Welcome to Ask a Cleveland Sex Therapist. Want to ask Matt a question that could be tackled in a future column? Click here. Now, onto this week’s topic.
I am 22 and my boyfriend and I like having sex in public places. He mentioned wanting to have sex in Lake Erie and I don’t know if I want to have sex in the water. We have had sex in the shower but that feels different. Am I going to get an infection or something?
- Penelope
If I am being honest, I am surprised it took this long for a question about having sex in Lake Erie to arrive in my inbox. Well, Penelope, I feel pretty confident in saying that you and your boyfriend are certainly not the first couple to look at a large body of water and think, “You know what would make this even better? Banging!” Humans have been finding creative places to hook up for a very long time. Airplane? Check. Football stadium? Check. Back room at your local RadioShack? Check. Well, maybe not RadioShack. Do those even still exist? Anyways, the fact that you are pausing to ask questions before diving in tells me you are approaching this with more thought than many people do. That, my friend, is a very good thing.
Getting right down to it, the short answer is that yes, having sex in Lake Erie does carry some risks, but it does not automatically mean you are going to walk away with an infection. The bigger question is whether those risks are worth it for you. Whenever we talk about sex in natural bodies of water, it helps to understand that lakes are very different from showers, bathtubs, or even swimming pools. One of the biggest misconceptions people have is that water acts like lubricant. Unfortunately, it often does the opposite. Water can wash away your body’s natural lubrication, which may create more friction than you would expect. That friction can lead to irritation, small tears in sensitive genital tissue, and discomfort during or after sex. I don’t know about you, but when I am having sex, the wetter the better. If penetration is involved, this is one of the most common complaints people report after having sex in water.
A lake also comes with something your shower does not: microorganisms. As much crap Lake Erie gets from people, literally and figuratively, it is generally safe for swimming when water quality levels are acceptable. Key word here is acceptable. But remember that lakes naturally contain bacteria, algae, parasites, and other organisms. Most of the time our bodies handle exposure just fine. However, if friction during sex creates tiny abrasions in the skin, there may be a slightly greater opportunity for bacteria to enter the body, and that is not something that sounds fun to me. This does not mean an infection is guaranteed, but it is one reason healthcare professionals and sex therapists tend to be cautious when discussing sex in natural bodies of water.
Interestingly, if you told me you wanted to have sex in a swimming pool, that would present a different set of concerns. While pools are treated with chemicals that help reduce bacteria, chlorine can be irritating to genital tissue. Lakes do not have chlorine, but they do contain naturally occurring organisms and whatever runoff, debris, or contaminants happen to be present that day. You mentioned already having had sex in a shower and that experience probably felt less risky. A shower is different from both because the water is constantly flowing and generally much cleaner. Plus, most people are not fully submerged in a shower the way they would be in a lake.
Now, let’s transition a little and talk about safe sex. If you and your boyfriend use condoms, there are a few extra things to consider. Water itself does not ruin condoms, but sand, rocks, rough surfaces, and vigorous movement can increase the likelihood of breakage. If you decide to use a condom, make sure it is put on before entering the water and that it fits properly. Adding a silicone-based lubricant can also help reduce friction since water tends to wash away natural lubrication. While these precautions can help lower the risk of irritation, condom failure, and infection, there is no way to eliminate that risk entirely. Safe sex is often about reducing risk as much as possible, not guaranteeing that nothing will ever go wrong.
I am unsure if you have ever been in Lake Erie, you know what they say about assuming, but there are also some practical concerns beyond infections that I want you to consider. Lake Erie can have strong currents, uneven footing, sharp rocks, boat traffic, and limited visibility depending on where you are. What sounds sexy in theory can quickly become awkward when someone loses their balance, steps on a zebra mussel, or realizes they are directly in the path of a 1988 Carver. Also, not to be a buzzkill, but public sex can carry legal consequences depending on where you are and who happens to see you. Nothing screams sexy quite like explaining yourself to a park ranger.
At the end of the day, this comes down to your comfort level. Would it be something I would do? Absolutely not. But the beauty of autonomy and consent is that you get to decide this for yourself. You do not need a medical reason to say no. If the idea feels exciting, there are ways to reduce risk and make it safer. If the idea makes you hesitant, that is enough reason to pause and reconsider. One of the most important parts of a healthy sexual relationship is being able to say, “I am not sure about this,” and having a partner respect that uncertainty. Curiosity about exploring something new with sex is awesome. Enthusiasm about it is even better. If you decide to venture into Lake Erie, make sure both of you are bringing plenty of both. But if it was up to me, I would just stick with the shower.
Matt Lachman is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Supervisor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and owner of Cleveland Sex Therapy, located in the heart of Gordon Square. Since opening Cleveland Sex Therapy in 2019, Matt has been dedicated to promoting sex positivity and inclusivity in his work with individuals, couples, and polyamorous relationships. When he’s not helping clients navigate their sexual and relational journeys, you can find him enjoying a cold brew at Gypsy Beans, sipping a cocktail at Luxe, or relaxing on his couch watching reruns of Happy Endings. Ask a question of your own here.
Disclaimer: The advice provided in this column is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional therapy or mental health treatment. Each individual’s situation is unique, and the insights offered here may not address the complexities of your specific circumstances. If you’re experiencing challenges related to your mental health, relationships, or sexuality, I strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed therapist or mental health professional for personalized support. You’re not alone—help is available.
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