Welcome to Ask a Cleveland Sex Therapist. Want to ask Matt a question that could be tackled in a future column? Click here. Now, onto this week’s topic.
Have you ever considered combining food and sex? If so, you aren’t alone. Using food is one of the main ways people slowly dip their toes into kink play. I have a vivid memory of Chris Evans’ genitals and nipples covered in whipped cream from Not Another Teen Movie. As a queer teenager, I loved it. As a sex therapist adult, my thoughts are a little less naughty. Food play is one of those things a lot of people get curious about at some point. You are already in a playful moment, maybe in the kitchen, maybe sharing a drink or dessert, and your brain starts connecting the dots. If food feels good in your mouth, could it make sex feel better too? The answer is yes, it can, but only when it is approached with some intention. Otherwise, what starts as something sexy can turn uncomfortable or even risky pretty quickly.
At its core, food play is about engaging more of your senses during intimacy. Sex is often focused on touch and sight, but food brings in taste, smell, and texture in a completely different way. It slows people down. It invites curiosity. It can even shift the experience away from performance and toward exploration. When people do it well, it is not about trying to be impressive; it is about being present with your partner and enjoying the moment together. There is also something inherently intimate about feeding someone or being fed. It taps into a kind of playful vulnerability. You are not just touching your partner, you are paying attention to how they respond, what they enjoy, and how their body reacts to something new. That dynamic alone can deepen connection, even before anything explicitly sexual happens.
But back to Chris Evans’ whipped cream covered genitals, when people think about food play, sweet options tend to come to mind. Chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and homey are three that I see often recommended. These are easy to spread, they feel smooth on the skin, and they create a kind of teasing dynamic. You can take your time, explore different areas of the body, and let things build gradually. It is less about rushing toward orgasm and more about enjoying the process. Fruit is another common entry point. Strawberries, grapes, slices of banana. Feeding your partner can feel sensual in a very different way than typical sexual touch. There is a rhythm to it. A bit of anticipation. A bit of playfulness. It can feel indulgent without being overwhelming, which makes it a great place for people who are newer to this kind of exploration.
Temperature adds another layer that can completely change how the body experiences touch. Something cold, like an ice cube, can make someone tense up in a way that heightens awareness and sensitivity. Something warm can feel soothing while also intensifying sensation. That contrast between hot and cold can wake up nerve endings and make even light touch feel more pronounced. It is not about doing anything extreme, it is about adding variation in a way that keeps the body engaged and responsive. For some people, that sense of play is exactly what allows them to relax and enjoy themselves more fully, especially if they tend to overthink during sex.
All of that said, this is the point where I need to ground things a bit, because one of the biggest misconceptions about food play is the idea that if something is safe to eat, it must be safe to use anywhere on the body. That is simply not how bodies work. Your skin can tolerate a lot, however, your genitals and your anus are much more sensitive environments that rely on balance to stay healthy. So let me say this in the clearest, most direct way possible: Food stays on the outside of the body. No grapes in your vagina. No cucumber in your butt. No whipped cream nozzle anywhere near anything internal. If it was not designed to go inside your body, it does not belong there.
There are a few key reasons for this. One of the biggest is pH balance, especially for vulva owners. The vagina maintains a very specific environment, and introducing sugary foods like chocolate, honey, or syrups can disrupt that balance quickly. Sugar can act as a food source for bacteria and yeast, which increases the risk of infections like yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis. What feels fun in the moment can lead to days of discomfort afterward, and that is not a trade-off most people are looking for. Fruits and vegetables come with their own set of risks. Even when they are washed, they still carry bacteria that your digestive system is equipped to handle, but your genitals are not. There is also the very real issue of things getting stuck. The muscles in the vagina and anus can contract involuntarily, which can make it difficult to remove objects that were never meant to be there in the first place. Butt plugs have a flared base for a reason. If not, they would shoot right up the rectum and then you are being featured on an episode of The Pitt.
Spicy foods or strong spices are another category to avoid entirely. Anything that creates a warming or tingling sensation on your tongue is likely to feel much more intense and irritating on sensitive tissue. In some cases, this can lead to what is essentially a chemical burn. It might sound like an obvious no, but it is worth saying out loud because people do try it. Oils are also something to approach with caution. While they can feel smooth and appealing, they are difficult for the body to fully clear out and can trap bacteria, increasing the risk of infection. They can also break down latex, which is important if you are using condoms or other barriers. What feels like a natural option is not always the safest one in practice.
All of this might sound like a lot of limitations, but really it comes down to one guiding principle. Keep food play external and intentional. I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer, but when we see Ali Larter in Varsity Blues with whipped cream covering her vulva, we think it could be a fun way to spice things up when in reality, we could be looking at a pretty nasty yeast infection. If you focus on areas like the chest, stomach, thighs, or neck, you can enjoy the sensory experience without disrupting your body’s natural balance. That is where food play is meant to live, in the space of exploration, not insertion.
Let’s not forget about allergies. Even if someone is not eating the food, skin contact can still trigger a reaction. It is a simple conversation that can prevent a much bigger issue. Like anything involving kink or exploration, communication is key. Talking about what sounds fun, what feels off-limits, and what you might want to try creates a sense of safety that allows both people to relax into the experience. If food feels too risky, different kinds of flavored lubes can be an option to start.
At the end of the day, food play is not about being extreme or pushing boundaries for the sake of it. If you have picked up anything on reading these articles, you know that I am a huge fan of curiosity. Food play is about tapping into curiosity and engaging your senses in a different way, allowing yourself to experience your partner with more attention and creativity. It is about slowing things down and finding pleasure in the process, not just the outcome. So go ahead and explore it. Drizzle the chocolate. Feed the strawberry. Play with temperature and texture. Let it feel a little messy in a way that is fun and intentional. Just remember, your body is not a storage space for snacks, and if you keep that in mind, you will be in a much better place to actually enjoy what food play has to offer. Oh, and for the love of God, don’t put that cucumber in your butt.
Matt Lachman is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Supervisor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and owner of Cleveland Sex Therapy, located in the heart of Gordon Square. Since opening Cleveland Sex Therapy in 2019, Matt has been dedicated to promoting sex positivity and inclusivity in his work with individuals, couples, and polyamorous relationships. When he’s not helping clients navigate their sexual and relational journeys, you can find him enjoying a cold brew at Gypsy Beans, sipping a cocktail at Luxe, or relaxing on his couch watching reruns of Happy Endings. Ask a question of your own here.
Disclaimer: The advice provided in this column is intended for generalinformational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional therapy or mental health treatment. Each individual’s situation is unique, and the insights offered here may not address the complexities of your specific circumstances. If you’re experiencing challenges related to your mental health, relationships, or sexuality, I strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed therapist or mental health professional for personalized support. You’re not alone—help is available.
Subscribe to Cleveland Scene newsletters.
Follow us: Apple News | Google News | NewsBreak | Reddit | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | Or sign up for our RSS Feed