Welcome to Ask a Cleveland Sex Therapist. Want to ask Matt a question that could be tackled in a future column? Click here. Now, onto this week’s topic.
My girl and I take a gummy before we have sex and it feels awesome. Can you explain why?
- Terrance
Growing up, I was absolutely terrified of drugs. Maybe it was because of how I saw them impact people I cared about, or maybe the messaging from the D.A.R.E. program actually worked on me, but I never even considered using drugs until I got to college. Then things changed. College brought a sense of freedom and exploration, and let’s just say high school Matt would have been horrified. Drugs, and marijuana in particular, have a complicated history in this country. When I began my journey toward becoming an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, part of our training included courses on drug use and its impact on sexual desire and arousal. Going into it, I assumed most of what I would learn would focus on the negative effects. I expected conversations about disconnection, numbing out, and why substances might create a more disembodied sexual experience. But I was wrong. Much of the research actually suggests that marijuana can enhance intimacy and sexual experiences, and some of what we know about that might surprise you as we explore it today.
Before we get into marijuana specifically, it is helpful to acknowledge that different substances can affect sexual experiences in very different ways. Alcohol, for example, is one of the most common substances people associate with sex. Being a huge part of our society, there is a huge difference in having a drink or two to take the edge off (i.e. blurring the frontal lobe) and getting “blackout” drunk. In small amounts, alcohol can reduce anxiety and lower inhibitions, which may make it easier for people to flirt, express desire, or feel more comfortable in their bodies. I have vivid memories of having a glass of wine in my early days of having sex to take the nerves away. At the same time, alcohol is also known for impairing judgment, reducing sexual performance, and interfering with arousal and orgasm. This is probably a great time to talk about consent. Alcohol, and any mind-altering substance for that matter, removes the ability to fully give consent. This is important for all of us to remember if we want to explore using drugs in sexual situations.
Stimulants such as cocaine or amphetamines may increase energy and confidence, but they can also lead to difficulty maintaining erections, delayed orgasm, and a disconnect between physical sensation and emotional intimacy. Other substances, such as MDMA, are sometimes associated with increased feelings of closeness, empathy, and touch sensitivity, which can enhance emotional bonding. However, they also come with physical risks, unpredictable dosing, and potential impacts on serotonin systems that can affect mood and desire later (not to mention the immense difficulty for penis-owners to get an erection). In short, substances can influence sex in ways that range from enhancing to disruptive, depending on the drug, the dose, and the context.
Marijuana has received more attention in recent years because research has increasingly explored its relationship with sexual satisfaction and desire. Several studies have found that people who use marijuana report higher levels of sexual satisfaction, increased desire, and greater overall enjoyment during sex. Some research suggests that cannabis may heighten sensory perception, slow down the perception of time, and increase body awareness. For some people this can lead to feeling more present in their bodies, more attuned to touch, and more connected to their partner. Other studies have also suggested that women who use cannabis before sex may report easier orgasm or increased intensity of orgasm, though the results vary and are not universal.
Dosing plays a significant role in whether marijuana enhances or detracts from a sexual experience. Lower doses tend to be associated with relaxation, reduced anxiety, and increased sensory awareness. Higher doses can lead to the opposite effect for some people. Too much cannabis may create anxiety, distraction, or difficulty staying present during sexual activity. The difference between a pleasant experience and an overwhelming one often comes down to starting low and understanding how your own body responds. This is probably the most important piece that people tend to forget. Methods of consumption also matter. Smoking or vaping tends to produce quicker effects that wear off faster, while edibles take longer to activate and can last significantly longer, sometimes making it harder to control the experience if the dose is too high.
When marijuana is used in a way that works well for someone, people often report a number of benefits. Some describe feeling less self conscious about their bodies, which can reduce performance anxiety and increase comfort with vulnerability. Others report heightened sensory awareness, meaning touch, kissing, or physical closeness may feel more intense. For couples, this can sometimes slow the experience down in a positive way, encouraging more exploration, more communication, and more focus on pleasure rather than performance. This seems to be what is happening with you and your girl, Terrance. I have some clients who struggle with stress or intrusive thoughts during sex, and cannabis can help quiet the mental chatter that pulls attention away from the moment.
That said, incorporating marijuana into a sexual experience works best when it is approached intentionally rather than impulsively. Communication between partners is important. Both people should feel comfortable with the idea and understand what they are agreeing to. For people who are interested, starting with a small dose allows you to see how it affects your body without overwhelming the experience. It can also help to create an environment that feels safe and relaxed, whether that means setting aside time without distractions, focusing on sensual touch before moving into sexual activity, or simply being curious about what sensations arise. Like anything related to sexuality, the goal is not to rely on a substance to create pleasure, but to explore whether it can sometimes enhance connection and enjoyment in ways that feel aligned with your values and comfort level.
Matt Lachman is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Supervisor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and owner of Cleveland Sex Therapy, located in the heart of Gordon Square. Since opening Cleveland Sex Therapy in 2019, Matt has been dedicated to promoting sex positivity and inclusivity in his work with individuals, couples, and polyamorous relationships. When he’s not helping clients navigate their sexual and relational journeys, you can find him enjoying a cold brew at Gypsy Beans, sipping a cocktail at Luxe, or relaxing on his couch watching reruns of Happy Endings. Ask a question of your own here.
Disclaimer: The advice provided in this column is intended for generalinformational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional therapy or mental health treatment. Each individual’s situation is unique, and the insights offered here may not address the complexities of your specific circumstances. If you’re experiencing challenges related to your mental health, relationships, or sexuality, I strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed therapist or mental health professional for personalized support. You’re not alone—help is available.
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