Men Caught Smoking Weed Claim They’re Priests
Just letting the spirit move me, baby. There’s a lesson to be learned from this one: When you elbow your way out of a weed haze to find cops standing in the living room, don’t try to say you’re a priest and those guns over there belong to the church. That doesn’t work. Anthony Williams,…
Ohio Puts Booze on Sale
Been putting off that trip to the liquor store to stock up on bacon-flavored vodka? Let this be your reminder to get there soon. Ohio has just listed 60 varieties of booze — all of them vodkas — that are on sale to clear out inventory and phase out brands collecting dust on shelves. Among…
The Quality of Cleveland Life Report
Your guide to living in fabulous Cleveland. Reduce, Reuse, Retards: Litter is on the rise across Northeast Ohio, according to activists who cite a growing tendency to throw fast-food trash from vehicles. Men 18 to 34 are targeted as prime offenders, though every guy we know who’s that age still has shit all over his…
Ticket Giveaway: Mariachi El Bronx
California punks the Bronx’s second album under their Mexican-music alter ego Mariachi El Bronx came out last year. They’re now making their way across the country with a stop at the Beachland Ballroom on Monday, May 21. We have a pair of tickets to the show. Want them? All you have to do is leave…
Stolen Car Crime Item Has a Surprise Ending
“Oh hey sleepyhead. Last night was great, I so glad we met . . . oh this? I just needed to hit CVS real quick. No biggie.” Sometimes you just want to trust someone. Caution meet wind, balls meet wall. Sometimes, the next morning, that someone is gone . . . and so is your…
Ohio’s Worst BMV is in Cleveland
Intrepid PD reporter John Horton, he of Road Rant notoriety, did the intrepid first-hand reporter thing and trekked over to the BMV over on E. 55th St. to see for himself — and for you — how long it takes you do a license plate renewal. You might say hey, he’s just using this as…
Romney Tells Channel 5 He Saved Auto Industry
During his trip to Euclid yesterday, Republican party hopeful Mitt Romney sat down with NewsChannel5’s Chris Flanagan for an interview that touched on a couple of the usual campaign-trail subjects. But the one that’s raising the most eyebrows is Romney’s comment that he’s responsible, partly at least, for reviving the tanking auto industry. “I’ll take…
Cleveland Loves Porn
Chances are you’re only reading this because you’re waiting for that lesbian clip over on your favorite porn site to finish buffering. No worries, we know our place in the world. Come back when you’re done and we’ll have something else for you to read.We know this because Men’s Health did some did some specious…
Local Weatherman Could Really Do Without Your Dumb Phone Calls to Let Him Know He Got the Weather Wrong
We’re beyond raking our local weathermen over the coals, right? They are, after all, weathermen, equipped with ambidextrous pointing skills and sunshiny smiles, tasked with predicting something that is only sorta semi-predictable. But, but, but… they said it was going to rain today, and it didn’t. And if you don’t like the weather in Cleveland,…
Pic of the Day: Steelers Fan at Jacobs Field
Via WFNY, here’s Steelers fan just being Steelers fan at The Jake. Don’t worry about that shirt, sir, just tie it around your waist. Surely no one will make jokes about it.
Scenes From the Cleveland 5’s First Day in Court
“Why did a Federal agent approach me?” Joshua Stafford asked this morning, slouched at the table he’d shared only moments earlier with his co-defendants. The courtroom on the 17th floor of the Federal Building seemed to seize up all at once when the words unexpectedly hit the air, from the packed gallery to the lawyers…
Ohio Auditor Dave Yost is the King of Similes
Mitt Romney is in Northeast Ohio today. He came to the stage to the dulcet sounds of a Kid Rock song, but not before some other GOP-types took the mic and gave their best standup efforts. Chief among them: Ohio Auditor Dave Yost, who attempted a jab at President Obama by knocking POTUS’ ownership of…
Pic of the Day: Man Carrying 56 Beers
Meet Herman Pirchner, the fine man who owned the Alpine Village. The pic is from the Cleveland Memory Project and might be one of our favorite shots ever from the CSU archives. Here’s the caption: “Herman Pirchner, the owner of the Alpine Village, carrying 56 sixteen ounce steins of beer without a tray. Pirchner developed…
Here’s a Cast Iron Skillet Shaped Like the State of Ohio
From FeLion Studios’ “Made in America” pan series, the Ohio cast iron skillet, yours for just $500. Length: 7 in.Width: 7.875 in.Weight: 4.5 lbs. Useful for pan sauces and clubbing Michigan fans. That is all.
