Brunch is Always a Bad Idea, But... Here's Where To Go If You Must

We've all done it — and quickly regretted it. It's Saturday night and you're out with the mates, drinking that last round of beers, wishing the night didn't have to end. "Let's do brunch," you say. And before anybody has a moment to consider the repercussions, the group responds with a resounding, "Yes, let's continue this party tomorrow at brunch!"

Only problem is that, judging by your last asinine outgoing text, you passed out some time after 2:30 in the morning. When your alarm wails at 10:15 a.m., there's only one thing in the world you want to do: Kill everybody. Then you start running through possible excuses: flat tire, Ebola, frozen pipes, sick hamster, social media emergency... After the second cup of coffee, however, brunch begins to sound almost doable. I could eat a little something, you think, but I AM NOT DRINKING.

We've all been there. To make the best of a bad situation, here are few suggestions to ease the pain.

For the Fashion-Challenged

If the thought of picking out an actual outfit physically hurts your brain, the Beachland Ballroom (15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, is for you. Along with chunky sweaters and flannel shirts, the most fashion-forward article of clothing one's likely to spot here is a Members Only jacket, circa 1983. The expansive brunch menu might be the most indulgent around, offering to make almost any dish vegan, vegetarian or gluten-free. To make the smoky biscuits and gravy vegetarian, for example, simply swap the sausage gravy for one made with mushrooms. A panko crust on the fried chicken manages to lighten up chicken and waffles.

For the "Morning After" Date

You didn't wake up alone, that much is clear. But who? A quick turn of the neck reveals — thank god! —the cute friend of a friend you had your eye on all night. Fan the flames of desire by taking him or her to Le Petit Triangle Café (1881 Fulton Rd., 216-281-1881,, a deal-closingly adorable French bistro in Ohio City. Toast the budding relationship over bubbly mimosas while you steal glances at the tantalizing menu. Oh-so-sweet crepes like the aptly named Chocolate Lovers (dark chocolate, whipped cream and strawberry preserves) join savory fold-overs filled with smoked salmon, Boursin and fresh dill. If things are really going well, you can always grab a couple slices of the quiche du jour and head back to your place...

About The Author

Douglas Trattner

For 20 years, Douglas Trattner has worked as a full-time freelance writer, editor and author. His work on Michael Symon's "Carnivore," "5 in 5" and “Fix it With Food” have earned him three New York Times Best-Selling Author honors, while his longstanding role as Scene dining editor garnered the award of “Best...
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