Movie Reviews by the Douchebag Sitting Behind You Holy shit! This movie friggin’ kicked ass! In fact, it seemed like the director actually sat down and wrote this movie with the Douchebag in mind.
The gnarliest thing is that this shit actually happened! Back in the Ancient Greek times, the Persians, led by some 8-foot-tall, homo-looking dude, wanted to take over the Greek province of Sparta and turn all the Spartans’ children and hot women into slaves. So the Spartan dudes are like ‘fuck that!’ and 300 of them go to take on the entire Persian army by themselves, which is, like, totally realistic.
I knew this movie was going to kick ass as soon as they started doing all that Matrix shit that makes everyone look like ninjas. This movie should definitely be up for an MTV Movie Award for “Best Scene Where A Dude’s Head Get’s Sliced Off In Slow Motion.”
Yet to marvel just at the body count in 300 would be a shallow appreciation of a film with so much deeper gifts. Take, for instance, the scene at the party for the Persian God-King, where two Asian chicks make out for like 5 seconds. I haven’t seen some shit that cool since my mom slapped the parental controls on my AOL. Bummer! — Jared Klaus For a non-Douchebag review…
This article appears in Mar 7-13, 2007.
There was no “8-foot-tall, homo-looking dude” and yes 300 Spartans did stay in Thermopylae (because they had no choice), together with 700 Thespians (who CHOSE to stay) and fight against a far larger Persian army (nobody knows for sure how large). For the first days of the battle there were a lot more soldiers from many other city states (Athens, Korinthos, Sikion etc) and after they realized they were surrounded the majority decided to split. The legend has it that in addition to there code of honors, the oracle in DELFI said that the king of Sparta had to die in order for Sparta to remain free. Now it pisses me off that the movie is used from Western/American propaganda against the “orient” (middle-near east etc), but the fact that what it did happen, it did.