The Case of the Super Fart Spray in Brook Park

Some people will put anything on a hamburger – jalapenos, bleu cheese, mushrooms, French fries, you name it. We draw the line, however, at Super Fart Spray. That’s what Brook Park Police say Brian Horinger and Ismael Lebron added two weeks ago to the menu at the Rally’s on Snow Road. During lunch rush, the men drove up to the drive-thru window. But rather than snag a pair of tastylumptious Big Bufords, they decided just to unload a bottle of the spray, the smell from which has been compared to a poorly vented locker room flooded with diaper sauce (or, if you’d rather we not be so graphic, an evening with Jimmy Dimora). Three employees needed medical attention, and the manager, not trained to repel a chemical attack that didn’t start in his own restroom, tossed $1,000 worth of food and closed shop for the day. But before Horinger and Lebron sped off, those not overcome by the barrage of canned colon caught their license-plate number and called police, who quickly nabbed the men. Prosecutors expect to bring felony charges, if only to avenge the needless sacrifice of so many innocent all-beef patties. – Jason Nedley
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