Members of the Cleveland media received Tuesday, as we often do, a press release from the Mayor’s Office. The purpose of the release was to publicize rules and regulations for parking and tailgating at the upcoming Browns preseason opener against the team from Washington. No alcohol is permitted in the Muni Lot, to take one example.
But the title of this announcement, and the subject line of the email, is one that Scene has come to regard as emblematic of the Frank Jackson administration’s torpor. In fact it gives us hives.
“Excitement and Anticipation Surround Cleveland Browns Thursday Night Preseason Opener,” the email reads.
Seems harmless, right? The fact that “excitement and anticipation” ostensibly “surround” an upcoming sporting event doesn’t really mean much. It’s just bad promotional language, a subject line to dress up the delivery of reminders and updates about parking and traffic.
But in the hands of the Mayor’s Office, the badness of this promotional language is compounded by its persistent an unaltered usage. Excitement and anticipation always surround upcoming sporting events, and always in that order. Every time we see one of these emails, we’re driven to violent exhortations.
Both the imprecision of the word “surround” in this context and the vacuousness of the declaration in template form are infuriating. Did “excitement and anticipation” really surround the Browns preseason opener after the 0-16 season? Was there maybe some extra hope involved that year? Even some trepidation? Anything????
Nope! Just the same old “excitement and anticipation.” To us, this robot language is illustrative of the manner in which tasks are accomplished and information is packaged and disseminated under Jackson.
Here’s just a quick sampling from my email archive. Many more such emails are no doubt lost to history. Look at how meaningless the very concepts of “excitement” and “anticipation” become when repeated thus:
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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This article appears in Jul 31 – Aug 6, 2019.
Lighten up, Sam. Not everyone has as cool a job as you do, wit unlimited freedom to write whatever you please. DO you have any IDEA how BOOOORRRRINNNG the press-release -writing job actually is? They have to crank out crap like a robot.
There might even be a rubber stamp that says EXCITEMENT AND ANTICIPATION SURROUND. Wouldn’t surprise me at all, because that’s the kind of thing Frank and his Rat Pack would do at the Mayor’s Orifice…the minimum amount of effort for the maxiumum amount of salary.
Might even be the same shmo who has to do those stupid “proclamations” that go along with handing out “keys to the city”…you know, those DUMB puffery things with all the WHEREAS stuff in every other line. Jeeze…give the poor slob a break instead of vomiting out your disgust…in paragraphs after paragraph of chunks…projectile typing is what you do…and you do it so well….like a tailgater in the Muni lot.
How do I KNOW how tedious and mononotnous those city jobs are? Well, years ago, there were actually jobs available as press-release and proclamation writers…and you even had to go downtown and try out for them after applying. They gave you a timed test…made you write dummy releases and dummy proclamations. Both my wife and I have writing backgrounds. Neither of us got so much as a “F’k you very much!” letter afterward. The reason we weren’t hired? I know damn well why, but i’m smart enough to know not to go there.
When you spew like this , Sam, I KN W it must be a slow news day again. Cheer up…maybe something terrible will happen in Cleveland and Dumbo will show up to sympathize and you can write about something newsworthy and even be in the national spotlight for fifteen minutes, before the next shitshow in some other town. Cheer up,…in a few more months, you can start writing about the polar vortex again.
What do you expect from the city of cleveland labor pool? Shakespeare?