I often joke with my wife that I’m not a lucky person. I can count
on one hand the times I’ve won something. But somehow, I’ve managed to
pull the cancer lottery and get one of the rarest forms of cancer for
men.
In November or December of 2008, I started to notice an occasional
wet spot on my shirts. For a while, I didn’t think much about it. Then
I noticed that it was always the same spot. Imagine my confusion when I
realized that my right nipple was leaking a clear, serum-like
fluid.
Like many men, I rarely consult doctors. I’m on a doctor-prescribed
testosterone supplement, but generally I don’t get sick, can’t remember
the last time I had the flu and suffer with a cold for at most a day or
two. Typically I forego even aspirin, preferring to deal with a
headache or pain on its own terms. Plus I’d been working on losing
weight and was feeling healthy, aside from the anomaly with my right
nipple. And the seepage wasn’t constant — I’d sometimes go days
without any — so I ignored it. Then one day, in March of this
year, on a whim I gave my man boob a squeeze, and it shot a stream of
liquid across the bathroom.
Time to see a doctor. He recommended further testing.
Believe me when I say that there are few things more emasculating
than being a man and having to get a mammogram. The waiting room, the
exam rooms, even the consultation rooms are all pink. They’re festooned
in the ubiquitous pink imagery and ribbons of the woman’s breast-cancer
movement. And here I am, a 5-foot-10, 240-pound, 38-year-old man with a
shaved head and tattoos, explaining to the young, gum-snapping female
receptionist, “No, it’s not a mistake. I’m supposed to be here for a
mammogram. And thanks for letting everybody in the waiting room
know.”
The mammogram was inconclusive. The radiologist was unsure about a
spider-web like mass on the right side of my chest. I saw it on the
screen, and I remember sitting there, getting that weird feeling that
things were bad. They immediately walked me over — shirtless and
wearing a paper gown made for a petite woman — to get an
ultrasound.
Afterward, I was allowed to get dressed, and I waited expectantly
for the radiologist to review the new test. After an eternally long 10
minutes, the technician came back and told me it was fine. I just had
some dilated ducts due to excess fat and it was nothing to worry about
it.
I breathed a sigh of relief and went home, happy and confident. I
was losing weight on a diet and exercise regime I’d worked out with my
regular doctor, so I figured that once I lost some more weight, the
problem would clear up on its own.
My doctor called two days later. He said the radiologist had
recommended a follow-up MRI. “They told me it was fine,” I protested.
My doctor assured me it most likely was, but they were just being
thorough. “If it were me,” he said, “I’d do it — although I’m
sure you have nothing to worry about.”
So I went for the MRI.
At this point, my wife was getting worried and went with me. I
reassured her they’d said it was all right. I told her it was just to
be safe. I promised her it was nothing.
The day after the MRI, my doctor called back and said I needed to
get a biopsy. The mass was still hard to define and they weren’t sure
what it was, but the best bet was to get a chunk of it. He was still
optimistic, but I was starting to get worried.
Two days later, I went to a pre-op appointment with the surgeon my
regular doctor had referred me to. As I walked through her door, I saw
that she was a surgical oncologist, and I found myself sitting in her
office, listening to her matter-of-factly tell me that it was a
malignancy.
“You have breast cancer,” she said.
All I could focus on was a stupid pink ribbon on her wall.
Male breast cancer accounts for less than 1 percent of all
breast-cancer cases. The American Cancer Society estimates that about
1,910 new male breast-cancer cases will be diagnosed in the U.S. in
2009. About 440 will die. The mortality rate is higher for men than
women, but that’s mostly attributed to the fact that men ignore
symptoms or delay treatment because of the stigma attached to what’s
commonly believed to be a woman’s disease.
It mostly occurs in men more than 60 years of age, but factors like
a bad liver can cause it to occur earlier. That’s most likely how I got
it. The low testosterone I mention earlier could be traced back to my
liver. My doctor says it’s probably genetic, but I suspect it can be
attributed to the availability of large quantities of Everclear grain
alcohol back in college. My best friend and college roommate is an
endocrinologist who matriculated at the Mayo Clinic, and he told me
that the lower testosterone may have actually opened the door to
increased estrogen.
And increased estrogen opened the door to cancer.