23 Years Ago Today: Michael Jordan, “The Shot”
23 years ago today, No. 23 made Cavs fans cry. Seriously, screw that guy forever. Below, video of the game from the Cavs’ 98-97 lead to the crushing moment when Jordan sank The Shot, just in case you’re not already in a shitty mood today. Below that, Mike Polk’s take on what happened in the…
Man Shoves Hamburger Patties in Woman’s Face
Let us apologize for bringing this sad news to you so early on a Monday morning. It’s not a role we relish. But as you catch up on your reading after a long Cinco de Mayo weekend, you should know about this gentleman from Lorain who put himself in a pickle with the police after…
Pic of the Day: Johnny Damon in the Tribe Lineup
Johnny Damon, otherwise known this week as General Cramping, is back in the lineup for the Tribe as the Indians return to Jacobs Field tonight. Via @Castrovince, this is the photo of G. Cramping that appeared on the lineup board down at the ballpark. Old joke, but a good one.
R.I.P. Wildcat as Cedar Point Drops a Notch
We hate to be the ones to tell you this but Cedar Point is no longer “The Roller Coaster Capitol of the World.” The park officially dropped to the number two spot for having the most coasters in the world yesterday when it announced that the Wildcat would be torn down before opening day on…
Slow Down on the Roads, Northeast Ohio
No news to you, but Northeast Ohio has been gift-wrapped some beautiful weather recently. We bring it up because, if you burn away daylight hours glued to the news feeds like us, might have noticed a weird uptick in the number of odd car crashes getting pixel space in the local media. Could be a…
John Kasich and the Shale Drilling Industry are Here to Help All 34-Year-Olds Living in Their Mom’s Attic
John Kasich was in D.C. to participate in an energy summit yesterday and he took the opportunity to blast wind and solar power lobbyists for trying to commandeer the renewable energy market while shutting out other alternatives like cogeneration. In the midst of his attack on the dastardly wind and solar contingent, Kasich said this:…
Fountain in Moreland Hills Will Close After Sunday Service
This coming Sunday will be the last day of operation at Fountain (34105 Chagrin Blvd.) in Moreland Hills. The restaurant opened last summer. Chef Brian Okin says that the restaurant’s demise is the result of bad timing. “Simply stated, the owners’ divorce was just too much on the business,” he explains. “They need to liquidate…
Nerds Rejoice! This Is Your Weekend
This weekend — starting, like, right now — is the best time to be a nerd in 2012. First up, today is May 4, or as it’s known to nerds everywhere May the 4th Be With You day. So pull out your lightsaber, put on some Yoda ears, and cover yourself in Obi-Wan’s robe and…
Ladies and Gentleman, We Might Have a Flash Mob on Our Hands
If your public disturbance has MGK, it’s most definitely a flash mob. Well, on the surface this seems to squeeze comfortably into the baggy definition of “flash mob” people were hysterical about tossing around last summer. Let’s put the facts surrounding this police report from Strongsville Patch through the checklist for your standard factory-issue flash…
Alcoa’s “Smog-Eating” Building
Aluminum giant Alcoa, which is headquartered in Pittsburgh but has a large operation in Cleveland off Harvard Ave., has perhaps the coolest news of the day. According to a release, the company will be debuting a building coating that will literally eat smog. Not a ton of smog, but enough to notice. The material, EcoClean,…
Meet the FBI’s Informant in the Bridge Bombing Case
The Smoking Gun says the man over there to the right, 39-year-old Shaquille Azir, was the confidential informant that helped the FBI nab the five men who plotted to blow up a bridge in Brecksville. (A lawyer for one of the defendants has since confirmed the identity to NewsNet5.) Azir has a track record with…
Summit County Deputy Fired for Making Inmates Dance
The stress of being a deputy working the jail beat is nothing to underestimate. Inmates are all around, sitting in jail cells for good reason, as you you try to keep the peace and maintain a safe environment for them and your fellow deputies. You are God, in a sense, but powers can be taken…
Chump of the Week: Solon Teen Spits on Bus Driver
If you needed any more proof that having kids is a horrible idea because, well, then you’ll have to deal with said kids when they overnight pop out of that cuddly baby/photo prop stage and become an inverted whirlpool of hormones and selfish dramatics, Solon Patch presents Exhibit #324. We’ll pick this story up from…
U.S. Marshal in Ohio State Sweatshirt Arrests Fugitive in Michigan Sweatshirt
Picture from this story, which is as amazing as the snapshot of a U.S. Marshal in an OSU shirt leading a handcuffed fugitive in a Michigan shirt.
