Welcome to Ask a Cleveland Sex Therapist. Want to ask Matt a question that could be tackled in a future column? Click here. Now, onto this week’s topic.
As you very well know, we are currently in the wonderfully cold and dark season of winter. Personally, I love winter. Is it my favorite season? No. It is my least favorite? Also, No. In my opinion, winter in Cleveland is pretty amazing (if you can get past the gross grey snow). It always blows my mind when people act shocked or irritated about winter like it suddenly snuck up on them. We live in the Midwest. This is part of the package. Winter is essential for the regrowth of the region. The cold helps control pests and diseases that would otherwise overrun our ecosystems. Snow even acts as insulation for the soil and protects plant roots from harsh temperature swings. So yes, we get the ice that has caused me to slip and fall more times than I can count, but we also get a healthier landscape and a summer that actually feels worth it. With that being said, I get how the cold and those early nights can be draining. So, I thought I would share a few ways to warm up that are a little more creative, a little more intimate, and definitely more fun than just piling on another blanket.
Intimacy games are perfect for the winter because this season naturally invites us to slow down, which makes it the ideal time to practice non-demand touch without the pressure of performing. When people in relationships create moments of intentional closeness, they keep their emotional connection strong while also giving the nervous system a sense of safety and relaxation. These playful, low stakes games encourage curiosity and touch that is about connection rather than outcome. On a biological level, they help release bonding chemicals like oxytocin which support a deeper sense of togetherness. Winter already asks us to seek comfort, and intimacy games make that comfort meaningful and hopefully, erotic. Cuddling is fun, but erotic scavenger hunts could be the spark your relationship needs this season. What follows are three games that can be engaged with all year around, but especially in the wintertime.
Let’s start with a game I call, “Snowed in Scavenger Hunt.” Each person hides three objects around the home that symbolize a sexual invitation. One might hide a massage oil bottle, a vibrator, or a sexy note. Your partner must find them using only clues that relate to winter or your relationship. When they find an item, you offer whatever it represents for five minutes. Think playful teasing, a warm body rub, or slow kissing. The fun is in the anticipation and how intentionally you choose the objects. For the kinky twist, add one hidden item that signals a power dynamic shift. Whoever finds the item first becomes the dominant partner for the rest of the game. They get to direct touch, position changes, or pacing in a way that still honors consent and playfulness.
Next up, we got a game called, “The Cozy Consent Game.” Sit together under a blanket. One person is the giver and one is the receiver. The giver touches or kisses one body area at a time, slowly moving through the body. After each touch, the receiver responds with yes or no or more. This turns consent into part of the erotic play rather than a checklist. Every time the receiver says more, the giver increases intensity or adds a new sensation. Switch roles after ten to fifteen minutes. I like this game because it is simple and helps build confidence in asking for what you want. For the kinky twist, add sensory play under the blanket. The giver may use a cold metal spoon, a warm compress, a soft blindfold, or a teasing impact toy like a small paddle. These contrasting sensations heighten arousal and add a layer of suspense.
Lastly, let’s get a little naked with a game called, “Winter Warm up Strip Cards.” Use a deck of cards and assign each suit a category. Hearts can be kissing. Clubs can be touch. Spades can be oral. Diamonds can be fantasy questions. Each time someone draws a card, they choose an action from the suit category. Every face card allows you to remove a piece of clothing from yourself or your partner and every ace lets you set a rule for the next three draws. Keep going until you are both warm and ready to take things wherever you want. For the kinky twist, assign each suit a kink element as well. Hearts includes a type of restraint. Clubs includes a level of impact. Spades includes a role play directive. Diamonds includes a power exchange question or command. This gives you control, creativity, and erotic tension without losing the playful structure.
Intimacy games are a great way to mix things up this holiday season. Clients are always asking me how to reignite the spark in their relationship, and honestly, what better way to do that than in the privacy of your own home while you stay warm through a Midwest winter. These games invite curiosity and a little playful heat when everything outside feels cold. As someone who does not mind the cold weather, even I curse the world when I walk outside and get blasted with the frigid air. If you want more ideas, check out the link here. I put together a list of fifteen games that I think are a fun way of reconnecting and bringing some new energy into your relationship.
Matt Lachman is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Supervisor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and owner of Cleveland Sex Therapy, located in the heart of Gordon Square. Since opening Cleveland Sex Therapy in 2019, Matt has been dedicated to promoting sex positivity and inclusivity in his work with individuals, couples, and polyamorous relationships. When he’s not helping clients navigate their sexual and relational journeys, you can find him enjoying a cold brew at Gypsy Beans, sipping a cocktail at Luxe, or relaxing on his couch watching reruns of Happy Endings. Ask a question of your own here.
Disclaimer: The advice provided in this column is intended for generalinformational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional therapy or mental health treatment. Each individual’s situation is unique, and the insights offered here may not address the complexities of your specific circumstances. If you’re experiencing challenges related to your mental health, relationships, or sexuality, I strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed therapist or mental health professional for personalized support. You’re not alone—help is available.
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