I learned all of this later. But I still have trouble articulating
how I felt at the moment I got the news. Numb and indifferent, I
suppose. There was a surreal quality to thinking or saying “I have
cancer.” I wasn’t angry. What did I have to be angry about? I don’t
believe in God, so I couldn’t be pissed off at him. Instead of getting
angry, or crying, or denying the obvious, I simply nodded and asked the
doctor what the next steps were. And it’s been like that ever
since.
I guess I’m most affected by the fact that I now see my own
mortality. I’ve always seen my life in terms of the things I plan to
do. In those short few days between my diagnosis and my surgery, I
stopped thinking about things I wanted to do in some far-off future. I
found myself suddenly trapped in the swirling, curling chaos of the
present. My sense of time was restricted to the upcoming few weeks and
everything beyond that was an impenetrable darkness stretched out like
a dangerous storm cloud.
Still, my attitude was good. I found myself laughing about it and
making cancer jokes. I joked about being worried I’d lose my hair (I
have a shaved head). I joked that my fat ass and waistline could use
the slimming efficacy of a few rounds of chemo. And things weren’t that
bad. Even 10 years ago, breast cancer would have been a death sentence.
Not so now. Cancer is beatable.
I found myself intentionally turning the wheel of my imagination
away from the effect my mortality will have on my two kids. We told
them that Daddy needed to have an operation — but the idea of not
being there for them the first time they get their hearts broken in
high school, or not seeing them off to college, or not attending their
weddings, or not being able to kiss the fat bellies of their own
babies, was almost more than I could bear.
So I just didn’t think about it.
And I found that I needed to be strong for all of the women in my
life: my wife, my mother, my sister and even my boss. My wife had a
good attitude, although she went through crying fits at the beginning.
“It should be me,” she said several times, and I assured her she was
wrong.
Once the initial shock wore off, she came around to my way of
thinking, which was that this was something to be beaten back and
bullied into submission.
Within a week I was under the knife. I had a double mastectomy and
sentinel lymph-node dissection. We decided on a double mastectomy
because I didn’t want to have to deal with this on the other side
months or years later. And it didn’t matter so much to me because,
unlike a woman, my breasts weren’t part of my sexual identity. In fact,
I joked that I was totally getting free beer in bars for the rest of my
life. “I’ll bet you a beer that I have no nipples!”
I awoke from surgery in excruciating pain. I had underestimated the
severity of the surgery and am still healing and convalescing as I
write this. I’ve had a few setbacks, but my oncologist has said that it
looks like they got all of the cancer. It was restricted to the tissue
in my right breast and not present in my lymph nodes or left breast. In
fact, because I’d had a double mastectomy, we removed all potentially
cancerous tissue, which means that I won’t have to have
chemotherapy.
I will have to have a couple-year course of a drug called Tamoxifen,
but it is merely a preventative. It looks like the path through the
darkest part of the woods is coming to an end. But for the rest of my
life, the specter of cancer will hang ominously over me. I’ll have to
endure lifelong testing and the uncertainty of my medical future. But
the path is clearing.
I was lucky. Beating situ ductal breast cancer has given me a new
perspective. I was fortunate that my body gave me enough warning signs
that I could not ignore, pushing me to see my doctor before the cancer
had spread into my pectoral muscles or my lymph nodes. The lymph nodes
are the subway system of the body and, had the cancer wound up there,
it would have metastasized and spread like, well, cancer. And
fortunately, I fought my guy-like instinct of ignoring the problem and
hoping it would go away.
And that’s my reason for writing this. I feel obligated to spread
the word that male breast cancer is a real thing. If you have a man in
your life, tell him this story and encourage him to not be a dude. If
you love him, tell him to go to the doctor at the first sign of
anything weird. Tell him to quit being a tough guy.
If I’d ignored the painless, seemingly insignificant leaking from my
nipple — for even a few months — my story could have been
completely different. I could be dead.
D. Allen Crowley is an author and poet who lives in Willoughby.
His first novel North Coast Gothic: A Grim Fairy Tale, about growing up
gothic in Cleveland, was published in 2000. He also publishes a
creative blog under the pseudonym of Doctor Zombie.
This article appears in Sep 23-29, 2009.
Thank you for a very well written piece. I’m hoping that all men will read this and take notice for themselves and their families!
Hey, I wanted to tell you that you have a lot of guts to write about your ordeal.. Alot more than me. I am in the same boat as you and have often thought of how to put my experience in words for others. You did a great job. Life goes on….
Incredibly brave to share your story Dale! As always, beautifully written! Hopefully this sparks awareness for men and women.
