I am from Chicago; I now live in Northeast Ohio. And the Cubs are playing the Indians in the World Series. So I have a serious dilemma. I don’t regularly follow baseball and therefore need to jump on a bandwagon, but which bandwagon do I choose? The bandwagon that was my home for 14 consecutive years, or the bandwagon of my new hometown?
I’ve thought about this a lot and there are many factors to consider when making this decision.
· Underdog status – Cleveland is the underdog in this contest because the world loves the Cubs. Chicago-based TV station WGN broadcasts Cubs games nationally, so people hundreds of miles away from Chicago may enjoy the exquisite agony of watching the Cubs lose. The Cubs also have won the most games in major league baseball this year, meaning the odds makers in Vegas are putting their money squarely on the Cubbies. So Cleveland is just where it wants to be, just where it’s comfortable, living the dream as the underappreciated underdog. Cleveland vs. the world is a position that Cleveland is used to and, based on recent history, a position where Cleveland thrives. Advantage: Indians.
· Baseball Stadium – Progressive field provides impressive views of downtown Cleveland. Entering the stadium through Gate C offers a dramatic view of the park itself, and Progressive Field is built to offer every modern amenity a fan could want. Wrigley Field, on the other hand, prides itself on standing apart from time. The additions of lights in 1988 and a Jumbotron in 2016 were met with loud protests, but some things remain the same – the scoreboard is occupied by a man who physically updates the numbers by hand, and in the men’s restroom there are no urinals but instead a large pee troughs. However, what Wrigley Field creates in terms of quiet reverence for the past is completely obliterated by the surrounding neighborhood, Wrigleyville, which I can only describe as fuckboy ground zero. Take everyone you hated in high school and college, make them extremely sunburned and drunk, and stick them in a Irish bar at last call and you have the basic flavor of Wrigleyville. I cannot describe the horror of riding the Red Line north from downtown, approaching the Addison stop outside of Wrigleyville, and realizing that a Cubs game just let out and I was about to be crushed by a group of intoxicated, screaming men and women who would love nothing more than to celebrate their dear Cubbies by yelling “There’s my future ex-wife!” at each other, fist fighting a stranger, and/or puking in my lap. Advantage: Indians.
· Mascot – The Cubs mascot is a tiny child bear who no one in the world has a single problem with. The Indians mascot is Chief Wahoo who is, empirically, a racist caricature. If you don’t see that Chief Wahoo is a racist caricature, then just pretend that the mascot was some other type of human, one who you enjoy. Like your dad. What if the team’s mascot was your dad and the team logo was a caricature of your dad drawn by someone who hates him. It’s your beloved dad, only he’s pictured wearing a dirty bathrobe and yelling at the newspaper circular about why milk costs so goddamn much. Point is, Chief Wahoo is not a flattering portrayal of a human being. I know we have good feelings about the logo because of our personal history with the Indians and our grandfather who introduced us to baseball and our love of the logo isn’t intended to be mean or dismissive of an entire race of people and, besides, we don’t know a single Native Americans who are personally offended, but that’s mostly due to the super effective genocide our ancestors perpetrated against them. We need to admit that, like may things that are old fashioned and historic, the Chief Wahoo logo is also gross and we now know better. Advantage: Cubs.
· Length of the Drought – The Cubs have not won a world series in 108 years, while the Indians have not won a world series in 68 years. The Cubs have not even made it to the World Series since 1945, while the Indians’ last appearance was in 1997. But let’s widen the lens: the city of Chicago has not won a National championship since 2015, when the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup. The city of Cleveland has not won a championship since…June. And we loved it and now we know what it tastes like we want to eat it for every single meal every single day. Plus, a Cubs win is a known sign of the apocalypse, which no one is into. Advantage: Indians.
