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Friday, October 11, 2019

98-Year-Old Ohio Man Fails to Come Home on Time, Wife Dispatches Cops to Look For Him at His Favorite Places — the Golf Course and Strip Club

Posted By on Fri, Oct 11, 2019 at 1:48 PM

  • Photo by Cleveland Metroparks

A 98-year-old man on a recent day left his house and told his wife he'd be home around 4 p.m., according to the Moreland Hills police blotter roundup on

Given his age, and what one can assume was his custom to not only reliably return home upon leaving but to do so in a timely manner, his wife became worried when 4 o'clock came and went and so she called the cops.

Naturally, the cops asked her where he might be. Could he just have gotten hung up somewhere he normally goes? Did he make a detour to a familiar joint without telling her? Where, do tell, would be the most likely place to find this near-centenarian?

There were three possibilities, she told them, according to the blotter. No, not the corner store. No, not the coffeeshop. No, not a favorite bench in a favorite park.

The best bets were one of two golf courses including Manakiki (good taste, old man) or the Crazy Horse strip club in Bedford.

The 98-year-old man eventually returned home safe — but not before the cops checked those spots, came up empty, and filed a missing person report — so don't worry about him. Instead, let us celebrate this true American gentleman who is staring down a century on this earth with an ironclad commitment to his hobbies that helpfully doubles as a roadmap to his whereabouts on any given day.

Let that take you into the weekend, one which he'll undoubtedly be enjoying more than you.

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