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Because it’s a Monday in December in the Year of Our Lord 2016, you’re waking up to another loss by the Browns as the team continues on its path to a perfect 0-16 season.
One guy having a particularly bad time after the team’s 23-10 loss to the Bengals is WKNR ESPN Cleveland’s own Tony Rizzo. Last night the morning sportstalk icon flipped his wig on the postgame show when the topic turned to the planned 0-16 perfect season parade being organized by Browns’ season ticket holder Chris McNeil. Most of us suffering mugs here in BrownsLand actually think the parade could be the only fun to come out of this historically-ugly, record-making piece-of-dog-poo season. But Rizzo and others somehow think it’d be an embarrassment to the city instead of what it really aims to be: a cathartic and very public middle finger to Jimmy Haslam and the organization that very well could accomplish the impossible reverse-perfect campaign.
But here’s maestro, angry Uncle Rizzy, losing his mind and making half-hearted threats:
“If you are one of the people out there that is planning a parade for 0-16, I will fight you,” Rizzo raged on air. “Come down and see me right now, I’m at Buffalo Wild Wings. you are going to celebrate my misery for four months?”
For all Rizzo’s “Mr. Clevelandness,” this pretty much proves he doesn’t get it anymore. Which is sad, because he was once the loudest megaphone for the average Cleveland fans’ soul. Guess that’s over. It wasn’t just his laughable tough-guy boast (side note: threatening physical violence isn’t exactly a good look when . . . well, you know); his riff was so tone-deaf and off-target, you wonder if all these Browns’ losses haven’t scrambled his circuitry. The 0-16 parade is about the only way the fan base can take back their team from a regime of entitled rich folks who have time and again proven they are fully incapable of doing their jobs and that they don’t care about us.
You should really listen to the whole stupid thing. But here are some highlights:
“That is the loser-est of all loser moves I’ve ever heard in my life. My God man, have some pride in yourself.”
“If you are one of the people planning that parade, you better stay the hell away from me, my show, and my family, cause I’ll fight you.”
“I will do everything in my power to stop that. I will talk to Senator Sherrod Brown, Mayor Frank Jackson, I’ll talk to everyone I can. I swear to god . . . I’ll be there and I will mow you down under my tires. I promise that . . . If you have that parade it will end ugly. I know billionaires, senators, mayors, governors. That is going to go away, mark my words. It ain’t going to happen on my watch, I promise you that.”
Rizzo is losing his head at fans. But where’s the rage at the effing ownership who have made us the court jesters of the NFL? Where’s the rage at Oil Sheikh Jimmy who trusted his own (federally-investigated) Good Ol’ Boy instincts instead of his staff. Let’s not forget the bonus round, where Oil Sheikh Jimmy did what billionaires do when they realize they don’t know what they’re doing: he handed the keys over to a bunch of Harvard suits . . . who did what Harvard suits do: overestimated their own brains and balls whilst getting routed and embarrassed by people who actually know what they’re doing. But no — the guys throwing the parade, they’re the dangerous, back-stabbing, no-account losers . . . right.
In the best-light précis, the perfect season parade is a piece of street theater aimed right at the ownership, putting them on notice that, with a world championship NBA franchise and a MLB team we can finally be proud of, Cleveland sports fans aren’t going to be taking the same old Browns shit. If anything, it’s the chance for Clevelanders to get ripped and have fun at least once in the 2016 season. But Rizzo looks like he’s siding with, in his words, “billionaires, senators, mayors, governors,” instead of us Cleveland fans.
When McNeil does organize the parade (and I hope this just makes him more determined to do so) he should have the roil swing by ESPN 850’s downtown studio just for added effect.
This article appears in Dec 7-13, 2016.
The only thing worse for the Browns than an 0-16 season is something that already happened. Two sports franchises in Cleveland that are not only competitive but in the championship conversation. For years CLE fans have poured money into tickets for a team that’s downright terrible. We don’t need a parade to show our dissatisfaction…direct that personal sports budget to a team that deserves it. WE HAVE 2 OF THEM!
Rizzo must be on Hillbilly Jimmy’s payroll.
Tony Rizzo is a drunk, wife beater. He should focus on his own problems, of which anger management is an obvious issue. He kisses Haslam’s ass but threatens fans? Get this POS off the radio
Rizzo thinks he is the voice of all Cleveland fans. He bores many with the fact that he is in his early 50’s and thinks he’s seen it all. Well listen youngster, your rants are just that, rants which go ignored. So what if some of the Browns aka Clown ticket holders want to mark an 0-16 season with a parade. Let them have their fun and express themselves in a non-threating manner. Note, you promised to run folks over if the parade takes place. Real stupid. You incite bodily harm while folks are just marching, laughing off the Clowns season. Plus, its doubtful that you would win any fight, especially since you have a history of hitting women.