Awesome article! I also encourage men to do a monthly breast exam. If they don’t know how their wife or girlfreind does!
I was diagnosed and had a right radical mastectomy. Just a few lymph nodes involved,but they took it all. I’m 58, BTW. Very little pain, and I was up and out of the hospital the next day. Taxol sucked. I worked the first half of chemo, the AC part, but Taxol was like having the flue for 2 months. Radiation wasn’t bad. Have you started Tamoxiphen yet?. I regard the whole deal as an adventure. I was lucky , my wife noticed that my right nipple was an inny. I grumpily retorted that I had prolly slept on it funny. A month later I brought it up at a physical. The rest is just like your story.
Like you, I feel that I must let men know that MBC exists. A higher percentage of men die from BC because men tend to ignore their moobs.
Thank you. D.Allen Crowley
From R. Woolsey, HS Math Teacher, GrandPa of 6 plus one in hopper, Father of Michelle, James, Bob, and partial in spirit to Michal. Husband to greatest wiffy and bestest friend, Kathy. Brother…
Here’s my story and I stickin with it.
Not a writer. Didnt ask for this. It was given without my permission.
09-15-2010
Wednesday
Here you all go!!!!!!!!!!!
Spetacular news…… Just got back from Dr office. A little good and a little mixed news. Good news: 1.5cm cancerous tumor on right (which we knew) 6 benign lymph nodes. doesnt guarantee anything. but looks good on that side.
Little Mixed news: 2.8cm cancerous tumor on left with 2 of 11 lymph nodes cancerous in mestastacic state. In other words, two had cancer showing. Therefore, next will scheduled appointment with oncologist to see other tests, chemo, and hormone therapy with tamoxifen (Nolvadex) for 5 years, etc.
Definitely, will be reading the next chapters in my paperbacks. Does not appear taking the additional lymph nodes will be necessary. A little leakage from fluid buildup on left side. Taking antibiotic prescription. Staples out next Wednesday. Another week out of school, till after oncologist release to work and surgeon release to work. Don’t want to go leaky during the middle of a class. That would just be too too freaky. With AceWrap, cant tell I have had much done. With another week on the mend, even that should get better and better.
=========================
09-12-2010
Sunday
Slept well. Even a little on each side, And elbow / pillow raised for frontal assault.
Michelle and Wiffy each state incision areas looking better. Gina’s encouragement means a lot right now. She has went through so much, she gives me good vibes.
Keepin updated pics ( will only share with those who inquire) One side a little more poofy than the other right side is. Yet it has only been a few days. So one must expect it to take a while for the bruising and swelling to subside.
Gina and her hubby, and her girls took Michelle to the Airport, so Michelle could be safely returned to her family in Utah.
I love receiving the strength and support from everyone via emails, regular mail, texting, facebook, etc.
PS: AWESOME DAY to remember…
First day I can officially sit in my recliner, lean back, relax, and then get out of the damn thing by myself. Kick down footrest; roll out; and stand-up…. OH!!! The little pleasures of life are returning.
And took AceWrap off, and swelling is going noticeably down.
========================
09-11-2010
Kids came over. James, Nichole, Noah, Bob, Christina (w/bundle), Lexi, Anthony, Michelle, My Wiffy, and Me. Plus Gina. Plus Steve Diddy and his 3 daughters. I love it when everyone gets together. Makes my day.
I became a party pooper, though. Retired myself to lie down for a bit. Turned into quite a nap. And when a-woke… my guest had all departed. Just want them to know how very very much I love them all. Tried but without much luck to stay focused to update grading. Only got the attendance updated. Maybe later…. Or not.
=================
09-11-2010 Saturday. Note from L.Scinto:
Mr. Woolsey came in today to get some work to do at home. He looks great but he needs to take it easy. Mr. Woolsey, are you listening? So good to see you!
9-10-2010 Friday. Note to S.Streeter:
Did you get my emails per Genesis…
Was anyone interested in attending a bit on Saturday Morning. No one dropped off anything on Friday, so I thought I would have Kathy bring me over to pick attendance so they can be kept up to date, and any papers so I can keep the grades updated as much as possible. Have not had any severe pain; still on percocet about every 2 hours, though. That helps. Surprised my mobility is pretty good. Some expected seepage when dressings are changed, as expected. My ace bandage tripled wrapped equals my “man bra” which helps a lot for looks as well as practicality.
