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As someone who recently got engaged, I haven’t personally been in the world of dating for about 9 years. However, as a relationship therapist, I have seen the immense change in the dating landscape over this time. I was inspired to write this article after reading a new survey from the Kinsey Institute. The article highlights that U.S. singles are averaging fewer than two in-person dates per year. That number might sound like people have lost interest in love, but that’s not what’s happening. Instead, we’re witnessing how dating has become increasingly complex, emotionally expensive, and logistically challenging. So, while we may fantasize for that meet-cute at Rising Star, the reality is less romantic than we would like to believe.
These days, one major factor to dating is economic pressure. In a world of rising costs, student loan debt, housing instability, and widening wealth gaps, dating can feel like a luxury rather than a natural part of life. Over half of singles surveyed reported spending nothing on dating in the past year, and among those who did, the average was about $400. It’s not just dinner bills, it’s the cumulative costs of grooming, transportation, therapy, and emotional bandwidth. For many, opting out or dating less isn’t a lack of desire; it’s a practical survival strategy. When you add in the fact that younger generations are having less partnered sex, the days of Netflix and chill may be behind us.
Dating can also be hard for some because the psychological landscape has shifted. The modern dating ecosystem is dominated by apps that encourage quick judgments, ghosting, and an endless “next best thing” mentality (more on that in a bit). People are tired. I remember being tired of dating and that was back in 2016, before the explosion of apps took place. Nearly half of singles report dating burnout, and many take deliberate breaks to recover. This is the paradox of abundance: having more access than ever doesn’t make dating easier, it makes it more emotionally taxing. Every new conversation risks reopening old wounds or adding new disappointments that people may not want to deal with anymore.
While dating apps may feel like a natural extension of your social life, it’s crucial to remember that they are not your friend, they’re a business. Their primary goal isn’t to get you into a healthy, fulfilling relationship; it’s to keep you engaged, swiping, and, ideally, spending money. Their algorithms are designed to maximize user retention, not necessarily meaningful connection. That’s why you might get a rush of matches when you first sign up, then notice the trickle slowing down unless you pay for boosts or subscriptions. It’s why attractive or “high-engagement” profiles are often prioritized over compatibility. I tell my clients all of the time to take their conversation off of the app as quickly as possible. While apps can be a useful tool, it’s up to you to use them intentionally, rather than letting the platform dictate how your romantic life unfolds.
Another layer is the loss of clear social scripts. While the relationship escalator used to be paramount, people have learned that they don’t need to follow the same scripts their parents did. Previous generations had relatively predictable timelines and expectations for dating, courtship, and commitment. In 2025, there’s no single “right” way to date. Well, there really never has been a “right” way to date, but now, monogamy, polyamory, casual dating, situationships, nesting partnerships, and solo poly all coexist (I will give you some time to google solo poly if needed). While this diversity is beautiful and freeing, it also requires much more communication, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness to navigate.
I would be mad at myself if I did not talk about a key piece that often gets overlooked: the difference between hooking up and dating. While “hooking up” can be defined in a number of ways, how I define is any encounter with another person that involves some form of physical or sexual interaction without the expectation of an ongoing romantic relationship. Hooking up can be playful, erotic, and a way to explore sexuality without the expectations that come with romantic dating. Dating, on the other hand, tends to involve emotional curiosity, future-oriented thinking, and a willingness to build some form of relationship, whether that’s short- or long-term. Neither is inherently better or worse, but problems arise when the lines between them are blurred, or when people assume shared intentions that were never actually communicated. In 2025, being explicit about what you’re looking for is essential. Saying “I’m just looking for something casual” or “I’m open to seeing where this goes, but I’m dating intentionally” isn’t too much, it’s clarity. Even just saying, “I am just looking to hook up,” saves time, energy, and potential heartbreak.
When you put all of this together, dating in 2025 isn’t failing because people have given up on love, I think it’s because love now has to compete with financial constraints, psychological fatigue, shifting norms, blurred boundaries, and algorithmic gatekeeping. The few who are still dating are often doing so with more strategy, more intentionality, and firmer boundaries. The real challenge isn’t that people don’t want to date, it’s that dating has become a complex, resource-intensive process that requires emotional courage. Hooking up and dating both have their place, but we can’t afford to rely on assumptions anymore. In this new landscape, honesty isn’t just kind, it’s necessary.
Matt Lachman is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Supervisor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and owner of Cleveland Sex Therapy, located in the heart of Gordon Square. Since opening Cleveland Sex Therapy in 2019, Matt has been dedicated to promoting sex positivity and inclusivity in his work with individuals, couples, and polyamorous relationships. When he’s not helping clients navigate their sexual and relational journeys, you can find him enjoying a cold brew at Gypsy Beans, sipping a cocktail at Luxe, or relaxing on his couch watching reruns of Happy Endings. Ask a question of your own here.
Disclaimer: The advice provided in this column is intended for generalinformational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional therapy or mental health treatment. Each individual’s situation is unique, and the insights offered here may not address the complexities of your specific circumstances. If you’re experiencing challenges related to your mental health, relationships, or sexuality, I strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed therapist or mental health professional for personalized support. You’re not alone—help is available.
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