· Fans –When the Chicago White Sox won the World Series, a friend of mine who was a huge Cubs fan remarked disdainfully, “I bet not even one person will die tonight.” He was saying that Sox fans aren’t real fans, not in the way Cubs fans are, because they won’t celebrate their World Series win with violence and mayhem. If the Cubs win the World Series it’s possible that no one will die, but it’s also possible that Cubs fans will gather on the corner of Addison and Clark to legit murder each other out of sheer manic happiness. Those who are being murdered will likely think, “Worth it,” but riots based in elation are still, technically, riots. Meanwhile, in Cleveland, when the Cavaliers won the NBA National Championship we showed the world that in Cleveland we handle our shit gracefully. We can explode with happiness and dangle off of parking garages to catch a glimpse of our team without allowing our joy to overwhelm us to the point that we forget that we should keep our hands to ourselves, unless we’re engaging in a tasteful and fully consensual high five. Advantage: Indians.
· Bill Murray – If the Cubs win, Bill Murray will cry tears of pure, gorgeous joy. I adore Bill Murray and want anything that makes him happy. Advantage: Cubs.
· Divorce – My husband said during last night’s game, and I quote, “If you root for the Cubs we’re getting a divorce.” Advantage: Indians.
This article appears in Oct 26 – Nov 1, 2016.
The Indians mascot is Slider.
Brian beat me to it. Wahoo’s the logo. Slider (big, green and pink and of indeterminate race, gender and species) is the Mascot.
Otherwise, yeah. And I agree — if I followed the WS and the Tribe wasn’t in it, I’d probably root for the Cubs myself. Probably. Especially if the BoSox was the AL team. I’m a Montral Canadiens fan and I’m contractually obligated to hate anything from Boston.
Go Tribe!
Similar dilemma, my deciding point was this; the Cubs ownership have monetized “the curse” for going on 30 years. they LIKE being loveable losers. the curse to them is ike the dawg pound to the Browns.
so let them keep it; go Tribe
Similar in my house. My husband is born/bred Chicago. We were married there, had our kids there and I lived there for 15 years – until I “Made” him move back with me to Cleveland about 4 years ago.
I feel like it’s the bi-polar World Series for me. Because no matter what I will be extatic and distraught at the same time.
15 years in Chicago…. and I loved it, and loved the Cubs (cause you know it wouldn’t be the Sox!) For years I’ve been able to say I could be a fan of both my Indians and the Cubs, because “What’s the likelihood they’d play each other in the World Series?”
Crap. Jokes on me!
I know what a win for the Cubbies would mean for Cubs fans (not like the town is without a series, as the Sox won in 2005… but that doesn’t count when you only love the Cubs), on the other hand a win for Cleveland would be a fantastic storybook ending to 2016 for my forever hometown. Monsters – Stipe Miocic – Cavs…… Indians!!!!
Thankfully neither of us has put any ultimatums down on team loyalty. I’m trying to encourage the kids to cheer for both teams (they are 5 and 7), but I fear I’ve lost them to the North Siders.
Either way. I win and lose this world series. But I have to say…. I’ll take it!
I knew this was you before I even read the byline. I will try to be nice. But you are not from Chicago. As I recall, you came there from somewhere else…Indy? Peoria? And spent fourteen years there…BFD. And never got into the Cubbies at all…until now. How convenient for some new material.
I AM from Chicago…born and bred…36 years in the city and suburbs, and six more in the western boonies; I now live in Northeast Ohio. ..married a fifth generation Clevelander and have been here 24 years. Still not long enough according to many I’ve met during that timeframe. Cleveland’s fine, but it ain’t home. Chicago’s home, but it ain’t mine no more.
The past quarter-century has brought enormous economic and demographic changes to Chicago, of which there are more each time I return for a visit. Wrigleyville is now Rickettsville…the current owner is buying it up and destroying the neighborhood and making it into Times Square with a ballpark.. He has made it into Pottersville. More about that later.
Yeah…the Cubs are playing the Indians in the World Series. Just writing that feels like I’m in some sort of crazy dream. My wife and I have joked about that possibility since I married her. Nobody’s laughing now. I worked for the Tribe organization…briefly…in the Nineties. I loved the old Stadium. It had character. Still a Tribe fan, but I have been a Cub fan for more than fifty years. Some things, you just don’t change…or try to. Up until last week, I could actually be both, without a problem.
