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(* Powered by insipid snark and tired jokes.)

Chris Brown makes an onstage appearance without Rihanna at the end of his fist.

Michael Jackson’s mom gets custody of his kids. Presumably because she contains 50 percent less batshit-crazy than the rest of the family.

Michael Jackson’s doctor kept his drugs in a storage unit. Couldn’t he use a Homer Simpson cookie jar like everyone else?

No rain! No rain!

First Kevin Costner sings, then a stage collapses. Sucky day to be a country-music fan. —Michael Gallucci

This article appears in Jul 29 – Aug 4, 2009.