In November of 1974, a Browns fan and season ticket holder sent a letter to the team regarding a concern of his.
The Cleveland Browns (specifically, their general counsel) sent back an absolutely epic response.
Here are their two letters (click on images to enlarge):
If that’s not clear, here’s the transcribed text:
Gentlemen:
I am one of your season ticket holders who attends or tries to attend every game. It appears one of the pastimes of several fans has become the sailing of paper airplanes generally made out of the game program. As you know, there is the risk of serious eye injury and perhaps an ear injury as a result of such airplanes. I am sure that this has been called to your attention and that several of your ushers and policemen witnessed the same.
Please be advised that since you are in a position to control or terminate such action on the part of fans, I will hold you responsible for any injury sustained by any person in my party attending one of your sporting events. It is hoped that this disrespectful and possibly dangerous activity will be terminated.
Very truly yours,
Roetzel & Andress
By Dale O. Cox
And here’s the Browns response:
This article appears in Dec 22-28, 2010.

Best. Response. Ever.
Classic! ROFLMAO!!!
I want this guy for my lawyer. Is he still practicing? Because this is awesome.
One of the most eloquent pieces of prose, ever. James Bailey, Esq. should be on the Supreme Court!
haha. how did u find this?
how cool would it have been to be a fly on that guy’s wall when he read that response ! lmao
how cool would it have been to be a fly on thats guys wall when he got that letter you know his jaw hit the floor ! lmao
Two lawyers jockeying for position – classic. Give the edge to Bailey, it takes a lawyer to know how to disclaim another counsel’s babble. Direct, honest and accurate, a lost practice in today’s “politically correct” spin-world.
Fan safety is serious business and should not be taken so lightly. Would Mr. Bailey’s response be so glib if the request were for medical costs? Humans can’t grow another eye!
The concern expressed by Mr. Cox for the welfare of his party appears, at the very least, feigned if not outright disingenuous. There’s no indication that HE ever brought the referenced behavior to the attention of any ushers or security personnel, so that it could be dealt with immediately. Short of doing that, he’s little more than a coward with a law degree. By doing nothing, he knowingly allowed a dangerous condition to persist; one that could have resulted in injury to ANY patron, not just those in his party!
If I were a patron that sustained an injury due to paper airplanes at the old stadium, I would have made a point of naming Mr. Cox, and his law firm, in any civil action.
Scene you should hunt down Mr.Cox and find out if he indeed sent the letter to begin with and if he did was he serious and if he didnt send it see if he knows who did. Not really news but then this story wasnt either and it is very entertaining.
the letter should have been returned folded up like a paper airplane…classic!
Look at the date on the letter. It is barely legible while, the rest of the letter (except the letterhead) looks fresh. This was from 1974 mind you! So Fake!
OR^^ The date could be stamped on with a rubber stamp in an ink color that didn’t show well when it was scanned.
That’s funny! Paper airplanes. We should be so lucky today, now they sling batteries.
Yep, paper airplanes are the least of people’s worries when they attend a Browns game nowadays.
Throwing paper airplanes is the only entertainment at a Browns game.
Brandon Weeden couldnt even throw a paper airplane
They should have sent the letter folded in the shape of an airplane.
That is just too damn funny!!
OMG, Epic .. and so true.
It’s all fun and games ’til someone loses an eye
this is something I can actually be proud of.
I sold programs from 69 to 75 at all the games best childhood memories growing up in Lakewood Ohio