Video: Girl Tries and Fails to Jump on Car at OU Palmer Fest
That sedan will have nothing to do with this girl’s interest in dancing with it. None.
Smash It Up
There’s a really good chance that this summer’s most anticipated movie will also be remembered as its best. The Avengers is easily one of the greatest superhero movies ever made. Part of that has to do with the all-star team assembled in this 142-minute blowout: Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), the…
On Stage This Week
Come Fly Away at Playhouse Square: Soaring With Ol’ Blue Eyes Looking for a long, cool pour of mid-century chill? Take one big band, 14 vivacious dancers, and the legendary vocals of Frank Sinatra; shake over ice with choreography from the equally legendary Twyla Tharp; then pour into a nightclub set on a Broadway stage.…
Local Band in Focus
Meet the Artist: Cleveland rapper Nova the Rebel has been dropping releases at a staggering rate over the past few years, including more than a half-dozen mixtapes since 2009. “It is definitely important for me to stay busy,” he says. “As an artist, you find different things that trigger your writing. I write just about…
Savage Love
Dear Dan: I am a straight 29-year-old guy, and I’ve been into ball busting — having my balls kicked and stomped — since I was 14. The fucked-up thing is, I only enjoy getting my balls busted by other guys. I’ve been hit in the balls by girls, and it doesn’t do anything for me.…
CD Review: The Lighthouse and the Whaler
(thelighthouseandthewhaler.com) The Lighthouse and the Whaler go for more dramatic sweeps than most of their chamber-pop peers. While many practitioners struggle to carry the weight of their string sections, this Cleveland quintet can be relatively nimble. Those baroque touches don’t overwhelm this three-song EP, which serves as a tasty appetizer for their forthcoming second album.…
He’s From Cleveland
At 13, most boys are either playing football in the backyard with the neighbor kids or playing video games or illegally downloading Lil Wayne tracks. When John Stursa was 13, he was building a Myspace account to showcase Cleveland’s blossoming hip-hop scene. Stursa, now a soft-spoken 17-year-old, is somewhat of a blogging prodigy here in…
Culture Jamming
TOP PICK Wilco and Billy Bragg: Mermaid Avenue: The Complete Sessions (Nonesuch) This three-CD set gathers the original 1998 album, 2000’s followup, and a disc of new songs, all taken from Woody Guthrie’s notebooks. Wilco and Bragg worked from a bunch of lyrics the legendary folksinger left after he died, applying their own brand of…
Jonesin’ Crossword
For a PDF of this week’s Jonesin’ Crossword, click here.
