Roses are red
Violets are blue
You were on a date
And then came some poo

“We were just cleaning at the end of the night and found them,” reports Jonah Oryszak, owner of The Plum.

“Them” in this case refers to a soiled pair of boxers left in the trash in one of the restaurant’s bathrooms sometime during Valentine’s Day service.

Yes, someone, mid-romantic dinner, sharted, excused himself from his date, took off his pants, deposited the offending undergarments in question, returned to dinner commando style, presumably after cleaning himself up a bit, and went on with his meal.

“No clue who it was,” says Oryszak. “I wish I knew!”

We… kinda don’t.

This article appears in Feb 14-20, 2018.

Vince Grzegorek has been with Scene since 2007 and editor-in-chief since 2012. He previously worked at Discount Drug Mart and Texas Roadhouse.

5 replies on “Did You Shart Yourself at The Plum on Valentine’s Day and Throw Out Your Boxers in the Bathroom?”

  1. As the individual that retrieved these undergarments from the trashcan, I will mention that I always use proper safety, always donning latex gloves to clean out the bathroom trashcans. However, on this extra special Valentine’s Day, to my horror, I found a foreign, striped cloth in the garbage. I turned to my owner and asked, “are these what I think these are…?” We had a laugh and now it is on Cleveland Scene.

  3. Shee-it, this sort of crap probably happens more than most people realize.
    Why was it even written about? Slow news day? Not really. Not yesterday.

    You wanna write newsworthy stuff about Valentine’s Day, why not write about those sobriety checkpoints? Yes, they did happen. So many drunks and druggies were driving home from those romantic dinners, doncha know.

    When did the cops start turning Feb14th into March 17th? Only in Cleveland…

  4. I once did that exact same thing, but that was in school in 1970 or so. In my extremely dysfunctional family, the Hershey squirts never once qualified as a valid medical condition or a credible reason to stay home.

  5. Doesn’t qualify as a news story, either.

    Happened to me in school, too. First day of the new school year, during a September heat wave.Got up to about 95 degrees that day. Seemed like it was always as hot as hell when school opened. And only the very newest schools had air conditioning then.

    Woke up late. Ate breakfast too fast. Started feeling sick during the stuffy bus ride.
    Stomach felt like I was on the Tilt-A-Whirl at a carnival by the time we reached school..
    Jumped off. Didn’t make it into the building in time. OOPSY! Ran for the john.

    Hardly newsworthy…because it probably happens to a lot of kids every year.

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