see that video of Fabio riding a rollercoaster and a goose smashes into his face? Reading this mimics that experience: you’re meandering through, following his logic, and then—splat!—a large waterfowl of Kevin-brand nonsense smashes into your nose. Charting Kevin's Logic: ...

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Friday, March 14, 2008

Media / SXSW At South by Southwest, nothing says alt-country like booze and beards at the New West day party

Posted by Joe Tone on Fri, Mar 14, 2008 at 12:28 AM

There was an odd dearth of bearded people on the streets of Austin Thursday afternoon. Turns out, they were all at one of SXSW’s best day parties, hosted by New West Records, home to such alt-country acts as Drive-By Truckers and the Old 97’s (as well as former Kinks frontman Ray Davies). There may be hipper day parties happening during the four-day music festival, but none embodies the spirit of SXSW’s Americana roots more than New West’s annual bash. (I also wasn’t invited to any of those. But that’s not the point). ...

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Media / News O'Brien Factor: Kevin wonders, If Global Warming's real, why did I spend the weekend shoveling?

Posted by Joe Tone on Wed, Mar 12, 2008 at 4:35 PM

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We read Kevin O'Brien so you don't have to. Column: For global warming worry-warts, an inconvenient cold spell Topic: O’Brien’s old standard: if global warming is real, why is my windshield iced over? Kevin's Sanity Level Today: 19 percent What Your Head Would Feel Like if You Read it Yourself: You’ve strayed into Apache territory, and they’ve buried you to your neck in sand, coating your cranium in honey to attract hordes of bees, ants, and flies. Vultures are pecking your ears. And your nose itches. Charting Kevin's Logic: ...

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Media / News Dear Public Radio: We love your stuff and really want it to keep going. But what's with the Pledge Drive?

Posted by Joe Tone on Wed, Mar 12, 2008 at 3:32 PM

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We love you, Diane Rehm. Your show, too. But mostly just you.
Dear Public Radio, You do things no other media can do. Every show is insightful, demanding, and intelligent. You help the world multi-task. Why just last month, with a mere ten minutes of listening in the car on the way to quaff pitches of Miller Lite at Pannini’s, you helped me understand the role super-delegates play in the Democratic primary, explained why the new Russian president Medvedev is less Putin than one would think, and changed my carburetor. Amazing. ...

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Monday, March 10, 2008

Media / News Carl Monday’s back, and he’s not better than ever, which makes us sad

Posted by Joe Tone on Mon, Mar 10, 2008 at 8:14 AM

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Ah, the goold ole days, when Carl tricked unsuspecting Buckeye fans into admitting they crank it in the library.
In late January, we questioned whether Carl Monday had gone soft. He hadn’t done a Carl Monday Investigation worthy of that title in two months, instead wasting his valuable time and even more valuable moustache on two boring Cleveland Clinic stories that didn’t even require a trench coat. Monday, apparently, reads C-Notes. And he’s heeded our call. Like Picasso’s Blue Period, the last month and a half may go down as the most prolific epoch of Monday’s career—he’s aired four investigations. ...

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Friday, March 7, 2008

Media / News Sound of Ideas Host Dan Moulthrop steals our idea, raises money for cancer

Posted by Joe Tone on Fri, Mar 7, 2008 at 2:21 PM

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St. Dan Moulthrop, WCPN
Alright, Dan Moulthrop, we get it. You’re the world’s most amazing person. You’re intelligent, friendlier than a Jesuit at Happy Hour, and unlike us, you're rarely drunk on a Tuesday morning. Oh, and that show you host on 90.3 WCPN, The Sound of Ideas, it’s pretty damn good public radio. We gave it a Best of Cleveland award, because it invites newsmakers, journalists, and regular folks to dissect the stories behind the latest headlines. ...

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Media / The Wisdom of Dick Feagler Dick Feagler: Snow storms just aren't what they used to be

Posted by Joe Tone on Fri, Feb 22, 2008 at 4:06 PM

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Today's topic: Snow… I was at the coffee shop, and the guys all agree: This snow outside is a goddamned imposter. Why, back in my day, snow was something you feared more than pinkos. It was the great white equalizer, the frozen monster of blue lips, the sacred chill-cotton of the sky. And it didn’t come in these pansy-ass flakes. Why, in my day, the clouds dropped anvils and machetes on your head. But these days, you might as well smear coco-butter across you belly whenever there's a cumulonimbus cloud approaching. This snow is weaker than Dukakis in '88. ...

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Entertainment / Media / News 92.3 dumps Rovers Morning Glory

Posted by Joe Tone on Wed, Feb 20, 2008 at 12:40 PM

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Rover has barked his last bark -- at least on 92.3 K-Rock. His popular and controversial morning show, Rovers Morning Glory -- featuring naked fat men prancing in the street, stomach-turning bets, death-defying dares, as well as heated debates between the shrilly clueless Duji and nasally arrogant Rover -- is officially done. Tom Herschel, the station’s general manager, tells C-Notes the decision was mutual and the result of unsuccessful contract talks. “Rover has been with us for five years, and we really hoped we could come to an agreement to keep that going,” Herschel says. “But at this point, that’s not going to happen. Rover has chosen to move on. So we made the decision to move on ourselves.” ...

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Entertainment / Media / Sports Tony Rizzo's Air Rizzy shoe, the ugliest thing in the history of footwear, up for auction

Posted by Joe Tone on Wed, Feb 20, 2008 at 11:29 AM

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Let’s say that you really want to step on Bill Martin’s face, maybe because he makes bags and bags of cash, or his perfectly coifed hair annoys you, or you’re just a big Ted Henry guy. Let’s additionally say that you are a huuuuuge fan of wooly bears. You love the little critters, and can never find enough wooly-related accessories for the summer months. Also, you love shoes. And you really love Cleveland sports. And you happen to have $5,000 sitting in your PayPal account. There’s literally only one pair of shoes for you. ...

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Friday, February 1, 2008

Media / News The Investigator Hits Canton Police. But Nothing Compares to the Promo

Posted by Joe Tone on Fri, Feb 1, 2008 at 4:52 PM

Via clevelandsaplum.com: The above video is the promo WKYC aired this week for a story by The Investigator, Tom Meyer, who Scene investigated ourselves a couple years back. Meyer's is a worthy story that raises questions about the behavior of some Canton police officers, who seem to have confused their holding cell for the champagne room at Christie's Cabaret. But the promo is a little much ... for a Rob Zombie movie. For a news story, it's the most over-dramatic 30 seconds in the history of television. I bet it worked like a charm. -- Joe P. Tone

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Media Blog Launches “Sexiest Reporter in Greater Cleveland” Contest

Posted by Joe Tone on Wed, Jan 30, 2008 at 6:33 AM

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WKYC's Maureen Kyle is among the finalists for Cleveland's Sexiest Reporter. Who's your hottest?
Earlier this month, local blog Political Science 216 announced it was holding a contest to crown the Sexiest Reporter in Greater Cleveland, because what else would a political blog write about during an election year? Now, we know what you’re thinking — journalism is a field whose most famous local faces are the not-so-Brangelina mugs of Dick Feagler, Carl Monday, and Mike Trivisonno. Announcing the hottest of the lot is like giving an award to the most elegantly dressed Bone Thug.

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