This blog is best read while listening to Portland’s own, the Decemberists:

Dear LeBron, C-notes would like to wish you the very best in tonight’s outing against the Portland Blazers. But please be careful. Portland is a sneaky place. The men in this idyllic outpost of socialism dress like women. And the women dress like men. Actually, it is impossible to tell if Portlanders are men or women. Both sexes wear the same asymmetrical haircut in this town. Both sexes swoon equally for Tegan and Sarah and Rufus Wainwright. And both sexes have sex with both sexes. There is no gay or straight in Portland. Just queer. Don’t let that get you off your game. …

This article appears in Jan 23-30, 2008.

8 replies on “Dear LeBron: Look out for the Weirdos!”

  1. Damn Brandley, that was pretty funny.
    by the way, if you ever hear of a Blazer riding a bike I’d love to know about it.
    Cheers,
    –Jonathan Maus
    BikePortland.org

  2. Bill Walton used to ride his bike everywhere. Have you seen the documentary Fast Break, where he rides to the coast to teach a basketball camp of Native American kids? Pretty rad. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Sergio ran to work every day.

  3. Gawd Bradley, we miss you…and your clothing of indeterminate sexual origin (he was partial to bike caps and bandannas in 2006).
    And don’t worry, the Blazers will still take you back even if you have been sipping a coffee other than Stumptown!
    KC (Bradley’s old boss)

  5. Oh, Bradley–have you rolled down your right pant-leg already? Come back to the home of the weirdos. We’ll have your double americano waiting.

  6. Gall, your advice worked…but those lunatics in Seattle got to him. The fans of Tom Chambers’ old team probably took him into a Starbucks and force-fed him a Frappabullshit. You can only do so much wise master Campbell.
    P.S. Lebron is so cute…

  7. This otherwise excellent article leaves two questions unanswered:
    1. Can someone not from Portland explain to me who this LeBron fellow might be?
    2. Are Portland Blazers something I can buy in the clothing section of Powell’s?

  8. I have just decided to get on my bike right now and move to Portland with only the reusable shopping bag filled with filberts on my back. I’ll be there in about 8 months.
    banana!

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