Examine him with a magnifying glass, and you’ll find no bull’s-eye. But you understand through the reticence of eyes and limbs, and the way he explains himself in one-word sentences — yes, this is why the wolves circled. They smelled his fear.
It began early in the sixth grade at Lakewood’s Harding Middle School. A few kids started knocking him around — pushing books from his hands, pulling the chair from under him when he tried to sit. Michael never fought back. “I wanted to, but I didn’t because I was afraid I was going to get suspended.”
Mom Kelly speaks a purer truth: “He’s not a fighter.”
In the animal kingdom of junior high, this is the last rep you want. It is an age when aggression and cruelty ferment to perfection, while minds grow distant in the rearview mirror. A boy who won’t fight back? That’s the middle school version of a shooting range, where the bullets are free and plenty.
Others soon joined the fun, using his lunch as a football, spitting in his food, knocking him down the stairs. “Fucking retard” is what they called him.
Mike Wencho Sr. knew something was wrong. His boy’s grades were dropping; there was luminescent distress in his eyes. But Michael “was afraid if he revealed names, the next day would be worse.”
Dad’s decidedly old-school, from the day when principals used huge wooden paddles, nuns wielded the fear of God, and adults were quick to teach that wonderfully pragmatic lesson: There’s always someone bigger and badder than you, kid.
It was a time when fathers taught their boys to punch, how to bring damage even if you lose. But these were not those days, and Michael was not that kid.
Around Halloween, a boy decided to flip Michael’s desk, banging his head against the floor. Kelly called the school. The perpetrator, she was told, suffered the ubiquitous “rough home life.” Kelly let it be.
She was a ready volunteer at Harding, spending plenty of time at school. She trusted administrators when they said they would act.
Counselor Abby O’Connor tried to mediate the problems, busting out the soothing timbres of modern psychology, urging the boys to “just be friends,” says Michael. In the context of the young and merciless, it was like sending Dennis Kucinich to settle the beef between Sunni and Shiite. Jeepers, guys, wouldn’t peace be fun? We can rent Aladdin and order pizza! It only made it worse.
The aggression would stop for two weeks, then reappear, meaner and harder. Now Michael wasn’t just weak; he was a rat, a target made fatter and more appetizing. Some 20 kids were getting in on the fun, he estimates.
The drumbeat of humiliation pummeled away at him day after day, hour after hour. He started faking sick from school and suffering panic attacks. Michael was incapable of fighting back, and a tormented sixth grader can’t see more nuanced options.
So he took solace in secretly plotting to kill himself. A knife to the heart — that would end it.
O’Connor and other officials kept assuring the Wenchos that all was being handled. Rules and procedures are in place. “We were kinda not believing him, because they told us it was being taken care of,” says Mike Sr. “We were dismissing what Michael was saying.”
But modern educators are wholly unequipped to handle primal conflict. Theirs is a life of rules by the pound, governing everything from dress to language to behavior. Got a problem? Create another set of rules.
Yet in the quest to build a softer, more cerebral new world, they’ve forgotten a central tenet of the old: Young, wild boys don’t respect an authority whose greatest weapon is “That’s totally inappropriate.” School officials were merely the adult version of Michael — just as weak and easily beaten.
The final straw came in March. Michael had his head slammed into a locker. When the Wenchos took him to the hospital, doctors found him suicidal, prone to falling into strange, quasi-catatonic states, and suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. For Michael, Harding Middle School was a little boy’s replica of Vietnam.
Cleveland Clinic shrinks told the Wenchos to yank him from the school. He never returned.
Michael now attends Catholic school, where administrators still know how to kill a beef. He’s safe — or so it seems. On a warm winter’s afternoon, he stands on the family’s thin patch of front yard, playing with a baseball and his catcher’s mitt. He looks, for all purposes, to be a sweet, red-blooded American kid.
But he won’t play outside unless his parents are near. Won’t sleep alone in his room, won’t go next door. Harding is just a few blocks away. The kids told him they know where he lives.
The Wenchos have since sued, and their voice mail is filled with messages from willing allies. One mom says the same thing happened to her boy; she now homeschools. Another mom calls to say her handicapped daughter was “seriously injured.” All offer their rage and testimony in court.
