When a man gets thirsty, he’s likely to do some strange things. 45-year-old Christopher Watts of Akron proves this point. The other night, he had the suds pangs something bad. The problem? The Marathon station nearby wasn’t open. It also didn’t have a drive-through.
So he decided to give the building one.
When police arrived at the scene at around 2 a.m., Watts was trying to bust inside the gas station with a sledge-hammer, according to the Akron Beacon Journal. Although the report says Watts declined to talk to officers, he still managed to drop some of the most memorable one-liners uttered in a police report in awhile. Somebody get this guy a Twitter account. Or fuck it, give him an FX show. Emphasis ours:
“How can I be charged with breaking and entering? I didn’t even get in yet,” he reportedly told the officers.
Watts was arrested without a fight and declined to speak to officers. However, at one point, he said the business needed “to have a drive-up window,” the report shows.
When the owner arrived to survey the damage, Watts said to officers: “I told him I was gonna come back for the rest of that beer.”
The wit is currently facing charges of breaking and entering, possession of criminal tools and vandalism.
This article appears in Sep 26 – Oct 2, 2012.
Sounds like a great guy. He would probably be hilarious to sit down and have a beer (or ten) with.
Add Christopher Watts to the large list of people who would have done a better job than Russo or Dimora