Rizzo was more entertaining when he was a pet dog to a clique of Browns players and delivered puff-piece stories based upon the whispers from his insiders. He is nothing but a discount ad salesman who seems to have a daily goal – besides mailing it in – of using the microphone to gain all kinds of free stuff.
I’m proudly going to the parade, and I hope he hits me with his car. I’ll sue his ass so hard he won’t know his name afterwards.
I want to forcefully make sweet love to Tony Rizzo.
I’m going to the parade Barney Fife and you better not run me over or I’ll drag you out of the car and rub your bald head . You have Polk make fun of the Clowns every week on your crappy tv show! By the way put that toupee back on you make me puke every time I see you on tv you WB!!
You SUCK RIZZO AKA BARNEY FIFE!
I won’t go because I’m well past the point of caring even that much. I’ve loved them since the late 70s. I’ve gone through all the heartache. Stationed overseas, floating in the Persian Gulf, I’ve gotten up in the middle of the night to listen to the game on the AFN. I’ve wasted too many Sundays watching that terrible team. Year after year after year. Decade after decade. No more. This is well beyond any “fair weather fan” label. It took some time to stop watching but like weening yourself off a bad habit, I finally did it and I won’t backslide. Life is too short. Time is too precious.
Go Cavs.
Go Indians.
Go away Browns.
I wish I really knew who this character Tony Rizzo is, along with the other names dropped. Sure, I know who Haslam is (I’m sure we all do by now, right?) But, sadly and I’m embarrassed to admit, I never heard of this Chris McNeil before tonight. ANYWAY I used to think of myself as a REAL DIEHARD FAN. I’d go to the games in subzero weather (and drive the hour travel time from my home town), brave the elements, wind chills hovering over the zero and under mark, and, being a girl, managed to have a couple REAL DIEHARD FANS who would brave the Cleveland winter and go with me, (God love you Jeanne S.!!!) But as hard as it is for even ME to admit, I think it’s safe to say that I have had enough already. We have two absolutely AWESOME TEAMS now; perhaps our love and energy would be best directed more to our beloved Indians and Cavs….and maybe, one day soon, our Browns may just surprise us all and turn this thing around. As for now, I’m guessing we have great odds looking ahead to the draft. But until that day comes….let’s try to keep our **** together and root for our Cavs and Indians…and as for the parade? I SAY GO FOR IT!!! WHY NOT? WE EARNED IT AND WE DESERVE IT!!!
i went to midpark with you Rizzo Douchebag 1979 Douchebag 2016
I agree with Kyle, & the hell with Rizzo, I don’t waste my time listening to sports talk shows. I stopped being a diehard Browns fan when Art Model Left with the team…. It is nice to see the Caves & Indians get national attention, & I thought that The caves parade was great too….If McNeil can pull this off on the weekend I’ll gladly join in, more power to ya….
Tony Rizzo has been banished to Sunday night TV at an hour when most folks have gone to bed…and this is no accident. He is a screaming, loudmouthed,, ranting asshole–and he’s been one for many years.
I don’t know of anyone who even bothers to listen to his tirades on the radio, either. I assume he’s only still on the airwaves because this piece of shit is under contract. He’s an arrogant jerk and a spousal abuser and he stopped being amusing long before he became a wife-beater. And especially afterward.
Let him try to stop the fucking parade…it’ll be the last thing he ever does. There are way too many crazy mofos in this town who carry, and if he does anything stupid, someone will happily and justifiably put a round through his stupid head. Car or on foot. Parade or no parade. Crowd or no crowd. This is one town where it is not a good idea to get stupid or to fuck around. And if a civilian doesn’t do it, a cop certainly will.
There will be a verdict of self-defense and the defendant will be hailed as a hero, while Rizz is quickly buried and forgotten, and then Cleveland will be a much quieter place.
Maybe he should get “Trivi” to accompany him so we can say good riddance to both. These ass-clowns have been an embarrassment to Cleveland for too many decades. Fuck both of them.
Chuckles the Clown
“You are going to celebrate my misery for four months?”
That wasn’t the POINT of the parade but it’s certainly is a good incentive!
That asshole Polk, has made a career out of making fun of Cleveland!
I’m excited for the parade. I only fear the clowns will screw that up for us too by actually winning a game.
