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Back in 2007, Ohio put a law on the books that said your friendly neighborhood strippers and dancers could not touch customers and vice versa. Your $10 or $20 could buy you all the eyefuls of flesh that you want, but no over-the-pants dry humping, no frisky contact, and certainly no sex in the champagne room. Besides saving you the price of a new pair of pants, the law was also a beacon of sanitation.

(Oh, and of course, as we told you back in February it’s just simply not enforced, but that’s not the issue here.)

Strip club owners pleaded that the law was a violation of their free speech rights. In addition to the no-touch provision, the 2007 edict also barred dancers from getting totally nude after midnight, and made adult bookstores and peep shows close from midnight to 6 a.m., which didn’t really solve anything except forcing more men to walk the embarrassing path from their car to the blinking neon “Adult” sign during broad daylight.

A federal judge had previously ruled that the law was good-to-go, and that decision was backed up Wednesday when the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati voted to uphold the law, according to the AP.

So sorry, Ohioans, if you want to be touched, you’ll have to continue to do it yourself.

This article appears in Sep 7-13, 2011.

Vince Grzegorek has been with Scene since 2007 and editor-in-chief since 2012. He previously worked at Discount Drug Mart and Texas Roadhouse.

4 replies on “Court Upholds Ohio’s ‘No Touching’ Strip Club Law”

  1. This law was brought to Ohio by Mr. Phil Burress and his Citizens for Community Values. Thank the good Lord and Praise be to God that Mr. Burress has stepped in to ensure that all Ohioans abide by a G-rated lifestyle–one that encourages women to find their true calling as fully clothed subordinates. All of us will come to realize that God intended–in fact, he commands– for women to be vessels of birth who work in the home and practice subordination unto their husbands in a one man one woman only marriage. Hopefully, Mr. Burress can also do away with those pesky “gay marriage” folks, birth control, unmarried couples living together, planned parenthood, dirty movies in hotel rooms and gambling too!

    Did I mention that Mr. Burress earns over $200k per year upholding Ohio sanctity? Let’s keep supporting this virtuous self-admitted former porn addict, twice-bankrupt, thrice married savior of Ohio virtue!! Phill Burress for President! Woot ! Woot!

  2. Wow…..Leave people alone lady. People can be gay, can live together unmarried, can use birth control, can go to planned parenthood, can watch dirty movies, and can gamble. For you to call them “pesky” is ignorant

  3. Google me Adam. I was being facetious. It’s heartwarming to know that at least one person in Ohio still stands up for liberty and LESS government! Please get mad! My comment was actually an altered quote from one of Phil Burress’ followers…and sums up the CCV’s “hope for Ohio”.

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