Lakewood Park’s *July 4th Rules* gained some traction on the Internet heading into this week. The photo was originally posted over at lakewoodcitizen.com.
And the viral discussion is well deserved: The roster of regulations flies in the face of this fine nation’s independence.
Highlights include the police searches of bags and coolers. Video surveillance throughout the park adds a fine dystopian flair, if you’re into that.
Keen observers will remember last year’s show at Lakewood Park just never happened. Technical difficulties took over and thousands of people were left wondering what the hell was going on. At the time, Scene gracefully referred to the incident as a “poop sandwich” for all involved. Yep.
Recently, Mayor Michael Summers offered this illustrative take on the matter: “I’ll be as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers. If those fireworks don’t go off I will be on a rail on my way out of town — tarred and feathered.”
But don’t bring your long-tailed cat to the park that night (no pets) and don’t bring any tar and/or feathers, either (there’s probably a rule about that, too).
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Photo credit: lakewoodcitizen.com / @lkwdcitizen
This article appears in Jun 26 – Jul 2, 2013.
Considering the bombing in Boston. You were expecting? As long as people live in fear, this is the end result.
Does anyone else think Lakewood’s over-the-top policing might have something to do with fears about racial change? Nah!
Everything has to spelled out and visible – nowadays – or there will be a few in a large crowd that will try everything imaginable to ruin things…..which typically starts with not knowing, seeing and/or understanding the rules.
The last few rules on the bottom of the sign fell off. Here they are:
July 4th Park Rules (continued)
8. No children allowed
9. Smiling, laughing, or making noise of any kind is prohibited.
10. Shoes are not permitted because this one guy had a shoe bomb once.
11. Anyone caught farting, burping, or yawning will be removed from the park and subject to arrest.
12. No items that glow in the dark are permitted. Any salespeople trying to sell any glowing items will be sent to Guantanamo Bay.
13. Have fun!!!
no sparklers? it’s not the fourth of july without sparklers!
i hope they have drones too. drones and cameras. and drug sniffing dogs. cooler checks, ironically on a day celebrating independence…
shame on you lakewood
This is only at the park right. So find a friend across the street, set up a propane grill, set up a tent, hide your weed in the cooler, set a bottle of Jack on the cooler, let the kids chase the dog around with sparklers (then laugh at all the ppl who walk in dog poop later.) put up a hoop in the driveway along with a volleyball net on the lawn. Feel free to smile, laugh, fart, take your shoes off and wear glowing things. Basicly, if you don’t like the rules then don’t show up and stay out of the park.
With the exception of the dog and grill bans, these are the regular park rules. And up until 2011 there were dog dogs allowed period.
These seem like rational rules to me. Seeing as how you can legally carry a gun, when you add in alcohol and/or drugs, rudeness or a socially inept person; a situation can turn deadly. You put a large group of people together, you are bound to find at least one fool in the bunch. Color has nothing to do with it, fear has nothing to do with it. It’s unfortunately the fact that some people are jerks.
If it means that me and my kids are safe I’m all for it! Everyone knows that when you get a large group of people together there will be some assholes who will try to ruin it for everyone. A lot of these people coming dont even live in Lakewood. Play by the rules or stay home! And if there weren’t safety measures in place and God forbid something does happen then all we will hear about is how the city wasnt prepared and didn’t do enough! It’s the world we live in sadly.
I don’t see anything here that even remotely has to do with “racial change” ..Schmange19…what does that even mean?
You know what it means. LoL. The racial makeup of the city is changing, and some people might assume that will lead to more crime……………
It’s my opinion but I think its an issue of location. When they stopped conducting the Fireworks show at Edgewater and moved it to Voinovich Park, it seemed to be an increase of an audience at Lakewood. Downtown Cleveland is a pain in the butt to get to. Including parking issues. So many on the near west side choose Lakewood instead. And with it comes problems.
Years ago there use to be a carnival at that park. Not any more. It’s been quite awhile actually. Such a shame you cant keep tradition any more.
People who have a problem with these rules need to find another place to party. These are perfectly reasonable given the number if people who fill the park all day. If you bring your dog to a fireworks show you’re an idiot and you shouldn’t be allowed to own a pet. Thinking it’s due to any reason other than public safety is ignorant. The show this year was unbelievable. People who were there had a blast!
In defense of this sign, These are the rules for the park during the Fireworks celebration. The park is packed with thousands of people, families, kids, there to watch the fireworks, packed into a fairly small space for a relatively short amount of time. It’s not a camp ground, you don’t need a generator or a tent. There has never been alcoholic beverages allowed in the park. Personal fireworks are technically illegal everywhere. Having every family bring the dog would be a disaster of Its own kind. Having the entire park under video surveillance should keep anyone thinking of doing something stupid, in check, although I doubt the park actually is.
Thats the city of Lakewood for ya….
HATED it when I lived there….It was ALWAYS my own personal episode of COPS all the time…
…Car broken into…
…Neighbors arrested for Domestic Violence…
…Overzealous cops…Never found the two thug kids that robbed the poor elderly woman at the lakewood library btw….
….Here is an acronym for you…RITA…THUUUUUUUUUGS!!!!!
…Nice Job tearing down that cool old theatre for a McPuke!!!!!…
…25th nicest suburb in the US? How much did you Assmonkies pay to get on THAT list?
OH in case you care…We’re whatching what you fucks and the city of Cleveland do to the old the land at W117 and Clifton….Although we already know your gonna SCREW it up….Why do we know this?
Well we know you like it on the botton so you can FUCK UP!!!!!!
I LOVE Scene!!! ‘ Effin retards call out ANYONE!!!!!!
Oh and yeah…Beer in hand on the beach at VA Beach watching fireworks with bunches of other peoples doing the same thing…Guess what? NO PROBLEMS!!!!!
Cbrbart – welcome back – did you see Scene wrote a tribute to you in the “Letters” section of the site? It was pretty cool actually, just want to make sure you see it. It was maybe from a month or two ago or something like that?
LOL, so ironic