After vacationing ... er, campaigning in Hawaii, Dennis Kucinich loses luggage.

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Congressman Dennis Kucinich’s taxpayer-funded vacation (err, presidential campaign) around America hit a snag last week, when Northwest Airlines lost the little guy’s luggage on a flight to Fargo, North Dakota. But Kucinich wouldn’t let the bump in the road spoil his good time. In an interview with a local Fargo reporter, Kucinich said he’s learned to put such things in perspective. It’s a technique he learned back in his youth, after being used by the older boys in school as a human toilet plunger. “You look up at the great expanse of the universe, and you see all the stars in the sky that are thundering in their beauty, and you realize that all is right with the world,” he said. Kucinich later added, “It’s no biggie anyway. I mean, it’s not like I’m paying for this trip. Is there a Burberry around here?” Just in case someone out there reading C-Notes happens to work in the luggage department at Northwest, here’s a description of Dennis’ lost items: 1). Shoe-bells – a staple of any elf. 2). Phone books to sit on for appearing on TV shows 3). The Lonely Planet Guide for Long-Shot Presidential Candidates: How to Spend Money Like Lindsay Lohan on Coke While Complying with the Matching Funds Requirements of the Federal Election Commission. 4). The Kama Sutra for Midget/Normal-Size Person Relationships. 5). Photos from Dennis’ trip to Hawaii last weekend. For these, C-notes is offering a $1.9 gajillion award for any photo that shows Kucinich doing anything that appears in any way to remotely help the Cleveland westsiders who elected him. -- Jared Klaus
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