The Whiskey Daredevils just returned from a road trip in Europe. Frontman Greg Miller fills us in on what happened.
I walked through the Cleveland airport and spotted Leo sitting by himself at the gate. It was like seeing him through the eyes of a stranger. Mismatching tattoos and wild facial hair helped create a two-seat buffer between him and legitimate citizens waiting for their flight. As we always have to do things on a shoestring budget, we were all on different flights. I was flying on Continental on frequent flier miles. Leo was on Delta as it was the cheapest fare. Ken and Gary had flown out yesterday, Ken to Frankfurt while Gary went to Amsterdam to catch a day with his girlfriend.
Christoph, our German driver/merch guy/fellow adventurer, would pick us up at the Frankfurt Airport. The key things you need to know about Christoph are as follows:
1) He is very distrustful of anyone different than himself. He doesn’t just believe that the German way of doing things is best. It’s his particular region’s way of doing things that is best. If he thinks an East German is dodgy, imagine what he thinks of a random French guy.
2) He is extremely organized. There is a “masterplan” for everything. I mean, EVERYTHING. He has a plan for driving into Barcelona. He also has a plan for how we will maximize our breakfast at a Swiss hostel, or most efficiently make a rest stop. He has a plan for what he will drink at lunch. It’s all in the masterplan.
3) He exclusively wears camouflage pants and black t-shirts.
4) He may have made the two most impressive park jobs in a tour van I have ever seen or heard about.
Ken had emailed me upon his arrival in Frankfurt. He had made the ill-advised decision to have herring and apple wine for his meal. While that would probably be my last choice of a meal, Ken had decided to go totally native and blend in any way possible. I don’t know how diarrhea will make you native, but it’s his call. With his clunky black shoes and blocky black glasses, I am confident that “The Jackal” will be in country and totally blended in…
I bid Leo goodbye and walk down to my gate. I would connect in Newark, and see Leo in Frankfurt where we both landed at roughly the same time. My flight to Newark is uneventful, and I wait to board the Frankfurt leg next to a gate going to Bombay. An entire plane load of Indians wait to board, and I once again search for the reason why there are no attractive Indian women over the age of 40. How can this be? Plenty of fashionably dressed exotic women in their twenties compete for men’s attention at the gate. Meanwhile, dumpy stern hairy older women wrestle with screaming grandchildren. What happens? Do these beautiful young girls marry and then quickly “give up”, resigned to lives with heavy handed mustached fireplugs of men? I ask you, have you ever seen an attractive Indian woman older than 35? Ever?
This article appears in Jun 17-23, 2009.