Practice being Irish by getting hammered in Parma. Huh?

Give it up for the Parma Tavern with its happy-hour lesson today on how to be Irish just in time for Saint Patrick’s Day on Monday. Between 2 and 7 p.m., the club is training its not-so-Gaelic patrons how to be certified lushes during its Saint Practice Day party. As part of its lesson plan, the bar is selling 22-ounce pours of domestic draft (dyed green, if you’d like) to help wash down 30-cent chicken wings and $9.95 two-topping pizzas in a how-to-be-Irish tutorial. (Naturally, the club will switch up the menu to corned beef and cabbage on Monday.) For Finnish-descended student Naomi Saarinen, it’s a great excuse to tell her workplace that she’s giving herself a four-day weekend. “I need the (beer-drinking) practice. So you won’t see me at work on Friday, and you definitely won’t see me on Monday since I’ll be at the parade,” says Saarinen, a legal secretary in downtown Cleveland. “My boss won’t mind. His last name is McCafferty. He’ll probably do the same thing.” The club is located at 5680 Broadview Road in Parma. Call 216-635-1800. – Cris Glaser