On View This Week
Akron Art Museum: Stranger in Paradise. The late Rev. Howard Finster is one of America’s most recognizable outsider artists, even creating album covers for R.E.M. and Talking Heads. Like a William Blake of the pop-art era, his oeuvre juxtaposes religiously laden illustrations arising from his vivid visionary experiences with more worldly subjects. Through June 3…
Master & Puppets
There are no people actually singing in CHORUS in Which There Are Many People, Some Singing, Don Harvey’s new exhibition at William Busta Gallery. Painting is an intrinsically visual media, but Harvey, a visiting assistant professor of art at Oberlin College, reminds us what a visual spectacle the singing person can be. In a series…
At the Arthouse
Dancing in the Dust Iranian director Asghar Farhadi has been getting better and better over the past decade, as each of his five movies aims bigger and hits harder than the last. He peaked last year with the divorce drama A Separation, easily one of 2011’s best. The Cinematheque is helping you catch up with…
Methbusters
Meth lab or cat piss? the nose wonders. Litter box or burning chemicals? Akron cop Chris Crockett stands in the middle of the cramped living room, sniffing at the midnight air. He’s not pulling in lungfuls, just breathing normally as he talks with the 24-year-old woman he’s dropped in on. But by the time Crockett…
Cheap Date
Truth be told, there’s not a single bad part of a pizza. But if you really want to get down to it, we’ll take an edge slice over a center every time — and preferably a corner. Jet’s Pizza realized how valuable those crispy, crusty end slices are and came up with the most revolutionary…
CD Review: The Dandy Warhols
After a pair of albums that blasted off into outer-space artiness, the Dandy Warhols shelve most of the extraneous goop in favor of a stripped-down set for their eighth LP. Too bad it really doesn’t help much. These Portland, Oregon indie rockers have always invested in their myth way more than they should. Just check…
Love Your Bartender
We here in God’s country are a civilized lot. And most of us go about our days with a mindful eye on decorum, keeping our inner jackass in check because that’s what Mom would want us to do. Plus, that guy over there is way bigger than us, and we’ve never technically been in a…
Home Movies
Haywire (Lionsgate) What’s up with Steven Soderbergh lately? Sex, Lies, and Videotape made him an indie darling. Out of Sight proved he could handle more than just talking people. Erin Brockovich and Traffic made him respectable. And the Ocean’s movies made him rich. But it’s been a decade since he’s made a good movie. In…
Stoned Again
After 17 years in the biz — including time in the kitchens of big-name chefs like Parker Bosley and Marlin Kaplan — Jeff James is digging his role as top toque at Reddstone, the evolving bar and bistro in the Gordon Square district. Closed for renovations since early March, Reddstone marks its grand reopening on…
Film Capsules
The Pirates! Band of Misfits The latest movie by Aardman — the British animation studio responsible for Wallace & Gromit and Chicken Run — is another stop-motion bit of whimsy that puts more effort into its finicky craft than the mediocre story. A group of 19th-century pirates support their inept captain (voiced by Hugh Grant),…
Concert Calendar
The Boxer Rebellion For a relatively unknown band, the Boxer Rebellion have weathered quite a bit of drama since their 2001 formation. Tennessee native Nathan Nicholson relocated to London after his mother’s death, assembling a band with Australian guitarist Todd Howe and British drummer Piers Hewitt. After adding bassist Adam Harrison, the group retooled its…
Handy Dandy
Here’s a tip: Do not attempt to eat a sandwich from Bogtrotters Doorstep while driving. You might end up heading home on a tow truck. Colossal, dripping with juice, and unwieldy as a baby slathered in Vaseline, these hoagies require your complete attention. (A post-meal shower might not be a bad idea either.) Built atop…
CD Review: Norah Jones
After contributing vocals to Danger Mouse’s Rome last year, Norah Jones teams up with the busy producer for her fifth album, a summit of their respective musical worlds. Jones offers her usual sultry tones, while Danger Mouse injects subtle but inventive textures into … Little Broken Hearts’ 12 tracks. Many songs play out like a…
Strike a Pose
Co-written and directed by Madonna” could be the most obvious sign of box-office poison there is. That’s completely understandable and somewhat tragic. Madonna, for all her musical talent, just isn’t very good at decoding movie relationships or the way they’re meant to develop in the span of two hours or less. She knows about love’s…
CD Review: Santigold
The artist formerly known as Santogold doesn’t mess around when it comes to targeting genres. Her past gigs — as a record-company rep, soul-pop songwriter, and punk singer — powered 2008’s self-titled debut, which dabbled in everything from electronic and new wave to hip-hop and reggae. Santigold’s follow-up LP is a little more cohesive, but…
We Get Mail
Rock Hall Hatchet Job I hope nobody from outside of Cleveland read your Wikipedia-style synopsis of the Rock Hall inductees [“The Class of 2012,” April 11]. I also hope Scene editors do not allow Michael Gallucci to write about anything other than high school band prom reviews in the future. These are Hall of Fame…
Stop the Ride
It’s not unusual for a play to involve two damaged people. But it is a bit unconventional for those impairments to include an eye blown out by fireworks, a coma induced by a lightning strike, and an attempt at a DIY stomachectomy. These ghastly events and a few more are referenced in Gruesome Playground Injuries,…
