“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear… HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!”
A trio of Class-A shitheads from Akron stormed a house looking for loot Wednesday. What they found was a birthday party… and not much loot. But that didn’t stop them from taking what was available.
Three armed men burst inside an Akron home Wednesday and interrupted a birthday celebration.
The event unfolded about 9:30 p.m. at a house in the 1100 block of Lakeshore Boulevard. Five people inside the home told police they were held at gunpoint while the suspects rifled through their pockets in search of money.
The victims told police they were collectively robbed of $12. No one was injured.
No word on if the suspects received any birthday cake.
This article appears in Mar 23-29, 2011.
Three guys, an hour of work, and a result of $12. That’s an average rate of $4 a piece, which is less than minimum wage. It’s time to get a McJob. You are the worst gangsters EVAH!