My wife is happy for me So much so that she accompanied me to the victory party, along with 300,000 of our new friends. But I, too, have a serious dilemma now. She won’t go back, as she is a lifelong Tribe fan and she refuses to wear Cub gear and subject herself to the verbal or even physical abuse that Chicago’s frat boy assholes would heap upon her, quite literally. So we are staying here. I want the Cubs to win, but I want her to be happy, too, as much as I was last weekend. I’ve also thought about this a lot, so now, all I can do is watch quietly and wait for the outcome.
Now let’s pick apart your latest diaTRIBE, point by point:
Underdog status Cleveland is the underdog in this contest because the network a-holes hate Cleveland even more than they hate Chicago. They have heaped abuse upon BOTH teams all month long. They creamed for Boston and Toronto and the Giants and the Dodgers. They hate ALL Midwestern teams because they are bi-coastal yuppie fucks and they don’t want to be in either city because the network makes more money from slanting the coverage to fans on either coast. And the broadcasters think they can have more fun and get more ass. Midwesterners are poor hicks and yahoos in their eyes.
You must be living under a rock with NO cable connection. Chicago-based TV station WGN DOES NOT, DOES NOT broadcast Cub games…Cub…not Cubs…nationally anymore, and has not done so for a number of years now, so people hundreds of miles away from Chicago have to depend on Fox Sports and the MLB network and ESPN for their Cub fix. You really think many Cub…not Cubs…games are on nationally when they LOSE a hundred games? Yeah, right…maybe twice a month. But let them WIN 100+ and they are on nationally five nights a week..
Cleveland vs. the world is a position that Cleveland finds it self in because outsiders have put it there. This didn’t start recently. It has been going on since long before you were born, and it has targeted the city, its people, its weather, and its sports teams…not for years, but for decades. and, based on recent history, Cleveland will probably keep that unfortunate position. Advantage: Indians.
Baseball Stadium Progressive Field is pleasant and comfortable, but have you ever been to Pittsburgh? I prefer it, and not just because it has a river behind it and a skyline, and because the Cubs routinely visit there, several time s a season.
Wrigley Field, on the other hoof, has been altered beyond reason. It’s all about the millions in revenue. It’s a mint, a license to print money. The lights are almost thirty years old now, and were necessary to keep the Cubs from leaving for suburbia. But the enlarged bleachers, the Jumbo-tron, the excessive signage, and the electronic advertising have turned it into a money-making, mercenary pinball machine. The old scoreboard is unchanged, and the ancient pee troughs are due for a makeover in coming seasons. But everything else has been altered, and not for the better.
However, it’s still basically Wrigley Field …the surrounding neighborhood is another ballgame. It is frat boy heaven. It’s Ohio State when Michigan is in town…81 days a year.. It was a blue-collar neighborhood for decades, albeit a trifle shabby, and even a bit risky in the years before night baseball.
It had maybe six bars, and when there was no Cub game, it was almost like a small town. It went from hillbilly and Hispanic to yuppie in the mid-Eighties, and became Wrigleyville. The six bars became sixty. Clark Street became a year-round Bourbon Street North. Now the Cubs are buying up everything in sight, building hotels and luxury high-rises and office parks and plazas. The frat boys and yuppies will be replaced by corporate suits on expense accounts. Twenty-dollar tickets now cost a hundred. Advantage: Indians.
Mascot Your tirade about Wahoo is old and tired. You haven’t been here long enough to have the right to bitch about it. I have heard all the arguments since I got here. Call the Cubs the Chicago Jews, maybe? Hey, why not? I’m both of those. I like it. I even had a shirt custom-made. The more someone whines about Wahoo, the more tightly I cling to it…like a traveler wrapping his coat around himself the colder it gets. I don’t really care for the red Wahoo…I prefer the earlier brownish one with the hooked nose. And the Cub logo is either a “C”…a “C” with the UBS in the logo, or the “cute little bear”…of which there are several varieties. Advantage: Cubs.
Length of the Drought The Cubs have not won a world series in 108 years, while the Indians have not won a world series in 68 years. The Cubs have just made it to the World Series for the first time since 1945, while the Indians last appearance was in 1997. The Cubs have now been in 11 Series…and have lost the last seven they’ve appeared in. The Indians have only been in six as of now, and have lost the last three. Advantage: Indians.
