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Thanks, Bob. You now fucked up Christmas for me.

Chris Brown embarks on Fan Appreciation Tour. You better be there, bitch, if you know what’s good for you.

Janet says she knew brother Michael had a thing for little boys, altered his physical appearance until he looked like a wax statue and was generally batshit crazy, but she never in a million years imagined he was a pill popper.

Norah Jones has her own Hulu channel. It’s called ZZZ.

Hope you like effeminate American Idols. Because you’re gonna be seeing a lot of this one for the next few weeks.

Britney Spears looks back on some her videos, but forgets to mention the one where she flashed her cooter. —Michael Gallucci

This article appears in Nov 18-24, 2009.