- Photo via Wikimedia Commons
1. When you don’t actually like coffee.
An extra pump of vanilla syrup, three Splendas, and room for cream?
2. When you pronounce pastry names in a weird French accent.
We understand you studied abroad in Paris for a semester in undergrad, but this is Cleveland. You sound like a fool when you order a coffee and a pain au chocolat.
3. When you stop in two minutes before closing time and are mad that we dumped the coffee.
Yeah, it’s 10:58 p.m. and we’ve been slow for an hour. We dumped it.
4. When you order a breve, but hold the whip.
A breve— that’s a latte made with half and half instead of milk— already contains most of your daily calories. But, ah, you’re watching your waist, so we’ll hold the whip for you.
5. When you change your order after we’ve already started making it.
Oh you wanted that with soy milk? Why didn’t you say so 30 seconds ago?
6. When you use Starbucks lingo at our locally owned coffee shop.
A tall frappuccino? Really?
6. When you point at the pastry case and say “What’s that?” even though there’s a sign right there.
Two millimeters to your left and -ah- there it is: blueberry coffee cake. Not like we can see what you’re pointing at from the other side of the case anyway.
7. When you buy coffee for $1.75 and pocket the quarter instead of putting it in the tip jar.
Yeah, thanks.
9. When you assume we get free coffee all day long.
Okay, we do. But that doesn’t mean we’re going to comp yours.
10. When you try to lecture us.
On coffee roasting, on religion, on Joe Cimperman’s beard. Yeah, we’ve heard it all.
11. When you ask us out — for coffee.
Goodbye.
Written by a former Northeast Ohio barista.
This article appears in Feb 26 – Mar 4, 2014.
The things that’s a hinder, in the life of a hipster. u make coffee for a living. get over yrselves
This sounds so arrogant. Maybe if you had a better attitude about things customers would tip you. If that’s what you think about customers, I’ll be glad to take my business elsewhere.
Tip for coffee? Hmm?
The only reason I would go to a coffee shop would be if I was running late and didn’t have time to brew a fresh pot.
With fuel currently at $3.57 who can afford $3.45 for a cup of coffee? Why would you? For three more dollars I buy a bag of beans producing enough coffee for two weeks. And you still want me to tip you? You poured a cup of coffee and handed me a lid. Tip???
Sounds like our barristas are lazy arrogant bastards. If the worst thing to happen to you during your work day is someone else’s mispronunciation of a croissant then count yourself lucky.
This is why I stay away from Starbucks. The know-it-all arrogant attitude is such a turn off when all I want is a plain old cup of coffee and a piece of pastry.
We also hate when you can’t put down your phone long enough to order. For you haters out there, come and work with me for a day.
As another Cleveland barista, I’d say this person is better off working as far away from customer service as possible. Most of these things are simple accommodations to make…and you don’t like to talk to people? Barista work is not for you.
Not all of us are hipster assholes. Sone of us are pros and quite passionate about what we do. Especially us shop owners.
This is beautiful. Every pet peeve was nailed… all you people out there dishing out judgement-please, get over yourselves. Every job has its fair share of irritations, don’t act like you don’t have any. If you are resenting this writer so harshly god only knows what you think about the people at your job.
The comments here are perfect… you sound like an asshole.. talk about your customers in a way that makes you seem like an asshole. you make coffee for a living.. im sure that you dislike many of your customers because you probably hate yourself for having to do what is essentially a teenage summer job to try and make a living. what is amazing is how a broad who makes coffee finds it necessary to insult those who give her a livelihood… i’m a surgeon and i do not go online to bitch about hating my patients and why are they so fat… i also know an obgyn and know that she would not go online to moan about your ‘stanky’ mud flaps, unshaved pubice, and generally all around genital awfulness.
Damn, the breve thing could have been a little bit better..friends don’t let friends order soy breves. Be happy when someone throws something in your jar, even if it’s ten cents or a copper penny…little do they know you can melt that down and make a conductive. I don’t know about you, but I love going through the pastry case, every time is a new experience because every customer is different. Don’t hate appreciate, we all have to deal with it every day too.