Fans Cub fans were remarkably well-behaved last Saturday night., considering Chicago’s past history of sports-related riots. The National Guard was on standby the last time the Bulls won it all. People got a little crazy after a couple of hours, but there were only a handful of arrests. If the Cubs win this weekend or next week, all bets are off. it will probably get ugly. Cleveland didn’t riot all summer…either for the RNC or when the Cavs won…and it’s doubtful things will get bad if the Tribe does it. Advantage: Indians.
Bill Murray Bill Murray is funny, but he’s also a high-roller who sits in the front row and smirks for the cameras and can afford 35,000 bucks for a single ticket. So fuck him. Advantage: Tribe.
Divorce Not an option. We’re old. We’re dorks. We’re used to each other. We’ve lived through a lot. We will get through this. Whatever happens, someone will be ecstatic, and someone will be bummed. It is what it is. We’ll get over it. There are leaves to rake and the holidays and then the worst thing of all, the endless gray days and the snow and the cold. Life will go on. Advantage: Age over youth.
Tribe and Cubs. Wake me when it’s over. But whatta dream…
Chuckles the Clown
The Chicago Cubs (in)famously fired ballgirl Marla Collins after she posed nude for the September 1986 issue of Playboy magazine….due to breaking the “family-oriented spirit” of the organization. Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Royko quickly penned a column, which gave acid indigestion to high society perverts, fiends and midnight prowlers: “Of course it’s hypocritical. But hypocrisy is the very backbone of our sexual moral standards. Many of our most outstanding bluenoses are secret lechers.”
Let me ask how many of you celebrate St. Patrick’s day? This is not a drinking holiday, regardless of what mainstream America might thing. It’s not a day for dying a river green, drinking green beer, saying Kiss Me, I’m Irish, talking like a bad Irish Spring soap commercial, getting drunk or other debauchery and revelry. It’s a holy day of obligation. It’s a day to celebrate St. Patrick bringing Christianity to Ireland. But it’s all right to stereotype the Irish in that manner. A people that still have their oppressors living in their country. Notre Dame “Fighting Irish” and their mascot is another example.
The Feast of the Assumption in Little Italy. It’s not a festival or street party. It’s another holy day of obligation celebrating a very important day in Catholic theology.
Cinco de Mayo is another one. It’s the day for Mexicans to celebrate their victory of the Battle of Puebla over the French. But to most, it’s a drinking holiday.
So if you don’t like supposed depictions of things that YOU term “racist” (oh, the dreaded Scarlet R – where’s Hawthorne when you need him?} then you must apply that equally to any culture that has someone depicting them through caricature in way that MIGHT be demeaning. Otherwise you have “conditional equality”. And if something isn’t applied equally then it’s not really equal, is it? And then you have fascism (you’ll do, think and believe what you’re told) and hypocrisy (which is people telling others not to do the very things they’re doing).
It might behoove some of you to refer back to a quote that is often attributed to Voltaire or Evelyn Beatrice Hall (depends on who you’ve read) where it is said “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”.
George Orwell was really onto something with 1984….this is our Brave New World? Maybe we should revisit that.
This is a terrible article – period.
Tg The Indians mascot is not chief Wahoo it is SLIDER!! You obviously do not know the mascot for major-league baseball and
Mary Kathleen Donovan…for the record, Cinco de Mayo may be in Spanish, and it may celebrate a victory by the Mexicans, but it is a decidedly AMERICAN celebration, as the United States reaped the benefit of France fighting a protracted war in Mexico, rather than backing up the Confederacy to ensure the continued flow of cheap cotton, tobacco, and whatever else without tariffs that would most certainly have been imposed by the Northern powers who wanted to protect their fledgling manufacturing industries. Cinco de Mayo has many more partying Americans than partying Mexicans, and that’s because it allowed the North to win back the South. For Mexicans, it was like the Browns winning a wildcard in the playoffsa big deal for now, but they still have to actually win three games just to get to the Super Bowl. For the Americans, it was like Pittsburgh losing the Divisional Game so the Browns have a shot at winning the AFC Championship…