O’Connor says she “can’t really talk” about Michael. She’s enduring her own teachable moment, after all.
Litigation is polite society’s version of a brawl, the kind an educator can appreciate. There are pounds and pounds of rules, no real threat of violence. Just the agony of a vise squeezing your wallet ever tighter, and the disconcerting prospect of being hunted by mean little lawyers.
But she is now the prey. And like Michael, she’s afraid to speak. Perhaps she now understands that when it comes to a fight, the rules protect no one.
Hindus call this karma.
This article appears in Mar 21-27, 2007.
I cannot believe how poorly this editorial is written. The overt dramatization of the narration recalls something I might find on Fox News, not a respected independent news source. The author also fails to gather his facts. He does not mention whether any pre-existing mental conditions or depression were present in the boy. Nor is any blame put on the other adolescents teasing the boy. I find it puzzling that the victim’s parents did not contact the bully or his parents, who are really to blame in this instance, but instead choose to sue those that were trying to help the victim. I understand that the boy’s parents must want to make someone accountable for what happened to their son, but they are misdirecting their anger.
I also think that is unfair to put the brunt of the adolescent’s mental health on school administrators. While I do symphathize for the boy, I too recall being bullied in middle school, I think their lawsuit targets the wrong people and I do not applaud them, like other parents do, according to this article. I believe that the perspective of the administrators needs to be examined to avoid such a biased article.
I cannot believe how poorly this editorial is written. The overt dramatization of the narration recalls something I might find on Fox News, not a respected independent news source. The author also fails to gather his facts. He does not mention whether any pre-existing mental conditions or depression were present in the boy. Nor is any blame put on the other adolescents teasing the boy. I find it puzzling that the victim’s parents did not contact the bully or his parents, who are really to blame in this instance, but instead choose to sue those that were trying to help the victim. I understand that the boy’s parents must want to make someone accountable for what happened to their son, but they are misdirecting their anger.
I also think that is unfair to put the brunt of the adolescent’s mental health on school administrators. While I do symphathize for the boy, I too recall being bullied in middle school, I think their lawsuit targets the wrong people and I do not applaud them, like other parents do, according to this article. I believe that the perspective of the administrators needs to be examined to avoid such a biased article.
What leads me to believe that Allison Plavecski might be a school official or guidance counselor? Congratulations to Pete Kotz…you brought back a flood of memories (and nightmares) of my alma mater.
I attended Harding 40 years ago, and it seems things have only changed for the worse with the abolition of corporal punishment. Back in my day, wood shop teacher Mr. Hotchkiss manufactured sturdy maple paddles for the educators. His innovation was the introduction of one inch holes bored into the flat surface to reduce wind drag, and make it possible for even a petite female teacher to achieve an effective velocity!
We had lots of bullys, we called them “greasers” back then, and principal Mr. Wallace had his three counselors to serve as judge and jury in disciplinary matters. A few swats to the backside of the most recalcitrant greaser gave them something to think about. Girls weren’t immune, either.
Shame on my generation and the one after ours for putting “political correctness” and “student esteem” ahead of societal values, classroom order, and the 3R’s.
In regards to Miss Plevecski’s comments about “how poorly this editorial was written”, it was just that– An editorial, which is an article expressing the opinion of the writer. So why complain that it was unfairly biased?
Who cares whether or not this child was prone to depression beforehand? Does he not still have the right to attend school without being physically assaulted on a daily basis? Teasing and taunting is one thing. Being physically and mentally tortured by a gang of students everyday while the faculty chooses to look the other way, is not only unacceptable– It is a crime. While I agree that the bullies involved should also be held accountable legally, the school ultimately failed to protect this child, to whom they had a responsibility to keep safe while in their care. It infuriates me that schools go around preaching “zero-tolerance” to bullying, yet don’t back up their own policies. If this same situation occured among adults in the corporate world, it would have made national headline news and the lawsuits would be much bigger and uglier than this one. I’m sickened that anyone would think that because it was a child involved, somehow we should accept it as a part of growing up. It’s time to stop being politically correct and start holding those who have the capability and responsibility to prevent situations like this from happening accountable. Anyone who says differently has never had a child or loved one suffer the injustice that Michael has. I pray they never do.