Do not believe several understands the process necessary to enter and post the grades. If you have a bit of time tomorrow I can walk who-ever is interested through the process tomorrow morning. Won’t take long. (No response from anyone; will assume someone stepped in to sabotage this attempt.)
It is my understanding from side-bar conversations, not everyone has been entering their grades into Genesis GradeBook. To avoid not being able to post grades, I can also show you or anyone how to set up a temp fix just to post grades by having them enter their final grade once with or without comments. Then to post. Then later they can either go back and fill in or continue from this point on.
Watched the SU2C one hour program on TV tonight. Had one of Judson students and his 3 daughters come over to play in my backyard. Plus one of Michelle’s friends from when we first moved in to Phoenix from Illinois brought mucho food and kindness to our home today. Surprising how many people are affected by cancer.
09-09-2010 Home from Surgery Today.
I be doing fantastic. Today went well.
Arrived at Phx Baptist Hospital at 6am for paper trail entry, 10am for dye
injections to trace from tumors to lymph nodes, to substitute margarita (aka
valium to relax), to surgery prep. Must add here I have never been in a finer
hospital setting than this. Every staff person. Out of surgery about 1pm. Dr
Zannis determined that it would less invasive to remove only down to the muscle
tissue area. Not removing the muscle will all recovery to be much quicker and
less painful. The lymph nodes will be examined by the pathologist and results
available this next Wednesday. If the cancer cells have moved to those areas, as
well as other organs, then radiation will be scheduled. Otherwise he will need
to go back in to remove all the lymph nodes on both sides and step up to chemo
levels. Home by 3pm today (Thurs) Percocet every 3 hours. Mobility better than
expected. Had Kathy’s bosses of her firm come prior to surgery to the laying of
hands for blessing. That was very effective. Had my Dahinda prayer blanket with.
Had all my circle of friends and family in my corner from many religious arenas.
Confidence and strength had been successfully enundated in my corner of
recovery.
PS: you may share my good news. Thank you. Will update again after Wednesday’s
news. Have a great day.
PS: just an added note. I stayed Wednesday evening to get stuff ready for my
sub. Leaving about 9:15pm. I had the only vehicle in the parking lot. In the
past, the gates are usually locked at 10pm. Yep, all gates locked. And yes, my
gate key for being your replacement for emergency drills does actually work.
Escaped with a smile!!!
August 28, 2010 Generic Update Sent to Everyone.
This is generic email I have sent to everyone!!!!!!
> FYI: Just to keep everyone in the loop!!!!
> This summer prior to going to Illinois Kathy and I noticed my “Man Boob
Nipple” was apparently being pulled inward for some weird reason and a bump had
formed near the left nipple area. So Kathy made an appointment for my physical
exam upon my return to Arizona and for my doctor to check this out.
>
> In which case, they in turn scheduled an Xray and sonogram with a
radiologist’s office and sent the results back to the doctor’s office three days
later. Pretty well knew the results when I went to the doctor’s office and the
receptionist stated both the doctor and the PA wanted to finish out their
scheduled appointments so they could both sit down with me to discuss the
results. (Tumor in each breast area; 1.5 cm and 2+cm; stage II; infiltrating
ductal carcinoma) They went over the “what ifs” but stressed I would need to
talk with the surgeon to get a clearer picture. They suggested Dr Zannis, a
highly reputable surgeon in the area of breast cancers. Made the appointment.
>
> I understand I am among the 1% of the male population to get this type of
cancer. Approximately 1650 male breast cancer patients diagnosed annually in the
US and approximately 220,000 female breast cancer patients diagnosed annually in
the US. Every male has a small breast area near the nipple where cancer cells
may form. (And to the best of my current up-to-date reading materials from our
bookstores and the internet, probably the highest chances for being removed.) It
goes without saying: Me and the Almighty have been “a-talkin” quite a lot. And
being put on your prayer lists would be appreciated. It is really good it is
being caught in the early stages. How I got this mutated gene is of little
concern, except for the surgeon’s ability to use that information to create
as-needed available alternatives.
>
> It was NOT Kathy’s decision to not let anyone know. It was my request that she
honored. I have never been one to play in the “what if” games with others. I
needed to get my focus adjusted to better understand the potential game plan.
8-28-2010 PS: To my friends the Kades Hope your trip is going/went well.
