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Let's hear from the man himself
Setting: Old Stone Church, Cleveland Public Square
Event: Moses Cleaveland’s Benediction and Commission
In Attendance: “Rich, Rich, Grandees, Magnificoes”
THE BENEDICTION
“My Fellow Clevelanders, please be seated.
I am the specter of Moses Cleaveland (gasps and murmurs).
You are all justly astonished that this soul-shadow speaks, and likely upset that I visited Cleveland, my namesake, but once in 1796. Candidly, I was displeased when you dropped the “a” from my last name in 1832. Shall we call it even?
My journey from the netherworld has been an arduous one, but not as difficult as surveying your Western Reserve. Snakes and swamps. You are welcome!
Lorenzo Carter sends his best.
I have come with a heart-felt proposal. Listen if you have ears to hear. I come to bury the old ghost of Cleveland, not to praise it. The civic and corporate inequities that men do live after them.
Placing white “Cleveland” script signs about town will not resurrect the Cleveland of old. Slogans like “Kindland,” “The Land,” and “The CLE” are not the Titanic lifeboats you believe them to be. They are akin to Titanic life vests.
Over time, I have observed troubling changes: Corky and Lenny’s is gone; Lanigan, Webster, Malone, Nolan, Kullik, and Carroll are deprogrammed; Sokolowski’s is not making pierogies; Dick Goddard is forecasting from above; the Cleveland Brown’s Stadium was desecrated; the real Cleveland Browns are in Baltimore; Euclid Beach is a backwater; Higbee’s has been “jacked;” “paper-rags” men have been recycled; Millionaire’s Row is penniless; the Hollenden Hotel (1885) kissed the wrecking ball; Garrett Morgan is unmasked; Joc-O-Sot is dead. And…
Cleveland has been corporate-trafficked.
What do you propose to do about it?
Will an opportunistic corridor really promote economic optimism? Three words for you: “Cleveland Medical Mart.” Mendaciously smart?
Will building a gilded, wonder-dome stadium under threat of “an offer-you-can’t-refuse” pan out? A sin tax cannot long bankroll corporate socialism.
Will local organizations laser-focused on projects, funding, partnerships, start-ups, transformation, engagement, and innovation make a difference? The verdict is still out, but if these organizations continue to mission-statement with words like “alignment,” “agile,” “deep-dive,” “innovation,” “fidelity,” strategic,” “diversify,” “synergy,” “next generation,” “unpack,” “drill-down,” and “move the needle,” Cleveland will slide into Lake Erie like a sloop on a word-slip of slogans.
Our beloved Cleveland needs something more than promotional palliatives, corporate socialism, and inbred poster slogans.
Man does not live by AI-generated buzz words, domed stadiums, and medical marts alone.
We must bow our heads, take up the coffin, process to the Erie Street Cemetery, and bury old Cleveland.
Amen.”
THE COMMISSION
“Clevelanders, do you recall that in 1920 Cleveland was the fifth largest US city? In 1950, the population was 914,808. In 2024 it is 351,397. ‘Tis an economic emigration. This highlights the people dilemma
Clevelanders, do you recall the 1969 Cuyahoga River fire? It actually caught fire thirteen times between 1868 and 1952. What did the 1969 fire prompt? A clean-up of our polluted river. This highlights the motivation dilemma.
Clevelanders, do you recall that in 1827 the mouth of the Cuyahoga River was moved East to its current location? The original mouth was silted up, infested with disease-laden mosquitoes, and inaccessible to large ships. This was action needed to promote Cleaveland’s economic growth. This highlights the action dilemma.
Bankrolling corporations, parroting organizational buzz words, and worshiping gilded domes are mistakes on the lake.
There is no mistaking that our city on the lake, our C-Town, our Rock-And-Roll Capital is a Plum and a Comeback City.
A Cleveland renaissance requires a growing, economically stable population, a livable space in which people thrive, and leaders prepared to take action for both the poor and comfortable citizens of Cleveland.
Dear friends, one final request from this humble surveyor. Make Cleveland whole again.
Rebaptize Cleveland, “Cleaveland.”
Civic leaders, corporate leaders, and citizens, accept my Commission for Cleveland!
The Western Reserve is not a reserve for, nor reserved for the prosperous.
Go forth preaching my noble, equitable economic commission!”
The specter vanished.
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