Perhaps you haven’t noticed because you’ve been obeying Ohio’s stay-at-home order, but springtime in Cleveland is coming and the surest way to confirm that news is to walk by any local Bradford pear tree, which is, and has been for the last ten days or so, enthusiastically indicating this truth.
Their pungent, distinctively semen-y wafts have been disgusting bystanders in America since they were brought over by the U.S. Department of Agriculture from their native habitat in China some 70 years ago. Since then, Americans have realized that not only do they smell bad but that they are particularly virulent, sprouting just about everywhere you don’t want them to and dominating whatever they come into contact with, nature wise. They’re also able to do that while being shockingly weak themselves, with branches brittle enough to be snapped easily in mildly stormy weather, like the male ego itself.
The invasive species has largely fallen out of favor since the 1980s when it was planted everywhere, but plenty of suburbs still line subdivisions with this hideous tree and its funk, which isn’t even its worst quality.
This article appears in Apr 29 – May 5, 2020.
Vince ,, that’s all you got, a fucking tree story,,,nothing else happing you could shine some light on,,,trees, Unbelievable
THIS AGAIN? And you’re calling it the same stupid thing you did LAST time? Seriously, Vince, you need to stop trying to be funny and grow the f’k up. It isn’t cute, and it doesn’t make you look very good. Unless you want to look like you’re in middle school. Is that what you want?
Vince may need to explain how he’s so familiar with the smell of cum,,,,,,weird practice if you ask me, sniffing cum. But hey whatever floats your boat.
Vince’s belly be grumbling while he rolling around town on his fixie with no seat.
I find this headline of the story and contents to be very offensive. I have school aged children who love to read news articles or whatever they can and I would flip my lid had they got a hold of this story before I did. Clean it up!!!!
Vince I found this article quite amusing so keep writing whatever you like. I honestly rather read about cum trees than the constant reports about corona or the 100th murder Cleveland had that day. Plus if I had lovely school children that LOVED to read news articles I rather have my kids ask me what cum us than have them read about a body being stuffed in an air vent at a grocery store (yeah that happened a couple of days ago.) but that story isn’t offensive right?
He writes the same gross article every year. Very edgy indeed.
Sofa king edgy. About as edgy as a seventh-grader.
Who just discovered the three-letter c-word.
Ando needs to grow up and stop typing like he’s 13.
Quit trying so hard to be to be cute, Vince.
How very mature of you.
I feel like if the trees smelled like a waste management facility, that they would still be beautiful, this article would still be fucking stupid, and you would probably still find a way to point out how much you hate semen.