Had a short tutoring session with Jessica today. She will taking such a large
load for her other classes…She realizes it might be too stressful to get into
a higher math class too soon with the basic concepts not fully understood. I
would have to agree. It will be much better for to take the two refresher
courses first. (We spent about an hour on a page of problems before she made
this statement.) She will do fine after she has time for the refresher courses
as review.
I found out that I do not have the genetic inherited cancer gene. Therefore I am
almost 100% sure I will NOT pass it on to my adopted kids or their kids. (That
is a bit of humor with a bit of factual info.)
August 28, 2010
>
> 8/23/2010 Today: Doctor Zannis (Breast Surgeon) Appointment Prognosis Good.
> On September 9th, 6am arrival at OutPatient Clinic at Phoenix Baptist
Hospital; 7:30am numbing injections; approximately 2 to 3 hours later; surgery
for 1 to 2 hours where he and his team will remove cancerous tumor and possible
several of the lymph nodes as needed from both sides of the breast areas.
Samples sent to the pathologist; about a week to get the results to be sure
other lymph nodes or organs are not affected. (If they are, then they will have
to go back in to remove the rest of the lymph nodes and affected areas.)
Radiation may or may not be needed. This can only be determined on a case by
case basis after the surgery results. After surgery, I will more than likely be
released to recover at home for a week or two before returning to work
(according to the doctor). He said a week; I will add a few days of NANA TLC
time. 🙂 🙂 🙂
>
> Dr Zannis has assured me ….. The Hawaii Trip is Go!!! For my Nana and
Michelle’s family (been planning for 3 years)
I will, hopefully, need that time to get better prepared for classes and AIMS
Fall Testing.
>
> This is definitely something to add to “My Woolsey Book of Adventures” Love
to All.
> Sending this email as a universal update.
07-24-2010 Returned from Illinois Vacation
07-26-2010 Pickup Keys and Car Decal; Physical Exam at Doctor’s Office
Question: regarding skin around nipple being pulled inward.
Kathy concerned.
Appointment made on Wed 07-28-2010 for radiologist exam.
07-28-2010 Radiologist sonogram; concerned areas; Radiologist mammogram; didn’t think about what it would ever ever be like to get my very own mammogram. OUCH; that HURTS. And the other side, TOO. Wait for results of film to give to Dr Adickman & others.
08-09-2010 4pm Crown at Dentist (definitely need for the nitrous)
08-11-2010 Biopsy at 4pm on each side. (Results will be sent In 7 to 10 days)
08-16-2010 Dr Adickman’s Office asked me to come in to discuss biopsy results, as stated before, discussion never takes place over the phone, good or bad. Arrived, receptionist very pleasant, asked if I could have a seat, doctor would like to discuss results. Sure, no hurry. 30 minutes later, receptionist returns and states both doctors would like the rest of their afternoon schedules cleared so they could both have time to sit down with me. (Well, that cinched the prognosis…you think?) Next step, to schedule and see Surgeon.
08-23-2010 Dr Zannis, breast surgeon. Who would have thought? 11am appointment with films. Asked if I could prolong surgery till after Kathy and Michelle’s family completes their Fall Break Hawaii Trip. He states cancer appears to be aggressive; should not wait. Need to schedule either Sept 2nd, 7th, or 9th, since he only schedules surgeries on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I picked the 9th.
08-25-2010 Part two of two part crown at 4:30pm. (nitrous lookin better and better)
09-09-2010 Surgery: meet everyone at Phoenix Baptist Hospital OutPatient at 6am, injections at 7:30am, surgery around 10:30am; recovery 1pm; home by 3pm.
09-15-2010 Pathologist report from surgery results. Basically, right side cancerous tumor 1.5cm; 6 lymph nodes benign. Doesn’t guarantee no cancer, but looks good. Left side cancerous tumor 2.8cm; 2 sentinel nodes cancerous; nine other nodes does not show cancer; Surgeon recommends options of taking an aggressive stance towards treatment options since cancer in early stages. More than likely chemo plus hormonal therapy will be recommended by oncologist. Scheduled oncologist for next Wednesday, September 22, at 11:30am; scheduled surgeon for Next Wednesday, September 22, at 9:45am for staples to be removed. Some seepage occurring on left side from fluid buildup. Will need to off work another week; hopefully leakage will stop; so students don’t go freaky on me; and I will then have more energy reserve to survive entire day of work.
10-1-2010 End of First Quarter at School with grades due. [ A year to remember!! ]