In regards to Allison Plavecski’s comment.My name is Mike Wencho and for the record my son had no mental problems and he was far from deppresed he was a very happy go lucky child who had a great zest for life! Harding took not only his right to have a safe
education they also took his happy go lucky zest for life away from him and us,you have no idea what its like to live with a child that has gone thru what our son has gone
thru and yes we do blame the adults that are supposed to be running that schhol
they have all failed to do there job taht our tax dollars are paying them for.
I have no idea why you would even write a comment like that how would you feel
if your kids went thru what our son has gone thru if you even have kids,maybe you need to get more facts before you speak out!People like you don’t make a difference people
like us do and that is what we are hoping to do is make a difference for the future of
other kids .
By the way allison the auther did a great job stating the facts and the TRUTH!
he did have all the facts something you don’t have.
As a parent of three children and all of school age i feel for the wnecho’s, we send our children to school and expect them to be protected. I feel Harding let this young man down. Failing to protect him phyically and mentally. People have asked why the parents did not contact the bullies parents, first the school should have contacted the parents of these children. Also if the Wencho’s had contacted the parents who is to say this young man may have gotten bullied worse. I know my children if I say I am calling so and so’s parents because of a situation in school all three say please mom don’t you will only make it worse. Life should not be like this for this young man. He should be happy and not afraid. In my opinion Harding school should be held accountable for this as well as the bullies parents. Lakewood schools states it has a zero tolerance for bullies, maybe with this lawsuit they will start to use it and actually inforce it on the children that derserve it. My hats off to you Mr. and Mrs. Wencho you are not only
protecting your child but children in the furture so this will not happen again.
I am so sorry your child went through so much. We have had an issue or two with children who have a “tuff home life” at our schools in Streetsboro. It’s everywhere. We all live in a “once bitten, twice shy” society. Teachers and school administrators now have legal discipline limits due to other types of lawsuits. A school cross guard cannot help a child across the street without fear of being accused of touching them wrongly. So we do nothing. We turn the other cheek because we know if we don’t we risk losing our jobs, our money, our reputations. It’s not just a fear of conflict anymore.
I wish kids weren’t so mean and I cannot believe any human is capable of behaving the way some of these kids do. My daughter is 23 years old now and has received MY Space messages from a boy who made a hobby out of making her cry each day, of course he is 23. She doesn’t get upset any more but cannot believe this idiot still behaves the same as he did 10 years ago when he was a kid.
I think counselling, etc. is a good choice for your child. A good church youth group does wonders, too. Personally, I think sueing the school will only prolong the nightmare.
Good luck from a former Harding Middle School survivor!
To Allsion Plavecski who saw fit to post her commentary twice, I would say do some research. http://www.bully.org. You obviously have no idea what schools, especially urban scools like Lakewood City School District, “overlook” or “sweep under the carpet”. Thereis currently an agreement between LCSD and the Lakewood Police deaprtment to keep hidden from public awareness the problems seen daily in this district. There is already a mass exodus from this community; they do not want to make matters worse with these revelations. The Wenshko’s sad story is more common-place than one might imagine. At Horace Mann Middle School, principal Mike Pellegrino not only overlooked bullying but was a bully himself. Since there is a pervasive view in the general population that bullying is “normal” and “just a phase” of development that every child needs to endure (or is allowed to “outgrow”, if s/he is the perpetrator) and a “rite of passage”. Allison P and those who would agree with her are WRONG. TO suggest that the child himself was to blame or that there was an underlying disorder shows a level of ignorance commensorate with that of the teachers and administrators who allow this type of behavior to continue. I say ZERO TOLERANCE.
When did it become okay for school children of any age to do potentially long-lasting and life-threatening harm to one of their fellow students? It is the administrators who are to blame in that they allow this type of behavior (subtle though it may be) to wreak havoc in the lives of countless shy, peaceful,and introverted kids. There is no “village” as Hilary Clinton once suggested there was and NO sense of community in this particular city. You go, Wenchkos. SUE them. I pray you win and pave the way for others of us waiting in the wings to follow suit.