Rizzo should watch what he is talking about. “Mow you down under my tires” That is true words of encouragement for someone with as many DUI’s as he has. I’m sure he really would, why not add a vehicular manslaughter to the track record. We need the perfect season parade. It’s not a celebration of how bad the season was, but a showing to management that we want to win and have been waiting 20 years with nothing to celebrate in the Browns Organization. So, to have a sarcastic parade to show the team that we are fed up with the losing and things need to change NOW and not in 5 more years. As Mike Polk said “It’s statistically impossible to be as bad as you’ve been for as long as you’ve been without actually being good once in awhile”
After seeing the Browns get beat up every week, losing so many quarterbacks and head coaches, delinquent players who can’t get their sh$t together as “professionals”, hearing about how the billionaire owner and staff do their jobs…Browns fans know how to lose. They are the truest, best fans in the world to stand behind their team week after week, year after year. Why not have a parade? Whether they win or not it’s for the fans. If the Browns organization doesn’t want to honor their fans by creating a good football team then give us the damn parade. And Rizzo…if you don’t like that idea then go jump on the band wagon of some other “winning” team. It’s OUR town, OUR team and OUR parade. If you are not a fan of the Browns then get out.
All TR wants is attention. Much like my 2 year old grandchild. His threats are a reflection of who he is as person which is to say an immature idiot. I’ve been a Browns fan since 1965 and will always be a fan. Right now our Browns are hurting and I blame ownership. The NFL today as a whole has become a joke. The idea of “team” has been long gone since The Boz came into the league. The last time I went to a game a couple years ago I thought I was at a Barnum & Bailey circus. The play on the field was second to all the damn credit card commercials and young drunks. What a joke! For what it’s worth, I could care less about this ignorant excuse for a gentleman. I wonder if he’s ever played a down of football in his life and if he had, he wouldn’t have lasted a 3 and out because he would’ve been creamed with his loud an obnoxious mouth. Take your DUI’s and go to hell Rizzo. Nobody cares what you think and what you have to say because it is nothing more than garbage.
Tony why did you go bald guilt over feelings of repressed homosexual desires or inability as a highschool quarterback
I’m a Jerseyan who has been in this state for roughly 15 of the last 16 years. For contextual purposes, I was 7 or 8 the last time the Browns last had a deep run in the playoffs. (I’m 36 for the record.) The Cleveland Browns are, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst run organization in SPORTS PERIOD. Any of the four major sports, they’re the worst. What makes this so inexcusable is, that the NFL is set up so that if you’re competent and hire people who can draft well, coach well and get players who play well…
You can win fairly quickly. Eventually, everyone figures it out but to do so you have to get someone who knows what’s going on. The Cardinals have been a moribund franchise for most of my existence until we got The Greatest Show In The Desert. The Seahawks were best known for being a part of Bo Jackson’s Greatest Hits before Mike Holmgren showed up and later, Pete Carroll. I’ll exclude the Panthers and Jaguars from this because they were super exceptions after getting a good expansion draft and then drafting smarter to make their respective conference championship games just two seasons in. (People forget, they were 8-8 in their expansion seasons.)
Cleveland though, just stays stuck in ‘Startup Mode’…only nothing happens after you click start. Just the same sequence again and again. Haslem hiring DiPodesta to implement a football equivalent of Moneyball…uhm, yeah. Ask an Oakland A’s fan how Moneyball has worked out for them and how many pennants they’ve won thanks to it. It BARELY works in baseball. I don’t see this working in football. Especially not HERE. Tony Rizzo’s anger for this glorified Participation Parade (because at the core, this is what’s being celebrated/mocked/bit of both here…their participation) should they not win a game this season, is kinda warranted but largely misdirected. Ownership has to be held accountable for their lack of action and considering that we’re nearing 20 years in with just ONE 10 win season and ONE playoff appearance, this is unacceptable. Haslem is hustling the fans of this town and until people smarten up and stay home until the product improves…this will continue.
I used to think Tony Rizzo was a loyal supporter of the long-suffering sports fan. By claiming he knows “billionaires, senators, mayors, and governors” who want to shut our planned release of frustrations at the Browns’ ownership, management, coaches, and players, he’s proven himself to be just another SELLOUT, and the majority of fans have lost its complete respect for him. Thanks for choosing your wallet over your integrity, “Mr”. Rizzo.
I’d like to see the parade and I’d like to see Rizzo running over people. I don’t see how they’re going to lose to Buffalo. Or to San Diego. So the parade might be a moot point. But if they do lose to both Buffalo and San Diego, will Rizzo be going berserk with or without his hairpiece? It’s cold out there.
Well, they lost to Buffalo, but beat San Diego…so no parade. I imagined something zany and crazy and fun, like the Doo-Dah Parade in California. Crazy outfits and painted faces and snarky signs. Might have been fun. Probably would have been a national news story.
And it would have been cool to see Rizzo do a meltdown and get his ass whupped. Oh, well…
But as my wife said…with a straight face…”Hey, there’s always next year…”
Chuckles the Clown