As the presidential primaries heat up, you, the undecided voter, are probably asking yourself the only question that really needs asking before casting your ballot: Who would Jesus vote for?
To help you along, Miami New Times, our sister paper in the tropics, has created a patented Crucifix Rating System (CRS)® to reveal which candidate is closest to God. (A maximum five crosses equals a strenuous holy endorsement.) DEMOCRATS:
Hillary Clinton: Yes! Something about this lady reminds Jesus of his immaculate mother. They have the same eyes … or maybe it’s the nose. When she teared up in New Hampshire, Jesus did too. They both employ the same campaign managers, and are believed to have gotten a volume discount on that piece of advice. Hillary: 4 1/2 crosses…
This article appears in Jan 23-30, 2008.