Everyone should rest assured that Captain America: The Winter Soldier is going to put Cleveland ON THE MAP, despite the current inconveniences to local commuters. Economic benefits! Really cool action sequences! Uh… Really cool action sequences!
Bearing that formidable success in mind, here are some ideas for future road closures when it comes to entertaining the masses:
– Everyone’s shitting their pants over Bon Jovi’s uber-hyped show at Cleveland Browns Stadium July 14. Shut down the West Shoreway and the Port Authority parking lots, and convert all that space into a massive and exclusive press area for Cleveland.com’s live-blog updates. “Livin’ on a Prayer,” indeed.
– Close down a major thoroughfare in each police district once a month. This will give officers the space needed to conduct a really good chase and shootout.
– When the Horseshoe Casino celebrates its 17-month anniversary later this fall, city leaders should shutter all roads into downtown, throw ticker tape in the faces of unsuspecting pedestrians and distribute a run of poker chips with “economic vitality” etched on them.
…Cleveland’s sorely in need of guidance on all of this entertainment stuff. Casinos? Captain America sequels? An aquarium in – oh, Jesus Christ, they went and put the aquarium in The Flats?
Leave good and/or horrible ideas for further road closures in the comments section below. Bonus points, of course, if Mayor Frank Jackson ends up promoting your idea within the year.
This article appears in May 29 – Jun 4, 2013.
I-90 could use a Food Truck Only lane. Sure it would slow things down but I could save time in the mornings by skipping breakfast and just ordering while I’m stuck in traffic.
That aquarium is TOTAL BS!! 20$ to see bluegill during a 20 minute walk-through??? I wasted a pretty penny on that place!
Well, I for one thing it’s high time that the Eastsiders feel the sting of a mediorce super hero production and filming schedule.
Is there a Green Latern sequel in the works? If so, I say shut down every main road in and out of Shaker, University and Cleveland Heights. You know, as pay back. No, not for the Detroit West Shoreway closure but, for the fact that 490 extension was cock-blocked in the 60’s.
It is good for Cleveland to get any movies made here other than porn or Anthony Sowell documentaries with pictures. A guy from Strongsville wrote the Horror of Imperial Ave or something like that and it was pretty informative about how fucked up anyone who rapes and murders behaves and thinks.
I would think there would be no better movies than the movies about 2013 Cleveland and the great American dream being re-found on the shores of the Great Lakes.
Cleveland is the come-back city of all times because it is always in the process of coming back. To some this would mean we are failures here who never accomplish our goals, while others would say we are brainless dreamers who are not smart enough to know that Cleveland just sucks and we-its-people are the primary reason for this. I just think we are tough and hopeful and have spirit and soul like no other city in the USA and perhaps the whole world of 3013.
When pirateofcleveland dot org starts to really get well known, we will be creating jobs like no other large City in history. We have had the jobs available to the rust belt and the industrial revolution and then the corporate shipping of our many manufacturing jobs to other more complacent workers who take being treated like shit as a given in the working world of 2013.
As we introduce our Duct Aid Kit to the Cleveland area (first) and the rest of the world right after us, we will need many workers who do not mind working assembly work of small and personal items and kits. We will pay more than the minimum wage yet more than most light manufactures around the world pay.
Our working conditions at our work places making Duct Aid Kits and other items that can help humans gain a degree or more of comfort and one degree or more less of pain or anger or depression, will be far nicer than any thing conceived in the world of light manufacturing and assembly To Date!
The R & D that we have done over the last decades has been mostly unpublished and not shared with our educational institutions of today or our political parties or the many businesses that operate for the most part 180 degrees differently today than the should. The management styles of today in our workplaces is more like that of the 1930s. Woody Guthrie’s ‘This Land is Your Land’ is once again considered communist and unpatriotic to many of our governors and right wing support folks.
And now for today I will say what Anne Romney told us several months ago: “We have shown YOU PEOPLE all you need to see!”
Here’s a question… Why did they use the above photo? That’s not Cleveland.
Now that photo shows what a traffic jam is like. Dang