The Indians were nice enough to hit the local media with an email recently pointing us to Sports Illustrated’s off-season report card. “Red Sox, Indians get high marks; Twins, A’s don’t,” the email read. This, of course, left me wondering if I had missed something. Had the Indians pulled off some magic deal — Tribe swaps Rafael Betancourt for the entire New York Yankees roster, plus cash! — that I hadn’t heard about?
In the report card for the Red Sox, writer John Heyman praises the Sox for inking Japanese phenom Daisuke Matsuzaka, “the best move anyone made this winter.” Grade: A.
Then I read about the Tribe:
“David Dellucci has become a very useful player and may be a bargain at $11.5 million for three years … They didn’t exactly break the bank but still should be much better in 2007. Of course, part of the reason is that no one underachieved like they did in 2006.”
Translation: They didn’t overspend for a useful outfielder, and they shouldn’t be nearly as shitty as they were last year. That earned them an A? Well, no. Turns out they only got a B. Apparently a B is a “high mark” just like the Sox’s, at least according to the Tribe brass.
According to my mom, however, a B is what you get just for showing up and not being a moron. So according to my mom, the Indians are grounded. — Joe P. Tone
This article appears in Jan 17-23, 2007.