Your guide to living in fabulous Cleveland.
Clear the Air: Environmentalists hail FirstEnergy’s plans to shutter four coal-burning plants in Ohio; enthusiasm later tempered by company’s newly announced initiative to invest in tire-burning plants.
Lace Up With MGK: Rapper Machine Gun Kelly popped for disorderly conduct in Florida, promises fans via Twitter that there will be no more arrests. Also promised: No more tattoos or curse words, plus a renewed effort to eat more fiber.
Jimmy Digs In: Continuing testimony in Akron reveals that, during a 26-hour stretch back in 2003, Jimmy Dimora ate strudel off of every hooker in Cuyahoga County.
This Week’s Index: Pitchers and catchers report soon, and you’ll still be left shoveling your porch.
This article appears in Jan 25-31, 2012.
Hmm, interesting, what type and flavor of studel?
At least it sounds as though Jimmy was non-violent. I’d hate to think that tax money was used for sad-mass shit, however I can see Jimmy liking to be whipped or maybe even taking a high-heel shoe half way. But really. So far it seems like he got some mad-money but nothing like huge rich guys throw around legally. Jimmy gets a straw hut, Mitt gets an island…Jimmy gets a hooker, Mitt gets a hooker clone factory with scientists..Jimmy gets a new roof, Mitt gets the super-dome..Jimmy gets twenty years, Mitt runs for president…Jimmy gets porked in prison, Mitt gets to pork the whole country.
What can I say? I used to be a Clevehooder. Since moving to Willotopia, I have yet to pickup used condoms or Old English empties while cutting the lawn. I do miss the action though. No gunshots ringing out into the night nor surpluses of squad car sirens.